


tick-tocking away

by ioritornero



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Anal Fingering, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Confessions, Dry Humping, Frottage, Hand Jobs, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Porn with Feelings, Praise Kink, Slow Burn, Spoilers, aka ryuji really is a good boy, dont be fooled by the tags there's a whole lotta emotions in this, eventually that is, not in the usual way tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2018-11-21 17:24:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 86,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11362095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ioritornero/pseuds/ioritornero
Summary: With only an evening left of freedom, Akira decides he can either spend the following years of his life wondering "what if" or he can spend the night telling himself "why not?"He chooses the latter.(aka akira decides that ryuji is who he wants to spend christmas eve with and things escalate from there. a lot.)





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> (cracks knuckles) time to carry on the tradition of writing for persona otps
> 
> SPOILERS FOR END OF PERSONA 5 obv
> 
> NOTES:  
> \- i don't know what i was doing with that title  
> \- this started out as "haha i'm just gonna write some akiryu to get it out of my system" and then here i am, 9000+ words later......  
> \- @atlus why do you allow me to hang out with ryuji at every other event but christmas eve is off limits, i wanna see my bff

Akira found it funny how he could save an entire town and release society of their distorted desires but all of that adrenaline could be crushed instantly by a simple sentence:

_“I’d like for you to turn yourself into the police.”_

At least he was given until morning before he would have to leave. He'd been sitting in the middle booth of Leblanc and was flipping through the screens of his phone absentmindedly. He couldn’t remember the last time he was left in complete silence. It was like time itself had stopped.

He clicked onto his contacts again, which he was sure he had scrolled through over ten times already and could list everyone's names without looking at the screen. However, despite all of the names, there was always one name that caught his eye as the blur of all of the other ones left his mind:

_Ryuji_

That wasn't to say he didn't cherish all the other friendships he had acquired, not in the slightest. But Ryuji was just always _there_ ; from the beginning of his transfer to now, to his Persona awakening, to greeting him almost every morning with a text message. And if he wasn't present, he was often at the back of Akira’s mind — he was constant.

Ryuji had once told Akira that he made him feel free. The wording was confusing to Akira and even when he admitted that, the blond just smiled at him and repeated it. He still didn't get it.

Akira tapped on his name.

(A few months later, he thinks he knows what freedom feels like too.)

_> hey. you busy?_

After sending the text, it suddenly occurred to him (again) that it was Christmas Eve. Not that he minded, but he briefly wondered if the date itself was too intimate for them. And there was no way he could write ‘ _btw, i’m turning myself into the police tomorrow. wanna chill?_ ’

Time was not on his side. 

<nah. why?

_Because I want to see you_ , he thought.

_> boss and futaba are back home so i'm at leblanc_  
> _just wanted to see if you wanted to come over_  
> _even though we saw each other like 30 minutes ago_

Ryuji had invited himself over to Akira’s room a number of times but it was rare for him to ask (unless he was calling a meeting so those didn’t count). Akira pictured Ryuji rejecting him altogether because it would be too awkward for two ‘bros’ to see each other on a holiday like this. With his luck, it didn’t seem unlikely.

<you’re alone on christmas?!

_> eve*  
>but yes_

<i’ll be there soon

Oh. That went better than expected.

Akira began typing ‘ _how soon is soon_ ’ before pressing the backspace repeatedly because he decided that sounded too needy and wanted to keep it _somewhat_ normal for them.

_> ok_

Since when did he become so nervous? Even when he had realized that yes, he found his friend a little more than endearing than most, or when he could admit to himself that the blond was attractive (and not in the the “appreciating beauty” way) and wouldn't pass up an opportunity to spend more time with him, even if it meant not replying to others text messages—

— even then, he always found nothing but comfort in his friend's presence. That’s why he chose him. That’s why he was so nervous. Just knowing this would possibly be their last time seeing each other created a sudden tightness in his chest. He expected the ache to go away if he had a few hours to just let Ryuji know that he appreciated him.

The rap on the door brought Akira out of his thoughts; Ryuji must have been lot closer than he anticipated. Getting up from the booth, he could already see the purple fabric from his friend’s jacket peeking through the glossy windows. He opened the door, stepping aside to let the blond in as the chill in the air followed from behind.

“That was fast.” Akira mused as Ryuji stepped past him, his hands in his pockets and snowflakes dusting over his hair.

Ryuji shrugged. “I wasn’t that far from here. I was planning on headin’ straight home but I still had such an adrenaline rush. I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep once I got there so I just kept walkin’ around,” Akira shut the door behind him, observing his friend’s warm cheeks and the way his chest rose and fell quicker than usual. He liked to think that he had run to him, but there was also the excuse of the cold growing in the air, “And when you told me you were alone, I figured I should check on you anyway and save us both from a boring night.”

“That's thoughtful,” Akira grinned, settling his own hands into his pockets. Keep it cool, he told himself, “Want some coffee?”

“Eh...why not? Not like this rush is going down anytime soon,” Ryuji took a seat at the bar as Akira headed back behind the counter, already starting up the equipment. “And as long as you put plenty of sugar in it too, y’know how I like it.”

“I’ll make sure to put the ol’ Leblanc love in it,” The corners of his mouth rose higher at just how domestic they must have appeared. Akira set a cup down in front of the blond, moving his hands back to preparing the coffee. Even he surprised himself at how quickly he was able to make the drinks at this point, as a memory flashed in his mind when it had taken him almost ten minutes to make something _and_ it came out more bitter than it supposed to. He wondered how the coffee at prison would taste...if there was even coffee at all.

“Are you going to have some too?” Ryuji leaned his weight onto his crossed arms atop the bar, peering over to watch Akira. He glanced over at him as he poured the sugar into the glass, stopping shortly after Ryuji enthusiastically nodded his head in approval at the amount.

“Yeah, I’ll probably just have decaf though.” Akira glanced down at the coffee as he stirred in some cream, tempted to try creating a heart shape with it. _Maybe another time_ was what he began thinking before realizing that there may not be another time. At least not for a long, long time. It all felt so surreal.

He stirred the cream in and coffee turned pale, “…I’m not that tired anyway.”

Akira set the drink in front of his friend, turning his back to him as he started preparing his own drink. “ _Hah_ , you of all people would just finish fighting off a god and then say you’re not tired,” Ryuji blew over the steaming cup as he held it gingerly in his hands, “And you’re drinking coffee just for the _taste_? Does anything phase you anymore?”

“It’s a blessing and a curse,” Akira deadpanned, finishing off his own drink quickly. He hadn’t put much effort into the drink, creating a blend out of whatever was closest to him. It would make more sense to make what was most likely his last drink there be his best, but he had only reached out to whatever would finish it the fastest. Ryuji is what he wanted to focus on. He just needed to get out of his head, to find anyway to tune out the anxious thoughts creeping up on him every time he realized time would not be stopping tonight.

There was no other way around it.

Akira leaned over the bar across from him, cradling the cup in his fingers as he took brief sips. He watched as Ryuji carefully sipped at his own without his face scrunching up at all to the taste; at least he was enjoying it. Ryuji licked his lips at the remaining coffee on his mouth before speaking, “I don’t think anything will be phasing us for a long time with all of that shit behind us. Everything is finally gonna go back to normal.”

“Normal.” Akira lowered his vision down to the drink in his hand. That’s what he had to be. Normal. “It will definitely take some adjusting.”

“You’re telling me! But knowin’ us two, it won’t be long before we run into some trouble again,” Ryuji chuckled, grinning at him so wide it made the contrast between him and Akira’s pursed expression even more harsh.

“I’m sure,” Akira knew he could keep up a conversation to keep others satisfied and preoccupied, to keep their minds off any worries. He’d done it for so long and he could keep doing it. But Ryuji was his friend, his _best_ friend. He deserved to know something. Anything that was at all close to the truth, “…Hey, Ryuji.”

“Hm?” Ryuji was mid-sip, peeking up at Akira from behind the cup.

“Do you remember when you told me that the place you belonged was right next to me?”

Ryuji’s eyes widened, instinctively setting down the cup instantly as his face began to burn deeper than when he had come in from the cold. He lifted the cup again, almost hiding behind it as he averted his eyes, “…You remember that?”

“Was I not supposed to?”

“N-no! It's…that was so long ago, I didn’t really expect you to remember it. I…said a lot of things back then,” He trailed off sheepishly, coughing before speaking again. “But, uh…yeah, I remember. Why?”

Akira still had time to brush it off, to just shrug and say he was just reminiscing and the two could go from there, just bring up another memory or another teammate like there was never a spark between them; he could drop everything about them entirely before he was gone. He wouldn’t have to start anything. He wouldn’t have to sit in a cell and rethink this entire conversation, filling it with a sequence of words that should have been said instead, or what shouldn’t be said at all.

Still, there was also the possibility of sitting in that cell thinking ‘ _what-if_ ’ everyday for god knows how long.

“I’ve just been thinking about when you said that to me, is all,” It was one of the few memories Akira could always think of that would guarantee to soothe him somehow, “Back then, I couldn't even go down a day without hearing about what I criminal I must be.” He set down his glass and supported his head into his warm hand. “I just always thought it was funny how everyone warned me to not get involved with you even though you were more accepting than anyone I had met here.”

Ryuji’s face was still red but his expression had lifted into a shy smile as he rubbed the back of his head. “Well, I just figured we were alike. Delinquents gotta look out for each other, right?”

“Right, but you knew me for less than a day and you were telling _me_ to run when everything was happening in Kamoshida’s palace.” _How many people were willing to die for a stranger?_   “I only awakened my Persona because I wanted to protect you.”

The blond chuckled nervously, as if bringing up their initial meeting was now something that embarrassed him. “...Like I said, we had to look out for each other, especially when you put it that way.” Ryuji glanced back at him, blinking suddenly like he hadn’t expected to see Akira staring back at him. He wondered what face he was wearing at that moment to make the blond so skittish. However, for the first time in a few hours, Akira almost felt relaxed. Almost. “Why bring that all up though?”

“I was just thinking about how I never told you…that I think the place where I belong is right next to you, as well.”

“O-oh—“ Ryuji froze and Akira observed that it was a good thing he had placed his cup down seconds before he said that, for he was sure Ryuji would have dropped the glass at that exact moment. “T-thanks, I was just, uh…saying that I would be your right-hand man since you were our leader, I…didn’t expect you to need to rely on me the same way. But I mean it makes sense if—“

“Ryuji,” Akira brought his tangent to a halt.

Maybe it was because he was a mixture of weak bones, heavy eyes, and clouded mind that made him so blunt; he was tempted to question why this was suddenly an unsettling topic between the two of them, considering how carefree he was when he initially said it. It could have been considered karma, as Akira remembered being an internal wreck after Ryuji first uttered that phrase to him. It wasn’t as if that was the _only_ thing the blond had ever said to him to make him wonder even for a moment that their connection went a little deeper than ‘just friends’. “Let me rephrase that.”

Akira had his attention now. He took in a breath, taking his head out of his hand and crossing his arms over his chest. If he was going to do this, he didn’t have time to be subtle, “…I like you.” And even though Ryuji didn’t initially respond, he felt the need to add clarification, “A lot.”

"I-I know, I think you're cool too—"

"—And not as 'just' friends."

Ryuji’s mouth fell open, warmth spreading from his ears to his neck. His lips twitched several times like he wanted to say several different things all at once. After a brief moment, it seemed he finally decided on one, ”You’re…not fuckin’ with me, right?”

That wasn’t the ideal response, but Akira could take it. “Not at all.”

“…Oh, wow. Uh…shit.” Had this not been a rare moment of him expressing his emotions, Akira would comment on the eloquence of that response as well. Before he could make any comment of the sort, Ryuji spoke again. “How long have you…?”

“It’s...been a while,” Akira hadn’t meant to sigh; he didn’t want to pressure his friend into having to respond any other way than how he truly felt. He still wanted to be as honest as he could be. “...Look, I know it’s out of the blue but I guess…going through a few life threatening battles makes you want to tell others how you feel. But you don’t need to—“

“No, man, wait, hold on—” Ryuji couldn’t keep his eyes on him. He was gripping the side of the bar that his knuckles turned white and when he finally sounded like he was ready to speak again, he kept his voice low, “I, um...I kinda...like you too...like that.”

Akira hadn’t realized his eyes had fallen back down to the table until they shot back up to Ryuji. It was the response he was hoping to hear, and yet he still was taken aback by it. “...I did hear that correctly, right?”

"Come on, you know you heard me...That’s why…when you were bringing up all that old stuff I use to say to you, I was getting nervous because a while back, I remembered what I said and it kinda...made me realize some things.” He buried his face into his crossed arms, eyes averting away from Akira’s gaze once more as he muttered, “I thought you were gonna give me shit for it or something…”

“Wow.” Despite his dry tone, Akira could honestly say he was baffled. “That’s really cute—”

“That's all you're gonna say?!”

“—Can I kiss you?”

Ryuji froze, only his eyes jolting up to look Akira in his dark eyes, “Wait, you wanna—? Right now?”

“No, next week.” Ryuji looked as if he may have believed him for a slight moment. He quickly corrected, “...Yes. Right here, right now.”

“O-oh—“

“But you don’t have to if you don’t want to, though. I don’t want to rush—“

“I never said I didn’t want to!” Ryuji became aware of how he had raised his voice, taking a moment to look around as if to make sure he had not disturbed anyone. He hunched over, clutching his hands into tight fists. “...Sorry, you just kinda caught me off guard with all of... _this_. I wasn’t exactly expecting to have this kind of conversation today.”

Akira mirrored him, leaning in closer to him without taking his eyes off the brown ones in front of him. “So, it’s okay if I…?”

Ryuji's eyes flickered before moving down to turn away, his shy visage still in Akira's view as his posture relaxed and he leaned in further, hands planted firmly on the tabletop, "...Y-yeah, go for it."

Akira nodded, leaning further on the table to where their hands almost met. He was starting to feel the effect of his confession as he became aware of the pounding in his chest now that both of them weren’t speaking, a quiet drumming repeating in his ears. He moved his face towards Ryuji, whose eyes drifted from staring back at him to lowering down to his lips. As he neared him, he began to close his eyes and noticed Ryuji following his cue, shutting them completely. Akira’s breath hitched at the how content he seemed as the blond parted his lips slightly and his lids fully relaxed — completely at ease with his request.

Akira delicately cupped the blond’s cheek, who flinched at the unexpected touch but quickly soothed back into his palm. He took one last glance at his lips before softly placing his own against them in a chaste kiss.

In reality, it was short but neither of them pulled away for what felt longer. Ryuji’s lips were just as heated as his face; slightly chapped but definitely not rough. Akira wanted to take it all in; how his nose fit perfectly next to his and how their skin met. Even as he began to pull away, he swore he could still feel the sensation of his face ghosting against his burning flesh.

He only became aware that his eyes were closed when they peeked open, finding that the blond’s were still shut moments after his. Ryuji almost looked dazed as his eyes fluttered open, keeping his face pressed softly into Akira’s hand for support. The other hadn’t moved completely away, their faces still inches away from one another and their breath was hot against each other's skin.

Ryuji continued to stare at him with half-lidded eyes, “You….have soft lips.”

“You too.” Akira followed the same volume of his friend’s voice, keeping it low as he brushed his thumb softly against the blond's face.

“Do you...wanna do it again?”

Akira moved in closer, his forehead touching against Ryuji’s and his dark hair just barely falling over brown eyes. He hoped this wasn’t a dream. “You want to?”

Ryuji leaned in, tilting his head slightly as he timidly replied, “Yeah, I…I do.”

Their lips met again, softly with still a hint of pressure. Akira took that as an invitation to open his mouth slightly to deepen the kiss, his touch on the boy’s cheek becoming more firm. A small gasp escaped Ryuji as he fell lax into his hold. Akira slipped his hand to the back of his head with his fingers sifting through soft, light hair. Ryuji leaned in further, practically hunching over the bar with one hand gripping Akira’s shoulder and the other planted on the table for support. There were brief moments where they would pull away only to meet once again.

As many times Akira had this exact fantasy in his mind, he didn’t feel the need to rush it. Their lips brushed against each other slowly, intimately, and he savored the action, knowing he’d want to relive the memory again and again, since now he was —

Akira dug his fingers deep into Ryuji’s hair, deepening the kiss further to rebuttal the imagery in his mind of having to only keep this moment as a memory. Ryuji’s breath hitched and he pulled his lips away which tore Akira out of his own dread at the same time. The blond exhaled loudly, shoulders falling like he had been holding his breath the entire time. Opening his eyes, he kept them low with his forehead still pressed against Akira for support. He must have been too rough, Akira thought towards himself. Maybe they were going too fast —

“We should…” Ryuji started, his fingers still holding tightly to the fabric of Akira’s jacket, “…do this somewhere more comfortable.”

Or maybe they were going the right amount of fast. “Oh.”

The realization of what Ryuji said suddenly dawned on him. “I-I didn’t mean it like that! This...table is just in the way and we’re in a public cafe where people walking by can see us...”

“...True.” Akira pulled back, his hand dropping from Ryuji’s face as he glanced at the entrance. “I guess I wouldn’t want Sojiro to hear that I’m making out in the lobby of his cafe where him and all of his customers could see.” Leblanc wasn’t exactly most popular spot in the back streets so Akira highly doubted anyone had even walked by at all, but he played along. The table was starting to press a dull pain into him anyway. “Upstairs then?”

Akira was already on his way up the stairs once he received Ryuji’s hesitant nod of approval. He quickly glanced at the dishes left behind; he’d be back to clean those...eventually.

Each creak up the stairs was a not-so-silent reminder of the hours ticking away. Akira’s entire body felt weighed down with every step and he heard his heart pulsing in his ears again, although this time the warmth in his core didn’t accompany it. He tried to draw his attention back to the attic although it was also unnerving how when he made it to the top floor, he fully expected to hear Morgana’s voice calling out to them. However, the silence remained.

Taking a seat on his bed, Akira pressed his hands behind him into the mattress. He hoped the change in location hadn’t diminished the spark. “Is this better?”

Ryuji nodded, his expression still the same as it was in the lobby. The color had never left his cheeks and he held his head low. And with his hands stuffed in his pockets, his eyes seemed to be looking at everything but Akira for longer than a few seconds. It was like he was in unknown territory. Not that he could blame him; Akira became acutely aware of how intimate this location _really_ was, and despite his joke he made earlier, the implications that came with making out and then working your way to the bedroom weren’t very hard to decipher.

Although he’d be lying if the thought hadn’t ever occurred to him, as the warmth in his face had him remembering just how innocent his initial intentions were. Even if they had sat together on this bed more times than Akira could count (from reading the manga Ryuji picked out, watching a movie when the floor and chairs became too uncomfortable, even when they had held meetings as the Phantom Thieves), he knew this was different.

“It works for me...” Ryuji sat next to him, pulling his hands out of his pockets and resting them on his knees.

Akira observed as the blond’s fingers immediately created fold in his jeans. “You seem nervous.”

“I-I’m not nervous!” Ryuji shot back defensively, only receiving a stare from Akira. At least he was finally looking him in the eyes again. “Okay, maybe I’m a _little_ nervous. It’s just…this almost doesn’t feel real, y’know? I guess I just never figured you’d be into me…like this.”

Akira caught a glimpse in the morose tone in his voice and all he wanted to do was to shower him in all the ways he _was_ into Ryuji. Where would he start? With his radiant presence? His unwavering kindness? He wanted to tell him that he himself was enough for him. Akira moved in closer and pressed his hand firmly against the blond’s chest, whose eyes were following him.

“Then maybe we’ll just have to keep going until it does feel real.”

Akira kissed him again, and as soon as he noticed the familiar feeling of Ryuji pressing back against his lips, he pushed him down onto the bed while staying attached to each other. The blond let out a small gasp as his hands scrambled up Akira’s back to hold tightly onto his jacket. Akira settled a knee in between his thighs to keep him stable as he hovered over him. Running his hand to the back of his head once more to work his fingers into his short hair, he resisted the urge to bite down onto his lip.

His intentions had _started_ innocently, but he wasn’t quite sure where they would end.

Their mouths slipped over one another in a clumsy motion that neither seemed to take notice to. Akira may have not had too much experience himself and he could only assume Ryuji was in a similar boat, but the raw intimacy between them was all that he had wanted. It didn’t need to be perfect, it just needed to be them.

Despite Ryuji’s doubtful nature a few minutes ago, he was very receptive to Akira pinning him down. Moaning against his mouth, his grip on Akira tightened as he pulled him fully down on top of him. Akira let out a quiet grunt as he collided with the body underneath him, his hips landing directly over his. Even with the firm fabric of their jeans, Akira immediately registered that not only was he on top of Ryuji, but that he was on top of him _and_ Ryuji had been growing hard beneath him — that alone had him recognizing his own pants tightening. Their position had Akira adjusting instinctively on top of him, the friction of their hips sending a wave of pleasure through his body with Ryuji groaning loudly underneath him as he bucked his hips back against Akira and _holy shit_ this was escalating a lot faster than he thought it would.

(Not that he was complaining; just knowing Ryuji was consciously trying to keep their hips pressed together _and_ was seemingly enjoying it was enough to make Akira’s cock twitch.)

However, the thrill was short lived as the intrusive thoughts of his own doubt began to sink in. Was it alright to do this knowing he would have to turn himself in? He couldn’t just allow it to go on, see where this took him, and then vanish without a trace. Even if there was no chance of Ryuji ever confronting him, the idea of knowing he had befriended someone, confided in them, only to keep them in the dark until the very end was something that made his stomach churn.

Each kiss slowly turned to reasons that he should stop. This was information Ryuji needed to know, that he _deserved_ to know. And while he couldn’t tell him everything about the situation, for fear that all of his teammates would no doubt find out in two seconds after telling Ryuji and then would be there in less than an hour to restrain him from leaving, he could at least prepare him for his departure. He would be responsible for all of it.

Akira pushed himself up from Ryuji, his hands planted at the sides of his head. Dark hair fell over his eyes but he could see just how pink the blond’s lips were from their kisses, slick and shiny with spit and his eyes still half lidded in a dreamy state. It was _enticing_ and had this not been a fairly important conversation they needed to have, Akira would be making damn sure that expression would stay on his face. “R-Ryuji, wait—”

Ryuji was knocked out of his trance, as if suddenly realizing the position they were in and how their bodies had just been interacting. “Shit, man, I’m sorry! This isn’t…! I wasn’t trying to—”

Akira shook his head. “No, not...not that. There's something I need to tell you.”

“Yeah? ...What’s up?” Ryuji’s hands pulled away from his Akira’s jacket, instead back onto the bed to prop himself up on his elbows.

“I….” No matter how he said it, there was no easy way around it. “…You know how I was only supposed to be here for a year? For my probation?”

Ryuji cocked his head to the side, eyes widening once his memory of said information was regained. “Oh, yeah. I almost forgot about that.” His voice trailed off, a tinge of disappointment within it. “What about it?”

_Just set the expectation_ , Akira told himself. Just get it over with. “I have to go back home _a lot_ sooner than I thought. Something came up with my parents and I have to….I just have to go.” Akira kept all mentions of his parents to a minimum, so he knew bringing them up now most likely wouldn’t entice any further conversation. Even so, this was as vague as he could keep it.

“I-I see...so, how much sooner?”

“...Tomorrow.”

“What?!” Ryuji propped himself up fully, his brows furrowing against his lids.

“I’m sorry, I don’t have a choice. I know I should have told you sooner but I—”

“What….what the hell, man?” Ryuji buried his fingers into the sheets, clenching his hands into tight fists. “I…I know it’s not your fault though. I know everything can change when family is involved…” His response only made Akira feel _more_ guilty with hearing how Ryuji was trying his best to remain rational and justifying this on-the-spot lie he had just come up with.

“I wish I had more time too.”

“But you can always come back, right?” Ryuji finally met his eyes and he swore he could even seem the small glimmer of hope in them. God, this was not helping Akira’s conscience at all.

“Yeah, I just…don’t know when it will be.”

Another heavy silence fell between them and for once, Akira didn’t know if he should be the one to break it. There wasn’t more he could say to reassure him other than he could see them again, which he was sure of, but the timing was well out of his control. Ryuji would find out eventually, even if it was at the exact time he was confessing to the police.

“But,” Ryuji started, “If you’re leaving that early, we may as well make tonight...memorable…?”

Akira perked up, his bangs barely shifting over his glasses. “You’d still want to do this? Even though I’m leaving?”

“Yeah, if you still want to...” Ryuji frowned, averting his eyes. “I’m bummed you’re leaving but it doesn’t...change the way I’ve been feeling about everything.”

_Bummed_ , Akira wanted to repeat, but he refrained. “...Then let’s do it.” Instead, he smiled, moving his face forward back into Ryuji’s space, “Let make it memorable.”

Before Ryuji could reply, Akira already had him pinned down to the bed with their lips meeting again. He felt the hum against his mouth of what he assumed was a gasp from the blond. He grazed his teeth over his lips and Ryuji groaned, reminding Akira about the arousal that was still pressing against his thigh. He placed a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth, following it by planting a trail of kisses down to his ear before forcefully grinding his hips down on the boy beneath him. The weak moan that followed was music to his ears and sent what felt like electricity trailing down his spine and between his legs.

“A-Akira…” Ryuji was rocking against him as he continued to dig his nails into the sheets for support.

“Mm, can’t believe I’ve been missing out on all these noises this whole time.” Akira began a slow rhythm of rubbing his hips against him, making sure to twist his hips in a way that even had him panting. “I would have done this... a lot sooner.”

Ryuji squirmed underneath him, spreading his legs further apart as a broken whine echoed in Akira’s ears. Any words he said were lost between breathlessness and shuddering whimpers, but he was sure he could make out fragments of his name and several pleads following. Akira sat back up, keeping his grasp tight on Ryuji’s shoulders as he continued to frot vigorously against him.

“Ffffuck, _Akira_ …!” Ryuji’s hands were back on Akira, holding the sides of his hips tightly to keep him in place and even encouraging him to go faster.

“Does…does it feel good?” Akira asked, unable to fully differentiate if he was being completely serious or not. However, as he looked down to Ryuji, whose brows furrowed heavy against clenched eyelids and the heat trailing down his face to his neck, along with his erratic movements that made it evident the bed they were on wasn’t the newest considering how much it was creaking underneath them — he knew the answer was obvious.

“Mm, y-yes…Please, don’t— hnn…”

Akira’s own breath was ragged and his thoughts felt cloudy with arousal. He looked down where their thighs met, fascinated by the motions as he rode on top of him, along with seeing the stretch in Ryuji’s jeans, knowing that he was a mess because of _him_. Slipping his hands away from his tight grasp on his shoulders, he placed one of them over the tent in the fabric beneath him as he scooted himself back.

“Wha…what are you—“ Ryuji opened his eyes weakly, kneading forward in response to the lack of friction.

“Can I…touch you too?”

Ryuji glanced down at Akira palming the bulge tentatively. He was still, considering the option fully before giving a hesitant nod, keeping his eyes fixated on his actions.

“Just let me know if I should stop.” Akira began working the buttons of his jeans, pulling down the zipper and then the pants itself. His cock was much more apparent under his boxers, springing up farther behind the thin fabric. He held his covered shaft in his hand, feeling it throb and noticing a small wet spot where he was already leaking precum. Gently, he held the outline in his hand and rubbed it back and forth slowly.

Ryuji’s head was already back on the mattress and kept his face turned away. He couldn’t help but thrust forward into Akira’s touch, letting out quiet moans that were muffled behind his pursed lips. “Mm…”

Akira wouldn’t take his eyes off of where he stroked him. He knew what he liked when he jerked himself off but he didn’t have much experience with anyone else when it came to anything past clothes off. But if Ryuji’s noises were any indicator, he must have been doing something right.

“Is this okay?” Akira asked, glancing down to see his face.

“It’s…it’s real good,” Ryuji responded, his arms sprawling out just above his head and the hem of his shirt lifting slightly as he did so. “Hey, Akira…?”

“Hm?”

“…You can do whatever you want.” Ryuji said weakly, his arm covering his face to where Akira could no longer see his eyes, “I…I trust you.”

Hearing permission granted to him, Akira swallowed hard and carefully slipped his hands up Ryuji’s shirt, the blond flinching at the unexpected touch. He hooked his thumbs under the hem and inched it up, revealing small indents of where he could see the muscle that had been developing over the last few months. His fingers glided over the warm skin of his sides to further coax the clothing up his body, then leaning forward to place his lips on his exposed stomach. His scent was absolutely intoxicating and Akira could barely comprehend how he could have a fragrance that he could only describe as ‘clean’ but also share that along with the natural musk of sweat.

“I just want to make you feel good.” Akira breathed his words heavily as he continued to plant soft kisses down Ryuji’s stomach, so lightly that his lips would barely brush against him and he could feel his friend trembling after each one. He kept his hands firm on his sides as he sat up again, dragging them down to the hem of Ryuji’s boxers and pulling at the elastic. Ryuji was keeping quiet, biting hard on his lower lip and still kept his eyes covered. Akira continued, following the same method he’d done with his shirt, pulling down his boxers and working his fingers along his jeans, pulling them right below his inner thighs.

Blushing, Akira took in the sight of Ryuji’s cock hanging low with arousal, slit gleaming with precum that contrasted with the flushing, pink flesh. He’d caught glimpses of it before, but this wasn’t a trip to the locker room or soaking in the bath house. Delicately, he wrapped his hand around it, running his thumb over the slit and his head. Ryuji immediately attempted to spread his thighs underneath him, but he was constrained within the limits of his jeans. The thought of keeping Ryuji trapped like this was enough to make his own cock throb in his pants again.

Akira began pumping him slowly, strategically rubbing over his head to help stimulate him. The blond was already keening, his thighs still shifting to spread wider and his hands tightening. Sweat began to bead on Akira’s forehead beneath his hair, tempted to get out of his own trousers to touch himself. He’d doubt he’d have enough coordination to do both though, opting to grind his crotch down on Ryuji’s thigh instead as he bit back a small moan and allowed himself to close his eyes.

As soon as he acted on his own pleasure though, he felt a hand wrap around his wrist, bringing him to a halt. Akira’s dark eyes shot open, as did his mouth. Shit, Ryuji was regretting this already, wasn’t he? He should have known this would be taking it too far.

“Wait—” Now he was _pushing_ his hand off of him and sitting up, and now he was going to leave and say this was all a mistake—

“I...I wanna make you feel good too…” Ryuji said breathlessly, chest heaving as he looked into Akira’s eyes bashfully.

“Me?”

“Yes, you.” Ryuji was already at the hem of Akira’s strained jeans as he began fiddling with the buttons and zipper. Strong hands were ghosting over his cock, which was _still_ in his jeans and Akira may have been growing a bit impatient. “You’re the one who’s leaving.”

Glancing down to where Ryuji was still exposed beneath him, an idea came to his mind — almost at the same time Ryuji had his hands at the front of his boxers.

Akira took Ryuji back in his hand and leaned his face close in. “I’ve got a better idea.” The black haired teen kissed him again before pulling the blond down with him back onto the bed and he rolled to the side of him, both lying down face to face.

Ryuji stared at him blankly before the color went back to his face, catching on. “You wanna do it at the same time?”

Akira reached back to set his glasses on the window sill, not wanting the possibility of breaking them to occur. “If you want—” Akira had barely finished speaking before Ryuji was back to working on the unfinished task of getting his friend’s jeans down his thighs as well. He stilled once he reached the elastic of his boxers, redirecting his eyes back to Akira as if he needed any more approval to get his clothes off. But now he understood why it had taken Ryuji a gradual amount of time before he could look him in the eyes again when the roles were switched. Being exposed with someone with barely any experience yourself was one thing, that someone being a friend was another though.

Hesitantly, Ryuji tugged his boxers down his thighs and took Akira’s cock gingerly in his hand. He almost expected the blond’s hand to feel rough, but his grasp was just as smooth as the rest of his skin. Everything about the way he handled him was just so...delicate. A thumb was placed over his slit and Akira groaned as his friend began rubbing circles onto the tip. He fully relaxed once he felt the pressure of his hand beginning to stroke his entire shaft, the pleasure already building up within him.

“Yeah, I like this— hng….” Akira followed, working his own hand over Ryuji in long, drawn out pumps, “…like this better…”

Arms knocked into one another occasionally as they stroked each other but it wasn’t long before they both seemed to fall into a natural rhythm after a few minutes of trial and error. There were moments where Ryuji would speed his rhythm with no warning, leaving Akira to feel wanton as he thrust his hips desperately into his palm. He closed his eyes, long lashes brushing over his warming cheeks and buried part of his face into the sheets. The feeling of helplessness was arising in him as he became aware of just how ragged his own breathing had become, quiet moans leaving his lips.

“God, how are you so _pretty_?”

Akira barely opened his eyes to see Ryuji looked just as overwhelmed as he felt, his brown eyes staring at him in a daze and his skin flushed. Had he heard that correctly? He knew he took pride in maintaining his image, but pretty was one of the few words he’d heard to describe him.

“Pretty…?”

“Your lashes are just _so_ long and you have...really nice eyes. I don’t think you ever brush your hair but for some reason, that look works— _ah_ , for you…”

Akira smiled, bashfully burying his face deeper into the sheets as he closed his eyes again. “I..I think you are too.”

“I’m gonna miss how you can smell like coffee even though it reminds me of how gross it tastes and how...how sometimes you’re so damn snarky but even...just being at your side has always helped me relax, more than anyone else…”All Akira could hear was the sound of his own staggered breathing as Ryuji trailed off quietly.

When the strokes became agonizingly slow and no sound coming from his friend, Akira peeked an eye open. However, what he didn’t expect to see was Ryuji staring back at him with glazed eyes while biting his bottom lip much harder than before he thought that it would draw blood. And despite how passionate the blond could be when it came to his emotions, tears were rarely seen from him.

“I’m gonna miss…all of it.”

The heaviness in his heart returned as Ryuji choked out the words, turning his face into the blankets to hide his face but the shift only allowed the heavy tears to roll down his cheek and over his nose. The anxiety of leaving that Akira was trying to bottle up this whole time felt as if it was on the verge of overflowing once it really began to sink in that this would be the last time he would see his best friend and their meet ups would be nothing but a memory that Akira would have to think about every day.

“I-I’m sorry ‘bout this…” Ryuji sniffled, throat tense from trying to hold back sobs. “It’s...finally hitting me that you’re actually going to be leaving. There were still some things I wanted to show you here, or just…just do with you now that we’re done bein’ thieves…” If Akira’s conscience wasn’t filled with guilt before, the heart ache coming from his friend’s strangled words had him in the pit of regret now. “I should have done more than just blowing up your phone every day—“

Akira quickly cut him off by pressing their lips together and released his hand from working Ryuji, to pulling him close against his body. He tasted salt when he deepened the kiss and the wetness from his tears had moved to his own skin as he barely pulled a few inches away from him. “No, you did everything right. I don’t think you know how happy I was every time I saw a text from you." Akira never had a full grip on expressing his emotions and he could even feel his own throat tightening, but he swallowed hard before continuing on, "You’re one of the most thoughtful people I have ever met.”

When he had first transferred here, he was _furious_. He believed he was doing good when he helped that woman in the streets that night, but when the court concluded _he_ was the one who was guilty, he questioned if his moral compass mattered in the slightest. His parents didn’t put up a fight in the courtroom or even when he was shipped away; he couldn’t even remember the last time he had spoken to them before he started sending their one-off calls to voicemail. His friends from back home had barely reached out to him either. Even if someone knew his story, he knew he’d forever be branded as a ‘criminal’. He’d seen society’s true colors and learned justice didn’t exist.

That was, until he learned about what happened to Ryuji. He expressed the anger Akira bottled within him; even when he had told him about his probation, the blond always got more worked up about his situation than he ever did. Even after hearing about Kamoshida’s treatment of the sports teams, it wasn’t until Akira noticed the limp in Ryuji’s walk and their encounters with Kamoshida’s shadow that he pieced it all together. He would do whatever he could to help the one person who hadn’t dismissed him.

“I wish I’d told you how I felt sooner; not about liking you, but how you gave me faith in others again. Even when you messaged me for a week straight, it just showed that you cared.” Akira pressed his forehead to his and closed his eyes as soon as he felt his vision begin to blur. “It’s hard to imagine what this year would have been like without you."

After spilling his words, the last thing he expected was to hear Ryuji laughing. He looked to see tears still welling up in his eyes and the trembling in his lips made his smile waver. “Dammit, Akira.” _Sniff_. “Hope you weren’t expecting me to stop crying after that.” He wiped his face against the blankets. “And sorry if I get snot on your bed but it’s your fault for turning me into such a softy.”

Akira grinned at how quickly his friend bounced back. “The softy Ryuji I can handle, the snotty Ryuji is kind of a deal breaker.”

“I’ll remember that if you ever cry in front of me, or get a cold, whatever comes first.” Ryuji chuckled again and bumped his nose into Akira. “But really…thanks, man. I’m glad I met you. I can’t promise that I’ll stop blowing up your phone though.”

His grin fell slightly. “I’ll talk to you anytime I can.” It wasn’t a complete lie.

“You better.” Ryuji shifted against him. “So, uh…our dicks are…kind of touching…”

“The hand job didn’t cross the line, but this does?”

“You know that's not what I'm saying! I meant what I said earlier when I said I wanted to make this memorable and to make you feel good so I’m— ah!”

Akira wrapped an arm around Ryuji’s waist, a hand cupping his ass as he rolled his hips against him. It wasn’t long before he could feel both of them begin to harden again. “What was that?”

Ryuji groaned. “Where the hell do you learn these things?”

Akira hummed as he traced shapes onto his backside, just barely brushing over the cleft of his ass. “I’ve had a lot of time to think about what I’ve wanted to do to you.”

“What...what kind of things were you thinkin’?”

“You’ll just have to find out, I guess.”

The friction from their skin on one another was completely different than when it was behind constricting fabric. Despite how temperatures dropped, the heater and their own body heat soon had their skin slick with sweat. Ryuji had his hand on Akira’s hip, digging his fingers into the hem of his jacket. They practically kept their mouths together but their noses may have bumped once or twice during the process. Still, the goal was to make the most of the time that they had remaining.

“I want to hear you.” Akira breathed out after he pulled out of a kiss.

Ryuji hummed against his lips in what he assumed was a response. Akira slipped his hand back to Ryuji’s cock, pushing his hips back for space as he began pumping it quickly. The blond jerked into his hand as he moaned against him before sliding his hand down and they were mirroring each other once more. He felt him swipe his thumb over his slit again and he couldn’t help but try to bite back the moan himself. “Hopefully this is good, I’ve never...done somethin’ like this before with...with anyone else, I mean.”

“It’s...it’s good.” Akira assured him, thrusting his hips forward after a move that practically gave him chills. It wasn’t exactly how he touched himself, but just having someone else, especially someone he liked and trusted, and being exposed made the hairs on the back of his neck stand. “Don’t worry.”

“Mm, jus’ —ah!...makin’ sure…” God, his whimpers would be the death of him.

Akira buried his face into Ryuji’s neck, placing gentle kisses along the skin and suckling on it just before pulling away to feather against another spot. A shoulder nudged into his cheek as he moved higher, kissing the shell of his ear which elicited a delightful, drawn out moan from the blond. “You sound so good like this, _Ryuji_ —” He drew the boy’s name out in a low tone, feeling him shuddering beneath him.

“Akira….!” Hearing his name only made him quicken his pace, keeping his grip firm on his shaft. It was to the point where, although he was definitely enjoying Ryuji’s hand working his cock at a fast (and slightly clumsy) speed, each high whine sent every ounce of pleasure down his body. Slipping his tongue against his ear again and making sure to flick his wrist _just_ right—

“God, Akira…!” The blond was thrusting his hips in time with his hand, trails of precum that had dribbled down making it easier for his cock to slide in and out of his grasp. “Please, please…”

“‘Please’ what?”

Ryuji let the desperate whines out quietly against his friend’s ear, “ _Please_ I wanna— hngh!—want you to…”

“To what?” Akira cooed, tickling Ryuji’s skin with his breath.

“I want _you_ to make me, ah...to make me cum.” Just hearing him say that had Akira on the verge of rolling his eyes back in release as well.

“Are...are you close?” Ryuji hummed a weak approval and Akira smiled against his neck, “Then do it—” He bit his ear before whispering, low and heavy, “Come for me.”

Ryuji’s pace on stroking him quickened frantically and Akira covered his mouth with his lips, where the blond’s moans came in quick, high-pitched spurts and gradually slowed to small whimpers that echoed Akira’s name. He didn’t see exactly where he had came but he felt some of it hit his arm, and then more of it coating his hand as Ryuji rode against him to finish out the remainder of his orgasm. Akira had timed it perfectly as he felt a heat build up inside him and release just as quickly, taking in each following whimper from his friend as extra support as he came into his hand as well. He buried his face back into Ryuji’s neck, his breath staggering loudly into quiet groans.

Both of them were left in silence with only their breath and the hum of the city outside to fill it between them. Akira released his grip on Ryuji and wiped the wetness from his hands onto the blanket — he’d add it to the other things he’d clean before he left. Ryuji did the same, leaving his hand to fall between them. Akira opened his eyes, his vision still blurry from before, and was pleased with the sight of Ryuji’s half-lidded, blissed out gaze as he mumbled, “I...I can’t believe we could have been doing that for months…”

Akira rolled onto his back, noting how his legs were still shaking. “I bet now you’re wishing you’d let me confess to you at the cultural festival.”

“T-That still would have been too much! I thought you were joking in the text and even still it made me nervous!”

Akira weakly shrugged, glancing at the window. It was still snowing outside. He wondered what time it was. “Better late than never.”

“You’re telling me.” Ryuji leaned in closer, nudging his head against Akira’s shoulder and oh my god, he was a cuddler too? He was just making it harder and harder for him. “Oh well, if anything I could always come and visit you.”

“O-oh, yeah...I guess you could.” Akira heard the hesitancy in his voice as soon as he spoke. He was praying Ryuji hadn’t noticed it at all.

“...You don’t sound too sure about that.” Ryuji raised a brow as he looked at him, cocking his head to the side. “Is everything alright?”

Shit.

“No, I mean, _yes_. Everything is fine. All of that just made me forget that I was leaving.”

“Oh. That’s a shitty reality check. But...at least we still got the rest of the night.” As the blond threw his arm over his waist to pull him in closer, Akira realized that he had not thought this all the way through in the slightest. There wouldn’t be a way for him to get out of this house in the morning without Ryuji finding out and he couldn’t fathom the idea of even having him wake up alone in his bed even if he did manage to sleep through it all. This was supposed to be as quick and painless as possible.

“...Ryuji, about that.”

He wasn’t doing so well with the ‘painless’ part.

“Hm?”

Akira held his breath. “...I think you should leave for tonight.”

“ _What_?” Ryuji pulled his arm from Akira’s waist, propping himself on his elbows, "You're joking, right?"

“I’m sorry, I just...I still have to pack and get everything ready for tomorrow.” Akira began to sit up, turning his head slowly to look at him. Ryuji’s brow was raised and mouth hanging open, with the corner of his mouth barely raised, like he was waiting for the punchline of this awful joke.

When Akira’s expression didn’t change, his entire demeanor suddenly went dark. “...You’re not joking, are you?”

“Ryuji—”

“So, lemme get this straight.” Ryuji snarled, speaking between clenched teeth. “ _You_ ask me to come over. _You_ ask to kiss me. _You_ start all of _this_ —” He motioned between the two of them, “—and you want _me_ to leave? You said all of that shit about feelings and for what? A fucking hand job?”

“It’s...really not like that—”

“Save it.” Ryuji tore himself from Akira fully and rolled out of the bed, adjusting his pants and jacket until he was fully clothed again. He still looked disheveled but that wasn’t going to stop him. “I’m not interested in being a quickie that you can use since it’s your last day. Thought I was...was worth more than that.”

“You _are_ worth more than that.” Akira was quickly getting dressed as well, not bothering to even throw on his glasses. He needed Ryuji to leave but he didn’t want him to leave and absolutely despise him. The night should have been bittersweet at most, not a full blown disaster. “I promise that's not what it is.”

Ryuji stopped at the railing, his hand shaking despite clenching the rail until his knuckles turned white. “Then what is it?” He didn’t turn around to look at him.

“I…” He still couldn’t say it. It was for everyone’s safety. “I...can’t explain it right now.”

“Well, whenever you can explain it, text me. Or don’t. Later.” Ryuji raced down the stairs and through the lobby, not even allowing Akira to catch up as he forcefully closed the door of the cafe behind him, leaving Akira at the middle of the stairs where he had just reached. He stopped as soon as Ryuji was out of sight.

Akira knew he should have ran after him and every part of his conscience was telling him to run after him. But there was no other way, that had been made clear. He took slow, dragging steps back into the lobby, eyes lingering lifelessly over the dishes. Sighing, he pulled out his phone and sent a quick text:

_> i’m so sorry. i meant all of it._

He set the phone down on the bar and began to gather the dishes into the sink. He stood in silence as the faucet ran and even though a text back was the last thing he was expecting, he still felt on edge and ready to jump if he heard the chime go off.

Even after he finished cleaning up, the chime never came.


	2. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall ever start writing something and you're like "yeahhh this won't take long to write at all! i have everything planned out and i know exactly how i want it to end!" but then you're filling in the middle and you're like "so.....i may have under estimated what i was going to do with this..."
> 
> yeah, that's what happened here.
> 
> also HUGE THANK YOU to everyone who commented and gave me kudos!! it's super appreciated and def makes working on this a lot more fun knowing that others are enjoying it :')
> 
> now onto pt 2

Ryuji wasn't sure if he believed in love at first sight, but he knows he's always been drawn to Akira.

Maybe because he was a transfer student. Maybe because he didn’t know who Kamoshida was and wasn’t influenced by him. Maybe because the two of them were thrown into the Metaverse and immediately had to look out for one another while their lives were on the line because they both had no idea where the hell they were.

Whatever it was, Ryuji’s thankful for their immediate connection.

It was hard to say exactly when his feelings of friendship had begun to bleed into unfamiliar territory but he never thought much of it. If he wanted to talk to Akira, he would talk to him — even if he wanted to do it almost every day. And as notorious as he was for not having a filter, there was never anything to be ashamed about when it came to how much he admired and just _liked_  the guy. Despite his shitty situation with his probation, he never backed down and usually seemed unfazed by every obstacle that was thrown in his direction. Akira was just _so_ cool.

But then there are instances that makes him realize Akira is more than just cool. At first, Ryuji thinks maybe he’s jealous of all the attention that his friend receives from others and how effortlessly he’s able to capture someone’s attention and keep them fully intrigued in those dark eyes of his. Or how easy it is for him to succeed and develop all of these basic life skills that the blond thinks he’s just barely got a grip on. However, there’s not a tinge of resentment inside of him that wishes to take the place of Akira at all. Instead, he just wants to be beside him wherever he stands.

There’s nothing special about this day at all—

Ryuji is on his way home when he feels a buzzing in his pocket. Pulling out his phone, he sees Akira texting in their group chat that they’ve received some intel and that he'd like them to meet up to go to Mementos today. The status bar below shows that someone is already typing a reply, but Ryuji already has the phone back in his pocket. A wave of _something_ hits him; his adrenaline spikes and he’s dashing past bystanders on his way to Leblanc. It’s not that he doesn’t usually drop what he’s doing so that he can take a trip to the Metaverse, but today he’s focused on making it there before the others for some unknown, yet competitive reason, even if it means there’s a dull tingling beginning to form in his joints.

Maybe it’s boredom, he thinks, swerving through the side streets of Yongen-Jaya. Summer is coming to an end but the sun rays still warm his skin until beads of sweat begin to form on his forehead and drips down his neck. He stops abruptly in front of the cafe once he finally reaches it, resting his palms on his knees to catch his breath, the habit of checking his phone to see his time from running completely forgotten. He wipes away the sweat and still, with an eager heart, he opens up the cafe entrance door and resists the urge to bolt upstairs. Sojiro notices him and gives him a welcoming nod, turning his attention back to the drinks he's preparing for the few customers that Ryuji passes on his way up to the attic.

There’s nothing special about what he’s sees—

Akira is sitting on his sofa, back hunched with elbows resting on his knees and swiping his thumb against the screen of his phone. Rays of light beam through the open windows and his friend’s bad posture keeps the rays from hitting him so that he's left in the harsh contrast of the shadow. Ryuji doesn’t even notice Morgana curled on his bed, soundly asleep. No one else is there and the blond feels a moment of triumph and hope, but for what, he’s not sure of.

It’s when Akira glances over at him, straightening his posture subtly so that he can turn in the direction of where Ryuji stands, that it starts to make sense. For only a few seconds, they sit in silence with only the low roar of the bustling city to fill whatever this foreign space in between them is.The sunlight pours in from the window and casts itself on his friend’s cheeks in a way that makes his leader look like he’s practically glowing once their finally facing one another. 

It’s already been minutes since he stopped running, yet he’s still breathless.

The beam of light just barely misses Akira’s glasses, leaving Ryuji to stare him directly in the eyes, which he’s done thousands of times before, but now he’s hyper aware of the flutter in his core. His friend is infamous for being unreadable but a grin here and there isn’t uncommon, yet when his lips curve into a sincere smile, making this glimmer in his eyes more evident (which the blond has just _suddenly_ noticed), it hits him all at once.

“Hey, what’s new?”

(Ryuji wasn't sure if he believed in fate either, but when their group is standing there as this long-nosed old man and short, blonde girl in blue are telling Akira that he is the one who can keep the nation from ruin, and that it was his potential that threw him into this game that’s been planned from the start, he can’t help but wonder if it was destiny for him to stumble upon the transfer student that rainy day.)

‘ _I think I just realized I’m in love with you._ ’

“Nothing at all.”

 

*****  
*****

 

And that's why this hurts so fucking much.

> _i'm so sorry. i meant all of it._

When Ryuji first received the text seconds after it was sent, what he really wanted to do was tell Akira to ‘fuck off’ but as he began typing, he found silence to be the only rational response.

That doesn't mean he didn't spend most of the night tossing and turning, running the entire evening in his head again and again as he went over each fine detail: how soft Akira’s hands were every time he touched him and left prickling sensations from where his fingers traced on his skin, or how surreal it felt to be so close to someone that he could practically feel their presence radiating off their body. And as cheesy as it sounded, even though it felt good to have his dick touched by a hand other than his own, that paled in comparison to the first few gentle kisses between them. That had made time feel as if it had stopped completely.

Throughout the night, Ryuji picked up his phone countless times, beginning to type sentences but then hitting backspace, then began writing a few more words, then backspaced once more. Part of him wanted Akira to text him again so he could find an excuse to tell him to leave him the fuck alone, or anything that would show how resentful he was. There were so many ‘firsts’ that night that he had completely allowed himself to give away without a second thought and he was stupid enough to not doubt any of it. He shouldn’t have had to doubt any of it though. He hadn’t asked for any of this—

(Although Ryuji knows he could have said no. He remembers waiting in line at the train station, glad to finally be out of the frigid cold. Snow was beginning to dampen his jacket and the day had just been _so_ long that he couldn’t wait to get home. The announcement on the intercom let the oncoming passengers know that the train was near and that’s when he received the text from Akira asking him if he was busy. He remembers his heart skipping a beat and wondering if his friend was really about to ask him to spend Christmas Eve with him. No, no, he probably had the others there — scratch that, he was alone. As much as Akira would occasionally go against the status quo, was he seriously so ballsy or just _bored_ that he would invite Ryuji over on one of the most intimate nights ever?

Either way, it hadn’t stopped the blond from sending a response to him, turning back around and sprinting up the stairs, passing by the crowd as they started to board the train.)

— but then another part of him just wanted Akira to text him again with an explanation. Any sweet string of words would be good. Anything that would give the him the benefit of the doubt that he really was worth more than a few hours of disposable pleasure. He just wanted _something_  else that would show that he cared enough. Ryuji knows he’s not the brightest, but he likes to believe anybody would be expecting the same thing if they were in his shoes and that they'd be equally as confused.

That's why when he heard the chime go off during his nap (because no way did having his eyes closed for an hour count as sleep), he flipped over the phone that sat on his pillow and his chest began to feel full again. But then it dropped as soon as he saw it was anyone _but_ Akira.

But seriously, why was Ann texting him this early?

> _heeey! we’re all going to leblanc later to celebrate_  
> _if you leave soon we can all meet at the station_

Ryuji rubbed the sleep from his eyes. This had to be another joke.

> _why would we go there_

> _because that’s where we’ve been meeting up for weeks?_  
> _and we just saved shibuya?_  
> _and it's christmas?????_  
> _why wouldn't we go?_

From what Ann was saying, it sounded like Akira was still in town. Did he not tell anyone else that he was leaving? Or did he fail to mention that he wasn’t leaving as early as that morning so he really did kick Ryuji out just so he wouldn't have to stay the night.

The chime went off again. And again.

> _come on! makoto and futaba are already there!!_  
> _yusuke and haru are on their way to meet up now_  
> _you better be coming_

There was _no way_ in hell he was going to show his face at that cafe and be reminded of last night, he told himself.

He replied.

> _meet you in 10 min_

 

*****  
*****

 

“So, who kept you up all night?”

The color drained from Ryuji’s face as he nearly tripped over his own feet, “W-what did you just say?”

Ann laughed, waving her hand at him, “I'm kidding!”

Warmth returned to his cheeks and he ran his fingers through his messy hair, a not-so-subtle way of trying to hide his face. He thought he was going to have a goddamn heart attack. He muttered as he rolled his eyes, “Yeah, yeah, whatever…”

The two of them walked through the huddled station as they kept their eyes peeled for any sight of Yusuke and Haru. Well, Ann was. Ryuji could barely keep his eyes open as his heavy lids threatened to close. It didn’t help that his eyes were dry and stinging, or how red he saw they were when he looked in the mirror as he was leaving his house. Nobody had asked yet, but he’d plan to say it was allergies and not the fact that he cried in the middle of a hand job at the thought of his best friend leaving him _or_ that he cried later that night after he was kicked out by said friend.

Ann looked over the crowds of people in search of their friends with the same smile on her face as when she had teased him moments ago. She turned his bright blue eyes back to him, crossing her arms as that smile began to falter. “Seriously though, did you even sleep last night? You look worn out.”

“Not all of us can go to sleep as soon as we hit the pillow, Ann.” He grumbled, rubbing at his eyes again.

“I know that! I just figured that the only thing you _could_ do is sleep after last night.” Just mentioning the word caused her to yawn and Ryuji swallowed the urge to keep from yawning himself, “I can’t remember the last time I was that tired.”

They were coming out into the air of Station Square, the frigid cold sending a chill down his spine. “Yeah, well, I wish I could have gone to sleep after yesterday too. ”

He watched as Ann glanced at her phone, coming to a stop as she texted who he could only assume was Haru. They waited in the middle of the Square, away from the crowds that passed through them. It wasn’t long before they spotted the dark blue hair in the crowd as Yusuke came into sight, Haru following at his side when a few more people walked past her short stature. They all met half way, Ann beating Ryuji by a few steps as he begrudgingly followed behind her, “Merry Christmas, you two!”

“Merry Christmas!” Haru smiled brightly, her pale cheeks warm from the cold. “I’m sorry for taking so long, my driver was stuck in traffic. I didn’t expect everyone to be out and about considering it’s a holiday and it’s so cold outside!”

“I was thinking the same thing! I managed to get a seat on the train but it was still pretty crowded.”

“I didn’t mind it at all, actually.” Yusuke commented, wrapping his arms tightly around himself, “The crowd made the travel here much warmer. I made sure to stand as close to others as I could, even on the way here.”

“...I’m surprised nobody said anything to you.” Ann raised a brow, a conflicted grin on her face, ”I’d be annoyed if some creeper stood that close to me.”

“I wasn’t creeping! I was simply retaining body heat; the opportunity was there, and I seized it.”

“Yeah, okay…” Ann shook her head, “Speaking of heat, let’s start heading to Leblanc! It’s getting colder by the minute out here.”

“Yes, let’s!” Haru chirped, following after the group as they started to walk. She glanced over at Ryuji, eyes widening when she seemed to come to the realization that he hadn’t said anything yet. He could see her in the corner of his vision, how she looked to be inspecting him and taking notice to his exhausted features. “Ryuji, you haven’t said much today. You look rather—”

“Tired? Yeah, I’ve been told.” Ryuji tried to keep his grumpiness to a minimum, he didn’t need to draw anymore attention to himself than usual. And it wasn’t like he was actually annoyed at anyone around them.

“Did you not sleep well?”

“I only got an hour last night.” The blond shrugged, dragging his feet alongside her. He closed his eyes to relieve them of the stinging from the wind. “And I’d still be sleeping if _somebody_  hadn’t woken me up.”

“Oh, stop. You would have been more pissed if I didn’t say anything at all.” Even as she rolled her eyes, Ann’s upbeat tone never wavered. “Maybe Akira will let you sleep in his bed for a bit if you ask nicely.”

Ryuji didn’t reply.

 

*****  
*****

 

It wasn't long before they reached the backstreets of Yongen-Jaya and needless to say, Ryuji was already regretting this _way_ more than when he stepped out his front door this morning. His hands stayed buried in his pockets and he stared straight ahead, hearing the conversation between his friends and watching the city buildings past but he couldn't shake his thoughts of self doubt from being at the forefront of his mind. He was going to walk into Leblanc and see Akira and he really couldn’t tell how he would react when that happened. What if he couldn't contain his anger and caused a scene? Or worse, what if he started _crying_  because just seeing him act like nothing happened between them would be enough to break him?

Fuck that.

Ryuji didn’t care how many imaginary conversations he had with last night’s Akira to ease and prepare him, he was _not_  ready for this type of confrontation. He should have just stayed home, turned off his phone, and slept the entire day away. That would have been a much better plan than the humiliation that awaited him as they came up to the cafe. Everyone was going to find out and it’d be just another joke to be brought up any time he was around.

He felt his breath quickening and his body went rigid. Maybe he could still run back home if he could think of a good excuse. Although, that was only if he could get the words out. He swallowed the tension in his throat.

Before his mind could comprehend any ideas, Ann was already opening the door and he was being pressured inside with Yusuke and Haru stepping in after him.

Once the door was shut behind them, he looked around the cafe and it could have just been his own nerves, but he immediately felt a sense of dread in the air. Despite that, Ann cheered on happily. “Merry Christmas!”

Makoto was sitting at the middle booth with her head held low; she shot them a quick glance before turning away, but everyone could see the glossiness in her eyes. Futaba was sitting at the bar with her head buried in her arms, shoulders shaking as muffled sobs escaped her. From behind the bar, Sojiro stood with his arms crossed and watching the television intently. Once the entrance bell rang, he turned his head away from the screen to look at the crowd coming in door.

As Ryuji looked over lobby, he noticed Akira was nowhere in sight. That didn't mean anything though. The idea of him coming down from the attic was enough to make him grimace. However, that didn't explain the gloomy aura in the cafe at all.

“Uh…” Ann’s mood completely changed, her eyes lowering as Makoto turned her head away from her gaze after looking at her once more when she spoke up. “...Why…why is everyone so down?”

Futaba sniffled like she was about to speak before letting out another series of sobs that sent an aching pang in Ryuji’s chest. He didn't even know why she was upset, but he never wanted to see any of his friends this torn apart. He took a few steps towards her before looking at Makoto with the same amount of concern. “Why’s she crying?”

Makoto cleared her throat, unable to look him in the face. “Um…”

A heavy sigh left Sojiro, his brows furrowing. “It’s alright, I’ll explain.”

 

*****  
*****

 

Akira had confessed to the police.

_”He did **what?**!”_

Ryuji sat in the booth with his eyes completely focused on the tight fists he had balled in his lap. He resisted every instinct that was telling him to punch something. He could hear everyone talking around him and while he was able to pick up bits and pieces of what they were saying, his mind was throwing question after question at him. After everything they had gone through this last year, all the people they had helped, they still wouldn't allow him to walk free?

_”Why would he do that?!”_

It wasn't fair. Akira was just trying to protect them.

_”Don’t let it get to you.”_

How had Ryuji not noticed? Or rather, why did he not say anything? Somehow, he sensed the hesitancy from his friend that whole evening and when he finally revealed that he would be leaving, he still seemed suspicious of his response. Akira was almost never anything but self-assured, even in the most life threatening situations they found themselves in over the last year. Ryuji wanted to press on why exactly his 'parents' would want him to come back so early and while Akira rarely spoke of them, he almost expected a better reason than 'something came up'.

Ryuji wondered how long he would be locked up for or if he would even get a chance to see any sort of visitors. He wasn’t sure how that system worked at all. What could he, of all people, know how to get him out of this? Maybe he really was the useless one.

_“...We gotta do something!”_

It was only when Ann stood to her feet, her earnest voice on the verge of cracking, that he was able to come out of his thoughts. She was right. Even if he didn’t know what to do (which everyone else admitted that they didn’t know right away either), he would do whatever it took to help Akira out of this, despite the sting of that previous evening.

He would do anything for Akira at any time.

All of them were still at a lost of what to do. There was no game plan set up that day in the booth, but they didn’t allow that to diminish their hopes. They’d start small; Makoto would get as much information from her sister that she could, Haru would see if anyone in her father’s company could pull some strings, and Futaba would see if she could find any details on Akira’s probation. The rest of them would have to wait and take it day by day, and even when they decided to call it a day, he could still feel the burn from their fiery resolve.

However, that hadn’t stopped Ryuji from waving goodbye to them, mentioning he had to stop somewhere on his way home and was taking a different route home and would be splitting from them for the day. He was thankful that no one had pressured him as he walked around the corner of a street and pressed his back firmly against a brick wall that cast a shadow over the alley way. He pulled out his phone and began typing feverishly.

> _what the FUCK akira_  
> _why didn't you just tell me?!_  
> _i mean i know why you didn't but that's not the point_

He had no doubt that his phone had been confiscated hours ago, but something in his mind was telling him to get this out. He’d try his best to keep from saying too much in the messages in case the police were going to go through his phone later or they were laughing at him now as the messages came in, but he didn’t want to filter his thoughts.

> _we’re your friends and we want to be there for you_  
> _you can’t only help us and then not let us do the same!!_  
> _but we’re still gonna do it_  
> _we’re gonna show them that you’re innocent_  
> _i don’t know how yet_  
> _but_  
> _i want you to rely on me as much as i rely on you_  
> _which is a lot btw_  
> _and as your boy friend i'm gonna do everything I can_  
> _I MEANT BEST FRIEND***_  
> _I DIDNT EVEN WRITE THAT_  
> _IT WAS AUTO CORRECT I SWEAR_  
> _omg please just ignore that_

 

*****  
*****

The main lights were dimmed inside the cafe aside from the lamp above their current work booth, shining bright over the notebooks and scattered papers. It was usually a lot messier when everyone else was there with their own resources, but it had only been Ann, Futaba, and Ryuji for the last few hours. Sojiro was more than happy to allow them to continue to use Leblanc to investigate the details of Akira’s case every now and then.

Ann was sleeping soundly across from him, her head cradled in her arms as her body raised by each soft breath she took. As determined as Ryuji was, he didn’t find it necessary to wake her. She deserved a break after all of the running around they had done earlier that day. Hell, not even a day went by where they weren't contributing to solve the case in some way. She must have been sleeping for almost an hour; Futaba left shortly after Ann had fallen asleep, letting out a contagious yawn of her own as she shut her laptop and headed home, leaving her notes of the what they had discovered from the so far.

Ryuji scoured the notes relentlessly, using his phone to look up any other information since Futaba had taken her laptop with her. The brightness on the screen caused his eyes to sting. He seriously needed to buy some eye drops or something, especially because this was becoming a nightly occurrence. It didn’t help that he was also fighting a headache that was only getting annoyingly painful day by day. That usually was the sign to go to sleep, but they had _finally_  gotten a name. Now, trying to locate the witness and speak to her was a whole other problem.

Glancing at the sleeping girl before him, the sight of her was so relaxing that it was enough to entice a yawn out of him. His sleeping schedule hadn't been the best since he found out about Akira. And as much as he didn’t want to admit it, he thinks he might have been coming down with something too. It was still freezing outside, so it was completely normal to feel a little under the weather. He’d just take some medicine and continue on with his day; the only annoying part was how often he had the feeling he was going to sneeze.

Like right now.

Scrunching his nose, he tried to make the sensation go away but it only made it worse. He finally couldn’t help but sneeze, quickly covering his face as he did so. He didn’t need anyone else getting sick.

“Hm…” A small groan came from Ann, her head slowly lifting as her eyes fluttered open, squinting slightly from the bright lamp above her. Despite being able to sleep anywhere, she was an incredibly light sleeper as well. “Ryuji…?” She blinked several times, quickly looking around and noticed that it was just the two of them. “I fell asleep…?”

“Yeah, you’ve been out for a while now.” Ryuji sniffled, rubbing away the frustrating itchiness that clung to his nostrils. “Sorry, didn’t mean to wake ya.”

“What time is it anyway?” She asked, a yawn escaping her in the middle of her question. She stretched her arms, trying to bring life back into her body.

“Uh.” He looked at his phone and without even glancing at her, he answered, “One thirty-two.”

That caused her blue eyes to spring open, sitting up fully in her seat. “In the morning?!”

“It's still dark, ain't it?”

“Geez, I can’t believe we’ve been here that long...” Ann yawned again, covering her mouth. “How are you still awake anyway...?”

“We’re on a roll right now ever since we got that lady’s name. I figured if we just work really hard over the next week, we can get him out of there as soon as — as, ah…” Ryuji couldn’t keep himself from his sneezing again, covering his mouth again as a sharp pain pierced through his skull as the pressure hit him. Wincing, he rubbed his temple. “Shit, that hurt…” He added that to the list of other annoying things about being sick. 

“...You know,” Ann crossed her arms over the table again, leaning in as her voice suddenly softened, “Akira wouldn’t want you doing this if it was going to get you sick.”

“I’m not gettin’ sick from this.” Ryuji shook his head, his vision blurring for a moment as he turned his gaze back down to the papers in front of him. “The cold is going ‘round, that's all.”

He’d gone back to his phone, bringing up the browser. There was this one website he could—

“Ryuji, listen.” She broke the silence, frowning at him. “I know you want to help him, we all do. But we’ve gotta take care of ourselves too. I think everyone else is beginning notice and we all...we’re just worried about you.”

“You don’t _need_  to be worried about anything. It's not a big deal, Ann.”

“ _Fine_.” She clutched her arms tightly as her tone drastically changed, all of the softness from before leaving her and replaced with a stern annoyance. “I wasn't going to say anything but seriously, what is going on with you? You’ve been acting different ever since the day Akira left.”

He narrowed his eyes at her, becoming increasingly annoyed. “If your friend turned himself in for you, wouldn't _you_  be the same?”

“Yes, I would. Except you’ve been like this _before_ we even found out.” It took him a moment to recall that day exactly, and he was just ready to make his case that he was just tired and that he didn’t need anybody worrying about him. True, he may have not been in the best place that day but that would only lead to further questioning and he was not about to start that domino effect. Ann continued on before he had time to counter, though. “When we met up at the station a few weeks ago, you seemed...off. I thought you might have just been tired but whenever his name came up, you got silent. And you were already weirdly quiet to begin with, considering that was the day after we saved Shibuya…”

“What's your point?” Ryuji sighed. He really didn’t have the energy for this right now.

“My _point_  is, did something happen between you and Akira?”

God, why was she interrogating him like this? He glared, brows creasing deeply as he shot back without thinking, “I already said it’s not a big deal!”

“So something _did_  happen!” Despite him raising his voice at her, her stance didn’t falter. Her eyes never tore from him. “Why wouldn't you tell me? We're friends too!”

“I—!”

“You go on and on about how Akira should have let us help him but you’re exactly the same! We’re a team, aren’t we?”

Ryuji was at a lost for words. Ann obviously wasn’t going to be dropping this anytime soon and while she was the only person on the team that he would be even close to comfortable talking about this issue with right now, the thought of saying it out loud still had him nervous. But she was right. With Akira gone, he didn’t know who else to confide in. He didn’t think she would say anything to anyone, but it wouldn’t be the first time personal information about his life had gotten out to everyone. He already had enough labels on him as it was.

But like she said, they were friends. “...Fine. But if I tell you, you have to promise you won't tell anyone else.”

Ann leaned in, intrigued. “I'm not the one who can't keep a secret.”

Now was not the time for her to bring that up. “Just forget it!”

“I'm kidding! I promise I won't tell anyone, okay? You can trust me.” She smiled warmly at him, dropping her head into her hand. She sat still, intently waiting for him to start.

Ryuji didn’t even know where to begin though. He cleared his throat, already averting his eyes away from her. “...That night, after we saved Shibuya, Akira…he asked me to come over…”

“Yeah?”

“...So I did.”

“...Okay. Go on.”

“So, when...when I got there we were just talkin’ normally, but then he kinda…” He went silent, but Ann remained focused on him. Her staring wasn’t helping him calm down at all. He took a deep breath, shooting a quick glance at her, “...he kinda told me that he liked me. A lot.”

Immediately, her eyes widened and her sudden movement made him jump. “Akira has the hots for you?!” She planted her palms down onto the table, looking like she was ready to pounce. “What did you say?! Did you reject him?”

Fuck, he was already blushing. Ryuji curled into himself, muttering quickly, “I...toldhimthatIlikedhimtoo.”

“What was that?”

He sighed and tried speaking clearly but much more quietly, “I told…’m that…’iked...oo.”

“Oh my god, Ryuji, I can't hear you—”

“I told him that I liked him too, okay?!” Ryuji whipped his head back to look at her once he admitted it, his face already burning.

“What?!” Ann was staring at him and completely taken aback by his response, blinking long lashes over her wide eyes. Her stance had relaxed somewhat but he could still tell she was full of anticipation. That was just half of the story. “Wait, so how long have _you_  liked him?”

“I dunno, it’s...it’s been a while…” He hunched forward, wanting so desperately to hide. Every part of him was praying that she wouldn’t make fun of him for this; he could take everything else that was thrown at him, but not this.

However, the teasing never came. When he looked back at her, her expression had softened and she fell back into her seat. “You know, I’m really not that surprised now that I think about it. You two have always seemed really close so it’s not _that_  out of the blue. So, that’s a good thing, right? What happened after that?”

“...We, uh...made out and...stuff.” She didn't need to know _every_ detail. 

Ann cocked her head to the side, perplexed. “What kind of stuff?” She blinked several times before her mouth fell open again. “ _Oh_ , did you two have se—”

“Oh my god, Ann, _no_!” Without thinking, he brought his hand to cover his burning face. He was going to die of embarrassment. “We didn't even go that far!”

“But you went _somewhere_ , didn't you?”

“T-that doesn't have to do with anything!” Ryuji quickly turned away from her, heart racing before he realized what he had said. “Well, I mean, it kind of does...because after all of that, he...he wanted me to leave.”

Ann raised her brow in confusion, clearly in the same state that he had been. “That...doesn’t sound like him at all.” She replied, pursing her lips as she looked at him with sympathy. “But that was only because he was leaving, right? Like, if Akira was just trying to get some before leaving, you'd think he'd ask someone else.”

“...That’s not helping.”

“No, no, I don’t mean it like that at all!” She waved her hands frantically. “It’s just, he’s not bad looking and I’ve heard of a few girls approaching him already so he has options. Why risk ruining his friendship with you just for a one night fling?”

Oddly enough, her words almost seemed to reassure him. “I...guess that’s true…”

“Look, I don’t know exactly what happened and I know he’s not the easiest to figure out, but I know Akira would never intentionally try to hurt you like that. I don’t think it was the smartest way to go about it either but once we get him out, you can ask him directly.” Ann continued to smile warmly at him, then winked. “Or if you want, I can always lecture him about how to _properly_  confess your love to someone.”

“I don’t know if we need to go that far…” Ryuji scratched his head, sighing. Even so, he grinned back at her. It felt like the heaviness he’d been carrying around had finally eased. There were still doubts in his mind that he didn't think would clear until he actually got the answer from Akira himself, but now he wasn't as consumed by them. “But…thanks, Ann. I needed that.”

“You just have to promise me that you’ll start taking care of yourself again.” Ann began collecting the notes on the table into a neat pile, silently signalling to them that they needed to wrap this up and go to sleep already.

“Yeah, yeah.” Ryuji followed her example. Once he stood to his feet, the weakness in his legs made him aware of just how long he’d been sitting here. Maybe he really was pushing it.

“Besides, Akira’s not going to be happy about coming home to his sick, stressed out boyfriend.”

“I-I never said we were boyfriends!”

"Not _yet_."

 

*****  
*****

 

It wasn’t until a few weeks later that Ryuji received a text while he was at home in the middle of having dinner with his mother.

These kind of evenings were far and few between them with their conflicting schedules, even more during the last year when Ryuji had been worrying more about reforming society. While his mom still worked the same amount of shifts as she always did, he knew they were overdue for some quality time. And he just missed her.

He’d been mid-chew on a piece of steak when he noticed his phone flashing with a notification, seeing Makoto’s name appear. He glanced at the screen, trying to read it before it’d shut off and he’d have to go into the messages himself. That, and Makoto was always very meticulous about providing them with updates on the case, which he definitely wanted to know, but there were times he didn’t need to drop everything he was doing just to check the status.

> _I just finished speaking with my sister._  
> _Akira is going to be released this week!_

Ryuji had nearly choked as soon as he read it.

“Hun, are you alright?” His mother looked at him with concern, setting down her drink as she was just about to take a sip. “Who was that?”

Regaining his composure, the blond quickly swallowed the piece of meat quickly and immediately grabbed his phone to make sure he read that right. “T-that was Makoto! She’s the student council president I told you about!” He kept reading over the message, going into his inbox to see the rest of his teammates already replying with enthusiasm and surprise. “She said Akira’s going to released!”

“Akira’s the boy with the glasses, right? The one you showed me in the pictures?” He didn't notice how much he was smiling until his mother’s voice snapped him out of it. Even when he pulled his eyes away from the phone, he could still feel the joyous expression on his face and it took him a few seconds to realize that he must have been looking a little _too_  excited in front of his mom.

“Um, yeah.” Ryuji had never actually had a chance to introduce Akira to his mom because of their conflicting schedules. Honestly, he was surprised he managed to see either one of them. But he knows he’s talked about him as early as the first week he’d met him then later pointing him out in pictures when she asked to see the photos they had taken on their school trip. She must have been clued in within the first week, recalling how she brought up that he was smiling more.

There was no way he could say he was travelling to another world where he could potentially die and _oh_ _yeah_ , he was part of the Phantom Thieves too, so he kept the story of how he met him fairly vague. But his description of him (“ _He’s kind of quiet but kinda always knows what to say? And he’s got this criminal record — it’s not his fault, don’t worry — but he doesn’t seem like the type to hurt anyone—_ ”) it was enough for her; she’d just smile and say she was glad he didn’t seem to despise the idea of going to school anymore.

“He sounds like a very nice boy after everything you’ve told me. I know you and your friends have been working really hard to help him all this time.” Her comment accompanied with his own reaction made him flustered. However, her smile managed to put him to ease soon after.

“W-we really have. You wouldn’t believe all of the running around we were doing! It's been crazy...”

“Mm, I noticed. I can tell you care about him a lot.” There was no trace of contempt in her tone, no matter how hard he searched for it. She phrased it in a way that he’s not sure if he’s supposed to agree with her or if she's not expecting an answer at all. It’s not that he thinks his mom would look down on him for this, but her opinion is one that matters most.

“...Yeah. I do.”

He keeps expecting her to say something dismissive, like everyone else does with everything. But she's still looking at him with the same amount of love that she's shown him all these years. It's been so long since he's had to discuss anything to do with 'feelings' with her that he forgets that he shouldn't expect anything else to leave her lips than words of support. "I'm glad."

They don't say anything more and although she's been nothing but kind, he wonders if she truly knows what he means when he says he 'cares' for him; if she thinks it's just a close friendship that he's been blessed with after having to deal with the loneliness than accompanied him after the disbandment of the track team, or if she's really clued in that her son might have a thing for both girls _and_ guys. She doesn't hound him with questions but he doesn't feel the need to explain further. Somehow, she's always known when to give him space.

The rest of their dinner remains peaceful. Ryuji is caught between eating, reading the responses in their group chat, and giving his mom a rundown of what everyone is saying (making sure to exclude anything that hints at their past thievery, of course) as she listens attentively. Once finished with her meal, she stands to her feet and begins collecting some dishes. "Ryuji?"

“Hm?”

“Once he’s back, you should invite him over for dinner. I’m sure any person who makes you smile like that is worth knowing,” Her lips spread wide into a knowing grin before she turns around to start cleaning her dishes, leaving her son stunned, "and I think our meeting is long overdue."

Or maybe she knows exactly what he feels for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guessed it! my unorganized ass can't ever write anything short so there's going to be THIRD CHAPTER (maybe a fourth if i can't cut down on my word count lol) 
> 
> thank you all again!! i hope you like this one as well <333


	3. three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heeeey remember when i said there's going to be like only 3-4 chapters for this? SIKE i'm breaking down the chapters by scenes so i can update this more often. i like to stay consistent and writing longer chapters obv takes a while so might as well save myself the worry 
> 
> ONCE AGAIN thank you all so much for the comments, kudos, and bookmarks!! yall don't know how much it means to me every time i get a notification <333

Ryuji is _beyond_  stoked that their team's weeks of effort are finally being rewarded and that Akira will be back soon, but _holy shit_ , is he nervous.

“Ryuji, stop shaking your leg! You’re moving the entire booth.” Ann nudges his restless leg with her own, bringing awareness to his own anxiety once he feels the boot against his shin.

“Oh, sorry ‘bout that,” he says as he presses his foot firmly to the floor consciously, although he knows that within seconds of forgetting about it, the shaking is bound to happen again. He can’t help it.

Ever since Sojiro left to go pick up their friend from juvenile hall, Ryuji has been watching the time intensely, switching between the rustic clock hanging on the cafe wall and the digital time on his phone like he’s expecting to see some drastic change from either of them. He’s still manages to join in on the conversations with his teammates, who are spread out around Leblanc but still huddled closely. However, not a minute goes by where he isn’t checking the time. It’d be exactly thirty-eight minutes since Futaba interrupted one of their conversations, excitedly announcing that Sojiro was on his way back with Akira, who was officially safe, sound, and free.

“What if he comes back super buff and fit?” Futaba’s arms dangle off of the booth, eyes never leaving the phone that she still is cradling delicately as she waits for the chime to go off again.

Makoto eyes her skeptically, doubtfully saying, “I don’t think it’s possible to change that drastically in a month…”

The imagery of Akira ripped with muscles pulls Ryuji away from his obsession with the time, chuckling as he says, “I don’t think it’s even possible for him to look like that. We’ve been to the gym plenty of times and his body is just naturally thin, at least for when I last saw—”

Ann snickers across from him and it takes him a moment to realize what he’s said to get that reaction out of her, but no one else pays his comment any mind. They’re all too distracted with their own theories on Akira’s body type, which Ryuji decides he should stay out of for the time being (even though he likes to think he's the most 'qualified'). 

“I think—” Yusuke's commentary is futile as Futaba cuts him off by letting out a shrill squeal that has everyone sharply turning their head to look at her. 

The redhead is staring at her phone completely entranced and unable to contain her excitement as she announces, “Sojiro says they’re just down the street!”

“For real?!” Ryuji nearly jumps to his feet and his chest feels weightless in a way only the rollercoasters in Dome Town would be able to recreate. 

“He’s that close already? I thought it would have taken longer.”

“Ah! Should we just wait for him to come in and surprise him?” Haru says, clasping her hands together excitedly.

“I think Sojiro already told him that we’re here! But maybe we can still hide—” Futaba looks around frantically, looking like she's ready to scurry behind the bar if necessary, but her idea is quickly cut off by Ann shushing her in a low tone.

“Shh, I think that’s them.”

The outline of a car pulls in front of the cafe and the passengers come out of it quickly, although the sun reflects on the glass in a way that the blond isn’t able to make out the fine details of the figures except for the slight height difference. There’s no doubt in Ryuji’s mind that it’s Akira. He becomes aware of his breathing to the point that makes him hold his breath by mistake. And by the way that he’s positioned, facing right towards the entrance, the two of them are bound to make eye contact almost immediately. His mind wanders with the speculation that Akira will keep his eyes on him and make a comment as soon as they see each other, or maybe he’ll avoid him altogether. Both outcomes make his palms sweat.

The figure stands still outside the door for a moment and everyone is silent. Once the door opens, the sunset beams through the exposed interior, outlining the figure until their eyes adjust almost instantly. His breath hitches as Akira’s features come to life and Ann sends him another reassuring smile before turning around to greet their leader herself.

There’s no way Ryuji could forget what Akira looks like so easily, but as he stands there before them, he feels like he’s seeing him again for the first time. His messy black hair is still hovers over his eyes and his pale skin still free of blemishes, not that he expected him to get _too_ roughed up in solitary confinement. Akira looks at each of his friends individually with a warm, welcoming expression, almost soaking in their image the same they're doing to him. When his dark eyes stop on Ryuji a second longer, the blond swears he sees that same glimmer in his eyes from months ago. He’s not even sure when he started smiling, or exactly when he’ll stop either.

The reunion is cut short when Morgana slips in unexpectedly, equally as alive and well as Akira, who is as equally surprised as everyone else to see the cat again. And even though he still can’t go five minutes without insulting the him, Ryuji  _supposes_ he did miss the little furball's commentary. Occasionally. 

All in all, it’s definitely not as awkward as Ryuji thought it would be.

Everyone is excitedly asking Akira all sorts of questions and filling him in on everything that they did to help prove his innocence, without him even having to ask. There are times when Ryuji even interjects to tell him about what he’s missed and his friend just smiles at him and gives him a simple response, and that's all Ryuji needs. It’s just like they’ve always been — friends. He doesn’t expect Akira to make some grand declaration in front of everyone about that evening and even though they’re due for a conversation, Ryuji’s not sure he’s going to get that tonight. It’s okay though — he doesn’t want to take this time away from any of his friends, who have had sleepless nights themselves and have missed him just as much as Ryuji has.

He can finally breathe again. 

 

*****  
*****

 

Hours passed and between dramatic retellings of their past trials and cleaning up the cafe after having their celebratory feast, little by little, the group continued to dwindle down until the only ones left were Akira, Morgana, Ryuji, and Ann. They had migrated to the attic some time within the last few hours and the way they all gathered together brought on a wave of nostalgia that he thinks they all noticed. Morgana sat on the sofa between Akira and Ann (who had given Ryuji the opportunity to sit next to him instead but he only retorted nervously with “Nah, you can have it. Ladies first, y’know”), with Ryuji ultimately taking the spare chair and turning it backwards so he could rest his arms over the back of it.

Ann keeps her promise to not tell anyone about their discussion from a few weeks ago, even refraining from making any sort of comments that would put him in the blundering position of Akira figuring out that Ryuji had told her about the last time the two of them were in this room. However, it doesn’t stop her from making _other_ embarrassing comments:

(“You should have seen him! I don't think I've ever seen Ryuji so focused! He was taking notes and everything."

"That's impressive."

“I-It wasn’t that hard—”

“Maybe if you applied yourself like that to your studies you wouldn’t be failing!”

“One, I’m _not_  failing _now_. Two, at least I did _something_ besides hide away for a month like a little—”

“ _Okay_ , you two….”)

Even with how long he’s been away, Akira still isn’t one to dominate a conversation. He observes all of them and there are moments where him and Ryuji share brief glances, which immediately has him lowering his face into his crossed arms to hide the stupid, goofy grin he knows he has on his face. 

God, he missed him.

“Okay, guys,” Ann grabs their attention as she yawns, stretching her arms high above her head while standing to her feet. She picks up her bag from the floor, slinging it over her shoulder before smoothing out any of the wrinkles in her clothing. “It’s been a blast but I’m gonna head home now. I don’t want to miss the last train to my house.”

“That late already, huh?” Ryuji asks, although he doesn’t bother to pull out his phone. He almost doesn’t even want to know what time it is.

Akira is the opposite, pulling out his phone from his pocket to check the time with an unchanging expression before slipping it back in and looking up at Ann, “Do you want us to walk you to the station?”

“No, you don’t need to do that. I’ll be fine.” Ryuji is just about to oppose that answer because while Ann is very capable of taking care of herself, he’s not exactly comfortable with the idea of any girl walking home alone this late at night. “Besides, I was gonna ask Morgana if he wanted to spend the night at my house tonight!” Ann smiles brightly as she turns towards the cat who is staring up at her with bewildered eyes. Akira and Ryuji also share that same expression, brows lifting at this _very_  new, unexpected offer until it dawns on him what the pigtailed girl is trying to accomplish. If he knew what a great wingman Ann was, he might have confided in her a long time ago.

Morgana’s ears perk up immediately at her sudden request. “L-Lady Ann! You really did miss me! But this is so sudden, I don’t know if Akira—”

“Oh come on, he doesn’t mind! I can have some quality sushi delivered to my house and—” Ann leans in, lowering her bag and subtly pushing the opening wider. Her teeth show in a wide, animated smile, “—I’ll even let you sleep in my bed.”

At least her lying is getting better. 

“O-oh, well then…” Morgana turns to Akira, tail wagging and sounds like he may just start purring at any moment, “I’m sorry to leave you so suddenly but this opportunity doesn’t always come! I’m sure you understand.” Without any more coaxing, he slips into her bag, and finds a comfortable spot where his head can pop out, “Sushi and a night with a beautiful maiden? This really is the best thing to come home to!”

“Don’t worry about me,” Akira reassures him without much protest, grinning, “You two enjoy yourselves.”

“Oh, we will!” As soon as the cat is in the bag, Ann wastes no time in spinning her heels around and heading in the direction of the stairs as she waves them farewell, “You two do the same!”

“Wait, why isn’t Ryuji—”

“Sorry, couldn’t hear you, must be the bag muffling you.”

“My head is sticking out—!”

“Bye guys!” Ann hollers to them as she bolts down the stairs, the sounds of her talking over Morgana’s concerned questions drowned out until they’re both out the door of the lobby. The entrance bell is the last thing that makes a sound before the two boys are left alone in complete silence, their eyes still lingering on the stairs from where their friends had just departed.

They mirror each other, turning heads slowly to face one another. Ryuji already knows he can't look at collected as Akira, whose elbows are resting on his knees and has his head balancing on interlocking fingers. Of _course_  he could look at Ryuji like he hadn’t just spent a month locked up after the two of them had felt each other up in this exactly room. Was there anything he wasn't capable of?

“Hey,” Akira says cooly.

“Hey."

“...Do you want to sit over here? It’ll be more comfortable.”

Maybe now was when the awkwardness would kick in. “Uh…sure.” Ryuji doesn’t even listen to the combatting thoughts in his mind telling him that there’s no reason for him to move other than to be close to Akira. They can talk fine just facing one another, sure, the sofa will be comfortable if he’s talking about — oh.

Ryuji’s already sitting up from the chair and taking the spot next to his friend, visage turned away and the hood of his jacket covering the heat spreading up his neck.

Not even five minutes alone with the guy and he’s already got Ryuji flustered. Is Akira even looking at him right now? He wants to check but his nerves are getting the best of him, despite how many days he’s had to rehearse this scenario in his mind. Where is supposed to start? 

Silence.

This wasn’t getting them anywhere.

“So, you’re—”  
“Look, I’m—”

They quickly turn to look at one another, the volume of their combined words catching them both off guard.  
  
Akira starts again, “You can go—”

“No, no, you go first. I don't even know what I was going to say.”

“Oh...okay. If you say so.” Akira inhales sharply, moving a few strands of hair from away from his glasses. “I really wanted to apologize for what I did to you that night." So, they were getting right to the point then. "It was never my intention to hurt you like that."

Just because he knew the conversation was coming, it didn't make it any less nerve-wracking. “Oh, well…I ended up figurin’ out what you were doing the next day so it’s not like I stayed mad or anything,” Ryuji rubs the back of his neck timidly, ignoring the tinge of hesitancy inside of him.

He definitely not mad, however...

“Makoto’s sister told me what I should do as soon as you all walked away that night, so I was a little…out of it," Akira continued, "I knew I couldn't tell any of you about it either. So, when I asked you to come over that night, I really wasn't intending on going that far."

This wasn't a reassuring start. Maybe it really had been a one-off. “So…do you regret it?”

"I never said that," Akira tilts his head slightly, dark eyes narrowing at the blond, “I was being serious when I said I meant all of it, but with everything going on, I kind of lost it. I didn’t even plan on telling you how I felt. But just seeing you made me want to say something and when you said you felt the same, I wanted to see how it felt to…do all of that with you since I didn’t know when I’d be getting out.”

“Oh.” Ryuji knows he shouldn’t be surprised, but just hearing Akira admit to what he figured was the only decent explanation to that night eases him. And he had said it so fluidly too that it makes him consider the idea that Akira may have spent his days locked up thinking of the best way to explain everything to him. It's...definitely a nice thought.

“Y-yeah, things really got kinda crazy that night.” And that's the best response he can come up with? Way to go.

Akira stares right at him expectedly and asks, “Do you regret it?” 

Regret is not the word he would use at all. Something still feels off, but in regards to that night, besides having to walk back home in the snow alone, everything was perfect. All of it. “...Nah, I meant all of it too.”

Ryuji sees Akira’s posture relax out of the corner of his eye, and just as he turns to fully look at him, he feels the warmth of Akira’s hand going over his own. It doesn't keep the blush from crossing his face at all but he doesn’t feel any desire to pull his hand away. It’s strange how such a simple touch makes Ryuji realize that Akira makes him feel the way he always expected to make a girl feel: protected, comfortable, safe — he never thought he could feel this with another guy without minimizing his masculinity in some way. However, those worries are starting to trickle away as he realize it's not so bad to be the one in someone's care.

“I’m glad,” Akira says pleasantly, sinking his fingers in between the space of Ryuji’s, hooking them under his palm. Leaning his head back against the sofa, he still has his head turned to look back at him, more strands of hair falling into his face, “I missed you.”

Perhaps he’s just easily influenced by Akira, but Ryuji mirrors him anyway, dropping his head back against the sofa so the two of them can be eye to eye. He aware of just how quiet the cafe is now compared to all of the celebratory noise from earlier, and he wonders if Akira can hear his heart pounding as loudly as he can hear it in his ears. All of it is making his head hazy, like he's in a dream. As he leans in to close some of the space between them, he softly replies, “I missed you too.”

Akira lifts their enclosed hands and pulls them to his face, brushing his lips against the back of Ryuji's pal. “It’s nice that Ann took Morgana for the night.” And as he moves the hands from his mouth and back down to the sofa, his smile turns smug. Of course he figured it out (not that it was hard, Morgana was the only one who believed her), “That worked out perfectly, didn’t it?” 

Even so, Ryuji chuckles as he shrugs, “Guess she just really wanted to show the cat how much she missed him.”

“Guess so. Maybe I should follow her example,” Akira leans in enough to have their shoulders touching and the blond can already feel his warm breath hitting his face, “Seeing as I don’t plan on going anywhere this time.”

Ryuji _hates_  how much he’s fallen for Akira’s charm like he’s in some shoujo manga. Ann was right, if he just wanted a quickie with someone, he could have asked anybody because who would be crazy enough to turn him down? Not Ryuji, that’s for sure. “Holy shit, you were _not_  this smooth when we first met.”

“Why do you think I started working on it?” That bastard.

“Oh my god— How do you even come up with that?

“I’ve learned a few things here and there.” Akira’s mouth is only a few inches away from his lips and Ryuji can already feel his eyes on the verge of shutting and lips parting in preparation for them to touch. He’s got it bad. “I’m sure I can teach you a few things within the month.”

“Go for — wait, a month?” His brown eyes widen immediately as he stares at Akira blinking, his train of thought coming to a completely halt as he attempts to register the sentence he just heard. “Why— ”

Akira raises a brow in concern as he sits back. His tone hasn’t changed, but the smile on his lips from seconds ago is starting to fall, “You…don’t remember?” It’s finally starting to come back to him. His mind must have not wanted him to remember until now, “My probation will be up in a month.”

Fuck. How?  _How_ had Ryuji forgotten about that? He remembers Akira bringing it up the last time they saw each other, hell, he thinks he even heard someone mention it earlier during the party. The sinking feeling starts again inside of him, the one he recalls never leaving even after finding out that Akira hadn’t sent him home that night just to get something from him. He doesn’t notice how he cuffs his fingers over the ones that are tight against his palm, “And you’re leaving?”

“Well…yeah. I have to go back home to my parents after this," Akira says, like it's completely normal. Which it is, but Ryuji wishes it wasn't, “You don’t remember any of that?”

“No, I definitely remember, it’s— do you really have to?” Ryuji’s not one to beg or question further but they’re so close. So close to being something.

Akira shares a rare look of defeat with him, “…I don’t think there’s any way around it. My parents are going to want to see me.”

“These are the same parents that let you be sent here and haven't talked to you all year?” Shit. Ryuji immediately regrets it as soon as he says it, but Akira’s stunned face has another wave of guilt hitting him. His mouth is open slightly, but he’s not sure if he plans on saying anything, “S-shit, I’m sorry about that. I didn’t mean it like that at all! I know I told you I understood before—“

Akira’s face relaxes as he shakes his head at him. He wouldn’t be surprised if he asked Ryuji to leave then, but there are no traces of resentment in his voice, “Ryuji, it’s…it’s okay. I’m not mad." When he says that, all Ryuji wants to ask him is why -- why isn't he mad at him? He deserves it. "I…I know they haven’t been the best but I have no choice.”

Ryuji knows Akira has no choice but anger still burns within him; at his parents for putting him in this situation and then pulling him away from his friends, how it’s all so forced. The timing is the worst though.   
  
But maybe it really is better this way.  
  
“Then…should we even bother?” Ryuji looks down to their hands, noticing the way their fingers tangled together has now loosened.

“…What?”

“This…thing.” His fingers go limp in Akira’s grasp. No titles have been established between them and if they only have a month left, what would be the point in starting anything? “You knew you only had a month left here so maybe…we should have had just better timing.”

“Is it really just about me leaving?” As long as Ryuji has known him, Akira has always hid his emotions well. Even now, his bangs and glasses cover any sort of crease in his brows from disapproval and Ryuji wouldn’t be able to tell, but the frustration is budding in his voice, “I know my timing could have been better but I had a lot of time to think about this while I was gone, about you. I...I didn't mind the idea of long distance, but if it's you, I'd at least like to try."

Ryuji wants to believe that ‘trying’ long distance would be the best option, he really does. But the thoughts that begin to circle in his mind are telling him to run. That long distance never lasts. That nothing good would come out of it. Not only did Ryuji find himself falling for a guy for the time in his life, said guy was his best friend, _and_  he would be leaving him to handle all of these complicated feelings on his own, which he would eventually project onto his friend at some point.

“I dunno.” The cold response he mutters is foreign to him, like he’s listening to someone else speak. His chest tightens as he feels it go up to his throat and to his tongue, like there are words that he should be saying instead but can’t bring himself to say it. “Maybe we should…just save each other the trouble.”

If they stopped now, Akira wouldn’t have to worry about him. Ryuji could continue to live carefree knowing that he isn’t tying Akira down to him and burdening him.

“Ryuji,” Akira’s voice is still low, leaning in to get closer again. He tightens his hold on his hand and Ryuji doesn’t know whether he wants to reciprocate it or tear it away. He wishes Akira would just be done with him, save _himself_  the trouble, “If it’s something else, you can tell me.”

What could he possibly add to Akira’s life?

“Nothing. I-It’s nothing else.” He can already picture the days where text messages and calls begin to lessen until it’s only him attempting to reach his friend. He can already hear the exasperation in Akira's tone when he calls him. He can already imagine somebody else catching Akira’s eye because Ryuji hasn’t been in his mind for days because he's not exactly hard to replace, “I wish you didn’t have to go but I think…I think this is for the best. We can pretend none of this happened and just go back to being friends.”

Silence is not normal for Ryuji, yet he experiences those moments the most with Akira. That already has to mean something.

Akira parts his lips slowly, waiting several seconds before speaking. Ryuji doesn’t even bother looking in the corner of his eyes to see if he's looking at him anymore. He’s wasted his time enough already and he wishes he would just confirm that with Ryuji so he can just have even more evidence to reinforce what a useless addition he is to Akira's life.

Why does he have to ruin all of it?

But Akira keeps his voice low and soothing, like he’s always been, “…Is that what you _really_ want?”

_‘Am **I** what **you** really want?’_

Ryuji nods, swallowing as hard as he can but the tension is still fixated in his throat, “Yeah, that’s what I want.”

When Akira pulls his hand away, his fingers ache in a way that they don’t hurt, but feel empty and unsupported. It feels like a part of him is missing. His mind flashes to when there are days his entire body feels like that and he has to fight the urge to stay in bed all day. Akira sets his hand on his own lap, staring down at it, “…If that’s how you feel, then we’ll continue on like that.”

And that’s all Ryuji needs. No arguing. No spectacles to be made. No use in wondering if he would stay if Akira begged him too, but knows he won’t. No one should have beg for him.

“Maybe I…I should go now.” Despite what he says, Ryuji prematurely stands up. He makes sure to keep his face turned in a way that Akira can’t see him blinking back the burning sensation that’s beginning in his eyes.

“Do you…want me to walk you to the station?” The words don’t come out as a polite obligation, but actual concern. _Why_ was Akira always so _nice_ to him?

Ryuji waves at him, denying the request, “No, it’s fine. I’ll just…I’ll talk to you later, okay?” He sighs, turning to Akira to flash him the weakest smile he can manage because he feels he has to. He owes Akira something for all of the trouble he’s caused him.

Akira watches him as he starts heading towards the stairs, returning back to his hunched posture with his arms on his knees, arms dangling over his long legs, “…Yeah, okay.”

Ryuji wastes no time in heading down the stairs and through the cafe, stepping into the thin layer of snow blanketing over the backstreets with a soft _crunch_. How many more times is he going to leave Akira’s home in the dead of night with the reminder of his own worthlessness? He tries to tell himself that he’s dodged a bullet and has just saved himself weeks (because he knows Akira wouldn't deal with him for anything longer than that) of heartache, knowing that it’s just another person he doesn’t have to worry about interfering with their lives.

Sure, right now it hurts, walking through Shibuya with numb fingers and wet shoes and knowing that the one person he’s ever felt this kind of adoration for won’t be in his life for much longer. He knows it’s not possible for something good to remain around him. That’s just the way things are; maybe not for everyone, but him. But he can continue to live in the background, like he's done all these years. 

He can handle all of it.

And he can definitely handle Akira leaving him,

just like how everyone else has.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> boiiiiii
> 
> ngl this chapter was a bitch and idk if it's going to be coherent (next chapter will clear some things up, promise) but hopefully some of that made? a little?? sense??? if not then i'm sorry please bear with me until the next chapter :') but i wanted to get one out before i went on my mini vacay and done is better than perfect right? right???
> 
> also it's late and i'm just tired lol
> 
> let me break your hearts a little longer, ok? <3
> 
> (also there's a chapter end note at the bottom of every chapter that's from the first one that i can't seem to get rid of?)


	4. four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shoutout to [cold turkey writer](https://getcoldturkey.com/writer/) because this chapter would have taken forever for me to sit down and write if this program didn't force me to do it lol
> 
> AND AS ALWAYS!! all your sweet ass comments, kudos, bookmarks, EVERYTHING is appreciated :') y'all are too sweet

The next morning, the chime of his phone is what pulls Ryuji out of the escapism of deep sleep and into the heavy haze that is exhaustion and guilt. He gets a few seconds of conscious freedom where he forgets that any of this happened, but the window soon passes. Another night of him alone with his own thoughts on his relationship (or whatever it was) with Akira, he supposes. Except this time, he was the asshole who ruined it. Groaning, the blond buries his head deeper into his pillow and hopes the silence of the quiet morning can lull him back to sleep. There’s no school today and he’s pretty sure he heard the faint noise of his mom’s feet shuffling through the house but after he heard the door shut, there's been nothing but silence. That was perfectly fine with him. He feels like he deserve to sleep in for a few hours. Or days. Either works.

The chime goes off again. He’ll just ignore it; he’s slept through his alarm plenty of times in the past, this was nothing—

 _Again_?

“For real?” He practically growls, rolling onto his side and swiping his phone from his nightstand. The screen glares when he brushes his fingers over it and he squints as it takes his eyes a moment to adjust to the brightness. It may be morning, but his thick curtains keep any light from spilling into his room, just the way he liked it.

And of course, the person who was texting him was Ann.

 _< goooood morning!!_  
_ < sooo_  
_ < tell me all about it!_  
_ < how did it go?!_

He knows he can turn off his phone, or ignore the texts, or put his phone on silent, or any of the other capable options that don’t require him to have to spend any more time reliving the shit show that was last night. Telling Ann would do nothing more than him receiving an ear full, he was sure. And as much as he _really_  wants to drop the subject and pretend none of it ever happened (which was such a ‘perfect’ way to handle any problem, he knows), part of him also wants someone, anyone that will listen and then maybe, just maybe, he can convince himself that everything he did the night before would be understood.

Ryuji sighs and types back:

_> you don’t wanna know_

_< i don’t wanna know as in…you two are into some real kinky stuff?_  
_ < or_  
_ < i don’t wanna know as in it didn’t go well?_

Lying flat on his stomach, he immediately props himself onto his elbows and feverishly types a response:

_> OBVIOUSLY THE SECOND ONE!!_

_< what happened?!_  
_ < everything seemed fine when i left!_

Everything _was_  fine when she left. Everything was _perfect_  when she left. But leave it to him to mess that all up, right? Ryuji digs his chin into his pillow. He’s already told Ann about everything else, she’d be bound to find out about this soon enough anyway.

 _> he’s leaving in a month_  
_ > so there’s that_

 _< and……..?_  
_ < you can’t do long distance?_

Was that the only option everyone could think of?

 _> …he brought it up_  
_ > but I said no_  
_ > and that we should just stay friends_  
_ > cuz it will be easier on both of us_

Before he can even finish his text, he notices the notification indicating that she has already started typing again.

 _< NOPE_  
_ < I DID NOT SPEND 5000 YEN ON SUSHI_  
_ < NOR DID I PLAY MATCHMAKER_  
_ < FOR YOU TWO TO STAY “JUST FRIENDS”_  
_ < WE ARE FIXING THIS_  
_ < NOW_  
_ < HOLD ON I’M CALLING YOU_  
_ < DON’T IGNORE ME_

It’s like she was reading his mind and sure enough, his phone began ringing right as he finished reading her messages.

“…Hello?” He croaked out weakly, sleep still evident in his voice.

“What gives, Ryuji?!” Ann’s voice roared over the speaker so loudly he had to pull the phone away from his ear. Ow. “What happened last night?!”

Ryuji lays one side of his head to the pillow, hovering the phone over his ear in case she decides to attempt to make him go deaf again. He groans, rubbing his tired eyes with his other hand, “Chill out. You think I don’t feel shitty enough as it is?”

“I don’t understand you at all. I thought this was what you wanted?”

It is what he wanted; he _still_  wants it. “What I wanted was to…to…y'know, have longer than a month to start hanging out like ‘that’. Not start something and then have it all come crashing because long distance is a joke.”

“It’s not if you both try! Every relationship has it’s risks, no matter the distance.” Hearing her use that word causes him to bury his face into his pillow again, feeling the embarrassment as if all eyes were on him. And it wasn’t even that he was ashamed of what him and Akira were, but he’d never met anyone else who could brighten his day just by seeing them. He just felt everything so _hard_.  “And Akira is just okay with this? I thought he was the one who came to you.”

As Ann persists, it suddenly dawns on Ryuji that Morgana is most likely still staying at her house, probably in her room, listening to this very conversation while trying to contain his cackling in the background. He was the last one who needed to know anything that involved Akira and him. As soon as the cat knew, it would only be a matter of time before everyone knew and he’d rather have this all figured out then to deal with the awkward tension of everyone knowing their business, while him and Akira were still among them. “Can you shut up?! Isn’t Mona still there? What if he hears?!”

“Calm down, I told him there was still some sushi in the kitchen that he could eat because I was going to stay in my room to get ready. The door is shut and I’m not talking _that_  loud.” Ryuji found that hard to believe considering the first thing she said to him still had his ears ringing.

“You better not! If he finds out, I won’t hear the end of it until he leaves with Akira.”

“And speaking of Akira…”

“Oh…” Ryuji stalls. He remembers the look in his friend’s eyes when he confirmed that yes, them staying friends was exactly what he wanted, even though it really was the most bullshit answer he could come up with. He remembers Akira’s gaze pinned on him before it slowly averting away in defeat. And despite how he didn’t push Ryuji for him to explain, his morose tone had him wondering if Akira found it worth to put up a fight for him. “…He said if that’s what I wanted, then that’s what we would do.”

Ann quickly shoots back, dismissing him entirely, “Yeah…There’s _no_ way he meant that.”

Ryuji's eyes widen. Her words completely catch him off guard and with how confident she sounds, there’s a tug in his chest hoping that she’s absolutely right, despite his further questioning, “What makes you so sure about that?”

“Ever since you told me about the two of you, I don’t know how I didn’t catch on sooner. You’re always looking into each other’s eyes and Akira gets all smiley and I noticed he even gets _talkative_  when you’re around. And you do the same exact thing, except you’re _way_  worse. You two aren’t exactly subtle.”

Ryuji grumbles begrudgingly, blushing again at the image of her catching him and Akira in what he thought was just a series of quick, endearing glances followed by shy smiles hidden behind palms, and instead wondering if they actually just looked like a pair of obvious lovestruck fools, “But…I already told him no.”

“…And you had to do it the day before Valentine’s Day? That’s cold.”

The blond raised a brow. “The hell are you talking about?” As he pulls the phone from his face, he notices the time is really the only indicator he sees. He switches between apps, looking for the calendar so he can—

“—oh, shit. It really is Valentine’s Day.”

Ann sighs dramatically, “I can’t believe _the_ Akira Kurusu, the leader of the Phantom Thieves, whose only mission is to steal the hearts of others, got rejected before the most romantic holiday ever.”

If he didn’t know any better, he’d say she was enjoying this torment. “You made your point…”

“But honestly, what’s so bad about long distance? You think he’s going to move away and just fall for someone new just like that?” She ends the question on a light note, and there's even a hint of her chuckling.

“…Why wouldn’t he?”

Ann makes a noise like she was prepared to combat whatever reason he could come up with, but then hesitates before speaking again, “…Are you serious? Why would you think that?”

Ryuji notices the sympathy in her words and he can’t tell if it eases him, or just makes him feel more pathetic. “‘Cause he’s just so…so— come on, it’s Akira we’re talking about! He can get along with anyone and he’s good at like, everything! And you’ve seen him! I don’t have to be in love with him to see that that he’s…y’know, hot.”

It’s only when Ann makes a small, intrigued sound of approval that he thinks he could have phrased that last sentence a bit better, “Ryuji, I know you’re not the most observant person but you can’t be  _that_  dense, can you?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Here, answer me this: Who was Akira spending most of his time with when we were in Hawaii?”

Ryuji already knows where she’s going with this. “…Me, I guess. But Mishima was there too! And we were trying to pick up girls at the time, so that doesn’t count.”

Ann huffs a sigh again, “ _Fine_  then. But who did I see Akira walking around the cultural festival with?”

He completely gets it. He knows what she means. He’s known all along. “Mishima was there and…so was I.”

“And was Mishima there too when Akira invited you over not only on Christmas eve, but his last day with everyone, then told you he liked you and—"

“No, alright?! I get it! It was all me, dammit!”

(It's just hard for him to believe that anyone would want to be close with him. After Kamoshida, he was the target of rumors and nasty comments, and when that finally died down, he had been reduced to an outcast who others knew better than to interact with. He's spent so many days alone before Akira that sometimes he would wonder if the transfer student was just hanging out with him out of pity because the two of them were just thrown together in the mess that was the Metaverse and the threat of expulsion—)

“And you like him back, right?”

“We’ve already been over this—”

“Don’t you?”

“Yes, Ann!”

“And you want to be with him too, right?”

“…Y-yes…”

“And he wants the same thing, _right_?”

“I…I guess…he does.”

“Then what’s the issue?”

“What if I…" ' _What if I screw everything up? What if I'm too needy? What if I run out of things to say to him and he gets bored of me? What if he realizes that anyone else would be a better option than me?_ ' "...end up not being what he wants?”

“You still think that? After everything I just—“

“I’m just sayin’! Shit starts getting more personal when two people actually get together! What if he gets annoyed at me, or even—"

Ann sighs again, this time tiredly, like she's grown old of having to repeat the same thing over. “Ryuji, you’re being way too hard on yourself. Besides, if Akira hasn’t gotten sick of you after all of this and being stuck with you for a year, I don’t think he’s going to get sick of you anytime soon.”

(However, he also remembers sitting by his side one day in the ramen shop, looking over at him and finally knowing that he could handle anything and face any challenge because he continued to do that — stay by his side. The smell of broth to this day reminds him of realizing that he had nothing to be scared of. Akira helped give him the courage to finally rebel and summon his Person, he tagged along anytime he had to confront the track team members even though none of it involved him, and that was all he needed to know—)

“…Thanks?”

“So, you can either keep pining for him and make this last month miserable for the both of you, _or_  you can take a chance and hopefully see something good come out of it.”

“…Do you think he’s even going to wanna talk to me after last night?”

“I’m sure he’s daydreaming about you coming over and telling him that the only heart you want him to steal is yours, and that you’ll pull him into your arms and then end the night making sweet, passionate lo—“

“You can stop now! Sheesh…”

(He knows Akira would never abandon him—)

“And Ryuji? Akira’s not the only one that cares; we _all_  want you to be happy. And you’re not even a bad person! If we all compared ourselves to Akira, we’d all get depressed! I know you think you’re not worthy of him for some reason, but you _do_  deserve to be happy.”

Ryuji's face flushes and tries to bite back the smile that is already tugging at his cheeks. Between Akira and Ann, he was starting to think maybe there was such a thing as affection overload. He chuckled nervously, “A-alright already. You keep talkin’ like that and I’ll have to tell Akira that you got the hots for me too…”

“Yeah…no thanks." Ann scoffs. That was more realistic of her. "Akira can have you.”

“And you say I’m cold…”

“So, what _do_  you plan to do?”

“I…think I have something in mind," He knows it's early; Valentine's Day wasn't over yet. He could still make everything right, "Think you can keep Morgana for another night?"

(—and he'd never abandon Akira.)

 

*****  
*****

 

Akira wakes to the foggy memory of being unable to find the line between when he had been awake and staring at the ceiling, to falling asleep and feeling like only minutes had passed. But when he finally realized that he was knocked out of his sleep once more, his same thought from last night was pooling into his coherent mind again:

Why was he such an _idiot_?

There were actually about a hundred other questions that were littering his mind, but that was the one where it they came back to.

Yes, he knows Ryuji felt lead on before he left. He knows that the idea of being attracted to your ‘bro’ must be a hard concept for his friend to grasp. And Akira knows he’s brought up that he’s leaving plenty of times and that he was right to expect that it was common knowledge between him and his friends.

But none of this would have happened if he had just bottled it up like he was doing before, and never said a word about his feelings for Ryuji. If it wasn’t for him spilling his soul, there would be no crisis for the blond to go through. He should have just stayed with his original plan of burying his affection behind some dry or sarcastic remark, anything that would mask what he really wanted to say. Then, he could just finish up his year, move back home, hopefully stay in contact with everyone and wait for the day that he could think of his friend without wanting a deeper bond than what Ryuji had already shown him.

Akira grabs his glasses from the window sill, sitting up as he hooks them behind his ears. As much as the guilt is eating away at him, there’s no going back. That’s what kept his mind so busy that he was sure he saw the sky from his window go from complete black to a hazy gradient of dark violet. He wasn't keeping track of the hours.

He considered asking his parents if he could stay many times, even before he acted on his emotions. But how could he call them after all of this? He knows now that he’s proven innocent, and while his hometown may still occasionally brand him as a delinquent, his parents wouldn’t have to be bothered by that anymore, now that there was _actual_ proof. He can’t remember the last conversation he had with them that lasted longer than ten minutes and he’s sure he can count the amount of times they’ve tried to reach out to him on one hand. Maybe two, if he thought about it long enough. He likes to think that his anger has somewhat diminished since his arrival, but the idea of having to dial their number and force a conversation brings a wave of animosity crashing down in his chest each time.

Once he locates his phone, face down and beside his pillow, he supposes he is surprised that his screen remains free of notifications for the day. His dark eyes are naturally drawn to the current date on one of his apps.

Oh, right. It was Valentine’s Day. Fate sure had a sick sense of humour.

He had kept his same clothes on from last night, not bothering to smooth out the wrinkles that folded into them. When he was looking at his phone, he noticed it was still earlier than he expected. That explained why the cafe sounded so quiet besides a few faint clashings of glass and ceramic; Leblanc wasn't even open yet. He’d still have enough time to make himself coffee without having to take any extra time to sort out his attire.

Out of habit, he runs his fingers through his hair and ruffles through the dark, thick locks as he swings his legs over the bed. Constant bedhead had its perks, he muses, setting his phone back down to its original spot on the sheets and then dragging his feet down to the lobby.

Sojiro is behind the bar, as Akira assumed. The man glances up at him as he delicately prepares the siphon, brows raising as he watches his eyes examine Akira up and down, “Looks like you had fun last night.”

“Tons.” Akira replies, completely monotone.

Sojiro shakes his head, a soft chuckle escaping him, “As quiet as always. Here, I’ll make something to wake you up.”

Akira nods, taking a seat at the bar in front of him as he watches the man work calloused hands over the brewing glass. His head falls into his curled hand as he watches, still amused that Sojiro was among the many people who didn’t seem to care for him in the slightest, but became just as important as any of his friends. He finds it hard to believe that he’s going to have to wake up in another building without the scent of coffee filling his senses, or coming home right in the midst of a conversation between a customer and him (which sometimes Akira had no choice but to get involved), or how there will no longer be a new recipe to try and experiment with in their free time, or watching Futaba banter with Sojiro, who seems pleasantly exasperated; it was what he always imagined 'home' _should_ feel like. 

He really does want to stay.

The coffee is in front of him in no time, dark liquid barely steaming his glasses once he picks up the cup to drink.

“Well, it’s your second day as a free man. Got any plans?” Sojiro aks.

‘Second day as a free man’ had a much better ring to it than ‘alone on Valentine’s Day’. Maybe he wasn’t the only one that would have forgotten if he went a whole day without looking at a calendar, or outside where convenience stores were garnered in hues of pink and red. Oh well, he wasn’t going to say anything about that. Akira sets down the cup after taking a tentative sip, “Can’t say I do. I think I’m going to take it easy today, yesterday really wore me out.”

“Heh, I can tell. I’m surprised your friends still aren’t here partying,” Sojiro humors him, although Akira is sure that as long as nothing would have any impact on Leblanc, his attic was a free-for-all. Now that he was no longer a Phantom Thief, what was the worse he could do? “Maybe you can spend the day helping me today.”

Akira shrugs, “That doesn’t sound like a bad idea.” Interacting with strangers sounds more appealing today than having to come up with an excuse to hang out with someone just because he doesn’t have a date. And he's not desperate enough to even attempt it either.

“I’m sure,” Sojiro chuckles, looking at Akira before blinking once he realizes the stoic expression on his face isn’t showing any signs of fading, “Oh, you’re serious." He rubs the back of his neck and watches him like he's still expecting Akira to say he's kidding, "I hope you know I don’t actually expect you to work during your last weeks here.”

“I’m fine with it. Like I said, I’m completely free,” Akira takes another sip, not bothering to wipe away the fog from his glasses. He wasn't lying, he really was fine with it—

“Alright, not sure why’d you want to spend your day working here, but I won’t complain about extra help. Just make sure you freshen up a bit before you start, you look like you need the coffee more than anyone.”

“Got it.” 

— he wanted to stay home as long as he could. 

 

*****  
*****

 

Upstairs, his phone vibrates quietly on his sheets, the screen lighting up with a notification before fading to black seconds later.

 _> can i see you later?_  
_ > i wanna talk about last night_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that there was such a long wait for such a short chapter! i kept going back and forth on ideas and the next chapter was going to be combined with this one but i already know it's going to be hella long but it's got all the good shit so it shouldn't take long for me to write (it's this filler stuff that is the actual work lol)
> 
> but yeah, hang in there for the next chapter <3  
> btw the tags are gonna have to be updated real soon ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	5. five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy. fucking. shit.  
> this bitch is like +13,500 words  
> thirteen. thousand. and. five. hundred. words.  
> this is how much ya'll motivate me and my fire for akiryu so as always... 
> 
> THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!! i read all your comments and sorry if i don't reply, it's usually because i'm busy and then when i think about replying, i get that weird anxiety like "is it too awkwardly late to reply?? shit i think it is. damn i gotta do better next time" 
> 
> btw this chapter is going to contain a lot of smut and ~feelings~ as always :) 
> 
> i feel like i had more to say but i'm still looking at the word count like "what the fuck"
> 
> (sojiro voice) enjoy ;)

Akira doesn’t believe that he’s ever seen Leblanc so busy. There’s not exactly a line out the door, but all of the booths and most of the bar chairs are currently occupied by customers whose lively chattering fills the coffeehouse with mindless noise. And, he's only assuming this, of course, the majority of these people are couples. No one is being too public with their affection but he catches the instances of touches that are more than just ‘friendly’; a thumb brushing across the top of another’s hand, a girl looking up from her lap to the person in front of her while carrying shared eye contact that lasts longer than usual, watching another woman move her lips and being unable to make out her words, but the man in front of her smiles bashfully.

And Akira doesn’t _mind_ , per se, but it’s hard to tell if it’s a coincidence he’s catching so many of these intimate moments because of his own pining, or because Leblanc fits the ‘romantic’ atmosphere for Valentine’s Day and that there really _was_ a lot more couples in here than usual.

He’s gotten so used to people, especially the elderly women, telling him it’s a shame that he has to work today instead of being with his loved ones because "no way someone with a face like his is single" (or so he’s been told). However, to keep the conversation from dragging on into the realm of being painfully awkward, he plays along, grinning and nodding before scurrying away with their finished plates.

It’s better than sulking in his room though. The bustling aura keeps his thoughts at bay and he’s even relieved to see when a new pair arrives because then he can begin the process of focusing on orders instead of his own woes. And he does get a chuckle every time he thinks of the lightbulb moment where Sojiro finally realized it was Valentine’s Day in the middle of their shift, even hours later.

With his sleeves rolled up and suds on his forearms, Akira tends to the dishes in the back. They’re slow at the moment so there’s not much to keep him busy besides making sure that everything is prepped and ready for the expected evening ‘rush’. It’s right when he’s pulling a ceramic cup out from the warm water that Sojiro calls out to him from behind, with his body turned away as he stirs the bubbling curry in the pot in front of him, “Why don’t you take a break? It’s slow right now so I can handle it.”

Pulling his hands out of the water, he flicks his fingers right above the surface of the filled sink and is already working on drying away the bubbles over his hands and wrists, “You sure?”

“Yeah. If I need anything, I’ll just holler for you.”

Akira shrugs, replying, “Well, if you insist.” He hooks the apron on the hook and begins his way upstairs. He doesn’t even need a break, it’s not as if serving multiple people the same cups of coffee was difficult for him. He wouldn’t complain about a few minutes of relaxation though. Reaching the attic, he expected to see Morgana curled on the bed and resting, opting to take the route through the window, since having a cat roam through the front door wasn’t exactly a wise way to introduce new customers. However, his room is still just as empty as he left it.

Where was Morgana anyway? He knows Ann took him in the previous night to help him and Ryuji have a ‘moment’ (he commends the girl on brushing up on her acting skills, but there was no way that fooled him at all) but it was already the middle of the day and unless she expected the two of them to _still_  be in his room at this time, he couldn’t think of any reason why Morgana was still with her. Although he’s sure the cat isn’t complaining, but Ann must be tired of the relentless worship after one evening.

At least it would be quiet though.

Relief poured over his spine as Akira fell onto his bed stomach first. He curled the chilled covers into his hand and closed his eyes as he rolled half of his face into the pillow, breathing and taking in the scent. It was the one thing he hadn’t got around to washing before he left but it still retained a pleasant, clean aroma and a hint of musk that made the hairs on the back of his neck rise.

It was as if Ryuji was still there with him.

Shamelessly, he inhaled deeply. Now he completely understood why some couples kept each other’s clothes. He wondered how potent his friend’s jacket would be if just this scent was still so faint. He imagines what the thick fabric would feel like against his body, betting it would completely overtake his senses and he’d get a rise from just how intoxicating it was. Then his mind immediately goes to how he remembers when he first noticed this scent, straight from the source of shuddering soft skin below Akira's lips.

Wow, he is truly pathetic.

Akira sighs, reaching under the pillow to just pull it closer when his hand runs into something firm, grabbing it. He already knows its his phone before he sees it and it dawns on him that its the reason he noticed a complete lack of activity from his phone. And here he was just thinking he really _was_ thatunpopular, he muses comically as his fingers absently run over the screen to power the device on.

There’s a few notifications; some obligatory ‘Happy Valentine’s Day!’ texts from his friends, some late ‘Welcome back!’ texts, some more Valentine’s Day related ones, Ryuji asking to see him —

Suddenly sitting up, Akira’s heart already begins to race as he holds the phone over his lap. He double checks the sent time of the text, just in case. Sure enough, it’s from today, specifically a few hours ago.

 _> can i see you later?_  
_ > i wanna talk about last night_

Conflicted, part of him sees the first section of the text and is absolutely _elated_  with the phrasing, while the other part of him sees a combination of two sayings that never go well with one another — “i wanna talk” and “about last night”.

Looking over the time again, he can’t tell if it's in the too-awkward-to-text-back timeframe. There was also the possibility of Ryuji thinking he was purposely ignoring him too. Either way, he inhaled, steadying the pounding in his chest before replying:

 _> sure_  
_> i’m working at leblanc so when were you thinking?_

Akira focuses on the sent words, waiting for a reply. He himself is not exactly the best person to expect an immediate text back from, so he doesn’t know why he expects to get such a quick —

The phone goes off seconds after.

 _> you’re home?_  
_ > i’ll just stop by later_  
_ > if that’s ok?_

He's not use to seeing reluctant messages from Ryuji, especially in regards to coming over. Akira just wants to reply that _of course_ he can come over, why would he have to ask? Who doesn’t want to see the person who he was just imagining laying next to him, just by being triggered by his scent on his pillow?

Akira thinks he should type something more 'proper' though:

 _>  yeah_  
_>  anytime works_

Smooth.

“Hey, kid!”

Akira isn’t usually so easily startled but the voice still causes him to jump. He sees Sojiro coming up the stairs, waving a hand at him, “I hate to cut your break short but a bunch of high schoolers came in for a ‘group date’, whatever that means. Do you think you can come down and just take their orders for me? You can come back up afterwards.”

“O-oh, yeah,” Akira stood up, slipping his phone into his pocket, “I can stay down there, I was just about finished anyway. I just needed a moment.”

Sojiro shrugs. “Works for me." Akira begins to follow him down but before they reach the last few steps, the man turns to him with a smug smile, "By the way, all those high schoolers are girls. I think it’s something about 'single awareness day'. Maybe if you’re lucky, you can get a few phone numbers tonight.”

“Thanks, I’ll be on the lookout.”

 

*****  
*****

 

Apparently Ryuji’s idea of ‘later’ was relative.

These last few hours had him tortuously impatient. Whenever the entrance bell rang, he’d whip his head around and get a rise in his chest when he looked to see who it was, only to be sorely disappointed by the result. There were even times he _swore_ he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, but every time he went into the kitchen to look, his screen remained free of notifications. Even though they had ‘confirmed’ that Ryuji was coming over, he now realizes that maybe he should have asked for a more specific time frame.

The least he could do is send a text that he was still planning on coming. Akira wasn’t much of a worrier but now the implications from overthinking were beginning in his mind, contemplating the question of whether Ryuji had just found something better to do today than to see him at all. Or maybe he had dodged a bullet altogether, because maybe Ryuji was coming over to tell him that he couldn’t even be _friends_  with Akira anymore and he’d have to go the rest of the month without seeing him.

What was Ryuji _doing_  to him?

“Looks like they’ve cleared out for the night.”

He turned to Sojiro, who was in his usual spot behind the bar whenever it was a slow evening, as he finished touching up the glassware and collecting their earnings for the night. Akira was finishing up with sweeping, which he'd offer to do because he'd already wiped down the vacant tables for the third time. Akira had to admit, Leblanc does have a romantic glow to it. The dimmed yet welcoming lights, the faint scent of coffee, and the tight booths that made everyone feel closer, even if they were sitting across from one another. But now they were left alone with all of that, and even the low roar of people walking by was long gone.

Akira nods, resting his head on the top of the broomstick, “Yeah, I don’t know if anyone else is going to show up right now.”

“I can’t believe it took me until the middle of the day to realize it was Valentine’s Day. No wonder so many guys were bringing in girls today."

Hours later, and that still made Akira chuckle, “I was wondering how long it would be until you caught on.”

“And _you_  knew all this time too. Why didn’t you tell me? I wouldn’t have even had you working at all if I knew.”

“I told you, I was free.”

Sojiro grinned, a warm sigh escaping him, “You have all these sweet, pretty girls that you spend time with and you didn’t ask any of them out?”

“And this is why I didn’t say anything.”

“I just don’t understand you sometimes. But, if you want to keep playing the field, thats your decision," Sojiro chuckles, scanning over the cafe, "It looks like we’re done cleaning though. We can lock up now and you might still have some time to ask them out.”

“I’ll think about it.” Akira shook his head, storing the broom away in the utility closet before pulling off his apron and settling it on the hook.

“I understand not wanting to commit though, I was the same way. In fact, when I was your age—“

The entrance bell rang and Akira couldn’t help but rolls his eyes. He’d grown to hate that sound over the span of a few hours and even though he knows the ‘open’ sign is still on the door, the idea of someone coming in at this time doesn’t fail to irritate him either. He knows Sojiro will have no problem telling them—

“Yo.”

Akira froze, turning around slowly. Ryuji was closing the door behind him, still wearing his jacket from the previous day and a paper bag hanging from his arm. His hands are deep in his pockets and his dark, brown eyes sink in to Akira as soon as they meet. His chest tightens. 

However, he still doesn’t know what Ryuji even wants to talk about. He’s telling himself to have no expectations. So, he grins and simply says, “Hey there.”

“Are you alone today too?” Sojiro asks, looking Ryuji’s way.

The blond pulls from their locked gaze to acknowledge Sojiro, blinking absently like he's unsure how to answer. “Yeah, not much luck today…” He looks back to Akira and doesn't tear his eyes away, rubbing the back of his neck while he sputters out his words, “Sorry I didn't text you sooner, I was kind of...distracted. Can I still come in?"

Akira instinctively turns to Sojiro, who is glancing between the two before a wide grin spreads across his face, “You’re welcome here anytime. I was just leaving so I’ll let you two be.” He walks from behind the bar and glances at Akira, “If you two want anything, help yourselves. Just remember to clean it up, alright?"

Akira nods, "Of course."

“Good. Well then, I’ll be going.” He slips past Akira, Ryuji also stepping out of the way for him. His hand rests on the knob before he gives one final look to Akira, eyes knowingly low before he steps outside, saying with a suave tone, “Enjoy.”

Both of them stare at the door until they see his figure disappear from the window. Akira places his hand on the top of the booth chair, sticking the other hand in his pocket and trying his best to look relaxed against the seat. Ryuji turns back to him, still keeping his eyes on him.

“Should we sit?” Akira asks calmly. 

Ryuji nods, “Yeah…we should.”

Akira is already sliding into the booth as Ryuji walks over to him, sliding into the other seat. He sets the bag down at his side and Akira tries to peek to see what’s in it, but the paper is too thick and he's at an awkward position where he's unable to see what's inside it. Ryuji leans over in his seat with his hands in his lap, and suddenly his calm demeanor is gone as shifts around nervously, a habit Akira has easily noticed before. He tries to do the opposite, to make it appear that he's fine with whatever outcome they decide for whatever it is they're talking about, and leans his back against the cushion, keeping his arms at his side, “You wanted to talk, right?”

“Y-yeah, about…about last night.”

“I’m listening.”

“Okay,” Ryuji takes in a deep breath, but still keeps his eyes on Akira, and even he’s impressed he hasn’t torn his vision away from him yet, “Last night, I was in a weird place and now I feel like a dick.”

Well, this wasn’t _exactly_  what Akira was thinking would come up. He knew Ryuji did have to take some of the blame, but he still knew that he wouldn’t have had to put Ryuji in that position if he just kept his emotions at bay and never crossed the line of friendship.

But, Akira could do that now. He'd keep control.

“I felt really bad when I said all of that stuff last night but I…I want to make it up to you. So…” Ryuji's face begins to darken when he reaches his hand into the bag and pulls out a large, heart-shaped box. The material on it is so shiny and gaudy, but also endearing. He can hear the sounds of what he assumes are chocolates when the box shakes. The blond holds it out meekly, this time unable to look Akira in the face, “…happy Valentine’s Day.”

Despite how over extravagant the gift looks, or how Ryuji carried the bag around just to store that, or how he’s unable to look at him when he gives it to him, Akira's heart flutters. 

However, he reminds himself: no expectations or assumptions. Even if Ryuji’s face is adorably pink and he’s handing him a heart shaped box on the most romantic holiday ever, he still remains wary. Friends could give each other gifts, and he’s just waiting for the moment that he takes the gift and Ryuji finally spills how he really _did_ mean they should stay friends and that this was just a pitiful gift that only served the purpose of making up for the previous night. 

And so, he chuckles light heartedly and smiles. Just pretending that he and Ryuji weren’t getting each other off in his bedroom a couple of months ago, that they were solely just normal, platonic friends. And friends are able to joke with one another: “Is this a confession?”

Another breathy laugh escapes him, as he prepares for the ‘Oh, hell no!’ and continue from there. However, as he keeps his eyes on Ryuji, who is still holding the box out to him, and whose face has grown even darker _and_ is moving his eyes to look over at him bashfully, he now wonders if maybe _that_  had been the wrong thing to say.

“Ryuji—“

“Maybe it is.”

“...Huh?"

Ryuji sets the box down on the table and his hands clasp together, his fingers idly fidgeting against one another, another nervous habit of his. Akira feels his throat go dry just by looking at him, “Listen, I’m…’m not really good at explainin’ these kinda things so I don’t know if this is even gonna make any sense. But just…let me get this out, 'kay?”

Before Akira can even fathom a response, Ryuji begins again, “About what I said last night...I was only sayin’ all of that because I was scared that…that if we _did_  do the whole long distance thing, that you’d find someone else right away. Not because I don’t think you’re not loyal or anything! I…just had a hard time believing that someone like you could be happy with someone like me.”

That night, Akira remembers how he sensed hesitation from him. The blond had been staring into space, deep in his own thoughts once the tension grew between them. He could hear it in his words, and that’s the only time he pressed on, asking him if the two of them being 'just friends' was what he _really_  wanted, because everything up until the point lead him to believe otherwise. Even that day: the prolonged eye contact, whimsical smiles, holding hands—

Now, he understood though. “Ryuji—“

"Wait," Ryuji raised his hand, “Let me finish. And so, I don’t like feelin’ sorry for myself because I _know_ shit happens and everyone’s gonna leave at some point. That’s just how it is. But when it comes to you, it actually…doesn’t feel like that at all. It felt like you were going to stay — not literally, but like a...what do you call it, a metaphor? Yeah, metaphor...ically — and I’m not used to that, at all. I think I was just making up excuses because I didn’t want to admit that I was terrified as hell that I'd end up being wrong."

“Ryuji—“

“Hold on, I’m almost done! But then I _really_  thought about it and realized if I had to take that chance, of only getting to spend a month before that person would leave and just be a long, long train ride away, you’re the only one I would do it for."

Akira was starting to feel the weight of Ryuji's stare. Under the table, he curls his hands into fists as Ryuji continues, "And do you know why? It’s because I’m so _stupidly_  into you. Like, 'wanting to hold your hand, going on dates, and kissing you in the rain' kind of into you, like I’m in some sort of _goddamn_ shoujo manga. And so, I'm just gonna say it 'cause I want to make it clear." Ryuji inhales, and exhales, and Akira almost wants to punch him for leaving him in suspense because his racing heart can't _take it_ anymore,

"I want you to be my boyfriend.”

Akira stood still, stunned. Then the heat reached up to his face all at once because that was _a lot_ more than what he was expecting.

Ryuji is still shuffling in his seat but is still managing to keep his eyes determinedly pinned on him. But, apparently he had been silent for too long because Ryuji frowned and looked like he was on the verge of panicking, “L-Look, I get it if you’re pissed off about last night and maybe this doesn’t matter to you but—“

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“About…being scared?" Akira nods, and looks up to think, as if he really does have to consider that, "I dunno, man. I guess I was worried that it'd look like some crazy, jealous girlfriend — er, boyfriend type of thing. Y'know, being weird and thinking you're being cheated on all the time. I didn’t want you to think less of me even more than I thought you did.”

“I don’t think that at all," Shaking his head, Akira curls his fingers into the hem of his shirt, "But I'm sure not running after you both times wasn't exactly the best way to assure you of that, was it?"

Ryuji shrugged, “Eh, I probably would have told you to leave me alone either way so it’s okay. And you couldn’t really do anything the first time.”

“That’s not a good excuse. I think I...was scared too. I thought I pushed you too far."

“Hey, stop it! You may have put the moves on me first but it wasn’t _all_ you. You didn’t force me to kiss you back, that whole part where you made me left, which I'm not even pissed about anymore, there’s nothin’ about that night that I regret.”

“I...I believe you then," Akira finds it hard to keep from smiling, "I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable around me at all. I want you to feel free.”

Ryuji laughs, rubbing his hand through his hair, “God, you remember _that_ too?”

“I like to think it was subconscious telling you to confess to me.”

“Knowin' my luck, probably. But hey, at least it will make a good 'how they got together' story—," He quickly cuts himself off, his smile faltering, "Uh, I mean. If you want to be together, that is.”

“Oh, right.” Akira’s gaze fell to his own hands, reaching one over the table to have his fingers nudge against Ryuji’s hand, and kept his eyes glued to the contact, “You really want me to be your boyfriend?”

Ryuji placed his fingers over Akira’s palm, thumb brushing over his skin and sending a prickling, yet satisfying wave over his body. It was odd how such a small touch could have this effect on him. He always thought of it as an aura that surrounded him, which he could only describe with 'bare' and 'cold' but every time the blond touched him (a pat on the back, a friendly push, their lips brushing), he felt restored each and every time. Looking up at Ryuji, his own face already burns just from smiling, but he's sure his friend doesn't mind, “Yeah, I really do…I mean, I don’t really know _how_  to have a boyfriend. I haven’t even had a _girlfriend_ yet. But you gotta start somewhere, right?"

“Guess we’ll have to learn together then,” Akira chuckles, watching the way Ryuji’s face lights up at him.

“...So, that’s a yes, right?”

“Yes, Ryuji. I want to be your boyfriend.”

“I-I just need to make sure! I know what happens when I start to assume.”

“I know how you feel. But I have to give it to you," Akira's eyes drift over to the heart-shaped box, "Bringing me chocolates and confessing to me? And on Valentine’s Day? I'm living everyone's fantasy tonight."

“I got you the nice ones too, not the cheap ones from the convenience stores," He starts to pick up the speed of his words, and Akira notices that he's no longer fidgeting at all, "I thought about getting you flowers too but I didn’t know it that would be overkill or too girly. Oh, wait, didn’t you work at the flower shop for a little bit?”

“I'm surprised you remember that, but yeah, I did. But I wouldn’t have complained about flowers," Akira actually liked working that job; everyone was nice, it smelled good, and he doesn't care if it's emasculating, he just thinks flowers are pretty  _okay_ , "I’m sure Sojiro would have known right away what you were here for if he saw that.”

Ryuji leans in closer as his eyes widen, “Did you hear the way he said ‘enjoy’? I think he already knows and I didn't even say anything!"

“Well, you show up unannounced on Valentine’s Day with a gift, what else was he supposed to think?" Shrugging, Akira leaned back into his seat, "I don't think he minds though."

“Yeah, he seems cool with it. But hey, speaking of gifts...I do have something else for you.”

Akira perks up, eyes glancing at the bag. There was more? “What is it?”

“It’s, um…well...I think we should go upstairs for it.”

 _Now_ he's truly intrigued. “ _Oh_ , it's  _that_ kind of gift?”

Ryuji rolls his eyes, but it doesn't hide the embarrassment on his face at all. “Just go upstairs already. And take the chocolates!”

“Don’t worry, I will.” Akira finally takes the heart shaped box into his hand as they both slide out from the booth and begin walking up to the attic. It’s almost like dejavu with how they are right now. When they reach the top, Akira sets the box down onto the table and turns around on his heels, grinning as he decides to relive that moment once more as he faces Ryuji, “Is this better?”

“Yeah,” Ryuji grins back him, stepping in to close the space between them a lot faster than Akira thought he would. His hands reach to the sides of his face and his fingers glide through his thick hair and that itself is enough to make Akira melt into his hands. The blond continues to lean into him, his voice falling quiet, “A lot better.”

With his hands holding his head, Ryuji pulls Akira against him to press their lips together in a surprisingly soft kiss, despite how rough they initially started. Akira closes his eyes and clutches onto Ryuji’s jacket to not only bring him closer, but because he already has the desperate need to hold onto something. He remembers how he longed to feel his warm, soft skin when he was alone, but the memory definitely doesn't compare to the reality at all. And as much as Akira can feel the desire beginning to form inside of him, he allows Ryuji to fully guide and tease him with the way he brushes their lips against one another slowly, again and again and _again_. 

Although they’re the same height, the way that Ryuji has his fingers digging into his hair is what causes Akira to bend his knees in a way that the the blond now towers over him slightly and is pulling his head back as they deepen the kiss. Akira hums a quiet moan into his mouth and even though they haven’t done much already, and he’s not sure what they’ll even come up with if this is just how the night is beginning, but all he can think of is how perfect even just this is. He doesn't care how long it takes at all.

Much to his dismay though, the kiss is broken shortly with a small smack of their wet lips and finally letting out the breaths they’d been keeping in. Ryuji leans his forehead against his, and says with a satisfied smile, “Was that good?”

“And you say you’ve never done anything like this…”

The fingers pull from out of his hair and slide down his hips, where the blond hooks his fingers into the loops of Akira’s jeans and draws him closer so that their hips meet and grind against one another, and Akira is glad to know that he’s not the only one who gets hard just from a tender make out session, “Sorry, I didn’t quite catch that.”

Akira presses his hips harder against him, practically purring out, “Mm, yes…”

“Good,” Ryuji says with triumph, then presses his lips against his again. When he finally pulls away, he remains quiet for a few seconds longer, then his breath finally hitches, “...Hey.”

“Hm?”

The confidence in Ryuji's voice begins to waver, “You should...go sit on the couch.”

“Ah, alright."

Ryuji releases his grip from his jeans to allow Akira to walk past him and sit down on the couch. He questions himself for a minute if there's something on him because of the way Ryuji just stares at him hesitantly. Once his back hits the cushion, the blond walks over and towers over him once more then leans down a bit, resting his palms onto Akira’s knees, “Are you...comfortable?”

“It's cozy. Is there anything else I should be doing?”

“No, this...this is fine.” Ryuji inhales sharply before going down onto his knees in front of Akira, hands still on his now-boyfriend's legs and beginning to dig into the fabric of his jeans, “...I’ll take care of you.”

Akira blinks before it rapidly registers in his mind that  _holy fucking shit_ , Ryuji Sakamoto is going to go down on him. Unless he is reading this queue completely wrong, to which he doesn't think he'd able to keep from kicking him for doing such a gesture in front of him, “You’re really going to su—”

“I know, I almost don’t believe it either," Ryuji sighs, shaking his head, "But I want to show you that I want to make it up to you and just make you...feel good…”

“I-I mean, I’m not going to _not_ ask you to do this, but it’s okay if you don’t want—”

“I wouldn’t be on my knees if I didn’t want to, okay? You’re the only one I would do this to. And, um...if I start to suck — and don’t you _dare_ laugh at that— just, um...let me know and I’ll change it up. I’ve never done this and I’ve never...had it done to me so I’m just kind of goin’ on whatever feels right.”

Akira is in the same boat; he’s not at all sheltered but he’s never had someone on their knees in front of him. What he’s knowledgeable about, he lacks in experience. Ryuji begins to unbutton his pants and it’s awkwardly comical how turned on he becomes just from that, “Should I...take them off?”

After Ryuji pulls his zipper down, he has his hands back on his hips where he tugs on the fabric of his jeans, “No, but can you...just pull them down a bit?”

“Sure…” Lifting his hips off the couch allows Ryuji to slip his jeans down his thighs, just barely past his crotch. And although he wants this very, very much, it’s hard to look the blond in the face when he knows his cock is tenting in his boxers, a dark spot already forming on the thin fabric from the beading precum. Akira goes to pull down his boxers as well, but Ryuji’s hand stops him.

“Don’t worry about those, I’ll get them...later…” Ryuji keeps his hands firmly on his hips, and suddenly Akira’s eyelids start to feel heavy as the dull throbbing begins between his legs.

“Oh, okay…”

The fingers digging in his hips are trembling, “Remember, just tell me if I need to stop or fix anything…” Ryuji's voice is low again, and when Akira makes a small noise of approval, the blond closes his eyes, leans forward and begins to press gentle, lingering kisses over the bulge in his boxers. Akira isn’t sure if he doesn’t want him to be looking while he does this, but his dark eyes wander down to watch as Ryuji opens his mouth more, lips tracing over the outline of his cock as the dark spot begins to saturate on his boxers from the deliberate, wet ring of his mouth.

Ryuji’s expression doesn’t change much; his long lashes still lay against his cheeks and there’s no crease in his brow. Besides the hue over his cheeks, the blond looks very content as he teases him. Akira doesn’t know what to do with his own hands at this point but he finds reliefs in gripping the hem of his shirt, unable to keep from pulling it up and exposing the pale skin of his stomach as Ryuji covers the tip of his clothed cock with his mouth and lays his tongue heavily over the spot, “A-Ah…”

The damp spot on his boxers clings to his cock even more when Ryuji barely pulls his mouth away, his hot breath warming him as he asks, “So far, so good?”

“Y-yeah, it’s really good,” Akira adds to his reassurance by nodding even though Ryuji isn’t looking up at him as he lowers himself back over him, the grip on his sides becoming tighter at the same time a heavy tongue pads over his shaft again.

Trailing his mouth up his shaft, he feels the brief skin-to-skin contact as Ryuji bites down on the elastic of his boxers, and with his fingers holding them down as well, he begins to pull the fabric down past his hips.

Where the hell did he learn all of _this_?

Akira adjusts his body slightly to help the fabric slide down, and when he expects the cool air to touch his exposed cock, he only feels it lay against the blond’s warm cheek for a moment before his face pulls back from him. Akira closes his eyes, his lips parted slightly as hushed breaths of air past them. It's weirdly exhilarating to be exposed, his cock twitching as he tries to keep his hips from rolling forward in anticipation of —oh, **_yes_** — Ryuji’s mouth, which is now hovering over the tip while his tongue works meager, precise licks around and into his slit.

As much as he wants to spread his legs further, the fabric continues to constrain his legs but that only entices him further as he lets out a soft groan. Ryuji’s hand finally leaves his hip to hold the base of his shaft while his tongue swirls over and around the head. He can’t help but feel like he needs to say something, _anything_ , “Ah, yeah...Ryu— mmph!”

Words are cut off when Ryuji envelops his head with his hot, wet mouth and Akira just about _loses_  it as he throws his head back against the couch and is unable to stifle another groan, “A-ah—” His hands leave the hem of his shirt and immediately fall down to clutch onto the layers of his jeans and boxers over his thighs, and instantly takes a hold of the blond's free hand that nudges its way against his own. He looks down, taking in the sight of Ryuji holding his hand one of side, and his other hand following a clumsy rhythm of squeezing his cock while spit dribbles down it, giving the blond enough to work with to begin sliding his hand up and down it.

For the most part, Ryuji has remained relatively silent except for some of the heavier breaths of air he has to take in when he’s spent a few minutes keeping his mouth enclosed around him. However, as his lips begin to further down, he hears the shaking whine that hums over his cock when he goes down to far, and immediately comes up, before going right back down. Akira has long since then given up his need for control, pressing his hips forward in a desperation.

“God, Ryuji…! How are you...so good at this?” Akira shakily says, biting his lip right after as the blond gives a particular vocal moan as he bobs his head lower and causes another vibration around Akira, “A-ah…”

There’s no way to stop the disappointed whine when Ryuji pulls himself off of Akira, but then the dark haired teen is rewarded with the lewd sight of the blond looking up at up with half-lidded, watery eyes, rosy cheeks, and red bruised lips that are slick with spit (and how Akira can’t tell if the webbed string leading from his cock up to Ryuji’s mouth is actually spit or his own precum).

“I’m...really doing good?” Ryuji asks weakly for clarity, licking his lips and cutting the trail off his mouth. Ryuji _has_  to know what he’s doing to Akira right now when he looks up at him like this and asks that question, down on his knees and holding his cock in his hand. He just _has_ to.

Akira clutches their hands tighter together, digging his fingers into Ryuji’s palm, “Y-yes, good...doesn’t even begin to describe it.”

“Mm, then I’ll make sure to keep going...if you really like it,” Ryuji narrows his eyes to his cock before closing them and hungrily taking his cock back into his mouth, instantly attempting to reach farther down his shaft and this time actually _sucking_ him off.

Maybe it’s because he’s never had this done before, but Akira still doesn’t know whether to be turned on or impressed as he throws his head back against the couch, turning his head slightly as his bangs start to cling to his forehead. His other hand (which he has no clue what it’s been doing this whole time) runs over Ryuji’s head, spreading his fingers over his blond hair and pressing down as much as he can without choking him, although he’s not sure if that’s a pointless thought because Akira can swear that he’s already touching the back of his throat.

Ryuji continues to make the wanton noises, such as moaning only to be cut off by a gagging whine, as he sucks him off. His hand has finally found the natural rhythm of his mouth and the motion is in what he describes as absolutely _flawless_ unison, that the dull bubbling of pleasure between his legs is growing into a frantic need for release, “Ryuji, I-I...I think ‘m...close…”

Despite his words, which he knows he said loudly enough, the blond continues. Ryuji didn’t actually plan on having him come into his mouth...did he? That thought alone doesn’t ease the pressure inside of him, so he tightens his grip onto Ryuji’s hair, trying to pull him back gently. The blond doesn’t budge and holds the side of his hip tighter to keep himself in place.

There’s no way he could contain it any longer so if Ryuji doesn't move _now_ — “I-I’m serious, Ryuji! I’m really going to—”

“— mmph.” Akira assumes that’s some sort of acknowledgment, or permission that the blond is granting him, as he still continues to pick up his pace on his cock, the saliva and precum pooling down between his thighs. 

Well, if that’s how it was—

The pressure doesn’t stop and Akira can’t keep from bucking his hips forward and eases his grip from pulling Ryuji away to now bringing him in closer. The blond’s hand leaves his spot on Akira's hip, who only catches a lazy glance of Ryuji putting it in his own lap, possibly palming his own growing arousal.

“Mmph— yes, yes…!”

The shapes and colors behind the darkness of his closed lids just become more vivid as it all begins to intensify, the raw tension that makes his thighs still attempt to jerk apart, leaving him a shameless mess as he draws out high-pitched moans that he knows he would be embarrassed by usually. However, knowing Ryuji is listening to him and how he’s the one causing him to break his composure like this, it only excites him more.

“R-Right now, I’m— oh god, please...Ryuji, plea— a-ah..!”

Then, he doesn’t know where it hits first, but his body is weightless and his mind feels empty of anything except the ecstasy rushing up his cock and into the blond’s mouth, who still keeps his mouth tightly enclosed around him as he milks out the remainder of his orgasm, which is still crashing inside of him in diminishing waves. Akira feels when Ryuji jerks himself away from him, but he can’t bring himself to open his eyes to see what he looks like as he soaks in the aftermath of his release. It’s only when he hears the off sound of someone spitting, and a gagging noise following, that he looks over with curiosity, seeing Ryuji holding up his trash can and trying to clean out his mouth.

Akira sluggishly lets out a laugh, “I...told you…”

Ryuji spits a few more times and wipes his mouth with his sleeve, “I knew it was going to taste a little weird, but there was just so much of it, I couldn’t really...y’know.” His chest rises with his own quickened breath, still wearing the blush and glazed eyes as he mutters, “But seriously, were they watching you so much that you couldn’t even jack off? I think that must have been building up inside of you this whole time.”

Akira raises his body to pull up his boxers and opts to just let his jeans hit the ground; he had a feeling he wouldn’t be needing those for the rest of the night anyway. The front was still wet from before, but he knew the thin fabric would dry soon and his legs were still shaking, so he really didn't want to get up and change right now, “I had time every now and then, but it was rare. I couldn’t exactly think much about anything except the night before so thanks for that.”

“I was that good, huh?” Ryuji teases, taking a seat on the couch next to Akira.

“Yeah, sometimes I’d even say your name out loud.”

The statement made Ryuji’s eyes widen, taken aback and almost embarrassed by it, “W-wait, for real?!”

“I’m kidding.” Akira clarifies, pulling off his glasses and setting them aside on the table, “But I did think about it a lot. And sexual frustration is perfect for thinking of all sorts of fantasies."

“Oh?” Ryuji leans over, tilting his head to the side, “...What kind of fantasies?”

“For one, everything you just did. Or it’s the other way around. Some more things with hands..." Akira rests his finger on his chin, trying to think back, "It was actually kind of weird everything that I would think about, but I did have a lot of free time..."

“I...think that's normal,” Ryuji trails off before leaning back against the couch, speaking up quality, “You know, we can try one…”

"Oh?" A certain fantasy _does_ come to mind; he'd often wait until he was completely left alone in his cell and it was 'lights out', then he'd think of it so often that it became his go-to, or would even just come to him naturally without much thought, "...No, it's okay. We don’t need to go so fast.”

“Akira, was I just not...doin' what I was just doin'? I think I can handle it. Besides," Ryuji nudges him in the side, "—makin’ up for lost time, remember?”

“I suppose…” Akira sighs, debating whether or not he should really say what he was thinking, or just go with something a bit more tame. Well, tame for Ryuji, that is, “I...do have one thing I’ve wanted to do. To you, I mean.”

“...Go on.”

“Well, it’s...uh. I kind of want to…” ' _Oh, fuck it—_ ' “...finger you?”

“Fing— _oh_. So, you mean— _OH_..." Ryuji stares back at him with wide eyes and his mouth held open, "Um...wow. Uh—”

At least he didn't outright decline it, so that was a start. Akira waves his hand, grinning to reassure him, “Like I said, we don’t have to go that far now or at all if you don’t want to. Even if I’m leaving, there’s no point in rushing those things.”

“N-no, I know that! I’ll...I’m...fine with you doing it. It's...uh,” Rubbing the back of his head awkwardly, Ryuji averts his eyes, “Don’t you need like, a ton of lube for that? That’s what everything I read said.”

Wait. “Read?” Akira stares at him and either he heard that incorrectly or he just discovered his new boyfriend really is the best person he's _ever_ known (not that he had any doubts before), “...Ryuji, did you look up guides on gay sex? Is that why you were so good at blo—"

“S-Shut up! I never said that!" Ryuji hunches over, trying to hide the obvious redness on his face, "But _seriously_ though, you need lube for it and I didn't buy any! I didn’t exactly think we’d get this far…”

“You underestimate how prepared I am.” Akira pats Ryuji’s leg playfully, standing to his feet and working his way to his dresser and going through the layers and layers of clothes before pulling out a small, decorated bottle hidden between some socks. Turning back to Ryuji, he dangles it between his fingers.

Ryuji stares at him blankly, then to the bottle, and then back to Akira, “...Why do you have that? _When_  did you get that? _How—_ ”

“I’ve had it, and it’s for situations much like this. Or if I need something to speed up the process when Morgana is gone because I never know when he's going to show up and that's one awkward situation I'd love to continue to avoid."

“...What the hell, man.”

“I’m serious though. I’m prepared but like I said, if you—”

“Yeah, yeah. If I don’t want to, I don’t have to." Ryuji mimics the words dramatically back to him, "...except I kinda...want to…”

“You do?”

Akira watches as Ryuji looks around his room, like he's expecting someone to pop out at them at any minute. “Y-You can’t bring it up to anyone, okay?! Not even as a joke! I’m still kind of...sensitive to all of this.”

Comically, Akira grins as he places a finger in front of his mouth. It seemed like a more than fair trade. “My lips are sealed.”

“Good. So...how you wanna do this?"

“Well first,” Akira leans down, grabbing a hold of Ryuji’s hand and bringing him to his feet with a bit of a bounce in his step, “I think the bed would be a much better place to start.” Akira side steps to switch their positions, placing himself in front while leading the blond backwards towards the mattress and stopping once the back of his knees hit the frame. He tossed the bottle of lube onto the bed, he’d find it again later. Instead, he opens Ryuji's jacket further and playfully runs a finger down from his neck and stopping at his stomach, “Maybe you should shed a few of these layers too.”

"I can tell you're excited..." Despite a stiff nod, the playfulness remains in his tone as he shrugs off his jacket and lets it hit the floor

As Ryuji reached for the hem of his shirt, Akira placed his hands onto his exposed, soft stomach, tracing his fingers over him again, “Want me to help undress you too?”

“That’s f-fine with me…” Ryuji manages another nod, his voice cracking slightly and shifting uncomfortably when Akira stepped in closer where his leg was right between the blond’s thighs, just barely ghosting over the bulge in his pants. Akira worked his hands up his stomach, pressing his fingers into his skin. Although the blond was definitely toned from fighting in the Metaverse, he was still thicker than Akira, to where he was able to gently pinch a little extra skin than he could do to on his thin own body. He was just so _soft_ , it only made Akira want to touch him more.

Finally, he lifts the shirt through his arms, leaning up against him as he did so and eliciting a small whine from the blond as his thigh brushed between his legs, “Sounds like you want these off too,” Akira cooed at him when he lowered his hands down to his jeans that hung low on his hips, fumbling with the button and zipper. Ryuji rested his hands on Akira’s forearms for support as he worked on shimming the jeans down his thighs, where they fell effortlessly to the ground right afterwards. He glanced down and saw Ryuji shared the same soaked spot as he did earlier. Delicately he palms him there, pressing his thumb against the spot and feeling the slick, sticky residue that bled through his boxers.

“Ah— Akira…” Ryuji dropped his forehead against his shoulder, tightening his grip on Akira’s arms.

“Do you want me to take these off too?” Akira asked softly. He knew they would have to come off _eventually_  if they were going to follow through with all of this, but unlike last time, neither of them were fully naked with one another, at least not in this type of environment.

Ryuji nods against him, turning towards him as he quietly replies, “Yeah, go ahead..." 

Akira’s heart raced when he took the hem of Ryuji's boxers in his hand and lowered them, freeing his cock which was now pressed against his own, which was still covered by his own boxers, and part of his stomach. He kept his head up and rested against Ryuji’s head as he pulled the elastic from the fabric and let it fall to the floor as well. Akira didn't want to overwhelm him with all of this exposure so soon. His hands pressed against his stomach again, pushing him with a gentle command, “Here, lie on the bed.”

Ryuji hummed a small sound of approval and stood up before leaning backwards to fall on the bed. Akira guided himself down with him, pressing their lips into a lasting kiss until Ryuji’s back was to the mattress. Akira’s knees pressed into the blankets as he broke the kiss and stood over the blond’s body, who was still holding onto Akira's arms and now looking at the wall, face absolutely flushed.

“Is...is this okay?” Ryuji's voice was so shaky that Akira had to fight the urge to just throw his arms around the blond and let him know that they were safe, that _he_ was safe. Ryuji finally allowed his hands to fall from Akira and over his own body, following the expected reaction of wanting to feel somewhat covered.

“It’s more than okay," Akira leans down to press a kiss to his cheek, "You’re perfect, Ryuji.”

Ryuji scoffed, the corners of his lips rising into a wry smile, “Thanks but...I think that’s the last word I’d use to describe me.”

Akira grimaces, and all he can think is why. Why was Ryuji, of all people, so hard on himself?

Then again, he thinks he can figure it out, as his mind draws back earlier to their conversation of the reason the blond was so hesitant on having them stay together. And he understands that all those years, all the built up feelings of being worthless, abandonment, or being alone— none of that would be gone in the span of a few days, not even a few months. And Akira knew it would take time, but all he wants is for Ryuji to feel as special as Akira knows he is. That's all, for Ryuji to realize how good he truly was—

Then, an idea hits him.

“...Before we do this, want to play a game?”

“A game? Like, a video game?" Ryuji looks up at him, bewildered, "...Naked?”

Akira shakes his head. He is truly amused by the blond's train of thought, “As fun as that sounds, we'll save that for another time. What I mean is right now, like this. Something to help get you in the mood.”

“Oh, uh...sure. That’s fine. What is it?”

“It’s easy. I’m going to count to ten. But, until I'm done counting, you can't touch me.”

Despite what he assumes if a reassuring smile on his face, Ryuji continues to look up him skeptically, “Sounds...fun?”

“And one more thing," Akira leans in closer, lowering his voice as their foreheads touch, "You can talk, but you’re only allowed to say one thing.”

“And that is...?”

“‘I’m a good boy.’”

“...what?”

Akira continues to grin despite the way Ryuji's eyes are wide in disbelief, “If you touch me or say anything besides that, I’ll stop completely, no matter how hard you are, no matter how much you beg—”

“You...you really want me to say _that_? Are you serious?”

“Dead serious.”

“You can't think of _anything_ else? That's all I can say?”

“Nope.”

“...fine." Ryuji groans, then makes sure Akira and him are making direct eye contact, "But this. _This_  you cannot tell to _anyone_.”

“I’ll add it to the list of things we’ll just keep between you and me." Akira bumps noses with him and to his surprise, Ryuji returns the small sign of affection.

However, it doesn't keep him from sighing, “You’re literally the _only_  person I would do this for. I hope you’re happy.”

“I am, believe me. And I think you’ll be happy soon too.” Akira makes sure to leave another reassuring peck on the blond’s forehead, “Now, remember the rules. You have to make it through ten, alright?”

“Yeah, I got it.”

“Good. I think you’ll like this little list,” Akira tells him, planning to divulge the other part of the game as his voice goes quiet again, “I’m going to list off all of the things I like about you.”

“Wh—”

“Ah-ah.”

Closing his mouth, Ryuji shakes his head and lets out another sigh. He'll let that slide, Akira is just happy they've gotten this far.

“One,” Akira starts by leaning down, kissing the corner of Ryuji’s mouth so gently that he barely applies any sort of pressure. And just as he expects, the blond keeps himself pinned to the bed and his lips pursed tightly. He smiles, wondering how long he can go without opening his mouth, “Good choice on the color, blond suits you.”

When he sits up, he only see Ryuji looking up at him and is now choosing to roll his eyes, just so Akira can see. He didn’t mind though, only making his grin more evident, “Only nine more to go.”

Akira leans down, opting for a more sensitive spot this time that he was sure would entice some sort of reaction. His mouth hovers by Ryuji’s ear, making sure to breathe through his mouth and whisper so softly that his voice sounds like velvet, “Two. You’ve called me pretty before, but I think you’re beautiful.”

He can hear Ryuji swallowing beside him, who is still managing to keep silent. With his mouth still close, he kisses the shell of his ear, letting his tongue run over it slowly. Ryuji combusts underneath him, his breath hitching suddenly when his mouth opens to speak, “Ah—I-I...um…”

“Keep going,” Akira whispers again, gently grazing his teeth along the cartilage.

“I’m...I'm a...good...boy?” The words come out so quietly and  that if Akira wasn’t pressed against him, he’s not sure he would have heard him. He doesn’t pressure him further, just glad that’s being receptive, and he's amused that Ryuji makes it sound like he's speaking a different language.

“Mm, that’s it. Now, three.” Akira brushes a trail of tender kisses down his ear and along his neck. He’s tempted to leave a mark since he’s sure Ryuji can hide it with his jacket, but he decides against it either way. Instead, he feathers them tortuously slow over him, and discovers the spot right below his ear and where his jaw begins is a sweet spot as the blond breathes heavily, “You always try to make everyone feel like they have a place.”

“I...I’m a go- mm!” Akira places another kiss to the spot, sucking gently on it, “Ah...good b-boy…”

“Four,” He works his way down below past his collar bone, stopping to lay his head against Ryuji’s chest. With his ear pressed against him, he can hear the faint sound of his pounding heart, pulsing as quickly as his own. He slides a free hand over his chest, letting his finger swirl around a nipple, “You help everyone. It doesn’t matter if you don’t know them or even if you don’t get anything out of it. You have such a big heart, I can even hear it now…”

Lying down on him fully, Akira rests his thigh between Ryuji’s legs, feeling his hard shaft pushed against him. He rolls his hips slowly, leaving Ryuji a squirming mess beneath him and Akira watches as one of the arms that was at his side folds over to hide his face, much like last time. He’s still a bit too quiet for Akira’s liking though, so he lifts his head until he’s barely hovering over his chest and takes the other nipple in his mouth, sucking in sharply.

Ryuji shakes against him, his chest lowering as he lets out a whine, “Mm, Akira— aah, um—” Akira pinches his other nipple hard and just as he’s about to lift his mouth to stop, he can already hear Ryuji correcting himself, slurring his words together quickly, “—ahh’m...a good boy, I’m a good boy!”

“Mmhm,” Akira hums over his nipple, tongue flicking over it as it hardens. He was just making this up as he was going but apparently that had been a successful call. Thankfully the blond didn’t seem to have a shortage on erogenous zones at all. Then again, Akira himself has never had the same done for him, so he's not sure if he would be any different if he were in this position. That would have to be saved for another time. His lips are slick when he pulls his mouth away from his chest, leaving a mark over him that was no doubt going to still be there tomorrow. At least it was too cold to go to the beach.

“I think five was next.” Akira sits up when he slides further down his body, looking up at Ryuji who has one hand gripping his sheets for dear life, and the other still covering his face. As Akira trails his fingertips over his stomach and down to the bone of where his hips begin, he watches the blond go still the lower he goes. Even though he’s hiding his face, Akira can still see how hesitant he is to be so bare in front of him. “...You really are so strong, you know.” Although he still refuses to look him in the face, Akira gives him a sympathetic smile as he holds onto him, “I know you don’t like feeling sorry for yourself but most people who have gone through all of that aren’t able to go on as carefree as you have.”

Akira lowers himself against him once more, feathering dainty kisses over his stomach. It’s right here where he can take in that scent that gives him this rush, and although he knows Ryuji is in front of him and he’s able to touch him, the aroma reminds him, and hits him with the fact that the person he’s absolutely in _love_  with is sharing so much with him — his body, his feelings, and his heart.

“...You didn’t deserve any of it.” Akira breathes out onto his skin and he’s reminded of why he’s really doing this. All he wants is to let Ryuji know just how treasured he really is.

Ryuji is still quiet below him, and he feels as his stomach trembles with his lips pressed on him. It’s fine with Akira though, he’s not done yet.

Sitting up onto his knees, Akira scoots back further until he can completely see Ryuji sprawled out in front of him. In effort to hide himself, he brings his legs together but Akira takes a gentle hold of both of his knees and slowly spreads them back apart, his cock openly flushed and throbbing. Ryuji bites his lip, but it doesn't stifle the helpless noise he makes when his legs are held open in his hands. Akira kisses the inside of his knee, softly shushing him, “Shh, just relax, okay? You’re doing great.”

Ryuji nods and lets out another weak moan, while Akira lowers himself between his legs, kissing down until he reaches the inside of his thighs, “Just hold on a little longer. We only have a few more left,” Akira adjusts his grip, keeping his knees hooked in Akira's hands to keep his legs from closing.

“Six. You’re always giving yourself away, but never ask for anything in return,” Akira nudges his forehead against his thigh and feels the leg twitch underneath him from his long hair tickling over his skin, “I don’t think I’ve ever met someone as selfless as you.”

“Ah…’m...good— ah!” Ryuji cries out when Akira nips the inside of his thigh playfully, pleased to find that he’s just as fleshy there, maybe even ticklish. He rocks his hips side to side, desperate for contact.

“You’re really soft down here,” Moving his shoulder over, he releases his grip from one of Ryuji’s thighs to grab for the bottle of lube, hooking him over his shoulder instead. Akira prefers this, it spreads his legs further apart and it will make what he plans to do much easier to work with, “Makes me want to-" _Nip_. "- kiss you-" _Kiss_. "- anywhere-" _Lick_. "-I-" _Kiss_. "-can.”

Ryuji bucks forward, his fingers leaving the sheets to reach towards Akira, before stopping and settling back into the sheets. Precum continues to bead at his tip, and it’s already begun to dribble down his aching shaft. His breath staggers and he’s already begun a string of quiet, drawn out whines, “Hn, ‘m...a g-good boy…”

Akira nips where his thigh meets his pelvis, where Ryuji thrusts forward against Akira’s face, which thankfully he moves in time or he may have ended up with a broken nose. Still, he laughs softly, closing his eyes as he leans against his thigh, “You really are behaving so well. You’ll get your reward soon, I promise. Can you be good for me a little longer?”

Ryuji nods, burying his face further into the crook of his arm, “...I’m...go-good boy…”

“See? You're always so eager. I’ll consider that one as six and seven, just so we can start to _really_ make you feel good. Now, let’s go to eight.” Akira hovers his mouth over Ryuji’s cock, watching it twitch as his breath hits it and his hips shake ever so slightly in anticipation. However, Akira quickly bypasses it to reach down to his other inner thigh, placing the lube next to him for easy access as he used his other hand to grab a hold on Ryuji’s ass, squeezing it as the blond yelps loudly, hands scrambling as he goes to cover his mouth a little too late “Mm, don’t worry, you can be loud. It’s just me here. But as I was saying…”

Akira massages into him softly, fingers barely brushing over the cleft of his ass, “I know you compare yourself to others a lot, especially when we were a team. And you may not have been the artist, or the student council president, or even the expert hacker, but you had your place too. You were the heart though," Akira wishes he would have reminded Ryuji of that sooner, while they were still a team. Despite that, he continues to press his lips into the open crease of his thighs and hips, "Even though you wanted me to be the leader, your perseverance to keep going and to help others made me want to continue on. You gave the Phantom Thieves their initial purpose, you were—”

Akira cuts himself off when the only sound he hear sounds like a sniffle. He glances up and although Ryuji doesn’t look much different, still covering his face and biting his lip, his chest is shudders, like he’s trying to contain himself. He gently pushes Ryuji’s legs off of him and crawls up his body, standing over him again. His lips are quivering and Akira feels a surge of guilt hit him again because even though he knows that Ryuji knows none of this is malicious or to embarrass him, he doesn’t want him to be upset either, “Ryuji…?”

“Am...am I...really that good?” 

Akira ignores the rule for now as Ryuji asks him the question weakly in his shaking voice. He's not a monster. He presses a kiss to the wrist that hides Ryuji's face, “Yes, of course. You’re such a good boy. You’re the _best_  boy.” Akira doesn’t mean to coddle him like this, for fear that it sounds like he may sound patronizing, but he truly does mean every word he’s saying. He wraps his hand around his wrists and goes to push it away from Ryuji’s face, who allows him to reveal himself to Akira.

Ryuji fights to look up at him with watery eyes and wet eyelashes, although he can't see where any tears has begun to pool down the side of his face. Akira can only reassure him by leaning down to press his lips at the corner of his eyes, then leaning his forehead against Ryuji’s, which is already slick with a sheen of sweat, “I'm sorry for this. Do you want to stop? With this part, I mean?”

Surprisingly, his head moves side to side, bumping their noses. 

“Keep going?” Ryuji makes a small sound, nodding, “Okay, I'll continue. You really are perfect, you know that?”

Ryuji chuckles, sniffling again as he gently says, “I’m...I am a...good boy.”

“You are. Now, let’s finish this up so I can treat you.” Akira smiles down at him, moving back down his body until he’s seated between his legs again. Ryuji keeps his arms by his head but continues to allow his face to remain uncovered, closing his eyes and letting himself relaxing against the pillow and he begins to steady his breathing.

With Ryuji finally relaxed once more, Akira snaps the cap off of the bottle of lube, coating his fingers generously in the thick gel. He always read that apparently 'you can never have too much lube' so he doesn't mind if there might be a _tad_ more than needed on him. When he lays back down, he wraps an arm around Ryuji’s thigh while his body presses against the other one, spreading his legs open again.

“Nine,” Akira starts with his mouth at the base of his cock, pressing an slightly opened mouth kiss to the skin where he feels Ryuji twitch underneath him, “You have—” The hand he coated in lube works between his legs, reaching to the cleft of his ass, gently sliding his fingers around, poking, _prodding_ —

“A-ah…”

“—such a nice—” Akira runs his tongue up his cock at an deliberately aching, slow speed. Working his fingers in deeper, he’s able to locate his entrance and swirls his fingers around the muscle. He can feel Ryuji tensing around him, but he continues to stroke him, to coax him into relaxing around him. Akira places another kiss at the side of his cock, sucking on the skin gently and is _dead_  from the staggering whines from Ryuji.

Akira doesn’t press his fingers inside of him, not quite yet. He just continues to prod with the pads of his fingers and to cover the area with as much lube as he can, “—laugh.”

Ryuji must have been expecting him to say something else because his moan turns into a suppressed laugh and the combination may just be Akira's new favorite sound.

“Ten,” Akira raises his head, look over to see Ryuji staring back at him, eyes barely open. _I love you_. He smiles, hovers his lips over Ryuji’s overflowing tip. _I love you._  Pressing his tongue slowly over the tip, tasting the salt in his precum, he kisses the tip, and licks his lips before saying, “You’re the best friend I could have ever asked for.”

And once he finishes speaking, he covers his lips over the head of his cock and sucks, _hard_.

Throwing his head back so fast that Akira feels the bed jolt, a shrill moan escapes Ryuji and his hands slam back to his sides, digging into the sheets, “Ho—ly _shit_ —“

Tingles form from his neck downward as Akira hears the sound, and his full mouth tightens into a wide grin. He slides his mouth up slowly, and when he finally passes the head, he licks his lips cleans. Ryuji's head is still pressed against the pillow when he looks over at him, “How was that?”

“I…” Ryuji starts, voice cracking, “…I don’t know whether to be excited or scared.”

“Why’s that?”

“That…was freakin’ unreal.” 

"I hope that's a good thing," Chuckling, he relaxes against Ryuji's thigh, "Are you okay right now?"

"Y-yeah, that was just...uh, real intense. You gotta warn a guy before you start throwin' all those compliments at me," A breathy laugh escapes him, although he can't help but roll his hips forward and Akira forget for a moment that he's still intensely hard beneath him.

“Sorry, hard to keep those things to myself. And are you still okay with...this?” Akira asks honestly, still keeping his fingertip pressed against his entrance.

“After _that_ , you can do anything you want. Just, uh…give me a moment.”

“It’s fine. Just let me know when you’re ready, I’ll go as slow as you want.”

“I…I know. Thanks…” There's a few more seconds (or maybe it's minutes, Akira's not keeping track) of silence that they fill with some deep breathing, and Akira continuing to kiss at his inner thighs, “O-okay, you can go anytime you want.”

“Alright,” Akira finishes, sliding his mouth over his cock again, thinking the best way to ease Ryuji into going into unknown territory would be best accompanied with pleasure that he’s already used to. He traces his tongue over the head repeatedly, putting all of his focus onto his finger, swirling against his hole once more and then pressing it in with almost no resistance. At least he knows he used enough lube.

There’s small sounds coming from Ryuji and as soon as he’s inside, it’s hard to tell if the blond is clenching around him nervously or if he’s just that tight. It’s hard to move too much, but he keeps his eyes moving from closing to opening to check on him, only seeing his eyes shut and his lips in a thin line. He presses in further until his knuckle is against his entrance. Akira wouldn’t call himself an expert by any means, although he likes to think he read enough about it and has enough common sense to know what to do, and it’s not like he’s never tried experimenting with himself previously. However, besides the small noises and occasional jump at his hips, Ryuji doesn’t give him much of a reaction and Akira thinks he may have to start moving.

However, Akira still continues to go slow. He moves his finger around just as much as he can to stretch him open and looking for _that_  spot that he’s heard so much about. He’s not sure they’ll be able to get up to two fingers (hell, he doesn’t even know how long one finger will last), but he keeps his hand in place, continuing to prod inside.

The silence is becoming a tad uncomfortable though. With his arm still wrapped around his thigh, he grabs a hold of his cock, pumping it slowly as he lifts his mouth from him, “How’re you feeling?”

“Mm, I’m f-fine…It doesn’t hurt, jus’…feels weird. Different.” The mutters are soft spoken and broken, but Akira is still able to make them out through the silence,“But you can keep goin’…”

“Do you think you’d be alright if I add another? We don’t have to, just want to make sure you’re stretched enough.”

“...I still don't know how I feel about describing it like _that_ , but I know what you’re talking about.”

“You’ll have to let me know how much research you did on all of this. We can compare notes.” Akira just continues to move his finger around, hiding his frustration. Where the hell was this 'special' spot again?

“Goddamit, Akira, now is _not_ the time— ah, mm…!”

Oh, Akira liked that sound, “What’s that?”

“You, um…" Ryuji swallows hard, quietly requesting, "Can you…do that again?”

“This?” He repeats the press of his fingers, making sure to apply more pressure.

“Mm, yes, that, right there—“ Grinding his hips down, Ryuji bites his lip. Akira only continues to repeat what was done previously, just taking in the same sounds from the blond. Once Akira finally moves his mouth over him again, tracing his tongue over the veins and grazing his teeth just barely against his skin, he hears him speak up again, “Go-go ahead…”

“Hm?”

“You can go ahead...and add another one…”

Akira knows he’s really testing his multitasking skills as he tries to keep his hand working up and down his cock, while making sure he doesn’t get lazy with his tongue, _and_ making sure he has enough lube on his fingers as he begins to slip in another fingers and immediately notices the difference. If he thought Ryuji was tight before, he wasn’t sure how much his fingers would be able to move at this point.

Apparently, Ryuji was thinking the same thing. “Damn, they weren’t kidding when they said it’s gonna hurt…” Akira begins to lift his head to speak before Ryuji cuts him off, “I’m good though! Just…please, go real slow…”

There’s not much to do _but_  go slow, Akira thinks to himself. However, he takes his time, pressing and pulling his fingers apart in different directions while trying to keep Ryuji in his mouth with his expected squirming. Once he has it down to his knuckle again, he feels around again, poking around until he feels the familiar—

“A-ah, yeah—“

Suddenly, the idea pops into his head to try something different. He's remembering some of the things he had read (thank god for the internet), that if he turned his fingers like _this_ and then curled them hard like _that_ —

“Mm—!!” A high pitched whine echoes through Akira’s ears before it’s muffled from Ryuji’s thighs suddenly closing and surrounding around his head. Bewildered, he quickly frees his mouth once more to look up at the blond, the two of them mirroring the same expression of wide eyes and red faces.

“Shit, Akira, I’m sorry! Are you okay?!”

“Y-yeah, I’m fine. Are _you_  okay though? I’ve…never heard that from you before," But _damn_ , does he want to hear it again, "Did…did that feel good?”

“Yeah, it was real good…”

"Oh. Maybe I should do it again then?” Smirking, Akira repeats the curl in his fingers, this time applying more pressure.

Ryuji shakes underneath him, "A-Akira!”

“And again.” Another curl, and another.

" _Nn_ , it's too—!!

"Too what?" Then, he decides, he doesn't care if his fingers begin to go numb. He pulls them out slightly, just to slam them back in, repeatedly, "Too good?"

“Yes! It's, mm-! Ah!!”

“I just want to make you feel as amazing as I think you are," Akira nips at his thigh again, completely relishing in the sight of Ryuji splitting apart, his red face turning from side to side as the pleasure overwhelms him, "But, remind me one more time—" Hovering his mouth over his cock, he laps one last lick over his swollen head, "—Who’s my good boy?”

“Mm, I-I am!" Ryuji practically cries out, stretching his name in powerless whine, "Akira—!“

A serge of dominance rushes through Akira as he lowers his mouth back down onto his cock, hungrily taking it in and timing it with the stroking of his hand. Even when he can feel his eyes begin to water when he accidentally goes down too far, a few choking sounds emerging from him as well, he continues on sucking off the blond while his fingers press deeper inside of him, ignoring any aching that he may feel beginning in his joints. Everything Ryuji is doing is fuel for him; his hands finally leave the bed and work their way into Akira’s hair and he feels the desire just through his hands — how they go to touch him just to be stable and to keep a hold of him, like he needs to keep from going off the edge, until his fingers are at his roots and pulling without any hesitation and trying to pull Akira deeper to him. And with the way his hips are thrusting, picking up on the timed movements, Akira can’t tell if Ryuji is trying to ride his face, or his fingers, or _both_ but that combats any aching desire in his body to stop.

“Akira, please, _please_ — I-I _need_ you—“ Ryuji sobs as he pulls at his hair, legs shaking around Akira’s hold. He just continues to bob his head on his cock, not caring that his lips and hand are messily soaked with his own saliva. His eyes can barely open, and with how his hair sticks to his forehead and mats over his face, he doesn’t think he’d be able to see Ryuji anyway. But all he needs is _this_ , the blond allowing himself to break apart and be raw with Akira as he continues to plead, “Ah, I’m about to— _god_ , Akira, I’m so close, please, _please_ —!“

Akira doesn’t stop, not even when he can feel the jolts in Ryuji’s hips begin to speed up, or how his hands seem stuck on whether to push him away or pull him closer, or when his voice slurs into a roaring moan that ripples down to shaky, smaller whines as he spills into Akira's mouth. The taste isn’t what he would call pleasant, but it doesn’t stop him from keeping his lips around him and his fingers pounding inside to finish off the final waves of the blond’s release where his legs are frantically trembling and his whines turns to small cries.

Ryuji completely combusts beneath him, going still except for the rising and falling of his chest. Akira pulls off and out of him lazily, although he’s unaware of how much cum he's swallowed until he’s off of him and there’s no traces of anything but spit, or so he thinks. He must have been too into it to really notice much. And as expected, he knows that he was bound to get hard _again_ but now he’s far too sluggish to do anything about it. They'd have their fun and it would go away soon. Leaning over the bed, he grabs his own shirt from before and wipes his mouth and fingers, gently doing the same between Ryuji’s thighs before throwing it back on the ground. He’d clean it later, naturally.

“How was that?” Akira asks, crawling over him and falling to his side. Ryuji’s eyes are closed and his lips are stained pink as his breathing begins to steady. The light shines against his skin and he’s clearly able to see the outlines of sweat or any trails of tears that had managed to pool, whether from when he was upset or because of Akira's relentless handwork, he's not too sure.

“I’m..." The blond wipes his forehead of the sweat, keeping his hand pressed on his head as he continues to try and catch his breath, "...so pissed we didn’t do this sooner.”

“I know the feeling." Akira rolls onto his side slightly, his back to Ryuji, "We’ve still got time though.”

“Yeah, don’t remind me.” Ryuji turns over, and wraps his arms around Akira to pull his back to his chest, resting his head against his shoulder, “No kicking me out this time, ‘kay?”

“You’re never going to let that one go," Akira says, amused as he pulls the scattered blankets over them. Suddenly, the bed feels a lot more comfortable than usual. "That’s okay, I deserve it.”

“Mm...hey, Akira?”

“Hm?”

“I wanna let you know that I meant all of it. About, y’know...being boyfriends and all that stuff.”

When Ryuji speaks, Akira can feel the warm air from his words on his neck. He leans back against him, taking in as many details as he can, he wants to remember it all. “I know, so was I.”

“If it’s us, I know that we’ll make it work.”

Like how the arch of Ryuji's jawline feels so well against his neck—

“We’ve faced death a few times already, what’s a little distance?”

Or how he feels so secure with an arm wrapped around his waist, feeling the indents of his muscles—

“Nothing can stop us troublemakers.”

Or how easily their hands can slip into one another's—

“Are you tired?”

“After what we just did, I’m exhausted.”

“Same. I’ll let you sleep then.”

Or how his eyes trace over all of the fine details of his hands, noticing the veins that start from his knuckles to his wrists, or the chewed nails—

“Mm, thanks. Do you care if we stay like this?”

There's only one more thing that would make it perfect, that would make him think a silly ideology like he could actually die happy—

“I’d be sad if we didn’t.”

Its on the tip of his tongue, but he keeps his lips sealed until spoken to—

“Good. G’night Akira.”

_I love you._

“Night, Ryuji.”

It's okay though, he's use to keeping quiet.  
  
  


*****  
*****  
  
  


Buried beneath layers of tossed clothes, Ryuji’s phone began to vibrate in the pocket of the jeans that had long been pulled off. The hum of the vibration was barely audible, and to the sleeping pair in bed, it was nothing at all.

There’s a dim light peeking out through the fabric, notifications coming onto his screen, all of them from Ann.

_> ok so…….._  
_ > i guess morgana caught on to me_  
_ > and said that he had to make sure akira was alright_  
_ > and i said you were with him and everything was fine_  
_ > but he just said that if he was alone with you, “he can’t be making good decisions”_  
_ > and idk if you wanted me to tell him about you two_  
_ > so i couldn’t give him an answer_  
_ > and that he knew something was up so he’d be leaving_  
_ > i even tried to bribe him with more sushi_  
_ > so um_  
_ > long story short_  
_ > morgana is on his way there_  
_ > so you might NOT wanna be at leblanc rn_  
_ > AT LEAST MAKE SURE YOU HAVE CLOTHES ON_  
_ > I’M SORRY!!!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> boiiii you think we're done yet? HELL NAH  
> i'm still laughing at myself for thinking i was going to fit this into two chapters hahahaha
> 
> also i have been wanting to write ryuji with a praise kink for, like. ever. it was originally going to be it's own fic but i thought it could fit well here so why the hell not
> 
> i'm sure the same note from chapter one is still going to appear, but if note, y'all should come talk to me on tumblr! i'm @ioritorneroart and all i'm gonna be posting is p5 because what even is my life right now
> 
> (but no seriously, hope you all liked this one! <333 )


	6. six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god i'm so glad the last chapter got such nice comments :') i went back and forth on the good boy scene before saying "fuck it, i'm putting it in there'
> 
> i still got some more things planned though! this one is a tad bit of a filler, but like a necessary one because i can't ever stop myself from fleshing out these things as you can tell by that word count lmao
> 
> but again!! thank you all so much for any support you give me on this fic <3 it's legit going to be the first multi chapter story i complete (i'm more of a one shot writer tbh) and as much as i like writing it, all your support gives me even more of a reason to work on it
> 
> enjoy <3

**02/15/20XX**  
  


Everything was perfect.

Brisk winds blow into the opened windows of the attic, particles of noticeable dust lifting from the sills and into the sunlight beams piercing through. There’s already a faint murmur from the outside because of the cars driving pass and the clapping of footsteps against concrete. Ryuji still has his arm slung around Akira’s waist to keep his back pressed firmly to his chest, where he can feel the rise from each peaceful breath that escapes him. He’d found a spot right by his neck that he could press his face to without wisps of black hair tickling his nose. It was an ongoing joke that you could smell the coffee coming off Akira without standing right next to him, so now that Ryuji was so close, the potency of coffee mixed with some other foreign scent that was just as satisfying, only made laying next to him even more alluring.

It was the most perfect thing to wake up to.

However, that is not how Ryuji wakes up.

“ _What is going on here?!_ ”

The yowling at the end of the question has the blond bursting awake, tired eyes flying open and sitting up quickly in the bed. He suddenly becomes very aware that someone other than Akira was yelling and that if someone else _was_  there, he was still very much naked under the heavy comforter. Then as he passes the realm of wondering if he’s still dreaming or not, he’s comes to the worst realization of it all the moment he whips his head around to look at the windows where he could hear the voice coming from—

Morgana stares down at the two of them, eyes twitching with his jaw hanging open, and his back rounded up with raised fur like _h_ _e_  was the one who was supposed to feel threatened in this situation. Even if he is just a cat that only a select few people in the world can communicate with, it doesn’t keep the heat from rushing itself all over Ryuji’s body as he pulls the comforter closer, trying to hide his lower half as much as possible, “W-What the hell, Mona?! What are you doing here?!”

“What am _I_ doing here?” Morgana slams his paw down on the sill, tail sticking straight up, “I livehere! What are _you_ doing here?!”

A heavy groan has them both bolting to look over at the sleeping figure between them. Akira rolls onto his side and barely props himself on an elbow as his hand goes to his forehead, fingers just barely pushing his hair out from his eyes, “...Do you two _really_  need to be yelling right now?”

“Akira!” Morgana scolds him, the feline sounds emerging more clearly now that he is so worked up, “What is the meaning of this?! Why are you in bed with this idiot?! And are you _naked_?”

Not even five minutes and Morgana is already throwing insults towards him? Ryuji tightens his grip on the blankets, clenching his jaw. “Why you—!”

“No, Ryuji was just spending the night.”

The pair stop and stare at Akira in disbelief of both how calmly he replies and how it’s obviously a lie that all Ryuji was doing was ‘spending the night’. At least it seems to shake some of the bite from Morgana’s words, “That doesn’t explain the naked part...”

Akira sits up straight, shrugging, “It got hot.”

Ears dropping, Morgana simply deadpans, “…Somehow, I don’t believe you.”

“What happened to staying with Ann?” Akira asks, then it dawns on Ryuji that he hadn’t thought of that sooner. After all of the trouble Ann went through to keep Morgana with her, he half expected her to warn him if the cat was finally becoming a nuisance and kicked him out. Then again, it’s not as if he was paying much attention to his phone the previous night either, so that was still a possibility. Perhaps Morgana just ditched Ann altogether.

“As much as I would have loved to spend another evening with Lady Ann, I still needed to check on you! I didn’t think anything of it at first, but when I asked her to see what you were doing, all she said was that you two were together and ‘everything was fine’ and I ‘shouldn’t worry about it’ and kept trying to change the subject.”

Ryuji sighs, mumbling out, “I figured something like that was going to happen…”

“Then I made a joke saying that if you two were together, you must be getting into trouble and then she got real nervous and started doing that weird thing with her voice when she’s lying. That’s when I _knew_ she was hiding something."

Letting himself fall back onto his arms, Akira looks up as he hums a small response, “Huh, she lasted longer than I thought she would.”

_“You knew_?” Morgana yowls again, wincing at Akira’s reaction, “My first day back and you try to get rid of me _and_  spend it soiling the very sheets that I sleep on!”

“The hell you so worried about anyways?” Now that the conversation was starting to calm down, Ryuji could finally catch his breath and yawn, “This ain’t even your actual bed.”

“I still sleep on it! And it’s not yours either! You don’t ever sleep here anyway!”

The faint fire of competition starts to burn inside of the blond, and while he doesn’t intend to antagonize Morgana, it doesn’t stop the sting from coming out into his words, “Well, that’s all about to change, cat.”

Blue eyes narrow sharply towards Ryuji, who is returning the same glare, “What’s _that_  supposed to mean?”

“Can we tone down the hostility?” Akira pinches the bridge of his nose, massaging it before lowering his hand back into his lap and looking up at the cat, who is beginning to dig his claws into the window sill, “Morgana, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner but there were some things that Ryuji and I had to sort out.”

“…By getting naked?”

“No, that came afterwards.”

Both Ryuji and Morgana’s eyes widened as their voices scramble in unison, “ _Akira!!_ ”

Akira simply yawns, seemingly unfazed by the two at this point, “So, if we could all get along so that I don’t have to wake up to this everyday, that would be fantastic.”

Morgana raises his brow, squinting his eyes ever so slightly as he utters out, “Every…day?”

As much as Ryuji wants to give Morgana the most smug smile he’s ever done, he’s not sure if that would be enough to satisfy the tightening that was beginning in his chest now that it was obvious that there was no use in hiding it anymore. He figured this was going to happen anyway, so he might as well just say it, “We’re dating.”

“Dating?” Morgana keeps his eyes locked on Akira as if Ryuji hadn’t just answered him. The standing hairs on his back soften back into his coat, sitting down onto his legs as his tail begins to slowly wave back and forth, “You’re seriously dating blondie over here? I thought your standards were higher than this, Akira.”

Ryuji knows he should be used to it by now, but Morgana always manages to get a reaction out of him. He tightens his grip on the blankets, resisting every urge to grab the pillow from behind him and hurling it at the feline, “I’m seriously going to—!“

“Okay, stop.” Akira declares, effectively stopping his violent train of thought, “I’m making a new rule I should have enforced a long time ago. Morgana, for every mean thing you say to Ryuji, that’s how many days you go without eating anything but regular cat food. No sushi, not even the cheap kind.”

“What?!” With his ears stiffening up, Morgana instantly stands on all fours again as his jaw falls open and Ryuji honestly finds himself just as surprised as him, “You can’t do that! I’ll _starve_!”

“You're still going to get fed, obviously...I’m serious though, you need to ease up on the insults.” Ryuji holds the blankets tighter and he can’t help but feel...small? Despite all of the compliments Akira has showered him in, hearing how he’s been defended for has the blond at a loss of whether to feel embarrassed or reassured. It’s unfamiliar.

“It’s not just me though!”

“I’ll make sure Ryuji does the same thing...but let’s be honest, you’re the bigger instigator.” Right now, Ryuji finds himself burning with the need to stop Akira and apologize that he’s put him in this position of having to defend him like this. As nice as he’s realizing it to be, he doesn’t want to what puts a strain on his relationships with anyone else, even if that other person is Morgana.

“…What’s his punishment?”

Ryuji snaps out of his thoughts when Akira nudges him, playfully lowering his eyes that has the blond inhaling sharply as he replies, “I’m sure I can think of something.”

“Gross, I don’t even wanna know... But,  _fine_ , I’ll be nice.”

Now that he’s been brought back to earth, Ryuji shakes his head in annoyance, “I can’t believe you’re only agreeing to this for some damn fish.”

“You’re lucky I haven’t had it in such a long time, I’m just desperate right now. I’m still curious though…” Morgana tilts his head, tail swirling around his body and over his paws, “How did you two get...here?”

“It’s a long story that I’ll explain later. Maybe.”

Rolling his eyes, Morgana looks like he beginning to entirely regret that he’s even asked, “Does everybody else know?”

Akira looks over at Ryuji, his head just barely resting on his own shoulder, “Only Ann knows, I think?”

“Y-Yeah,” Nodding, the fact that he had told Ann almost everything about the two of them and not completely letting Akira know about it doesn't ease his nerves, “I kinda told her about a few things.”

“That’s alright, I figured.” However, Akira only grins and turns back to Morgana, “So, I’d really appreciate it if you could keep all of this to yourself right now because I don’t think Ryuji wants anyone else finding out.” Slowly, his dark eyes drift back to the blond, still no sign of malice in them, “…Right?”

And suddenly, it becomes hard for him to determine what it is that he _does_  want. When he speaks, he has to force the words out and even then, they don’t sound like they completely belong to him, “Um…yeah, sure.”

But despite his troubled tone, and the brief moment that Akira’s eyes linger on him without blinking, Morgana interrupts them unknowingly and sighs loudly, “Don’t worry, I won’t say anything. Besides, I’m still in disbelief that you’d choose to date such a—”

“Morgana.”

“.......respectable….human.”

If there’s one thing Morgana is good for, it’s completely redirecting the blond's thoughts with just a few words— not that they’re always good thoughts, though. Ryuji rolls his eyes, “That’s the _best_  you can do?”

“We’ll work on it. For now, do you think you can give us a moment?” Both of them stare at Akira again, before he clarifies, “...to get dressed, I mean.”

“ _Gladly_. I’m going to head downstairs and see if the chief left me anymore food out. At least he knows how to treat me right,” Morgana jumps to the floor with only the small sound of his paws hitting the wood flooring as he scurries off, beginning to hop down the stairs as he calls out, “I still haven’t forgiven you for tricking me like that!”’

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Akira chuckles, speaking out just barely above his normal volume.

Once the patter of paws wavers off, Ryuji collapses back onto the bed in exhaustion, running his hand through his hair as he lets out another sigh. This wasn’t the type of stress he needs to wake up to, “Ugh. Mona was the _last_  person I wanted to know.”

“I’ll make sure that he doesn’t say anything,” Akira leans back down with him, propping his head up with his hand with his body turned to face the blond, “But he was bound to find out sooner or later, right?”

“Yeah, you’re right. I just don’t want this to bring up a whole new level of teasing, y’know?”

“I’ll make sure he’s much nicer to you,” Akira says, his free hand brushing against Ryuji’s hand, brushing his thumb over his palm as his voice softens, “I’m sorry I didn’t do anything about it sooner, since I know you two have been going at it for a while now...”

“Nah, I’m fine,” Ryuji assures, shaking his head, “If there’s one thing I can handle, it’s a few insults from a damn cat.” Even if they really got under his skin from time to time, but he could take it. 

“Well,” Akira starts tracing his finger over Ryuji's palm, up his arm and it makes him wonder if he’s ever going to be able to get used to these delicate moments of touch without his skin holding onto the tingling sensation that trails behind the moving fingers, “for every mean thing he says, I’ll just have to say something nice about you.”

Although he’s not sure when he’s _ever_ going to get used to Akira’s overwhelmingly kind words, Ryuji thinks, scoffing at the statement, “You’re going to run out _real_ quick.”

“I don't know about that,” Akira’s finger stops over his bicep as he leans in closer, propping his chin onto Ryuji’s shoulder, “If you ever need a reminder, I'm sure I can add to our list.”

And there’s _no way in hell_ Ryuji’s ever going to be able to picture last night without his face flaring up or stopping the small twitch in between his legs, “A-anyway, we really should get dressed now. I know I need to get into the shower, asap."

“Alright, I suppose I’ll let you go,” Akira hums, his breath tickling against Ryuji’s neck one last time before he sits ups and yawns, stretching his arms forward.

“Besides,” Ryuji starts, leaning over the bed to grab around before he finds his boxers and swiftly plants his feet on the ground as he goes to pull them back on, “I’m sure you have a ton of people you need to see, or that want to hang out with you now that you’re back.”

He doesn't receive a response right away but eventually, Akira says softly, “I...may have received some messages.”

“It's alright, I’d be worried if your phone _wasn’t_  blowing up—” In fact, Ryuji doesn’t think he’s ever spent a day with Akira where his phone wasn't constantly buzzing with messages. And he doesn’t _really_  mind that someone always seemed to be reaching out to him; it wasn’t long until Akira just started keeping his phone in his pocket and almost never checked it unless the blond had to step away for whatever reason. But the relentless vibrations or quiet chimes would still be going off.

But, he gets it. It is Akira, after all. And he notices the tinge of jealously he gets every time he would hear the constant hum of the device, before he even knew that he had a crush on Akira. But he could never pinpoint if it was because he wanted what Akira _had_ or he just wanted Akira.

It’s merely an observation though. Even now, there's no contempt when he continues on, “—You give people this  _look_  and suddenly they wanna get to know you.”

“My acquired charm, you mean?”

“I guess if that’s what you wanna call it, Mr. Popular,” Ryuji laughs wholesomely, pulling his jeans up to his hips and then feeling the phone in his pocket and instantly pulls it out to check is messages. He's unprepared for the dozens of texts he sees with Ann's name on them, all of them in regards to Morgana. At least he couldn’t say she didn’t try to warn him.

“And do you not have plans today?” Akira asks, tilting his head at him curiously.

Ryuji knows he has no reason to feel insecure, but the question still catches him off guard. Usually he would have _something_  to do, but now that the Phantom thieves were now entirely out of business, he’d have to go back to before. And maybe that's why it brings back a familiar sting, when there was a time that there never were plans made with him, or anyone he could even make plans with. He'd simply wake up, go to school, come home, maybe talk to his mom if she was home that night, then sleep, and repeat. Occasionally his mom would ask him if he had any plans, and after the many attempts of getting him to say other than ' _Nothing, as usual'_ , it wasn't long before she stopped the question altogether. 

(No wonder his mom caught on; as soon as she started receiving almost daily messages from him saying ' _hey, i'm gonna be a little late tonight, i'm hanging out with akira for a bit_ ', the question soon came up again and this time, he almost always had an actual answer.)

“I-I got some things I need to do. Probably gotta check in with my mom, she gets worried if she doesn’t hear from me for too long. And I got—” Come on, he thinks to himself, wishing he could think of anything that sounds slightly convincing that he's not just going to go home and probably watch TV and wait for Akira to text him later, “—other things.”

“Oh...I see. I mean, if you’re not busy…”

And before Akira can finish that trailed off sentence, Ryuji is already stopping it dead in its tracks, “Nah, its good! Like I said, a lot of people wanna see you. You should see them since you only got so much time left.”

“...If you say so,” Akira’s lips thin out and he stretches again, glancing around the room, “Where is my phone anyway?”

Joining his search, Ryuji looks around until he sees the other pair of pants thrown on the floor, away from his own pile of clothes and right by the couch. “Probably in the pants you couldn’t keep on,” Ryuji chuckles as he picks up the article of clothing, turning back towards Akira. 

And Akira is just staring back at him, resting his arms over his legs and grinning up at him, “You didn’t exactly help keep them on, so you are responsible too.”

“Then I’ll try harder next time,” Ryuji tosses the pants onto the bed, where Akira swiftly pulls out his phone from one of his large pockets.

“I’m sure you will,” Akira looks up at Ryuji one last time before going back to his phone, scrolling. Seeing as his thumb keeps moving endlessly, Ryuji can only imagine how many messages he'd received already, 

“Well, um, I’ll head out now,” Ryuji hastily pulls the shirt over his head and quickly grabs his jacket, keeping it folded over his arms instead of taking the time to just put it on, “Just, um...let me know when you’re not busy?”

As Akira looks up at him, his finger stops too, “Yeah, for sure.”

Ryuji waves him off, smiling at him, “I’ll talk to you later then!” As he turns around, the last thing he sees out of the attic is the heart shaped box still on the dresser before he finally heads down the stairs and through the lobby of the cafe, which hasn’t opened yet for the day. As he steps outside and the entrance bell rings as he opens the door, he pulls the jacket over his arms and plunges his hands back into his pockets, hurrying down the street where the chilly air is already prickling at him.

Ryuji doesn't actually want to leave, but he knows that there are other people in Akira's life besides him. And sure, now that they're officially dating (which has Ryuji heart expanding every time he consciously thinks that sentence) and he's offered obvious special boyfriend-seeing privileges, that doesn't mean they needed to be “that” couple, the one that can’t ever be out of each other’s sights and can't go one day without seeing each other.

...Except that’s what Ryuji wants.

Okay, maybe not _every day_  without seeing each other but he just _likes_ being around Akira. When he's around, Ryuji can speak his mind freely without worry and sometime when he’ll catch himself finally realizing that what he just said doesn’t make a whole lot of sense (“You make me feel free”? _What?_ ), Akira just goes along with it but he’s not above the snarky comeback either. But that’s what Ryuji likes, how Akira can be so fluid and unpredictable. Or how sometimes he’ll let his guard down when they’re together and Ryuji’s going off about some dumb shit that’s happened, then suddenly Akira laughs— genuinely _laughs_ , the kind where he’ll cover his mouth with his hand and lower his head ever so slightly to keep his face hidden, which has probably gone red from trying to keep his cool composure.

And even though every signal in his brain is telling him to just text Akira and say that he’s _knows_ it’s only ten minutes and he _knows_ that he stayed the whole night and he _knows_ they cuddled the _whole_ time but he just really wants to say that he does want to see him really, _really_ soon. 

He digs his hands deeper in his pockets; he can wait at least a _few_  hours. He can do this and prove he has some sort of ounce of self control—

And then his phone buzzes in his pocket and he doesn't miss a beat as he digs it out and his heart already swells when the name is exactly who he wants it to be— 

_> hey_  
_ > can we hang out later?_

Ryuji blinks, reading over the text again before he knows he’s two seconds away from smiling like an idiot. Then another text comes in:

_> if you’re not sick of me hah_

_<  dude no_  
_< to the getting sick of you part!!!_  
_< not the hanging out  
< i'm down_  
_< maybe i can come over after you’re done catching up with some other people?_

_> yeahhhh so_  
_ > i’m still kind of tired from just coming back_  
_ > and it’s too early in the day to make any plans_  
_ > so_  
_ > if you’re not busy after doing those "other things"  
> we can do something instead_

Despite how empty the streets are this early in the morning, he still can't help from biting his lip because of how wide the smile is on his face. The combination of having Akira asking him to hang out (which is rare, only because Ryuji has usually been the initiator of most of their get togethers) and knowing Akira is choosing him over others has him, for lack of better words, hyped as fuck. 

He does his best to keep from keyboard smashing, choosing to reply with something a bit more tame.

_< lol ok sounds good!_  
_< and i guess if you’re not sick of me yet either ;)_  
_< i’ll let you know when i’m done at my house and we can meet up?_

_> that works_  
_ > and btw…_

_< ??_

_> i could never get sick of you  
> :) _

This time he does smash the keyboard and he knows he's hit a new low because he's getting giddy over a damn smiley. He's so close to pulling the hood of his jacket over his head because of how warm his body feels but he should be allowed to feel like this because when the hell does Akira ever do _that_. 

It takes him a few minutes, along with a lot of backspacing, before he finally decides on a reply. 

> _same to you <3_

 

*****  
*****  
  


**02/18/20XX  
**

If the last few days have taught Ryuji anything, it’s that being Akira’s best friend and being Akira’s boyfriend weren't all that different.

Like, they finally decided to go on a 'date' and it still felt like they were just hanging out. Sure, it had been one of the places they’d been before, but this time Ryuji would be buying — except then they realized since the first time the blond offered to pay for his food months ago, the two of them juggled between paying for each other often after that. It was more rare for them to even buy their food separate anymore. 

Honestly, the only difference so far is that Ryuji is allowed to kiss him whenever he wants.

Which is all the time.

The only reason he’s not right now is because they’re out in public and he’s still not fully on board with flaunting their new relationship status out and about. It’s not even that ‘regular’ couples have full blown makeout sessions in public either, but it’s still hard to read the intention as anything but intimate when the space closes between them; such as Akira leaning in to get a better look at the screen while Ryuji is hunched over a shooting game at the arcade, and then he has to struggle to keep focus for the rest of the level.

And then there are the times that Ryuji just has the overwhelming urge to take a hold of his hand.

It doesn’t help that Akira is _way_  too good at making sure they just appear as 'just friends' when they’re out, to the point where Ryuji still has to wonder if he’s dreaming or this is some sort of weird cognition (he’s not used to the Metaverse being gone, give him a break) because even the way Akira looks at him is still the same as before. He’s so calm, even when he’s the one who's fully capable of invading Ryuji's space (this time, leaning over to grab a book on a shelf right above Ryuji’s head, pressing his chest innocently to the blond's back before pulling away just as quickly, although Ryuji can still feel the burn from where they made the brief moment of contact).

Although, Ryuji has a strong feeling that Akira is only acting so normal for his sake. What exactly would he have to lose? He’s leaving and it’s not like Akira has ever been one to have society tell him where his place was. He hasn’t even brought up telling any of their other friends and he likes to think that Akira isn’t actually ashamed of him—

No, he knows that can’t be it.

But even now, as they walk into the theatre together (which they consider a date even though they’ve done this plenty of times before too), all Ryuji is doing is silently hoping that Akira will do something, even if it's the most subtle action ever. Maybe lean over and whisper in his ear, sneak a quick, private kiss, even just something as pathetic as their hands brushing together when they walk side by side.

The two of them find a seat as close to the center of the theatre as possible. It’s not too packed, since it is a daytime movie, but there are still quite a few number of seats around them that are filled. Everything is still the same as usual; they still talk all the way up until the beginning, chuckling after each of them make a comment about the trailers while they’re already halfway done with the popcorn they just bought, then they sit in silence and become engrossed by the film.

As much as Ryuji loves seeing movies on the big screen, he can’t imagine it’s much better than the two of them up in one of their rooms, curled close together and commenting on all the details of the shows they’re marathoning for the night. He’d be able to lean on Akira completely, maybe run his hands through his hair, or just kiss him during a part they’ve already seen—

Now, ten minutes into the movie and Ryuji’s already distracted, glancing over when he notices Akira putting his weight on the armrest between them, hand dangling off the edge.

It's then he realizes he doesn't want any of it to go away. Even if he can't bring himself to have them hold each other's hands in public right now, or if the look in Akira's eyes doesn't change — because it doesn't need to. 

Maybe Akira has just always looked at him like this and he's always mistook it as just purely platonic.

And maybe one day he’ll be more courageous and be able to lean his head against Akira's shoulder without feeling like all eyes are on him, but for now, he slides his hand over the one dangling off the arm rest and tangles their fingers together. 

All Ryuji can do for now is silently assure him that he's meant every word that he's said; about the dates, about the kissing, about being boyfriends. And even if he's too much of a coward right now to do any of that in front of others, he can still hold his hand now and show him another way, even if you're only able to notice during the few moments the screen flickers lights bright enough for the dark theatre.

And from the way Akira tightens his fingers around his own, he has a feeling that his boyfriend knows exactly what he means.

 

*****  
*****

 

**02/20/20XX**

“Aw, you guys are the best! I can't believe you got all of this for me!”

Ann interlocks her fingers together as she stares down at the assortment of Big Bang Burger’s menu in front of her, eyes narrowed in particular at the large chocolate shake that she didn't have to spend any money on. Ryuji and Akira sat across from her, their own meals paling in comparison to how much food they bought for their friend. Ryuji swears he can already see her salivating as she picks up a few fries and dips them into her shake before it even reaches her mouth.

“I like how you didn't even _try_  to pull out your wallet, it's like you knew we were treating you,” Ryuji rolls his eyes playfully, taking a bite out of his burger.

“Hey, if it wasn't for me you'd still be in your room sulking about Akira.”

Then he nearly chokes on it, “Mmph—! H-hey, I was not sulking!” He quickly turns to look at Akira, who is looking back at the blond with amused eyes and a smug smile over his lips, which are currently wrapped around a straw from the soda he's sipping, “I-I wasnt!”

“I believe you,” Akira takes a few more sips, setting down the cup, “But it would be really sweet to picture you like that though, missing me that much…”

“I-I never said I didn't miss you...”

A sigh escapes from the bag next to Akira, Morgana popping his head out from the zipper. He looks between Akira and Ryuji, shaking his head, “You two just never quit with that lovey dovey talk."

“Aw, is someone jealous?" Ryuji teases as Akira pulls a piece of meat from his burger and holds it in front of the cat.

“Of you two buffoons? As if.” Despite his words, Morgana's tone remains playful, especially once he receives the treat from Akira, taking it from his hand quickly. Morgana has really started to tone down the insults ever since Akira threatened him with not being able to eat sushi or any other tasty treats, and while there is the 'friendly' jab every once and a while, Ryuji notices the lack of animosity very quick. Morgana looks over at Ann, who was still swirling fries in her chocolate shake, “Lady Ann, I can't believe you were in on this the whole time and kept it from me!”

“Sorry, Mona," Ann takes a small bite, licking her lips right after, "but I had already spent too much money and time with trying to get you away so these lovebirds could finally figure things out.'

As she answers, Ryuji ducks his head low, eyes glancing around the restaurant and seeing no one seemed to be looking at them, “Wanna say that a little more _quietly_ next time?”

Ann shakes her head as she finishes sipping her drink, “Ryuji, this place is always loud and everyone else is talking, I don't think anyone cares about what we have to say,” Despite his paranoia, he sees that she does have a point; everyone else in the building seems too preoccupied with their own fast food than to focus on their conversation. He has an excuse though, he's still getting used to the whole ‘we're bros but we're dating too’ situation. Ann leans over onto the table, eyes still trailing over the food as she asks, “But that reminds me, what did everyone else say?”

“...Everyone else?” 

“Yeah, you know,” Ann looks between the two of them, who are staring at her with a dumbfounded expression,”...our friends?”

“...Oh. Right.” Now there was the whole ‘when two people on the team start seeing each other so you gotta tell the rest of the team because that's just what you do’ situation. “Uh…”

“We haven't told them,” Akira states blankly.

Ann stops mid way as she's about to take another bite of her fries, eyes wide in disbelief, “What? Why not!?”

"Okay, now people are _definitely_ staring..." Ryuji mutters, lowering his head further when he sees a few people glance over and linger in their direction at the girl's outburst, but then they quickly turn back to their own conversations, “And I dunno, we just haven't gotten around to it!” 

And it's not like that's a lie.

Besides when Morgana found out, the two of them hadn't even talked about telling the others, then the few days following that was just them easing into the idea of crossing pass the friendship line by attempting to go on 'real' dates or not having to ask if the other was okay with kissing them at that moment instead of just doing it. Morgana purposely tried to stay as far away as possible once they'd start closing the distance between them whenever they were in the middle of watching a movie, and Ryuji doesn't even care that Morgana makes a fake gagging noise as he makes sure to let them know he's leaving the room, giving them the 'okay' to continue.

Then there was Ann, who was trying to get status updates from Ryuji but would only be left with the sorry excuse for a reply of “ _hey sorry i just saw this! i’ll tell you later_ ” and after the third time that happened, he figured he'd owe her a little something extra for helping his lovesick-ass out. And now that he clued Akira on some of the things he told Ann about them, he was fine with the idea of taking their friend out and treating her for being the best wingman ever, and that's where they were now with that one.

Besides them, no one else knew.

Akira leans on the table, scooting in closer to Ryuji, “We can tell them whenever you're ready,”

Ryuji blinks, looking at Akira with raised brows. What was that supposed to mean? “Whenever _I'm_ ready?”

“Yeah. I don't mind who knows but I'm sure letting the team know is a given. I just want you to be okay with it."

And that's just like Akira, always careful of Ryuji's limits. Sure, Ryuji isn't completely confident with letting others know that he swings both ways (even he's still coming to terms with the fact that maybe he's not as straight as he always thought he was) but then that makes him wonder about what Akira wants from him as well. If he wanted to let his friends know that he was happily dating someone, why should he try to stop him? Because he's scared of even more people finding out and having another label added to the ever growing list of why he's an outcast?

After everything Akira's done for him, he could make a few compromises, “What if I'm okay with it now?”

Akira keeps his gaze locked on him, eyes widening slightly, "...Are you?"

“Y-yeah! I mean, it's not like we're tellin’ the whole world. Besides, I...I want them to know," Ryuji averts his eyes away from all of them, knowing that they're all probably locked on him right now, "I shouldn't have to feel scared about calling you my...my boyfriend, at least not to them."

And despite his hesitation, he really does feel a leap in his heart every time he says that word out loud, "If any group of people are gonna accept me for who I am, I figured it'd be all do you guys," After everything they'd been through, how could he not feel safe with them? The blond turns back towards Akira, lifting his head slowly to look at him, "And I… I want you to know I'm not ashamed of liking you.”

As soon as Ryuji is looking into his eyes, Akira quickly turns away and lowers his head slightly. It makes him panic for a moment because oh god, did he say something out there again? He's just about to ask what he said when he notices the pale skin of Akira's neck growing pink, rising up to his face.

Was _the_ Akira Kurusu  _blushing_ because of something he said? Was this for real?

Akira coughs softly, covering his mouth when he turns back to Ryuji and keeps his hand partly over his face, “That's, um...very sweet...”

Maybe Akira really doesn't mind who knows. Maybe all he wants is to know is that Ryuji really did want to be with him. And seeing Akira caught off guard just by hearing that gives the blond more of a reason to smile.

Ann lowers her eyes as she stares between the two of them, “...You two are seriously straight out of an anime or something.”

"Seriously," Morgana chimes in, "I'm getting secondhand embarrassment..."

As Akira adjusts his glasses, Ryuji turns back to them with brows furrowed, “...anddd you just ruined the moment, thanks.” 

“You'll have plenty of other moments to enjoy!" The girl returns to her upbeat tone, probably because she's finally ready to dive a spoon into her chocolate shake, "So, when are you gonna do it?”

“Tell everyone? Uh, I guess… whenever?”

“How about tomorrow?" That was a _lot_ sooner than he was expecting, but he could work with it, "Akira can call a meeting and we can celebrate like old times.”

“Okay, we don't need to go as far as having a party. Didn't we just have one the other day...?" Don't get him wrong, Ryuji loves any excuse to have a get together that consists of his friends and a whole lotta food, but knowing the purpose of it is just because him and Akira got together was just a little too extra for him, "Can't we just text it?”

“Something as big as this? No way!”

“Ugh...well, what do you think?” Ryuji leaned towards Akira, tilting his head and seeing how his skin was slowly becoming pale again.

“Me?” Akira points to himself, taking a moment to answer, “...I think a get together would be fun.”

Then again, Akira was as extra as they came.

Ann points a spoonful of her shake in their direction triumphantly, “See! It's what Akira wants!”

“Okay, _fine,_ " Ryuji sighs, but then slowly, a smile begins to spread over his face. They all deserved some more fun anyway, "Akira can call the meeting and we'll tell them there.”

“And once we're done here, we can go shopping to get everything ready for the party!" ”

" _Meeting_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> spoiler alert: it's a party, not a meeting
> 
> you know, i use to think slow burns with established relationships weren't a thing but with how many details i'm putting in this, i see now that this is not the case lol
> 
> i still got a few chapters left so if y'all are still here (because i know getting them together is always the most fun part) then thank you <3


	7. seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we go
> 
> p.s. don't roast me, writing group scenes is real hard

**02/21/20XX**

Why did Ryuji assume they would do anything else _besides_  throw a party?

As always, all of them were able to attend on such short notice when Akira messaged of them that he wanted to hold another meeting. There had been some skepticism in some of the replies, but found it gave them all an excuse to see each other again, especially with Akira leaving. And just like old times, Sojiro allowed them to have the cafe close up early so that they could hold what Akira would call ‘the most important meeting ever’.

They tried to huddle in at one booth as much as they could, their greetings coming to a halt when they saw Akira staring at them with a blank expression, mouth hidden behind interlocked fingers that rest in front of his face.

“You’re probably wondering why I gathered all of you here,” As much as they’ve come to expect Akira’s unreadable expression, his tone remains serious and catches everyone’s attention immediately. And Ryuji is sitting next to him, covering his mouth with his hand to keep from snickering at Akira’s acting.

“I’m definitely curious,” Makoto affirms, holding an amused grin.

“As am I,” Yusuke sits off to the side in the bar chairs, hands relaxed in the pockets of his jacket, “Is it so dire that we needed to gather again so quickly?”

Rolling her eyes, Ann replies, “We’re giving you free food, Yusuke…”

“Oh,” Haru glances over Makoto’s head, peeking at the treats that caught her eyes when she first walked in, “That explains why there’s all that food on the bar.”

“Yeah,” Ann shrugs, “We _kind of_  forgot to mention that its a party.”

“A party? I would have brought some food if I knew.”

“It’s okay, Haru. We wanted to make it a surprise,” Akira’s tone tightens, although it doesn’t seem to ease the nerves for those that don’t know they were about to reveal that him and Ryuji were an actual ‘thing’ now. Anxiety bubbles within the blond though, as he looks over everyone’s matching expressions of intrigue. Except for Futaba, who holds her head low to keep her eyes from making contact with anyone — okay, it’s mostly him she looks like she’s avoiding but he still thinks it’s weird.

“Not that I’m against having fun, but what exactly are we celebrating?” Makoto says, “I thought we had heard everything there was to hear last time.”

“Things took an interesting turn,” Heaviness returns to Akira’s voice and Ryuji pinches the bridge of his nose because as much as he doesn’t want to be the one to announce it, Akira’s dramatics were never going to waver. They lean in further, waiting for Akira to continue, “Even though we no longer have access to the cognitive world, I still consider us very much a team. That’s why we feel it is important for everyone to know…”

“We…?” Haru tilts her head.

“You see, after everything we’ve been through, dynamics tend to change and people grow closer to each other the whole time they’re together…”

Nodding, Yusuke replies, “Understandable.”

Could Akira just get to the point? The suspense was killing him too.

“And so, it ll started on my very day at Shujin—“

“Oh my god,” Ryuji groans, running his hand through his hair to keep his face from showing, “He’s trying to say we’re dating, alright?!”

There’s a moment of silence where the four across from him just stare at him with wide eyes, but definitely not the disbelief he expected. 

“Dating?” Makoto says slowly, trying to take in the words, “Like….romantically?”

“…Is there any other way to date somebody?”

“I-I guess not. How long have you two…?”

Both Akira and Ryuji glance at each other for the answer, counting the days in their head before turning back to them, “A week or so?”

“T-That makes sense…” Futaba mutters under her breath, burrowing her head deeper into the hood of her jacket.

Before Ryuji can find a moment to ask her why she’s acting so strangely, Haru clears her throat and gets everyone’s attention right away. Her cheeks are pink and she looks like she’s fighting to keep her smile up, “A week…that’s how long you’ve been seeing each other?”

Ryuji can hear the hesitancy in her voice and out of everyone, Haru was the last friend he expected to react any other way besides pleased. He swallows hard, nodding, “Yeah, just that long…”

“…well, this is embarrassing,” Haru chuckles softly, bringing her hand to her cheek delicately.

“…Why’s that?”

“You see…I assumed you two were already together.”

Even that manages to catch Akira off guard, turning his head sharply in her direction with widened eyes as Ryuji sputters out, “W-why would you think that? How _long_ have you thought that?”

“Oh, um…” Haru takes a moment to also count the time in her head, “…shortly after I got to know all of you?”

Ann’s mouth hangs open, “You thought that this whole time?”

“But _why_?” Ryuji asks in bewilderment because if Haru could never tell the difference, did others think that about them too?

“You two just seemed so relaxed and comfortable around one another! Akira always seems much more talkative when Ryuji’s here, or how quickly Ryuji can calm down when he’s around Akira,” Haru shrugs, “And I thought the looks you'd give each other were a giveaway as well. I guess I misread that.”

"I don't think you misread anything," Ann chuckles, nudging Ryuji playfully, “I _told_  you that you two weren’t subtle.”

“I suppose I’m not too surprised either,” Yusuke starts, grinning, “There have been times where I’ve seen you two stare into each other’s eyes so deeply that it would instantly inspire me to capture that feeling. I even thought about asking you two about that, but never got around to it.”

Makoto nods, speaking before Ryuji can think of anything to respond to Yusuke’s previous comment which still has his face flushed while Akira remains pleasantly surprised, “Yes, now that you mention it, I’m not exactly shocked either. Ryuji behaves much better when Akira’s around.”

“You think so?” Akira says with a smug-ass smirk and thankfully his lips are behind his interlocked fingers but that doesn’t stop Ryuji from nudging him with his leg under the table.

“C’mon, do I really act that differently?!”

“I don’t think you do,” Morgana chirps into the conversation, looking up at Ryuji with a familiar enthusiasm, but he thinks the cat is trying to be nicer?

“ _Thank you_ , Mona.”

“I thin you're as obnoxious as you usually are.” Scratch that.

“Three.” Akira states, everyone looking over at him curiously, besides Morgana and Ryuji who sit there with wide eyes.

“What was that about?” Makoto asks as she tilts her head.

“It’s nothin’! Anyways…" Ryuji turns to Futaba, smiling widely as he forces out a chuckle, “W-what’s the matter, Futaba? You haven’t said anything yet.”

The attention brought to the redhead catches her off guard, jumping at the sound of her name as it takes her a few moments of making a few sound before she's able to form a sentence, “Oh, um, yeah! I could tell too. J-just not too surprising,.”

Akira, who has been silent this whole time, narrows his eyes on her, raising a brow slightly, “How long have you been able to tell?”

“A-a while.”

“…Really? What clued you on?”

“Oh, you know!" Futaba giggles nervously, the speed of her words increasing. "The way you look at each other, the things you say to each other, all that jazz…”

Ryuji’s brow raises too, beginning to clue on why Akira was interrogating her. Akira keeps his eyes on her, dropping his head slightly so the light reflect off his glasses, making it hard to see his eyes, “Things we say? Like…”

Her expression turns sour as she raises her voice, “You don’t wanna know, okay?!”

That wasn't a comforting statement to Ryuji at all. His heart began to race, trying to pinpoint all the things the two of them could say to each other, “F-Futaba, you got me scared now. Seriously, uh, what did you hear?”

“You _really_  want me to say?”

“It can’t be that bad if we said it in front you, right?”

Futaba sighs, holding her hands tight in her lap, “Well, the thing is…you didn’t know I was there.” 

“And when was—“ Akira begins before being shortly cut off by Futaba tangent.

“It was the other night, okay?! Sojiro came home and told me how you spent the day working on Valentine’s Day and I figured you were all alone so I wanted to see if you’d go come with me to see if they already were marking down the prices for the chocolate so I tried calling and calling but you wouldn’t answer—”

“Is that why I had so many missed calls from you…? I didn't even see them until the morning."

Valentine's Day? 

“— so uh, do you remember…that thing I put on your phone when you went to Hawaii?”

What the hell happened—?

Oh no.

“No.”

Oh **_no_**. 

“I-I wanted to make sure you were safe so I activated it and I guess it was in your pocket or _wherever_  but I…heard things.”

Akira lowered his head, the light reflecting off his glasses, making his face even more unreadable, “You _didn’t_.”

That night was Akira's ears _only_. 

“What the hell did you hear?!” Now he had to worry about which part of that night she heard because if it was anything _besides_ making out, he truly was better off not knowing.

 “I couldn’t even understand you two! All I recognized was your voices but I turned it off right away once I realized it was...intimate."

Everyone is quiet for a moment, varying degrees of red dusting their cheeks. Yusuke clears his throat, eyes pinned to the table in front of them, “I…have heard others say that it’s important for couples to be sexually compatible.”

Ryuji grumbles, putting his head in his hands while Akira remains silent next to him4re He just wanted them to know they were dating, _not_ banging, “Oh my god, this can’t be happening. We are _not_ talking about this right now…”

“H-How about we have a toast?!” Ann chimes in, clearly trying to clear the air of embarassment that was suffocating them.

“Y-Yes, that sounds like a great idea!” Makoto follows, lifting a glass.

“To the happy couple!” Everyone hesitantly raises their hands and takes a sip out the many cup scattered around them, all taking sips to keep themselves from talking. 

Lowering his drink, Yusuke looked over at the new pairing, “But…was the whole purpose really to tell us about this?”

“I think this would be a text worthy topic,” Futaba agrees with the artist, surprisingly, as she takes another long drink.

“You don’t say…” Ryuji eyes Ann, who rests her arm on her hip and shaking her head in disapproval.

“I don’t see anything wrong with wanting to throw a celebration with lots of good food for our friends getting together!”

“And if anyone of you wish to date within the group, you have my blessing," Akira states blankly, finally moving his head so that his eyes can be seen again.

“Watch it be Ann and Makoto,” Ryuji throws it out there playfully as he relaxes in his seat, although he may possibly be trying to deflect the attention from him to elsewhere. It manages to get a reaction out of both girls, looking at each other with nervous, bashful expressions before looking back to the blond to raise their voices.

“W-what?”

“Hey, don’t go making assumptions!”

Yusuke taps his chin. “All that’s left is Haru, Futaba, and—

“I choose Haru.”

“Oh, I’m flattered! I thought you'd think I was too old for you.”

“Hm, in this scenario, I suppose I could just be celibate and continue to work as an artist…”

“He didn’t say you could only date within the group…" Morgana sighs, shaking his head with a grin, "You guys are so weird.”

“I-I think it’s time to bring out the cake now!”

 

*****  
*****

 

Ryuji did not die from embarrassment so the night didn’t go _that_  bad.

Hours passed after the initial celebration, where their time had consisted of stuffing their faces, talking Futaba out of playing spin the bottle so that she could “let the bottle decide their fates”, and swapping more stories about things they’d done together or accomplished this year. And now it was just the two of them, leaning up against the side of Akira’s bed frame while Morgana hovers over in the blankets. Ann had left a few minutes ago and Akira offered to walk her downstairs because supposedly, he had to get something from the lobby anyway. Ryuji thinks nothing of it.

The entrance bell rings again and the quiet patter of foot steps grows louder. Looking at the staircase, he sees Akira coming up the steps with a brown bag that he’s not able to see through, but the outline makes it look heavy.

“What’s that?” Morgana eyes him curiously, sitting up.

“Just another part of the party,” Akira states as he stops in front of them, still keeping the contents inside the bag hidden.

If this part of the night was brought up previously, Ryuji doesn’t remember ever hearing about it so he’s equally confused, “There’s more?”

The cat sighs, ears dropping, “Isn’t a little late for that? Shouldn’t you be heading to bed soon?”

“I suppose I could go to sleep if Ryuji stays,” Akira responds, shrugging as he takes a few steps towards the blond and is now looking at him with thin eyes which he recognizes instantly as the infamous stare of seduction that he’s not completely sure Akira is aware that he has or not, “How about it, Ryuji? Want to take me to bed?”

Knowing Mona is in the room with him doesn’t help at all, “Um, I—!”

“Ugh, forget I asked. You two do what you want, I’ll come back later when I know you two are asleep” Morgana sighs heavily again, scratching behind his ear before hopping onto the window sill, paws planted on the entrance of the open window, “Just one thing…please have clothes on this time.”

“We’ll try,” Akira affirms as Morgana shakes his head, leaping out the window onto the next surface.

“See ya!”

The two of them stare at the window for a few seconds before Akira looks back down at the blond, holding up the bag, “So, wanna see what I got delivered?”

“Delivered? Is that what you were doin’ downstairs?” And there was still plenty of food and drinks downstairs, what else did they need?

“I figured if we’re celebrating, we should have our own party,” Akira shrugs, reaching into the bag as he pulls out two dark bottles, holding them in between his fingers, “Ta-dah.”

Of course, Ryuji has to ask even though he has an idea of what is inside the bottles, “Is that booze?”

“Yup.”

“How the hell did you get that?” All Ryuji is really concerned about is the _how_  behind this because okay, he gets it, Akira is popular but did he really know someone older than them that would really be willing to sneak them alcohol? He didn’t know too many adults like that.

“Someone owed me a favor.”

“…I should really expect that to be the case at this point.”

“Now that I’m free, I can go back to being the delinquent I am,” Akira takes a seat next to him on the floor, setting one bottle down and the other in his lap.

Ryuji keeps his eyes on the bottle between them, stalling before he takes it off the ground and into his hands, “You ever drink this stuff before?”

“Not this one. If you mean alcohol as a whole, just here and there. Never enough to get drunk though,” Akira twisted the cap off, holding the rim of it to his lips, “You?”

“Never gotten drunk and I…really never drank before. I think I remember taking a sip when my dad left a drink out, but I remember not liking the taste,” Ryuji chuckled softly, the imagery of the memory scattered in his mind where he can only remember the feeling of being small and thirsty, then somehow making the connection to drink anything in sight — but nothing compares to the way he can still taste the bitter, burning aftertaste after taking a sip of the clear liquid in the unattended glass. Everything after that fades to black, not even the reaction from his father afterwards.

He hopes his dad just found it stupid and laughed at him.

“After that, it kind of ruined it for me. Not even when I’d go out with the track team and someone brought some. Never really felt like drinking it.” The blond couldn’t give a shit if anyone else was into drinking, but every time he’s been offered, the last thing he associated with alcohol was ‘a good time’. He declined every time.

It’s the beat of silence that makes him look back to Akira, who looks like he was about to spit out the sip he just took, “I…forgot about that part, about your dad. I’m sorry. I should have asked you first instead of assuming—”

“No, man. I’m fine. I swear!” A whole hearted laugh is really what Ryuji is giving Akira because it’s been years and he really has gotten over that whole part of his childhood. There’s no use in dwelling in the past, he tells himself, even if it’s the reason he is the way he is today, “I guess…I was scared of everyone else being right. You know, like…like father, like son, they always say. Those types of things run in families, don’t they? I just didn’t want to be like him.”

“And you never will.” With earnest eyes, Akira stares at him past the wisps of hair in his face. His own eyes begin to wander down to Akira’s lips, noticing how shiny they look after just taking a drink.

“N-no, I know! I swear I’m fine though,” Ryuji wants to assure him as much as possible that he really _is_  fine and what was there to be sad about now that Akira was here? Lifting the bottle, he takes off the lid and holds it in his direction, waiting for Akira’s toast, “C’mon, let’s do it. To a happy one week anniversary.”

“…Yeah,” Thankfully, Akira smiles back and gently taps the two bottles together with a small ring before holding the bottle close to his mouth, “Happy one week.”

They both take large gulps out of the bottle, chugging down as much as they can. It doesn’t end up being much though, the taste being so similar to the vivid taste from his memories, although he assumes this must be beer. It’s doesn’t burn his throat like he remembers. When they both stop, they’re both left witch scrunched expressions, “…At least this stuff isn’t as bad as what my dad use to drink.”

“Yeah...it’s still disgusting,” Akira swallows down the bitter taste again, pulling the bottle closer as he reads the contents of the label before shaking his head and sighing, “I told her we didn’t need anything heavy...”

“Hm?”

“Sorry, nothing.”

Ryuji takes another sip cautiously, trying to prepare himself for the metallic taste. Getting drunk must be a lot of fun if someone has to deal with this shitty taste. He doesn't know how his dad did it. With his parents in mind, it raises a question he's soon asking as he places the bottle near his lips, “Hey, I wanted to ask you something.”

“Go ahead.”

They both take another sip. “I know I’ve talked about my parents a lot, but I was just wondering if you could...tell me more about yours? And you don’t have to answer, it’s cool if you don’t wanna tell me!” When he glances over at Akira, he notices how his eyes remain forward and when he goes to drink, he's still for a moment before chugging again, “You never bring them up and I want to get to know you better.”

“No, it's okay," Akira doesn't bother to wipe his mouth of the excess liquid on his lips, "I don't talk about them a lot because there's not a lot to say. They’re normal, I guess. Really busy. What is it that you want to know exactly?”

Uh, anything besides that vague description. “Well, what do they do?”

“Both of them work in business, if that isn't already obvious. My mom’s a project manager and my father’s a business analyst so work never truly never ends in our house.” Akira's voice sounds lifeless, even if he's keeping the same tone he usually does. Somehow, Ryuji can start to feel the tension. Maybe this wasn't the best topic to bring up.

“Yeah, they sound…successful?”

Akira shrugs. “I guess you could say that.”

Another long sip. “So…what about where you live?”

“It’s really boring.”

Ryuji can’t tell if he keeps continually sipping because he’s getting used to the taste or because he's nervous and that's the only thing he can do to pretend they aren't currently having this awkward discussion.

“Damn, I’m sorry ‘bout that. I’ll bet they’ll be real excited to see you’re safe though.”

“Yeah.”

And in those next moments of silence, Ryuji takes one last chug and realizes the bottle is already empty. It's definitely one of the worst things he's ever tasted, but he didn't feel that different— besides how warm his jacket currently feels.

Naturally, Akira finishes his at the same time, setting it down and staring at the label again. Ryuji leans his head back on the bed as he takes in the sight of Akira's posture relaxing and eyes falling low as he focuses on the bottle.

Ryuji looks away again.  “My mom wants to meet you, by the way.”

“Really?" Akira's eyes barely widen as he looks at Ryuji from the corner of his eyes, "Why?”

“I…might have told her a few stories about you. Ever since you came back, she’s been complaining that she hasn’t met my best friend in the whole year he’s been here.”

“Does she just know me as the best friend?” Akira asks honestly, no sign of contempt in his words.

“I’m actually _not_  sure what she knows you are. I think I might’ve clued her in without even saying anything.” Although the only sign he can think of was when Ryuji found out Akira was getting out and his mom mentioned that she'd like to meet him. The word 'boyfriend' never came up, although she would bring up Akira's name once in a while, “B-but I only bring this up because she knows you’re leaving soon! I’m not tryin’ to make it seem like—“

“I want to meet her too,” Akira leans his head on the bed, looking at Ryuji with the same relaxed look in his eyes and his face growing red, although it's hard to know if it's from the alcohol, “After everything you’ve told me, I’m sure I’ll like her. “

“Yeah, I think she already likes you too. She has to after everything I told her!"

“So...you really told her things about me?”

“I mean, I kinda had to." As he speaks, the words come easily and although he's never really had much of a filter, he's not thinking too much about his words, "My life changed completely when I met you so she was always wondering why I suddenly had plans in my life again. Then I finally showed her your picture—she asked, by the way— and she said that you’re handsome. Not that I didn't expect it, I told her you were so pretty that I even thought guys would be into you.”

“...Word for word, you said that?”

“It’s true, ain’t it? Besides, I didn’t know how I felt then and she didn’t really have anything else to say. Lookin' back, she’d probably say it's funny that I ended up being that guy in the end.”

Akira just stares at him for a moment before breaking into a fit of laughter, his shoulders shaking and his mouth in a wide, open smile. The sound feels like it piercing through his heart the same way when he sees a cute dog on the street. Akira is just so lively, unlike a few moments ago. Although, that still doesn't clear his confusion of why Akira is laughing, “Huh, what'd I say?”

“I-I have a feeling she’s probably known for…a while now,” Akira says in between fits of laughter and everything about him is so, _so_ open right now. There are still some sides to Akira that Ryuji knows he doesn’t know, and probably won’t know right away. Maybe he won’t get to hear about the full details of his parents, or maybe why Akira is the way he is, but because of moments like this, catching him so off guard he’s surprised he hasn’t joined into the contagious laughter, Ryuji knows he can wait for all of that to come out on it’s own, just like this.

Taking off his glasses to wipe the beading tears that formed at the corners of his eyes, Akira still fought to keep from chuckling after every word, “The things you say…”

Then Akira still has his glasses off as he looks back to Ryuji with glazed eye, that although they are dark, he can see the life beaming out of him. His face was even more red from laughing, and their were streaks down his face from the few tears that came with the laughter, highlighted so that he could see exactly where they fell. And his smile was so wide, so carefree and maybe it is all because of the alcohol that he’s allowing himself to be so free. That has to be it.

Then he leans over, knocking over the empty bottle that clang against the wood flooring, and takes Akira’s face in his hands and kisses him, feels the heat and the trail on his skin, or when his wet eyelashes flutter against the bridge of his nose—

“Ryu—mmph…”

— because Ryuji would do anything to see that smile and hear his laughter every day if he could.

And it’s not like the blond isn’t feeling pretty free himself at the moment either, deepening the kiss as he presses his tongue over his lips and into his mouth. It smells like booze and the taste is making it's way back into his mouth, but Ryuji doesn't care. Akira mumbles something incoherent against his mouth and then relaxes completely against the blond and cups his own hands over Ryuji’s face. He notices how Akira touches him now and how the usual trailing burning over his skin isn’t there. He doesn’t feel the sensation tingle over his skin, but only the passionate grip on his jaw.

Ryuji also has no idea what he's doing with his own tongue now but it feels _so_  right. Akira allows himself to be guided, opening his mouth whenever he feels Ryuji’s tongue against his lips. His body weight is completely leaning against his shoulder and with the small movements, they occasionally fall out of place where Akira’s lips will drag out to the corner of his, further adding to the light bruising on their lips.

Time is warped. He doesn’t know how long they're kissing and Ryuji doesn’t care to know. Pulling away and opening his eyes at the same as Akira, he doesn’t think he’s ever seen such an overwhelmed look of pleasure on his face.

Pressing their foreheads together, the sudden movement making his vision blur momentarily, Ryuji hooks an arm around Akira's waist and pulls him close and whispers, “I want you…on top of me. In my lap.”

“I can do that,” Akira says weakly, maneuvering around the empty bottles between them until his knees are on either side of Ryuji’s hips. The blond can feel where every bone presses in his lap, or the definition of Akira’s ass sitting on top of his crotch, or how the thick bulge outlining his pants is pressing against his stomach.

Ryuji holds his hips in his hands, snaking his fingers under the hem of his shirt, “I think I could get used to being underneath you.”

“It’s a nice position," Akira almost looks like he' showing himself off to Ryuji, leaning back while keeping his hands helplessly at his sides, "I’m sure there’s a lot you can do like this.”

“I bet. But for now,” he lifts his shirt up further, “I’m just takin’ in the view.”

Ryuji always thought it was so obvious that he was straight. He like girls. He _loves_  girls. He loves the curves in girl’s bodies; how they were much more noticeable compared to the lankiness he found when he looked at guys. Looking over Akira’s body, he’s really starting to take in the many details that have caught his eyes before on other guys, but he never thought much of it. If he liked what he saw, it was probably because he knew what it meant to be a good-looking guy and he just wanted to replicate that. It wasn't that he wanted them, he just wanted what they had, right?

Then Akira’s hands move Ryuji’s out of the way, freeing him the job of having to hold up his shirt, and the blond notices how long Akira's fingers are, or how his veins will protrude when he arches his hand to hold the fabric of the shirt. And while he’s lacking an hourglass figure, there are still subtle curves tracing the outline of Akira’s body; the line in his bicep, muscles raising from his abdomen, the v-lines aiming down on his hips, or even the flatness of his chest.

“Like what you see?” Akira asks, raising his shirt from in between his fingers until it’s near his collar. He looks devilish, exposing himself with such an amused smile on his face, like he’s genuinely asking to be touched.

Hopefully that is what he’s asking, because Ryuji already has his hands trailing up his sides, feeling Akira twitch and jerk underneath him the lighter he touches him, “Oh, you ticklish?”

“Don’t you _dare_ —“

“Too late!” Lightly pinching his skin, Akira jerks away from him faster, grabbing a hold of Ryuji’s wrists as he tries to tear them away. His movements are uncoordinated and his strength is weak due to how much he shakes with pained laughter.

“R-Ryuji, stop! As your, ah! Your leader! I need you to stop!”

“Don’t worry, _leader_. I’ll still listen once I get a few more laughs out of you.”

“That’s not—“ Akira’s cut off by Ryuji pulling his hands away so quickly that Akira loses his balance, falling forward against the blond's chest.

“Woah there,” Ryuji chuckles, catching him as he wraps his arms around Akira's body, keeping his shirt up with his fingers snaking underneath, “I didn’t expect you to be the one who turns into a giggling klutz when they’re drunk.”

“Yeah...I was hoping that’d be you...” Akira sighed, leaning his forehead against Ryuji’s as he wrapped his arms around his shoulders, “And ‘m not drunk, just tipsy…”

“Then I guess it’s gonna get even better.” Ryuji lowers his eyes, and he begins to notice just how warm he still is when he sees Akira is still just as hard as before. He trails his hands back down and he feels Akira stiffen on top of him until he finally relaxes when he knows Ryuji isn’t going to tickle him again, “You make some real cute noises.”

“Mm, you think so?”

“Yeah.” Ryuji stops down between his hips, on top of the button of his jeans.

“You want me to…?”

“Nah, I got it.” Akira nods against him, closing his eyes as he allows Ryuji to work his hands on undoing the buttons and zipper of his jeans until the entrance is spread apart. He thumbs over the outline of his cock in his boxers before slipping his hand in and pulling it out completely, with Akira shuddering around him. He starts to feel a hand moving down his chest, before grabbing his wrist and stopping his completely.

“You don’t want me touch you?”

“Nah, you can just stay like this. I got you.”

“Ah, alright…” Akira mutters, leaning forward and wrapping his arms even tighter around his shoulders, pressing his face against the side of Ryuji’s hips, “You have your own game for us planned?”

“I dunno if I’m _that_ creative, I kinda jus’…wanna hear your voice.” Ironically, Akira stays quiet, but he can still feel his breath miss a beat when he says it, “I…like the way you say things.”

“...Really?”

“Yeah 'cause, like...I know you’re not the biggest talker but I want you to know you can say anything to me. You don’t gotta say it now but I like hearin’ about who you are and the things you’re into so don’t ever feel like you gotta hide anything," Ryuji places a kiss to the head of hair on his shoulders, “I’m here for you, alright?”

Akira tightens himself around him, nodding again, “…Alright.”

“What I do wanna know right now though…is if this feels good.” Brushing his thumb over his tip, he gives a tight squeeze to Akira’s aching cock, hearing a gasp against his neck.

“Ah, y-yes…that feels good.”

“Good,” Ryuji leans his head against the other shoulder pressing into his cheek as he wraps one arm around Akira’ waist again, keeping his other hand preoccupied as he pumped his boyfriend in his hand continually. Fingers grip into the back of his shirt and he feels Akira squirming away, but his hand keeps him in place on top of his.

“Oh right…I never answered your question." Ryuji begins to draw circles over his back, really taking in how soft Akira's skin is. Maybe guys were just as soft as girls, “I really do like what I see. It’s cute seeing you like this, all needy and jumpy.”

Ryuji rubs his tip hard, spreading the precum around the head of his cock, keeping his movements irregular so that he feels Akira thrust into his hand, desperate for more from the blond. His erratic breathing is warm against Ryuji’s ear, he's holding onto him so tightly, the sounds of him losing control— all of it was starting to become too much, even if he was the cause of it, “I—ah, I only…wanna be this way with you…”

Ryuji’s face flushes as he quickly picks up the pace, his fingers slick enough to quickly work his shaft. He presses back against the bed, laying down further while Akira follows him down. As hard as his own cock is, all he wants to focus on is on the boy grinding into his hand. Still stroking him, Ryuji brings his hand from his back to Akira’s chest, pushing him away. At first Akira resisted, making a small sound of protest, but then he followed the applied pressure, sitting up straight with a dazed look in his face.

“Sorry, I just can’t see your face very well if you're like that. This is better.” Ryuji says quietly, although he’s sure even Akira can hear the teasing in his tone.

“You…want me to stay like this?”

“Yeah, I ended up thinking of something fun.”

Ryuji strokes him hard, pulling a small whine out of Akira, “A-ah— what is it?”

“Mine doesn’t have as many rules. I just want to see your eyes as much as I can.”

“You just want me to...keep my eyes open…?”

“Yeah. You don’t even have to be looking at me.”

Akira stares at him for a brief moment with downturned eyes before averting his gaze, digging his hands into Ryuji’s shoulders. He bites his lip, eyes threatening to close when Ryuji jerks him suddenly. The blond likes being able to see Akira like this, with his disheveled hair and trembling arms, although he's still hiding his stare from Ryuji. The blond didn’t have much of a chance to see all of Akira's reactions when he blew him that one time (even Ryuji remembers not wanting to look), so he’s sure Akira is just as worried about showing any vulnerability as well.

Then Akira swallows hard and turns his head, looking at Ryuji with watery eyes again, and eyebrows furrowed so deeply, he almost looks like he’s in pain. His mouth hangs open slightly, unable to formulate any words because of how quickly he is cut off by a weak moan, “Ryuji, I—mmph…”

Then he’s back to looking at the ground when Ryuji speaks to him, “You…you close?”

Akira nods tiredly and Ryuji knows that helpless look on his face could single handedly make the blond come in his own pants, “G-good, now look at me.”

And Akira does, and holy shit, he's  _wrecked_.

“Ryuji…” Akira rubs his hips feverishly on Ryuji’s lap.

_Hell no_. Akira could not say his name in that weak little voice while staring into his eyes like that, like...Ryuji is his entire world. And if that’s not the worst part, his hips are grinding against his own cock in his lap, which has him on the verge of coming in his pants and he’s too fucking turned on to care.

“I want to…see your face when you come,” Ryuji's holding onto the fabric of his shirt tightly in his hands when Akira slips a hand over his wrist to hold him tightly, like he needs some sort of stability.

“Please, Ryuji, ah…!’

“You…you look like you’re gonna break…” 

Akira's anguished eyes struggle to stay open. He blinks every now and then, but stays to his word of looking into Ryuji's eyes. Everything about him is so helpless; his moans are drawing out into weak whines and he bites his lip every time his shaft throbs in Ryuji's hand for release. 

Then there's only a few more words Akira is able to say, “Then…then do it. Break me.”

The back of Ryuji’s neck is coated in sweat as he pushes to the motion of Akira’s hips on his. Akira is still looking at him, mouth open where Ryuji can see a bit of drool leaving the corner of his lips. He currently has the blond's wrist in a death grip and spreads his legs further. It hits him all at once when Ryuji sees the twitch in his eyelids and how his teeth clench as he tries to push out the words, “D-don’t stop, please, Ryuji—“

Ryuji can’t tell who comes first, but he knows it’s a close call when he feels himself releasing into his boxers while Akira thrashes on top of the blond as his own cum squirts and trail down his own chest and t-shirt, shockingly laving Ryuji's shirt free from any of it. Akira continues grinding against him as his orgasm trails out into a dull haze of pleasure. Once he relaxes, his tired eyes drift downward at the mess on his chest and shirt. Without saying anything, he pulls his shirt off and quickly cleans himself, wiping his skin clean.

"H-How was that?" Ryuji asks, watching Akira toss his shirt in the corner as he trie to stand up, even though he does see a wobble in Akira's legs.

“Well, I found out another thing I didn't know I was into."

"I was jus' tryin' to be romantic then I guess you could say it got a little outta hand..."

"Please tell me that pun was not intended," Akira chuckles, slipping his jeans off before collapsing on his bed, "I'm about ready to pass out."

Standing to his feet, Ryuji grimaces at the slick wetness in his pants, shuffling around. He wanted to have clothes on this time but he also couldn't get to sleep like this. He looked over at Akira, was curling into the blankets underneath him. He still had his boxers on, but Ryuji was already shrugging off his jacket and throwing it on top of him, “Here, you can wear my jacket while we sleep.”

"Mmph..." Akira didn't even sit up, just blinked as he pulled his fast out of the jacket, “You’re…really going to let me use it?”

“Yeah? It’s not that big a deal, is it? It’s just my jacket.”

Akira smiles, surrendering and works his way into the sleeves, “You’re such a gentleman, giving me your jacket…”

“Maybe I’ll even let you wear it outside,” The blond chuckles, somehow satisfied with just the sight of Akira wearing his clothes. 

“Don’t start getting my hopes up.”

“But for real…looks good on you,” Then his mind is back to the growing discomfort in between his legs, “And uh, do you have some clothes I can borrow? Jeans are just, uh…real uncomfortable to sleep in.”

“Yeah, top drawer.” 

“Thanks,” Ryuji scoured through the dresser, finding a pair of sweatpants. He glanced over at Akira, who was curling up within himself and his eyes already closed. It gave him the perfect chance to take off his soiled jeans and boxers and quickly change into the sweatpants. He then followed Akira into bed, laying down so that they were face to face with one another. His boyfriend was so relaxed next to him, the flush in his cheeks making him look alive and at peace.

When he finally settles on a comfortable spot with his hand under the pillow and the other at his side, Akira leans in without opening his eyes and wrapping an arm around his waist, “And next time you cum in your pants, you don’t need to ask.”

“T-That’s a one time thing, I promise!”

 

*****  
*****  
  


**03/05/20XX**

_“Dude, my mom loves you.”_

_“So you’ve told me. Three times now already.”_

And Ryuji would say it three more times if he had to because just telling Akira that his mom _liked_ him was a complete understatement.

Not that the blond expected anything less but he figured this type of meeting is gonna be nervous for anybody. For one, he’d never expect that the first relationship he’d announce to his mom would be that he’s dating a guy, _and_ he didn’t want Akira to feel the pressure of meeting his mom because even though he knows his own mom would do anything to make _anyone_  feel at home, meeting the parents always meant something more. Something that he wasn’t sure if either of them experienced yet and he couldn’t ask because this was the type of shit couldn’t put in words so he didn't know who to even bring this emotional stuff to.

However, as soon as the three of them began to talk over dinner, which the two of them prepared together the nigh before (which is where it came up that Ryuji was actually a decent cook and Akira is  _offended_ that he never once mentioned that little fact): all the walls were coming down. She smiled the way she looks at Ryuji, not the one she shows to strangers when she’s working. Apparently she wasn’t able to tell by the pictures, but she came to recognize that Akira was the boy who worked at the flower shop, that he must have been the boy working in the back that was preparing the bouquets. She never actually bought any, she just liked looking at the flowers and found it relaxing, and Akira shows with _actual_ enthusiasm that he agrees wholeheartedly with her. But then she goes into other questions, like what they’ve been up to this last year and how Akira liked Shujin, etc.

She doesn’t pry about their relationship or how fast they’re moving — hell, he’s not even sure if the word “boyfriend” actually comes up at all. The closest they get is when she smiles widely, still genuine, and tells Akira, “Thank you for taking care of my son.”

Needless to say, he thinks he might have preferred just saying boyfriends after that.

And that’s not even the most humilitating part of the evening. There comes a moment where she compliments Akira’s hair, mentioning that she was never able to convince Ryuji to grow his out when he had black hair. It occurred to Akira that wow, he’s never seen Ryuji with anything but blond hair? She goes on to say that she thinks the color he has now is charming, he was still cute with black hair. Akira is convinced he must immediately see this sight and that leads to them pulling out on an album and Ryuji begs his mom to not be that that awful and bring out any baby pictures.

“I won’t show him anything embarrassing, I promise. Just a few pictures before you dyed your hair.”

And she sticks to her word, starting from the back of the album and showing Akira how his look had completely changed: jet black and slightly longer than what he had now. And even though some of the pictures are only from a couple of years (the gaps of time reflecting when they just stopped taking pictures altogether), even Ryuji is surprised by how young he looks.

Then she flips another page and the last family photo they took is in there. The one where Ryuji is between his parents, facing his mom and his dad's hand is resting on his small shoulder. They’re all smiling but Ryuji can’t remember if any of that was real at that time. He remembers the picture, but not the day. Not even who could have taken it.

His mom stalls when she sees the picture, but her tone remains bitterly sweet, “Ah…that’s my ex-husband.”

That's right, he wasn't a father. But he wasn't much of a husband either.

Akira stares down at the picture, silently examining it with neutral eyes. It's weird to think he'll have a name to put to the face of his father after what he's told him, “Huh. Looks like it's true.”

Ryuji glances over, but Akira's eyes remain on the image, “Huh?”

“You know, about boys taking after their moms. You’re definitely her son. Your eyes and noses are identical.”

Ryuji doesn't know exactly why his heart is doing this weird combination of feeling it's swelling but also pulsing so hard he can hear it in his ears. Somehow, he feels that was the best response Akira could give him. 

And for some reason, he loves it.

There's a moment where it seems even his mom is taken aback but she quickly goes on, saying she's heard that from a few other people. The extra validation helps.

They continue to look at the album while she proceeds to tell Akira about the day that he came home with a bleaching kit and asked her to help him lighten his hair (it’s really _not_  that exciting of a story; he was feeling particularly invisible at school and told himself that he wanted a change, but soon realized he’d done it to have eyes on him again — obviously he didn’t tell his mom about the last part).

And as Akira looks at her, fully engaged with the story, Ryuji is staring and wondering if Akira looks like his mom as well.

 

*****  
*****

 

“Did I really make that much of an impression on her?” 

“Uh, duh," Ryuji fell onto his bed, keeping his phone firmly against his ear, "As soon as you told her about the florist job, she had stars in her eyes. And if I hear one more time about how you’re such a polite young man, I’m going to lose it.”

There's a soft laugh coming from the other line, “She’s too sweet. Now I know where you get it from.”

“Oh stop…She told me to tell you that if you’re ever in town, you can stay over as long as you’d like…”

“Would you like that?”

Ryuji's curling into himself, pressing part of his face into the pillow, “Isn’t the answer obvious by now…?”

“I like hearing you say it.”

“…yes, I’d like that.”

“Then I’ll stop by whenever I can,” They try not to bring up Akira's departure date very often, but when they do, they try to remain positive about it. There was no use in sulking. There's a beeping he can hear coming from Akira's line as he received a text message, “Hey, you busy tomorrow? Ann just asked if we wanted to hang out tomorrow and to invite you.”

“She couldn’t just text me that herself?" He mutters to himself, "Oh, yeah. That sounds good.” Then again, she must have known that they'd be with each other. 

“Okay, I’ll let her know once we hang up. I’ll talk to you later, alright?”

“Alright,” Ryuji can't remember the last time his bed has felt this nice, he swears he's sinking into it, “Bye, love you—”

No.

That did not happen. 

“…”

Why isn't Akira saying anything? Why is he like this?

“Well, uh, good night!!”

“R—”

Ryuji ends the call, throws the phone on the floor and proceeds to bury his face into his pillow. This time he actually will die of embarrassment. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -lmao excuse me for the #fakedeep i'm extra as hell  
> -seven chapters later and i finally come up with the number of chapters i've got left...
> 
> thanks for sticking around with all the love and support!!! we're wrapping it up soon but i'm not stretching happiness through out the next 3 chapters at all :) so don't get bored yet


	8. eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my god....we hit 100 comments, 300+ kudos, and 5000+ hits?  
> i'm dead, dying, done :')

_> ANN_  
_ > I TOLD AKIRA I LOVED HIM_

< congrats!! <3

_> NO_  
_ > I BLEW IT_

< wait  
< what?

_> NEITHER OF US HAVE SAID IT TO EACH OTHER_  
_ > AND HE JUST MET MY MOM_

< he met your mom?! that’s so sweet!!

_> NO ANN_  
_ > IT’S NOT ‘SWEET’ WHEN YOU HAVE ONLY BEEN DATING FOR TWO-ISH WEEKS_

< ryuji you need to calm down!!  
< it's not like you two just met  
< i think with everything you guys have been through  
< you’re at a point where you’re allowed to say the word ‘love’  
< besides  
< you do love him, right?  
<  
<  
<  
< are you typing a novel?!  
< it's a yes or no question

_> I DO………._  
_ > BUT IDK IF I SHOULD_

< HOW does that make sense

_> because akira hasn't said it yet_  
_ > he said he liked me out of nowhere first_  
_ > so i just figured if anyone was gonna say it_  
_ > it would be him_

< i think that was a completely different circumstance...  
< and he said he liked you, so just return the favor and say you love him?

_> this isn't a negotiation…_

< wait  
< how did this happen?

_> well_  
_ > we were talking on the phone and saying bye_  
_ > AND I SAID_  
_ > BYE LOVE YOU_

< and  
< what did akira say?

_> nothing_

< he said NOTHING?

_> well_  
_ > i kinda hung up right after that_

< ryuji

_> BUT_  
_ > he still hasn't talked to me_

< how long has it been?

_> 5_

< hours?

_> minutes_

< RYUJI  
< why don't you just call him back and talk about it?!

_> what if he doesn’t say it back?!_  
_ > it'll just make it even more awkward when he leaves_

< well you're going to have to talk about it sometime  
< and he told me you agreed to hang out with us tomorrow...

_> shit_  
_ > i forgot about that_

< how about this  
< we still meet up  
< but i'll be late and give you two a moment to talk  
< then i'll conveniently show up

_> how is that going to do anything_

< we'll be in a public place  
< so neither of you are going to make a scene  
< at least akira won't  
< and i'll show up so at least even if you two are in the middle of talking  
< you'll stop, we'll hang out, give you two some time to reflect  
< then you can have a proper discussion later

_> i still don't get it_

< trust me  
< just ask him about it at least

_> ugh_  
_ > fine_  
_ > but you gotta buy me food_

< i’m the one who’s helping you!!

 

****  
****

**03/06/20XX**  


Akira waits at Station Square, sitting at one of the concrete benches under the trees, the light peeking through the leaves above him peppering over his dark hair. He slouches forward, scrolling through his phone aimlessly like he usually does when boredom strikes. Even though the weather is getting progressively warmer as spring emerges, it's still cold enough for him to wear a jacket, which he has rolled up to up forearms. It almost makes Ryuji want to disregard this entire plan in general because even from thirty feet away, he comes to the conclusion that he’s dating the most attractive guy in Shibuya and why would he wanna mess that up just because he has no filter?

He jumps as his phone vibrates.

< hurry up!  
< i'm not showing up until you at least go up to him

_> i'm going okay?!_

Ryuji breathes in deeply. He can do this. He can talk about where him and Akira stand. He can explain that the slip was just out of habit from talking to his mom (so it definitely makes sense that over a year of phone calls with Akira, it just now conveniently comes out now that they’re dating. Totally normal). He can explain that, if Akira’s not there yet, Ryuji is not expecting to hear it said back. He comes out behind the corner of the station wall and begins walks towards Akira.

He can do this.

Akira spots him instantly, raising his brows before smiling and waving at Ryuji. He tucks his phone away into his jeans and stands up, waiting for the blond to stop in front of him. At least he doesn't _look_ like he’s expecting to have an awkward conversation right now.

“Hey there, I didn't expect you to beat Ann.”

Ryuji’s face is already beginning to burn with embarrassment. Forcing a smile, he rubs the back of his neck, “Y-yup, it’s...real crazy.”

Akira tilts his head, “Is everything alright?” He leans in closer, closing in some of the space between them, much more than what is required when you’re speaking to someone face to face, “You look a little warm. Are you sick?”

Akira places the back of his cold palm onto the blond’s cheek and of course, it doesn't keep him from blushing even more. He glances behind Akira, noticing only a few people looking at them curiously, then turning away just as quickly. Ryuji stutters his words out, “N-no, I’m fine. You don't have to act like my mom right now…”

“Just checking.” Akira chuckles, pulling his hand away. It had actually felt nice against his warm face, “Seriously though. What’s up?”

“I, ah…” Ryuji looks down, reminded of how close they are again when he sees their shoes are close to touching, “...wanted to talk. About last night.”

Even though he feels like his chest is about to burst, he still hasn’t fainted. He’s doing well.

“Last night? What about it?”

Was Akira really going to torture him further and make him say it? “You know, when we were saying bye to each other...on the phone.”

Every second Akira stares at him in confusion is just another year off Ryuji's life. His throat is dry and he doesn’t know how much longer he can keep up the staring contest between the two of before giving in. Akira tilts his head again, brows furrowing, “I...don't think I heard you? All I remember was telling you I’d talk to you later, then I think the connection went bad...The last thing I heard was you saying good night and then hanging up.”

Ryuji blinks, dumbfounded. “...That's it? You didn't hear _anything_ else?”

“That’s all I remember hearing...Why? You say anything important?”

Ryuji swallows hard. It’s exactly what he wanted: Akira didn’t hear him. He still doesn’t know. Ryuji can still wait until he’s sure that he’ll receive the same response.

“No, it...wasn't that important.”

Akira’s gaze continues to pierce through him until the corners of his lips slowly rise into a grin. “If you say so.” He shrugs, then averts his eye past Ryuji, “Ann, I know you're there.”

“A-ah!” There's a startled shrill behind them, causing him to glance back to see Ann walking out from behind one of the trees, trying to keep from fidgeting as much as possible. “I-I just got here! I was on my way over and I...I got a text from one of my agencies! Yup! Super important.”

Akira continues to stare up at her, while Ryuji’s eyes lower towards the dark haired teenager, muttering out, “Way to not make it obvious…”

“I’m sure.” Akira places his hands in his pockets, playfully smiling at her. He still hasn’t separated the open space between them furtger and Ryuji feels the overwhelming need to close it.

“W-well, let’s go, you two!” She skips towards them, stopping at their sides and then grabbing their wrists with a gentle pull, “We have to start heading towards the train.” She only has to pull a little harder before both them give in and start to walk with her once she releases them from her hold, “Akira, I’ve _got_ to tell you about what happened on set the other day. I was stopping by the refreshments and Mika comes up to me—”

“And she said that the bread you were eating didn’t look ‘very ketogenic’ to her?”

“Yah, how did you know?!”

“I believe you’ve told me once before.”

“O-oh, well—”

Their words turn into a haze for the blond as he walks between them, eyes staring straight ahead. Inside, he searches his mind for the answer of whether he truly wanted Akira to hear him, or not.

 

****  
****

**03/10/20XX**

 

Despite Ryuji's earlier concern of being seen as the the clingy one in their relationship— even if he continues to beat Akira to the punch of asking to hang out, or how his new favorite way to browse his phone is when his head is cozily pressed against his boyfriend’s chest—Ryuji is not really all that concerned with seeing how many notifications are on Akira’s phone, or even what they’re about.

Ryuji does have a bad habit of glancing over anytime he hears the 8-bit chime go off. But he doesn’t even give a second thought about the names he sees coming up, even if he doesn’t know them.

He never brings it up; not even when they’re out and finishing up their bowl of ramen and Akira excuses himself to the bathroom, leaving his phone. Not even when said phone is face up, so that when the tune goes off, his brown eyes are drawn to the brimming screen as he slurps some more noodles.

He can’t look over the condensed message quick enough because of how focused he is on the name associated with it, blinking several times as he reads it again and again:

**Group Text: “Parents”**

Ryuji’s eyes continue to linger when the screen fades to black. Out of all the people he’s seen Akira talk to, that name is never one that comes up.

He doesn’t mention anything as Akira comes back, sitting down and clicking on his phone as he sees the notification before pressing it back off and goes back to eating, all in one fluid motion. He’s seen Akira give more attention to spam texts than this. But Ryuji stays consistent, not mentioning it to him.

But somehow, fate has a way of giving Ryuji another chance to correct that.

A day and a half later, their plans to play video games turns into both of them laying down next to each other lazily on Akira’s bed. Leblanc is (somewhat) lively below them, but even when Ryuji wonders if right now is the best time for ‘this kind of thing, Akira comes up with the very persuasive argument that is ‘just be quiet then’. He curls his arm over Ryuji’s shoulders to pull him closer, kissing him softly and parting his lips teasingly with his tongue. The blond clings to Akira’s shirt when he has him pressed so firmly against his lips, he can barely contain the quiet sounds coming out of him.

“You like it?” Akira asks as he slides a hand up the side of Ryuji’s shirt, gripping his hands into his flesh.

“Mmhm...” Ryuji sighs happily into the kiss, twisting their tangled legs further.

And as Akira brushes his thumb again the sensitive skin that makes Ryuji’s toes curl, the familiar chime of Akira’s phone goes off. It’s longer this time, so it is a bit distracting when Akira is still trying to kiss him when the tune repeats itself.

“...You can get that, if you want.”

“Sorry, I thought I had it on silent.” Akira releases his grip on Ryuji’s hips to reach behind him to grab his phone and looks at the screen. When he lifts his phone, it’s at the perfect angle where Ryuji can see just who the call is from.

**Call From: Mom**

Akira sends the call to voicemail and turns it to silent, setting it back down.

Before Akira can press their faces together, Ryuji quickly brings it up again, “H-hey, was that important? I don’t mind if you need to, um...talk to them.”

“It’s okay. It’s nothing to worry about.” He puts his hands back on the blond’s waist, fingers tapping over his back, “Besides, I'm still busy doing this.”

“If you’re sure...I don’t want you to miss anything important.” Ryuji trails off, leaning down against the arm still wrapped over his shoulders.

“Believe me, there’s nothing important about it whatsoever.” Akira’s voice darkens as he corners them both back into their makeout session, this time emitting a pained whine out of the blond when he feels nails clawing down his back.

 

*****  
*****

**03/14/20XX**

 

“I guess we won’t be able to see anything with this storm coming.”

“I guess so. It’s a lot darker, ain’t it?”

“...What was that? You want me to hold your hand?”

“I didn’t say that!”

“I thought you did, my bad.”

Akira puts his hands in his pockets, mirroring Ryuji. The blond shifts uncomfortably, wind lashing against his ears and neck, causing a chill down his spine. Next to him, Akira only stares blankly ahead, while the same wind is bringing more of his dark hair into his face, making only the rims of his glasses visible.

The cold seems to suit Akira these days. He’s become quieter. He allows Ryuji’s voice to guide their conversations, keeping his expression harder to read aside from the subtle smile. He doesn’t give much of a response when Ryuji brings up that maybe it would be nice for him to go out of the house, go somewhere relaxing where they don’t have to worry about really doing ‘anything’. Akira just nods.

The park is what Ryuji decides on. He’s never spent too much time here at night despite how long he’s lived he’s lived here. It’s much more quiet at night, he notices. He can actually hear the water moving in the pond. Even though the path around the park is dimly lit, the pier they stood before looked much more intimidating the farther it went out.

“Go ahead, Ryuji.”

It’s pitch black, actually. Ryuji has to remind himself that it’s perfectly normal to be nervous around deep, dark bodies of water.

“Um, well…” Ryuji turns to Akira, slowly taking his hand out of his pocket. It’s not like there’s many people out tonight anyway, “...we can still hold hands, y’know.”

Akira manages a small grin for a moment, taking his hand, “Don’t worry. I’ll keep you safe.”

Ryuji tightens his grip on his hand, moving closer to him as they start walking onto the pier. It’s the first time they’ve held hands outside and maybe it’s just because it’s dark and no one is (probably) looking at them, but it makes him feel content. Safe. “You better, since this doesn’t seem to faze you.”

“There’s a place like this back where I live,” The smile is already gone from his face, “I went there a lot, on the pier.”

He’s still not talking a lot, but this is much better than the one word responses Ryuji’s gotten over the last few days, “Oh yeah, which one you like better?”

“This one.” Akira looks forward with ease, whereas the blond is still trying to get his eyes to hurry and adjust to the darkness so he can see his feet, “This one actually has good memories.”

Ryuji almost trips when Akira speaks,“...Does the other have bad memories?”

“Not all of them. Maybe I’ve just spent more time with others here than I ever did there,” It takes Ryuji a moment to register what he’s heard: maybe it was lonelier there? His lack of reply has Akira speaking again, voice still devoid of much emotion, “...I made it awkward, didn’t I?”

“No, dude. You’re fine.” Ryuji goes quiet, giving Akira another moment to continue.

“...It’s just that this is one of the more quieter areas of the city. It’s lovely with other people, but by yourself it gives you time to go over your thoughts, unfortunately.”

“Unfortunately?” At least with one word answers, Ryuji is _kind_  of able to tell what Akira means. Right now, it almost sounds like he’s thinking out loud, “Why?”

“It just makes me think about how I'm leaving.”

Ryuji stiffens. They’ve gotten used to never mentioning Akira’s departure, and any time it was brought up, they both tried to keep from letting it ruin the mood. Even though Ryuji hasn’t been asking, he’s had a feeling Akira’s silence has been due from thinking about each day slipping by. Ryuji never wants to bring it up though— it’s not Akira’s fault that he’s leaving and he knows just talking about how sad it’s going to be isn’t going to make their day happier. And as hard as Akira may be hard to pin down, even Ryuji knows that even he’s capable of feeling anything but somber by leaving the life he’s built here. Despite how calm he remains, or how many smiles he gives Ryuji to humor him, he knows.

They reach the end of the pier.

“I do want to stay—”

Akira holds his hand tighter.

“—but I can’t, just because I’m too scared to tell my parents.”

His brown eyes are finally adjusting to the darkness, but even now he’s still unable to see the expression on Akira’s face with how much his hair is blowing across his face. The wind feels even stronger at the end of the pier. He moves in closer to Akira, combatting between the two thoughts of hoping it doesn’t rain while they’re out this far, and that this is the first time he’s ever heard _anything_  like that come out of Akira’s mouth, “Hey, man, I get it. It’s not always easy to stand up to somebody who raised you. It’s not your fault.”

“Figures I can stand up any other adult, but when it comes to my parents...” Akira gives an empty chuckle, then stalls before taking in a shaky breath, “Did they think I was just fooling around, then could just come back after a year? Why would I _want_  to go back?”

“Hey, Akira...”

“Do you know the first thing my parents said when they found out I was being sued? They wanted to know why I thought it was a good idea to get myself involved with ‘things’ like that.”

A flame arises in Ryuji’s chest; even after a year, the story of how Akira even ended up in Shibuya still makes his blood boil, “What the hell kind of response is that!? But they knew you were innocent, right?”

“I told them I was...and they said as long as it’s on my record, it doesn’t matter.” Even when he looks up at the dark sky, clouds covering any signs of stars or even the moon, Akira’s expression is still hard to read as wisps of his hair flicker past his face.

“That’s bullshit!” Ryuji holds Akira’s hand firmly in his grasp, unaware if he may be holding too tight at this point. Akira’s voice sounds so empty and dark; the blond can’t remember the last time he’s ever heard him like this. But if he has to keep talking, or hold his hand until it goes numb, he’d do it, “But we got it off your record! Don’t they know about that?”

“Yeah, they found out so _now_  they care,” Akira laughs again, but it’s still just as hollow, “You know, they could have at least called a little bit more throughout the year instead of waiting until now. It’s like they couldn’t even try to hide their disappointment.”

Disappointing is the _last_  word he can think of to describe him. “Akira, they don’t—”

“It doesn’t _matter_ ,” The biting words cut him off, a pang of guilt hitting the blond in the chest— hard, “It doesn’t matter if I’m at the top of the class, or how many jobs I worked, or if I was trying to keep that woman from being assaulted,” Akira strains the words out, as if he’s trying to say them all in one breath, “And it’s not _going_  to matter when I tell them about all the friends I made, or how I like living in the city, or how much I’m going to miss all of you gu—”

Akira’s voice cracks and they’re both silent. He turns himself farther away from Ryuji, bringing a hand up to his face.

Then it doesn’t matter how close they are to the dark water or the way the pier shakes below them, Ryuji turns Akira back towards him, wrapping his arms around his waist to pull him close against his chest. He makes a small sound when he’s moved, but keeps his chin resting on the blond’s shoulder. He feels him swallow, shaky and uncertain, “I’m...I’m real sorry you’ve had to deal with this all on your own. I don’t know a thing about your parents ‘cept that they’ve hurt you real bad...which you don’t deserve at all.”

Hesitantly, Akira wraps his arms around him and shudders.

“And I know you don’t ever talk about what you’re feeling but I’ve been serious every time I say you can tell me anything. You don’t gotta tell me everything, but jus’ know that I would never, ever judge you for being honest.”

The words come out so quietly that the wind makes it hard for him to even make out what Akira replies with, “I...want to stay.” He tucks his face into Ryuji’s neck, tightening his hold as he hugs the blond tighter. His chest continues to shake, his words muffled against ryuji’s neck, “I really...really want to stay...”

That’s when Ryuji realizes that one of the most heartbreaking sounds he’s ever heard is Akira’s broken sobs against him, who tries to bite his lip to keep the sounds at bay but only makes them come out more harshly. He feels Akira trying to wipe the heavy tears from his face into the thick material of his jacket, but he already starts to feel it soak through on part of his under shirt. It takes Ryuji every ounce of self-control he has to keep from getting teary eyed himself. He knows this is what Akira needs, but it doesn’t make it any less painful to hear, “I know you want to.”

“I just,” Ryuji can tell Akira is trying to contain himself as much as he can, taking in deep breaths that are interrupted by another sob, “Why...why am I not good enough?”

“Akira, you are good enough. Nobody else feels that way about you. You’re _more_  than enough.”

The minutes are long as Ryuji holds Akira against his chest, leaning his head into his black hair with his hand rubbing circles into his back to soothe him. There are times where Akira makes a sound like he’s going to speak, but it just turns into a weak cry. Ryuji doesn’t press for any conversation until the shoulders in his grasp finally start to lower with ease.

Finally, Akira sighs and pushes away from the blond to just clear some space between them as he goes to wipe away the wetness from his eyelashes, “I...I know this is very unlike me, I’m sorry.”

“You don’t gotta apologize for anything. If you ever need help with anything— talking to your parents or just listening to you, I’ll do it all. I’d do anything for you,” Ryuji lowers his voice softly as he speaks, putting his hand to Akira’s cheek to wipe away the trail of tears. Despite his red eyes, he leans into the touch and looks oddly content as Ryuji brushes his thumb over his cold skin, “...Hey, why don’t you spend the night at my house?”

“Your house?” Akira sniffles, looking at the blond curiously.

“Yeah, my mom won’t mind! You said you wanted to see me cook anyway!” Ryuji puts his hands on Akira’s shoulder and squeezes him tentatively, “I’m not promising it’s gonna be as good as one of those fancy buffets, but just tell me what you want and I’ll do it!”

“I’d...really like that,” Akira smiles, and it feels like ages since he’s seen it so genuine.

“Yeah? Then let’s go! I’m starting to freeze out here anyway.” And when he takes his hands off Akira’s shoulders, he replaces it with his hand instead, which he holds tightly as the two of them walk down the pier — and even past it.

 

*****  
*****

 

Ryuji’s mom comes back early in the morning, trying to suppress a yawn as she drags her feet into the kitchen. The overflowing dishes in the sink catches her eyes on her way to get some water, as well as the trickle of left over powder that’s scattered around the counters. She raises her brows when she spots a note next to the sink, looks over the kitchen again before reading over it again and then picks it up into her hand.

Quietly, she shuffles her feet over to Ryuji’s room. It’s not odd for her to check up on her son every so often, just to make sure that he’s _in_ his room. He’s a good boy, but a mother still worries. She slides the door open and instantly recognizes Ryuji, his blond hair peeking out from the bushel of dark hair in front of him, which she can only assume is Akira. Nothing about either of them suggests that they did anything _but_  pass out onto the bed — they’re still wearing all of their layers of clothes and neither of them are under the blankets.

On the floor, she sees a plate with a half-eaten cake on it, two forks next to it. Her eyes travel back up to the boys, noticing now how Ryuji has an arm curled around Akira, looking fully at peace.

She grins as she closes the door, eyes flickering back over the note once more:

**MOM**  
**I know it’s messy**  
I PROMISE I’ll clean it in the morning!  
**It was an emergency**  
**Love you**

 

*****  
*****

**03/16/20XX**

 

It continues to rain.

Although he’s not a fan of cold weather, Ryuji will put up with it as long as it’s raining. He’s not sure why he likes it so much. Maybe he just like the hum of white noise and how it manages to clear the chatter, whether that be from the people around him or his own thoughts. He feels more focused. Sure, his shoes will be soaked by the end of the day and he might regret Akira’s idea of taking a stroll throughout the city while it’s raining when he’s in bed with a runny nose, but he’ll deal.

The neon sign above him casts a glare on his umbrella as he stands off to the side of the sidewalk. They are meeting here and Ryuji was only a few minutes early, much to his own surprise. It’s not long before he spots Akira out of the corner of his eye, coming up the stairs from the station and opening his own umbrella once he steps into the rain. Ryuji meets him halfway, nudging their umbrellas together once they’re face to face.

“You been waiting long?” Akira asks, looking at the blond with soft eyes. His dark eyes look much better than yesterday, when they were still irritated from crying the other night. Besides part of the morning after, neither of them have brought up their night on the pier but Ryuji doesn’t worry about it too much this time because this time, he can finally see the light in Akira’s eyes again.

“Nah, just got here,” Ryuji peers over Akira’s shoulder, “Mona didn’t want to come?”

“Anytime I mention that I’m going to be with you, he actually doesn’t insist on coming. I think he’s just trying to give us time alone with each other,” Akira shrugs, turning on his feet as they begin walking.

“Really? That’s nice of him,” Nudging him playfully in the side, Ryuji chuckles, “Guess I finally got the Mona stamp of approval.”

“I think you’ve had it, he’s just stubborn.”

“It’s not like it’d kill him to be nice.”

“He’s gotten better,” They had barely just started walking before Akira stopped again, turning his head to the side as he stared into the depths of a narrow alleyway.

Ryuji stops almost immediately when Akira does, peering at the location with him, “What’s up?”

“It’s the alleyway you showed me when I first got here,” Dark eyes remained focused on the location as he asks, “Remember?”

The blond shakes his head as he gives a small laugh, “You act like we never took that way ever again.” The shortcut wasn’t as necessary once they first used it since Ryuji _actually_  started waking up at a decent time to get to school. There were still the occasional late days with Akira that lead them to taking that way, but he couldn’t forget it, even if they didn’t frequent it as much.

“It was raining then too,” Akira turns to him, tilting his head in the direction, “How about we go that way?”

Raising a brow, Ryuji asks, “You wanna go to the school?”

Akira shrugs, “We can at least pass by it. I just thought going this way would be more romantic since it’s where we first met.”

“I-I guess I can see that.”

“I was just a little, lost transfer student and then a vulgar boy came and took pity on me, leading me out of the rain…”

Droplets of water hit his shoulder as he reacts, taken aback by the other’s dramatization, “I wasn’t like that! I was just riled up that morning!” Averting his eyes, he feels his face begin to warm, “Plus...you did look pretty lost that day.”

“Pretty _and_  lost? Sounds like I was a damsel in distress who had no one to rely on but you.”

“Oh god—”

“Well, what do you say, vulgar boy?” Akira leans in, droplets of water flicking off the sides of his umbrella, “Want to rely on me this time?”

“Come on, I’ve been relying on you this whole time,” Grinning, Ryuji says, “But go ahead. Lead the way, transfer student.”

Akira chuckles as they start walking down the alley, the pattering on their umbrella weakening as the walls around them caved in and balconies hovered over them.

Ryuji has talked about how they first met plenty of times (every time someone else joined the team, he never fails to tell them the story of him and Akira’s fated day) but he usually focuses on how they came about discovering the metaverse.

He doesn’t talk about the part where he dragged his feet on the way to school, head down turned to keep the rain from hitting his face — even then, he still doesn’t mind the rain and he doesn’t live too far away anyway. He doesn’t talk about the part where he looks up when he recognizes the car passing by him on the streets and how the anger boils beneath his skin, or how he bolts when he sees the car stop ahead and watches as Ann, who he hasn’t spoke to in a _long_  time, take a place in the passenger seat. He doesn’t talk about how he manages to calm down when he notices the lost transfer student looking at him with wide eyes and is either playing stupid or really has no clue what has been going on at Shujin for the last year.

Either way, he’s tired and it’s nice that someone is keeping their eyes on him for more than thirty seconds. Besides, this guy isn’t all that bad looking. He’s...kind of pretty, actually.

It’s different.

“I still can’t believe you didn’t remember the name of the school you were going to…”

“I thought I had the directions memorized and it started raining. I have an excuse.”

“Yeah, _okay_ ,” Ryuji rolls his eyes, “Man, I wish we could have all been in the same class. I wouldn’t have texted so much if you guys were just right there.”

“There’s _no_  way we could all be in a class together. Kawakami would have hated us from the very beginning.”

“I think she did anyway....”

The rest is history; a few persona awakenings and training sessions later, he could finally put a word with his feelings. Feelings he’s had way longer than when he realizes he’s got it bad for Akira.

That’s why he’s wondering about it again — if it’s fate that he can remember having that same feeling after one day of knowing Akia. He can barely imagine a time where he hasn’t happily thought of his best friend before he goes to sleep, or where he hasn’t felt like a dog for how psyched he was when Akira would confirm plans with him.

“You might get a class with Ann though.”

“I better! I don’t wanna go my last year of high school bored out of my mind _and_  fail. I think just sitting in the same classroom as Ann will bring my grades up.”

“I want progress reports if you do. I need to test this theory and see if that’s why my grades went up.”

“Your grades were already good when you got here!”

Maybe that’s what it is.

“Or maybe I just want an excuse to get a text from you.”

Maybe it’s been nothing but love this whole time.

Ryuji stops in his tracks, staring at the back of Akira’s head as he walks ahead of him. Akira is only a few steps past him once he realizes the blond is not at his side, turning around curiously to look back at peaceful brown eyes pinned on him, “Ryuji?”

He doesn’t know if Akira is meant to fall in love with him,

“Hey. I need to tell you something.”

“Oh, what is it?”

but he knows now: Akira is who he’s meant to fall in love with.

And he needs to tell him.

Ryuji steps forward, nudging their umbrellas together again.

“I’m in love with you, okay?”

There’s a hum of thunder that goes off right when the smile leaves Akira’s lips.

Ryuji watches as his lips move to make out the words. Instead, he continues, the pounding of his heart echoing in his ear, “The other day, when I asked you about our phone conversation...I said I loved you. That’s what you didn’t hear.”

“You...do?”

“Yeah, and don’t feel like you gotta say it back if you don’t right now, it’s cool. I just...wanted to tell you.”

Akira’s reaction is the only thing that keeps him from saying it again and again.

“R-Ryuji. I—”

“I know right now is...kind of outta the blue but—”

Akira drops his umbrella first when he goes to press Ryuji against the wet, concrete wall. Ryuji drops his when Akira pins him down and pillows his head with his palm, pulling him into a hard kiss. The rain has water dripping down their chins before they can even pull away to breathe.

When Akira pulls his lips away, he lets the words spill out between them, “I love you too, okay?”

And despite being in the alley, there is still the possibility of someone walking by and seeing the two of them on each other. But right now, Ryuji really doesn’t give a shit because as much as he always _dreamed_ what it would be like when Akira would finally say that to him, he can’t recreating this feeling in his mind even if he tried. He digs his fingers into Akira’s jacket, pulling him closer and replaying the words in his mind again. Akira slips a hand under his shirt and onto his stomach, the cold touch making him lurch back.

Then Akira actually _bites_ his lip and it’s embarrassing how much he likes it.

“A-Akira…”

He pulls away, droplets flickering off the rims of his glasses, “Sorry, I-I know i’m getting too worked up. I...just really wanted to do that too.”

“Well, I was just gonna say…” Ryuji still is finding it hard to breathe with how worked up he is, water still trailing over his lips and getting into his mouth, “...my house is close by.”

Akira leans his forehead against Ryuji’s, blocking part of the rain from hitting his face as he speaks low, “...it is, isn’t it?”

“We can go there…” The blond breathes heavily, closing his eyes, “i have...things.”

“Mm.” Akira captures his lips in another quick kiss, one that Ryuji has to fight to keep him from letting go, “then maybe...you should go back to taking the lead.”

 

*****  
*****

 

Any other time he wouldn’t think this but, _thank god_  his mom is working another night shift.

Their clothes cling to them, despite using their umbrellas the whole way back. However, it doesn’t matter too much because once they’re in Ryuji’s room, they’re already attempting to tear off each other’s clothes. They shrug their jackets off between kissing, even if it’s harder to do when Akira has him pinned to the wall, but they manage. They peel off each other’s shirts, throwing the sopping material onto the floor with a slap. Akira pulls Ryuji in again, his icy skin sending a chill around down his neck.

Ryuji lowers his hands to fumble with Akira’s jeans, muttering out his name as he continues to feel kisses press onto him, “A-ah, Akira…”

“W-wait,” Akira suddenly breathes, pulling himself away from the blond, “I-I have to tell you something.”

The urgency is his voice captures his attention, trying to blink away the haze of arousal, “Y-yeah?”

“I...I was lying before,” Akira starts with, which is _not_  what Ryuji wants to hear right now because if he was lying about his feelings, he thinks he just might have to punch Akira for leading him on. He sighs, looking directly in Ryuji’s eyes, “When I said I didn’t hear you on the phone. I...heard you clearly that night.”

“When you— wait. You…you knew the whole time?!” It’s definitely not the worse scenario Ryuji was thinking of, but it still manages to make his face burn in embarrassment. He’d gone all those days struggling with the idea of wondering if he should tell Akira or not when he knew this whole time?

“I-I know. I wanted to tell you earlier but I got a bit carried away.”

“Oh my god...you really heard it,” Ryuji buries his face in his palm, unable to face him, “I must have looked like such a loser.”

“What? No! I wanted to say it back but you sounded so...hesitant so I figured it was a slip and maybe...you weren’t there yet. That’s why I acted like I didn’t hear it at all in case you needed more time.”

Ryuji sighs, shaking his head, “We _really_  gotta work on talking to each other about this stuff. Do you know how many potential heart attacks I could have avoided?”

“I know. I’m sorry,” Akira nudges his hand away from his face, bumping their noses together, “Are you mad at me?”

“No, I’m just embarrassed! I can’t believe I fell for that!”

“Come on, anyone would have fallen for it. Can I communicate something with you right now?”

“I guess…”

Akira pulls him in close with his hand wrapped around the blond’s waist, pressing his thigh in between his legs and holding him down when he feels Ryuji shift underneath his touch, “I _really_  want to be on top of you right now.”

“Go ahead, I’m not stoppin’ ya…” Ryuji mutters out, glancing down as he blushes.

“Should we get undressed first? I don’t want to get your bed wet.” Akira nips at his neck softly.

“Y-yeah, that sounds good…” Wrapping his arms around his shoulders, Ryuji relaxes against Akira as he feels his boyfriend unbuttoning his jeans, quickly pulling them down with his boxers. Before he can take Akira out of his hold, he’s already working on his own trousers, letting them hit the ground and then pressing their bodies together.

They’re both still cold and moist from the rain and none of that feels particularly good against his junk, but being this close to Akira, being held and undressed by him just makes him feel at ease. He holds him tighter as Akira leads them to his bed, laying the blond down first as he continues to press teasing kissing against his ear, which is already making him whine and squirm underneath him as he’s on the verge of begging for Akira to just _touch_  him already.

Then Akira begins to move his hips on top of his, quickly replacing the cold with the heat of their bodies. He’s already hard again when Akira grinds down on him, spreading his legs slightly with the only sounds being their skin rubbing together, his quickening breaths, and the rain hitting the window by his bedside.

All of it just feels so _right_.

“Akira, I-I want to ask you something…” Ryuji starts quietly as he continues to get showered in Akira’s lips suckling on his skin, “Do you, maybe...want to...a-ah...go all the way?”

He quickly props himself up over Ryuji, looking down at him with curious eyes, “You want to have sex?”

The blond swallows, averting his eyes as he nods, “If it’s...alright with you…”

Akira purses his lips, waiting seconds before answering him again, “Listen, I want to but...please don’t feel like you have to do this because I’m leaving. I don’t want you to regret any of it.”

Like Ryuji hadn’t considered that ten times already when he was debating whether or not to even say it out loud, “I-I know. I’ve just...been thinking about it ever since Valentine’s day when you, uh...used your fingers.”

Akira is silent for a few more moments before it seems like Ryuji’s words finally register in his mind, “...You want to have sex _and_  bottom?”

“Is that weird?” Ryuji turns his face away, even though he knows Akira can still clearly see just how flustered he is, “You jus’ seem like you know what you’re doing and...know how to make it feel good.”

“I think I can die happy knowing you’re into ass play.”

“You don’t hafta say it like that!”

“You’re really sure though? I’m fine with doing something else, if you’d like.”

“N-no, I...I really want this.” Ever since Valentine’s Day, it had been something that was buzzing around in his mind. He still gets shivers when he thinks about that night— Akira’s gentle hands working over his body, how soft and reassuring he kept his voice even when Ryuji thought he was about to lose control with how _intense_  everything felt, or how even when he was two fingers deep inside him, he managed to feel completely safe the whole time, “I, uh...as dumb as it sounds, I really just want to...have a way to show I love you…” Ryuji trails off, slowly bringing his eyes back up to Akira.

“I don’t think that’s dumb at all. I want to do the same,” Akira plants a kiss on his forehead, “You said you had things?”

“They’re in the drawer over here,” He tilts his head to the side table next to the bed.

Akira leans over him, opening the drawer with an amused expression, “Lube _and_  condoms?”

“Figured it’s best to be prepared...”

“And I’m glad you are,” He pulls out both of the items, tossing the condoms over to the side as he sits up, already coating his fingers in lube, “Want me to start now?”

“Anytime you want is fine…” Although Ryuji is hoping it’s sometime soon because if having his legs spread to show off his flushed cock isn’t a good indicator, he doesn’t know what it is.

“Looks like you’re eager to get started,” Akira scoots further down his body, resting his head against Ryuji’s knee as he traces a finger down to the cleft of his ass, feeling his finger around until he finds the blond’s entrance, rubbing over it delicately, “I haven’t even touched your cock yet and you’re still so hard...You must have wanted this for a while now.”

Ryuji swallows hard as his cock throbs in between his legs, flushing at Akira’s words. It reminds him of the other part of Valentine’s day that he can’t get out of his mind, where he’d only been allowed to say a few embarrassing words. However, he remembers liking the way it felt to let himself go like that, knowing that he was under Akira’s watchful eyes. Before he can answer, he feels a finger inserted inside of him with ease. It’s still a feeling he has to get used to, but it feels less uncomfortable than last time, “A-ah…”

“You know, I forgot to tell you this before, but you’re _really_  tight,” Akira grins, keeping his focus on the blond’s eyes as he toys with his hole, pulling out and then going in, pressing around…

“W-well, yeah...It’s...it’s only for you…”

“That just makes me want to be inside you even more,” Akira begins rubbing his finger over the spot inside of him that has Ryuji clawing his hands into the blankets. Akira’s words aren’t helping either, “Want me to add another?”

“Mmhm…” Ryuji nods, closing his eyes and sighing as Akira pulls a finger out, and slowly replaces it with two. Like the last one, it doesn’t hurt as much as last time, but there’s definitely still some discomfort. His brows furrow as he tries to hold his breath throughout it.

“Hey, look at me,” Akira’s tone changes into something much softer as he opens his eyes weakly to see the look of concern in his boyfriend’s eyes, “Just relax, okay? It’s not supposed to hurt so don’t force it.”

“Ah, okay…” Sighing again, Ryuji attempts to relax his muscles as much as he can as he closes his eyes. He can feel Akira’s finger slipping in deeper, prodding around and attempting to stretch him further with small movements. It seems to be going well so far, although a lot slower than he’d like but he can’t seem to shake the remaining anxiety that clings to him, “H-hey, Akira…? Can you...kiss me a little while you’re doing that?”

“Mhm.” Akira hums, keeping his fingers deep inside of him as he works his way up his body, the movement making his fingers press deeper, “Anything for my good boy.”

“A-ahn—” Ryuji moans softly as Akira covers his mouth in a gentle kiss, unable to keep from making sounds the deeper he presses into him. He already starts to feel the difference with Akira over him and placing soothing kisses over his lips, even if it’s hard for him to keep them closed with all of the quiet breaths he’s taking in. Inside him, he can feel Akira tracing his fingers over the spot, massaging it enough that he can start to feel the pleasure burning inside him, but not overwhelming like he’d experienced before, “I...I can take another…”

“You sure?” Akira presses their foreheads together, stretching out his fingers more, “We don’t need to rush.”

“I’m good, I promise…”

“Alright,” Adding another requires Akira to maneuver around some more until he has three fingers pressed against his entrance, where he swears he can already feel the size difference. He takes in a shallow breath, leaning forward so Akira can kiss him again as he begins to slide in his fingers and yes, he was right, there’s definitely a size difference, “You’re shaking.”

“O-oh, I am…? Sorry, this one’s...different,” Ryuji sigh wavers due to his trembling.

“I know. Just remember to relax, I’ve got you.” The blond nods, wrapping his arms back around Akira’s shoulders for stability as he tries to calm down. Like he expected, it’s much tighter. But as he focuses on his breathing and the way Akira continues to coo into his ear, he feels the pressure isn’t so painful as his fingers slip in deeper. It’s oddly comforting, “You’re being such a good boy.”

That always helps too.

It takes minutes of coaxing but soon enough, Akira’s knuckles are pressed against his entrance as he moves his finger around, continually stimulating the spot inside of him that already has him leaking precum onto his stomach, “I-I think...I think I’m good now…”

“You’re sure you want to do this?”

“Mhm…” Ryuji nods, fighting to open his eyes.

“Okay...give me a moment.”

When Akira pulls his fingers out, Ryuji can’t help a quiet whine from the emptiness. He peers over at Akira, who seems to be opening the condom with ease and rolling it on his own shaft, coating it another layer of lube. He teases his entrance with his cock, barely rubbing against it before speaking again, “Are you—”

“Yes, I’m sure, Akira!”

“I was going to ask if you were ready but that works,” Akira chuckles, pressing himself against his entrance before Ryuji can tell that this is definitely a lot different from fingers in the _best_  way.

The blond digs his fingers back into the blanket as he feels him enter him a little at a time, making him let out a satisfied moan. It’s still tight, but their stretching session was definitely worth it, no matter how long it took. It’s not log before Akira is fully inside of him, a few pleasured groans leaving him as well.

“You...ah, really are tight…” Akira breathes out, eyes lingering over them.

“D-Does it...feel good?”

“Hell _yes_  it feels good. How about you? What does it feel like?”

“U-um…It feels full…” Ryuji already feels like his mind is in a haze again, “and like I’m...giving myself to you, or somethin’ like that…”

Akira swallows, leaning forward as he chuckles, “Probably best to avoid saying those things…”

“I-is it weird?”

“No, I’m just going to cum before I even get a chance to fuck you.”

“A-Akira!” Ryuji’s eyes widen as his face flares up again at Akira’s words, turning his face away in embarrassment again.

Dark eyes stare at him in amusement as he chuckles, “Sorry, didn’t mean to be so crude. But that’s what you want me to do to you,” Akira rolls his hips, moving inside of him and snapping his hips back into place so that he crashes against Ryuji, who lets out a yelp from the pleasure, “Isn’t it?”

“Y-Yes, mm—ah!” Tossing his head backwards into the pillow, he holds tightly onto the blankets and looks up to Akira through half-lidded eyes, who is still looking down at him with his own face beginning to burn. He reaches out his arm, calling out to him, “Akira, please…”

“I’m here, don’t worry,” Once he gets into a gentle rhythm, he leans himself forward under he’s hovering over Ryuji again, who immediately wraps his arms around his shoulders and pulls him down on top of him with a small ‘oomph!’. The enclosed space makes it easier for them to hear each other, especially the trailing moans that continually come out of Ryuji at each thrust. Akira holds his shoulders for stability, speaking quietly next to him, “I-I can’t believe how perfect you are…”

Ryuji spreads his legs further as Akira presses deeper inside of him, each thrust filled with an overwhelming amount of pleasure. It’s hard for him to find the words to describe it exactly but it feels so surreal knowing that he can somehow feel both so vulnerable yet protected at the same time. He finds it hard to think of any other words besides his name, “Akir— mmph…!”

Akira leans forward more, raising his hips in a way that makes crossing his legs over Akira’s back a much more comfortable position, “You’re, ah...so deep inside me…”

“It doesn’t hurt, does it?”

“No, no...feels good…”

“Good,” Akira kisses his cheek, “I love you, Ryuji.”

Whether it’s the words or the sharp thrust he receives afterwards, Ryuji knows his eyes are already watering. He loosens his grip on the shoulders he’s holding onto for just a moment, trying to look up at Akira through glazed, “Can you say it again…?”

“I could say it all night if you’d like,” Akira bumps their foreheads together, quickening the pace of his hips, “I, ah...love you…”

“Ah— Akira, please, faster…” His body is on fire now and he can feel the beads of sweat trickle down his neck. He has no way of explaining what this feels like except for real _fuckin'_ good. Each time Akira pounds into his is just a collision that feels like he's going to break apart whether they stop or not. He can't stay quiet — not when there's something so tight in his throat that he swears he's on the verge of sobbing just from this. And when Akira says those words to him, the ones he's been wishing he could hear for secretly who knows how long, it just adds to the build up inside of him. As hard as it is for him to even comprehend his own thoughts right now, his voice still comes out weakly, "I-I love you too..."

Akira groans huskily in his ear, digging his nails into his shoulder as he obeys Ryuji's previous request, speeding up the timing of hips until he can hear the sound of their skin slapping against one another. He's going harder now and it only makes it harder for the blond to breathe when there's no break in between the bouts of ecstasy that keep running through his body. He tightens his grip on Akira with his thighs, feeling his legs shake as he says it again, a sob escaping him this time, "Aki—nnn, ah, Akira, I love you, I love you so _much_ , please, _please..._ "

"Fuck, _please_ tell me you're close, please..." Akira whisper comes out shaky, seemingly having trouble containing his own release as well.

"I-I think so..." This is a _lot_ different than anything ever touching his cock, but it's still fucking incredible. The 'exploding' sensation still arises within him and has him squirming as it approaches—

and holy shit, does it _ever_ approach. 

There's no need for Akira to ask him again because he's already crying out his name like a mantra as he bucks his hips forward to ride out his orgasm. He feels like it lasts forever and yet it's all a blur — Akira covers his mouth with his lips as he whimpers out, somehow he comes despite not being able to remember if Akira touched his dick once, and he thinks he hears his name being called too as his sensitive hips continue to be thrust into, even after he's done cumming.

Ryuji closes his eyes as his chest lower and rises with each breath. He swears he could pass out right here but he still manages to have a grasp on what's going on around him, feeling Akira pull out of him and throwing away the condom somewhere in his room because he can't even remember where his trash can is at this moment. The bed lowers when Akira sits back on it, falling down next to the blond and throwing an arm around him, brushing over his warm skin, "You okay?" 

"Mm...jus' tired..." Ryuji mutters out, leaning closer to Akira, who he can feel has already taken it upon himself to grab a pair of his sweatpants and put them on, "That was intense..."

"I didn't think it was possible for a first time to actually feel good."

"That's 'cause...we're champs..."

"That must be it. Do you wanna get dressed right now?"

"Mom's working the night shift," Ryuji yawns, leaving his head pressed against Akira's chest as he wraps an arm around him, "We got plenty of time."

"Whatever you say," Akira chuckles, pulling the blankets out from underneath them to cover the blond. An arm is thrown over him again and even though he's literally on the cusp of passing out, he recognizes the small clicks coming from Akira's phone.

"Whatcha doin'...?" He asks, even though he doesn't know if he'll be awake long enough to hear the response.

"Just taking care of some last minute things."

"M'kay...jus' wake me up later, 'kay?"

"I will, I promise."

"Kay...love you..."

"Love you too."

And besides his words, and the clicking of his phone, the last thing Ryuji remembers hearing is Akira's heart, beating quickly in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (ryuji says he was going to cook for akira but they just ended up doing a boxed cake because they needed comfort food)
> 
> WE ARE AT THE HOME STRETCH!!  
> next update might take a little bit longer just because i think i wanna upload the next two chapters at the same time but we'll see!


	9. nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know what? just don't listen to me anymore when i say i know when this is ending. this was supposed to be the last chapter but it got too long so :)
> 
> thanks for being so patient! i know this one took a hot minute to get out
> 
> **!!! WARNING !!!** this chapter includes elements of dom/sub (although not explicitly stated) and spanking, which may come off as more intense than previous chapters.

To say Ryuji was on cloud nine would be an understatement; he was on cloud, like…a thousand.

What could be more perfect than waking up with Akira’s chin pressing onto the top of his head and an arm around his waist that, although it was a loose grip, it managed to keep the blond from moving too much in his sleep. It was actually Akira’s job to wake Ryuji up, but even he didn't seem incapable of needing sleep. As for right now, Ryuji couldn't even bring himself to think of all the things that had worried him before. Not being able to see Akira as frequently as he wanted, or the wandering eye of others who crept onto their conversations out of pure interest. And there was no stress in labeling himself (although he’s sure he’s not as straight as he once thought before, but whatever, this was Akira they were talking about).

Ryuji’s not sure how long he’s been resting; the rain continues to tap against his windows and behind the curtains, and there’s still a dim shine from the daylight. His mom still wouldn’t be home for a few hours, so there was no need to rush, although a shower might be needed once he leaves the bed. _If_ he leaves the bed, that is.

When he shifts to move his head, Akira barely flinches, only rolling his head over to put all of his head weight on the pillow instead. His glasses are off, probably set to the side with his phone. Long lashes brush over his pale cheeks, with only a hint of pink dusting over his skin that fades seamlessly into his bright complexion. Despite being free of any blemishes, there’s still a hue of purple at the corner of his lips, although no one would be able to notice unless they were this close to him and purposely staring over his features. Ryuji wonders if it’s from him, flashes of the hazy, yet sweet, sweet blur flooding back over him as he pictures crushing his lips against Akira’s to keep from completely going over the edge.

_(What had he done to deserve something this good?)_

He smiles and refrains himself from kissing Akira just out of pure want. He knows he should probably at least get up and get dressed, maybe start on dinner early so that his mom doesn’t have to worry about it and maybe show off those ‘cooking skills’ she’d bragged about to Akira earlier.

Maybe later, he thinks.

Instead, Ryuji falls back into his previous position, his forehead fitting snugly in the crook of Akira’s neck. He stirs, his arm tensing from its restful place to pull Ryuji in, although his hold is still delicate. There’s still enough time to catch a few more z’s.

And after all, everything is still perfect.

 

*****  
*****

 

**03/17/20XX**

Okay, so everything is _not_ perfect.

Ryuji picks his cellphone off the table again, pressing into the keys without thought as he reads through the messages, dissecting them again to see what dumb shit he had done now that lead him to this moment: 

_> dude you won’t believe it_  
_ > i just woke up to the best news_  
_ > so you remember that one series i was telling you about the other day_  
_ > they opened some sort of exhibit for it_  
_ > they have figures, posters, all that cool shit_  
_ > i think they got food too because it’s the first day_  
_ > and the first 100 people get some free shit_  
_ > if we go now i bet we can still make that!_  
>  
>  
_ > akiraaaaa_

< i’m sorry  
< but i won’t be able to go  
< i have something i need to do today

_> no it’s cool!_  
_ > i didn’t know you were busy_

< it’s really last minute  
< you should still go tho

_> yeah i’ll check it out for you!_  
_ > maybe we can do something later?_

< sure :)  
< i’ll text you later ok?

_> ok sounds good!_

That conversation had taken place bright and early this morning.  
  
And judging by how many people were stopping by Big Bang Burger, it was well around lunch time.

Ryuji hasn’t been able to sit down all day without shaking his leg hastily, causing the seats and tables around him to shift around, much to the annoyance of others that are sitting closeby. It isn’t until a tray is loudly set on the table in front of him that he snaps out of the act of looking over his text messages and stopping his restlessness entirely. He looks up at Ann, her blue eyes low in confusion as she stares down at him, “What’s got you so nervous today?”

He sets his phone down, brown eyes skimming over her tray and the satisfying smell of fried food filling his nostrils, “What are you talking about?”

Ann rolls her eyes, taking a seat in front of him, “I think I would know by now if something’s up with you. You were shaking your leg again.”

“Shit, was I?”

“Yeah, you were.” She pokes a spoon into her shake, keeping her eyes on the clearly stressed blond, “I can watch the table now if you want to go get something to eat.”

Ryuji stalls as he crosses his arms over his chest and leans forward onto the table, keeping his eyes from meeting hers, “I think I’m too nervous to eat.”

“What?” Ann nearly flicks the ice cream his way with how quickly she jerks the spoon, “ _You_ invited _me_  here!”

“I know I did!” He does feel slightly guilty for asking her to join him in the crowded restaurant today but he’s grown too accustomed to having people back in his life. Even if he can’t spill every single emotion and thought out, the company is always comforting, “I just can’t be alone when I feel like this, okay?”

“Is it about Akira?”

“…Is it that obvious?”

“Well, you guys are dating and he’s leaving soon. That’s got to be a _little_  stressful on you.”

Ryuji sighs, dropping his chin onto his crossed arms, “I don’t know if it’s really about that anymore.”

Ann tilts her head curiously, “Then what is it?”

“…Here, just read this.”

Ryuji turns the phone over to her, scrolling onto the wall of text to show her where to begin reading. Her lips pucker over a straw as her eyes linger over the phone, following over the words for a good minute. He already feels his leg twitching again.

Pulling her lips off, she looks up at him with a blank stare, “…Am I missing something?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you nervous because Akira’s busy?”

“N-not that! Geez, I’m not that pathetic…” Or at least, that’s what he likes to think, “Is there anything in there that makes me sound…clingy?”

“…Is _that_  what you’re worried about?”

He digs his nails into the fabric of his sleeve, lifting his head up in urgency, “Is there?!”

“I mean, not that I can see.” Her eyes trail back over the texts a second time, scrolling back and forth on the screen like she’s trying to find the evidence of Ryuji’s worry, “It just sounds like you want to see the person you’re dating, which is normal, especially in Akira’s case.”

“But he said he would text me later. That was _hours_  ago, Ann.”

“Okay, _now_  you sound clingy. And you know Akira's always got a million things to do. I’m sure if he’s not with you, it must be something important. How long has he been like this?”

“Just since today but…something happened and I feel like he might be avoiding me because of it.”

“Did you two get into a fight?”

“Uh….not exactly. Kind of…the exact opposite, actually…”

Looking up at him with doe eyes, it takes Ann a moment to process the words before she breaks into a wide, amused smile as she draws out her words, “Ohhh, I see. You think it’s because you two—”

“Whatever you’re thinking, do me a favor and _don’t_  say it out loud.”

“Is that what happened though?”

“Yes, _something_ happened, okay?! And now I’m worried that I asked about it too fast and now he regrets doin’ anything with me!”

“Wow, you were the one who brought it up? I didn’t know you had it in you.”

“That doesn’t matter! What matters is your answer: do you think that’s it?”

Ann sighs, “I guess I can see why you’d think that, but I really think he’s _just_  busy. Like I’ve said, I don’t think Akira’s the type to just agree to something like that so casually then regret it just as fast, especially when it’s you — whether he’s leaving or not.”

It’s hard to tell if her words are helping at all. Sighing, he reaches over to her tray, pulling a fry out, “If that’s what you say…”

“Hey! I told you to go get your own food!”

“I got hungry, okay?”

“Ugh, and they say girls are the moody ones…” Ann sighs, her eyes flickering back down to the table, “Hey, Ryuji?”

“Yeah?”

“Before you met Akira, how did you do it?”

“…Do what?”

“You know…being on your own, after everything that started with Kamoshida.” She’s hesitant to look up at him while timid words leave her, “You’ve always been talkative, even since middle school. I’m just…wondering how you did it, is all.”

“Oh…um…”

Did he really have a choice? Besides the track team turning away from him like the plague, or having to hear the endless whispering about how he’s a ticking time bomb, he started noticing that teachers were calling on him less in class as well. After a solid week of neglect, he found it was better to just keep his mouth shut for the time being. The rumors would go eventually, he told himself, and everything would go back to the way it was. People would talk to him again, ask him about track, and maybe his team would actually look him in the face again.

They never did though. He doesn’t remember which part was worse: being the joke of the school, or the outcast that was shunned. “I…guess I just did it? It’s not like there was a whole lot I could do about it.”

“I see…” Ann’s lips tighten, eyes falling into a trance to the table top.

“…Why are you askin’?”

“I don’t know. I guess I’ve just been thinking…” She twirls her spoon into her shake, while her head falls to rest against her other hand, “Akira’s leaving, then Makoto and Haru are graduating. Don’t you think school’s going to be a little bit more lonely?”

It’s a thought he’s been trying to avoid.

“Um, maybe a little bit…but I always see girls walkin’ up to you.”

Ann shakes her head, her pigtails pouring over her shoulders as she does so, “I think they just like me because I’m good at english. The truth is, I’ve barely hung out with any of them. With everyone gone, the only ones I would consider close friends is you and Shiho, but…she’s not here either.”

There’s something about being called someone’s friend that never fails to make his entire core warm, but he can easily hear the longing softness in her voice as Ann speaks about the other girl, “…How’s she doing?”

Ann instantly brightens. “She’s doing really good! Her physical therapy is going well and she said spending time at the other school has been a nice change for her. I just wish…she wasn’t the one who had to leave, is all.”

“Do you think she’d come back?”

“I mean, I’ve thought about asking her…”

“I don’t think it’s gonna hurt to ask, especially since it’s your last year of high school. That’s like, the ultimate time to have friends in your life.”

“I think the last year is more about making sure you get into a good university—”

“Yeah, yeah, but you have to have _someone_  you like to study with to get into that university!”

“I still don’t think that’s it.” Despite what she says, Ann’s smile has grown wide, “…Do you really think I should?”

Ryuji shrugs, “We don’t got much time left, so you might as well try. You’re her best friend, so I’m sure it’ll mean a lot to her if you ask her to come back.”

“Maybe I will ask her then.” She’s back to stirring; the conversation clearly pulling her out of touching her food, “But enough about me. What about you? Do you think you’re going to get lonely?”

“With Akira gone? I mean, I’m not going to love it or anything but I’ll be fine. Besides, now that everyone’s over last year, the last year at Shujin is gonna be a breeze.”

He wants to believe his own words.

“…Yeah, I’m sure it will. Maybe this time we’ll actually have a class together. But, if not—” Finally, she scoops out the cream, holding it outside her mouth, “—you can always come to me too.”

But for right now, he believes hers.

“…Thanks,” he says, leaning over the table and grabbing a few fries off her plate and already scarfing them down.

“Will you just go get your own already?!”

 

*****  
*****

 

The sky is dark when he finally gets a text back.

< hey <3  
< sorry for being silent today  
< there was a lot going on

_> nah its fine!_  
_ > i know you got things to do_

< i still feel bad though…

_> don’t be!_  
_ > did you get everything taken care of?_

> no, not yet…  
> it’s going to take a little longer than i thought  
> but  
> why don’t we get the group together tomorrow

_> you’ll be free then?_

< i still have some things to take care of  
< but yes i’ll be free then  
< i want to see all of you  
< especially you

_> wellllll i think we can arrange that_  
_ > maybe we can meet up at the station_  
_ > and walk there_  
_ > you and me_  
_ > before we meet the others_

< thank you for clarifying that  
< of course

_> cooooool_

< i’ll let everyone know right now

_> meet you in the group chat_

< we can’t just hang out here?  
< and talk  
< just you and me  
< :(

_> haha REAL funny ;P_  
_ > …<3_

 

*****  
*****

 

Tomorrow will be better, he tells himself.

 

*****  
*****

 

**03/18/20XX**

At least, he hoped tomorrow (or rather, today) would be better.

However, it’s hard to believe that when Ryuji is still standing under the ledge of a store sign on Central Street, where rain continues to pour heavily over still. He keeps his hands stuffed in his pockets and stares forward, pulling himself in tighter to fight against the chill of the wind. He found it easier to just keep his umbrella folded at his side, making sure to stay at a distance from the sliding doors to keep from being in the way of strangers passing through. No one pays much attention to him as they bustle past with their own conversations and attempts at keeping dry under their own umbrellas.

He pulls out his phone, swiping over his call history.

**Sent Calls: Akira (3)**

Each time he called, the only sound he received was the agonizingly long dial tone followed by Akira’s voicemail greeting.

Ryuji's not very far from the diner at all and he's gotten a few text messages from the others that he still hasn't replied to. He didn’t think he had anything to worry about this time. The two of them had spoken briefly this morning, where Akira made it clear that he was still working on…whatever he was doing, but said he would make it in time to see everyone. His phone shakes in his palms, although it’s still from his uneasy fingers and not the notification vibration that he’s hoping for.

As he slips the device in his pocket, his intrusive thoughts only seem to get louder as he finds himself unable to focus on his surroundings and only what is in his mind. Like, how he hopes Akira is okay, that he really is _just_  busy right now and can’t look at his phone. (— but then he thinks about who could Akira be with that is able to capture his attention like that. The idea of someone being able to keep a conversation going so fluidly with him and keeping him so distracted that he can’t even see all the calls Ryuji has sent him. God, part of him wishes that something actually _has_  happened to Akira so that he doesn’t have to worry about —

_No_. Why would he even think that way?

The _last_  thing he wants is for Akira to be seriously hurt in any way. Ryuji knows that; it’s just these weird thoughts that bubble up anytime he becomes uncertain of something and his mind is just trying to make sense of it. That’s all it is. It’s just like when he’d sit off to side of the rooftop of the school when he was alone, and without fail, he would think about what it would be like to fall from such heights — the rush of wind, feeling nothing, time stopping — _no_ , no. He doesn’t want that at all.

How the hell is he supposed to manage all of this without Akira around? Is he really that pathetic that he can’t even be alone with his own thoughts?

Ryuji pulls out his phone again, even though he knows there's no activity. He looks at the blank screen and just reminds him that he’s been waiting in the rain, probably looking like he’s been stood up, for about some time now. It’s already way past when they were all supposed to meet up.

Sighing, he puts the phone back in his pocket. He opens the umbrella and steps out from under the ledge of the store and treads through the rain, pulling up his hood to wade off the chill growing cold in his bones. 

*****  
*****

It’s not until he’s walking upstairs into the diner with his umbrella folded at his side that he receives a text:

> sorry  
> i’m going to be a little late  
> i’ll see you soon ok? <3

“Well, look who’s finally arrived.”

Ryuji blinks in confusion when Makoto speaks so warmly towards him once he enters the homely atmosphere, although mostly because it makes him sound like _he’s_  the last one to show up. And if his eyes deceive him, he notices Akira isn’t with them as he glances at everyone’s faces, taking a seat at the end of the crowded booth.

“Hey, I think you need to save that for when Akira gets here,” Ryuji forces a smile, waiting for the impending questions of what took him so long like he wasn’t just waiting close to an hour for him. There’s only a few drinks on the table and some appetizer that’s been picked at and he wonders if they were waiting on him before ordering anything. He quickly takes a hold of a menu, silently thankful that it helps draw his attention somewhere else as he looks over the options, although his appetite has been spotty over the last few days, “He just texted me and said he’s going to be a little late.”

“He just said that? I guess an extra ten minutes _after_ an hour is what Akira considers late.”

“What are you talking about?” Ryuji asks, his brown eyes perking up.

“Oh, he told us around ten minutes ago that he’d be late,” Makoto’s voice remains lighthearted, an ounce of teasing evident in her tone.

However, it doesn’t at all stop the weight from sinking in his chest as his hold on the menu falters, “He…he told you?”

“Well, technically he told Futaba.”

“Yup.” Futaba chimes in, eyes scrolling over the menu without looking up at Ryuji, “He said he was still finishing up some things and told me to tell everyone that he’d be stopping by later.”

There’s a moment of silence between all of them before the redhead peeks up curiously, as if confused by the quiet, “…You mean he didn’t tell you until now?”

Ryuji’s mouth hangs open and he’s sure the disappointment in his eyes is clear with the way the light in everyone’s faces starts to dim. He feels like he has to play it off, _now_. Rubbing the back of his head, he offers a pitiful laugh, “Uh, no. He didn’t. Guess he didn’t think to send it to me until…later.”

Futaba pulls the menu closer to her, fingers clutching hard to it, “I-I don’t think that’s it. It’s still raining a lot, yeah? That can sometimes mess with the networking signal so your service must have not been working!” Before Ryuji can even ask what that means, the redhead is speaking up again, “But anyway, what was taking you so long? You’re not exactly on time either.”

“Oh, right. I, uh…” Spent almost an hour waiting for his boyfriend who didn’t bother to call or text him that he’d be late? Stood outside in the cold while the rain poured around him, looking like a fool to the shop owner as he waited for so long. There had to be people that were laughing at him and he wonders if his friends would laugh at him too. He can't deal with that too. So, he takes in a breath and tries to make his voice sound as unaffected as possible. He can keep it together, “I missed a ride because of the rain so I was already late and then I thought Akira was meeting me somewhere so I waited for him for a little bit.”

“Oh…how long were you waiting?” Makoto asks.

Or maybe he was failing at that too. “N-not that long! Once I realized he was probably going to be late, I just started heading this way. I…couldn’t stay out in that rain forever,” He tries to laugh again, setting the menu onto the table.

“…Right. Well, while we’re on that topic, what have the two lovebirds been up to these days anyway?”

The embarassment from that question is the most expressive he’s been since he’s sat down, “I-I should be asking you guys about that. I feel like maybe I’ve been stealing him away from everyone.”

Despite how carefree he (hopefully) sounds, it is something he thinks about a lot. He hasn’t been keeping track of day by day but Ryuji knows that he’s the one who has spent the most time with Akira over the last month. And despite that, it never feels like enough, “Have you all been able to see him at all?

The brunette shrugs, “We’ve talked a bit while we walked around the school, if you can call that hanging out.”

“He didn’t tell me that—“ And he shouldn’t _have_  to. Ryuji’s his boyfriend, not his mother. And sure, there was that small rumor during the school year that Akira and Makoto had a thing but he knew it was a lie. Akira even told him it was a lie. So why, why is he feeling the familiar burn from the last time he thought about that? “But, uh, that’s all you did?”

“Yeah. He said he needed some help getting his records from school and getting his files. I think he said he needed them for his new school, which I thought was slightly strange…” Makoto swirls a straw in her drink, eyes focused on the rotating ice cubes.

“What’s so weird about that?” Ann chimes in, leaning forward onto the table.

“Nothing really, it’s just that…he must really want to be prepared. Usually the new school is the one to ask for that information. Students aren’t required to bring that in, especially if it’s a school he’s been to before,” Makoto’s eyes rise to look up at Ryuji, her brows raising too, “Hasn’t he told you about that?”

“…I guess he left that part out.”

(What did Akira need to prepare so much? Makoto herself just confirmed that he didn’t need that information so why the hell would he need to keep it a secret? And she must have told him this as well, and he _still_  went on with it. And Akira never thought to bring up once that the reason he was ghosting him was because he wanted to _walk around the school with Makoto_? And if she seemed confused about it, then there was no way Ryuji was going to understand the logic behind it either.)

“H-Hey, I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by it!” Futaba jumps into the conversation again, her smile twitching to stay as genuine as possible, “You know how Akira is lately. He’s so scatter brained with this whole moving thing.”

Breathe. He knows Akira. He has gotten this talk before — Akira’s not the type to be disloyal. “Yeah. He’s…really been out of it.”

But that still doesn’t rule out the possibility that Akira really was becoming tired of him.

“O-oh, well, uh — “ Makoto’s voice rises as she becomes frantic, looking over their group, all of who seem to be as bewildered and sympathetic, “Haru! You saw him not too long ago, right?”

Haru’s eyes widen and her glass nearly falls over with how she knocks into it by surprise, “Y-yes! We, ah…didn’t do much either. He was keeping me company while we were testing out some new samples of coffee I've been working on. I had some of my father’s colleagues around so they were there to give me a majority of the input, but Akira was very helpful too.”

There’s something about the softness in Haru’s voice that seems to calm Ryuji, or maybe it’s because her story doesn’t sound suspicious — especially knowing that her and Akira weren’t alone…not that it matters.

“But it’s funny that you mention that he seemed out of it because he was spending so much time looking at his phone. I just assumed he must have been talking to you."

What the fuck?

“…Hey, Haru. How long ago was this?” Ryuji asks, his voice cold.

“That was just yesterday actually,” Haru pauses, “Why do you ask?”

The messages from their conversation the day before run rampant in his mind.

That was the day that Ryuji hung out with Ann, when he hadn’t received a word from Akira all day. That was the day that he spent half of sitting in bed and scrolling through whatever slightly entertaining website he could find, just because he figured he should keep his phone on and available in case Akira texts him, and it's not like he had anything better to do _anyway_. It was bound to happen, so there was no reason to peel his eyes away from the screen, right? Even when he would step away from his phone, he was always filled with anticipation as he went to grab it again, hopeful that he’d be rewarded with a reply.

Akira’s just busy. Ryuji has to believe him. He refuses to be the jealous type because then that would mean he has a reason to distrust Akira and he doesn’t want that at all —

“Uh, Ryuji?”

But why does everything have to be a goddamn secret? Does Akira really think Ryuji can’t handle this shit? Why can’t he just _talk_  to him?

“Ryuji, you…are you okay?” Ann leans in to him, although her empathetic tone isn’t enough to wade the crashing waves that he feels like he’s starting to drown under, “You don’t look too well.”

What if Akira really _does_ want to leave?

Ryuji barely notices the way Futaba’s gaze lowers to the table, biting her lip.

“I…I’m sorry.” The blond clenches his fist under the table, quickly standing up from his seat. He can’t lose it here. He has to be alone, take care of this shit himself like he’s used to.

Why the hell does he feel like this?

“I think I should go home. I’m not hungry and I wasn’t feeling too hot today anyway.” The blonde grips his umbrella by the durable plastic. It’s hasn’t even dried yet.

What the fuck happened?

“B-but, Akira said he was coming!” He hears the concern in Futaba’s voice as she calls out to, his back turned away, “I’m sure he’ll be here soon.”

“Yeah, about that…” His jaw already hurts from how hard he’s been clenching his teeth together, “Can you just tell him that I left or something? Thanks.”

Ryuji doesn’t bother to hear anymore words to validate the situation. All he can think of is his choice to be silent again. 

Maybe then Akira would answer.

 

*****  
*****

 

Of course, as soon as Ryuji walks into his empty house, he feels the phone vibrate in his pocket, a dull light emitting from inside his jacket as he pulls it out and squints at the name. He hasn't even turned the lights in the living room on yet.

**Call From: Akira**

Despite the tension forming in his muscles, his voice is hollow, “Yo.”

“Ryuji, I’m so sorry I missed all your calls. I just called Futaba and she said you left—”

“You called Futaba before you called me?” He bites back, much to his own surprise. Usually he’d feel the need to take it back, apologize quickly for his lack of filter because he knows that there’s no use in spitting such venomous words and he wishes they could just avoid this conversation altogether — but he just can’t this time. This poison is medicinal, instantly relieving him of those thoughts. But when Akira speaks again, it all comes flooding back.

“She sent me a text saying I needed to call her right away and she told me I should call you. She said you seemed…upset.”

Ryuji rolls his eyes, dragging his feet to his bedroom and tossing his umbrella onto the floor, “Nope. Not upset. Just tired.”

“...Ryuji, I don't blame you for being angry. But I swear, I’ll explain it all to you as soon as I’m done with all of this.”

Ryuji hates how sincere he sounds, how it almost pulls at his heart strings — redirecting the resentment from Akira to himself.

“And what is all of ‘this’? Why can’t you just tell me right now?”

“I can’t—”

“You can’t explain, or you just don’t want to?”

There is only silence on the line.

“…Cool.” Ryuji sighs as he presses his fingers to his temples but it doesn't ease the growing headache, “Hey, why don't we talk about this another time. I don’t feel like getting into it right now.”

“I don’t think putting this off is going to do well for either of us, considering we _kind_ _of_ have a time limit,” It’s subtle, but there's strain in Akira's voice.

“You say that like you haven’t been avoiding me the last few days.”

“…Avoiding you?” His confusion is genuine and it just fuels the fire inside of him. If he wasn’t avoiding him, then what the hell was going on?

“Ryuji—”

(Or maybe, it really is all just in his head.)

“I’ll talk to you later, okay? Bye.”

As soon as he hangs up, he turns his phone on silent and throws it on his bed, blending in with his rumpled covers and sheets. There’s no point in putting off this talk except for the fact that it allows Ryuji to blow off some steam.

A shower might help.

He’s always careful about how long he takes in the shower, although they’re always relatively quick — his mom hasn’t ever brought it up but she pays for it somehow, he thinks? Might as well save her the trouble. But right now, he just wants to indulge.

For the first few minutes he’s in the shower, he just lets the water run over him; it's oddly therapeutic. The white noise and way it hits his skin, it reminds him of rain (although the water pressure is different and he’s never been naked in the actual rain before, but he can imagine). It somehow manages to quiet his blaring thoughts.

However, the subject of his thoughts never changes.

Akira is constant — has _always_  been constant since they two of them met a year ago. Tons of people have come and gone (and stayed gone) in his life, and _sure_ , it hurt at the time but he eventually got over it, didn’t he? After all, once his father left, it was hard for anyone else to measure up to that departure.

Until Akira came into his life, that is. And he doesn’t want to go through that again.

(How can he be so selfish? He was supposed to be _different_  now—)

He puts some product in his hair as he clenches his eyes shut and scrubs furiously, digging his nails into his scalp. Ryuji tries to rationalize as much as he can

— _it’s okay for him to be angry. It’s okay for him to feel like he’s being left out. It’s okay for him to miss Akira and want to hear him say he’ll miss him back_ —

It feels like no time has passed by when he shuts off the shower, the rest of the cleaning being only but a repetitive blur that he doesn’t store in his memory. He’s not even sure how long he was in the shower and truthfully, he doesn’t care to find out. He's going back into his room without so much as glancing at his phone as he throws on some sweatpants and a loose shirt, the towel draped over his drenched, blond hair.

Maybe he should just call it an early night, he debates as he falls back on his bed, the towel flattening beneath his head. His phone still remains untouched, peeking from under a small fold of fabrics from his comforter, although the force of habit is making it real hard for him to set aside his pride and just check to see if Akira has bothered to reach out to him at all. But then there’s _also_ trying to fight off his bad habit of lack of self-control as well, which is equally as tempting—

The doorbell goes off, with several knocks following afterward that cause Ryuji to shoot up from his bed and makes his mind go blank. His mom usually didn’t get off this early but it was still late enough that there was no reason for anyone else to be stopping by. And so he might be slowly getting worried as he waits again to see if the knocking continues before he decides it’s not so urgent until — yup, there it goes again. He quickly makes it to the door, pulling it open (the split second when it occurs to him that he should have just used the peep hole like his mom has told him about so many times) and somewhere feels the smallest amount of satisfaction when it occurs to him that this was a surprise he may or may have no been hoping for —

Akira’s leaning over, a hand in his pocket and another clenched at his side. His eyes narrow on Ryuji, peeking at him up below his dark fringe, his hair looking more disheveled than usual.

Either way, he doesn’t look too entirely pleased either.

“Akira? What are you—“

“You want me to talk to you?" His voice is ragged, his chest rising and falling quickly, "Fine. I’m talking to you.”

“I told you I didn’t feel like talking ‘bout it right now though!”

“I can let you blow off some steam, but I can't turn this into another thing where we just walk around it and not talk at all.”

“But we _do_  end up talking—“

“Way later than we should be. We only have a day left and maybe I don't want you to feel like I've been avoiding you, which apparently you already do,” The space between them starts to close when Akira props his arm on the door frame, pressing forward into Ryuji’s personal space, “I’m actually coming to you to fix it this time, like I should have before.”

Ryuji’s heart pounds in his chest at the words, unable to keep his eyes locked on Akira’s much longer after he finishes speaking, but long enough to see those dark eyes staring at him earnestly.

“…Goddamnit.“

Ryuji grabs Akira by his clothing and pulls him inside, “At least don’t wake the whole damn city with this.”

When he shuts the door behind him, Akira speeds past and disappears into Ryuji’s room, “H-Hey!” Following him inside once he shuts the front door, Akira just stands in the middle of his room with his hands back in his pockets. Even though Ryuji still doesn’t expect his mom to be home anytime soon, the blond shuts the door behind them and leans up against it, crossing his arms as he stares expectantly at him, “Okay, what the hell is up with you?”

“I could ask you the same thing.”

“No, _you_  don’t get to ask me that. You have the time to call Futaba but not the person you call your boyfriend? I know you're already quiet enough as it is but I thought I was the one person you wouldn't pull that silent treatment bullshit with."

Akira winches, pausing for a few, long seconds before speaking again, “…Are you jealous of Futaba?”

“I-I never said I was jealous! I just wish you could of talked to me about this first! Like, what the hell, Akira? Does Futaba know about this little secret of yours?"

It's hard to tell if Akira's silence before speaking is because he's trying to think of his own words, or he's still registering the attack from the blond, "…Yeah, I told her.”

Ryuji lowers his head, finding it hard to look Akira in the eyes, “You can tell her but…not me?”

“It’s not like that. You know she’s like a sister to me and I needed her help—”

( _Useless—_ )

“Why does everything have to be a secret with you? I thought we weren’t doin shit like this anymore because it's worked _so_ well in the past.”

The crease in Akira’s brow falters and his lips fall open, “…No, I know we weren’t. I’m just trying to figure some things out and I…I wanted to wait on telling you because I didn’t want you to get hurt.”

Although Ryuji _hopes_ Akira is being sincere, he still glares at him, “I’m not a kid, Akira. I can handle _some_  shit on my own. Just because you’ve seen me cry a couple of times, doesn’t mean I’m some fragile doll or some kind of...kicked puppy."

Somewhere inside of him, Ryuji buries the resurrecting memories of how he may share more with those comparisons than he knows. His emotions seem to latch on him at anytime. He’s definitely showed more of himself over the last couple of months than he has the whole time he’s known Akira. And now that he knows Akira likes (or after this conversation, it may be _liked_ ) him, it’s hard for Ryuji to not crave the small boosts of intense vulnerability he feels whenever Akira tells him that he _is_  wanted.

“I don’t need you to hold my hand the whole way.”

( _But I’d like you to—_ )

“When have I made you feel like that?”

( _When you don’t think to talk to me, when you’re so gentle with me, when you go silent as soon as we fuck—)_

“Y-You know…when anything seems off at all, or when we’re…y’know, doing things and you’re just so careful. It’s like you’re scared that you’ll break me. You’re always asking _if_ you can ‘do this’ or ‘do that’ — why don’t you just _do it_? Maybe we'd get more shit straightened out if you weren't so concerned if you're going to hurt me or not."”

( _That’s what everyone else does—_ )

Akira stares at him, lips pursing as he bends back into his natural state of bad posture, “...That's the issue? I'm too _soft_?”

“That’s…exactly what it is.”

“You're serious? That’s what this is really about?”

( _Please don’t go—_ )

“If it gets you to stop thinking I can’t handle things then— ah!” Ryuji’s not even able to form a complete sentence by the time his back is pressed harshly against the wall and his arms are held over his head, the blunt amount of pain paling in comparison to the sudden pounding in his chest. Akira has him pinned down in a way that he looks like he’s able to tower over the blond, with both his arms pressed up in tight fists around Ryuji’s wrists. The space between them closes even more when Akira steps forward, his thigh just barely brushing over Ryuji's crotch through the sweatpants that it has his nerves alerted.

“Is this what you’ve been wanting the whole time?” Akira hisses, his hold on him growing tighter. But if Ryuji really tried, it wouldn’t be too hard to break out of Akira’s hold. But that’s not what this is about —

“You want me to stop treating you like I'll break you?"

— it’s actually kind of hot.

That’s not say Ryuji still isn’t pissed about everything, “Yeah, it’s a nice change from all the — mph!”

Akira crushes his lips onto Ryuji’s, flicking his tongue over his lips and into his mouth, and just right when the blond leans in to deepen it, the other pulls away from him just as quickly. Not before biting on his lip and dragging his teeth over him that makes him feel tingles down his neck, “A-ah—“

“This time, no talking.”

There’s been very few times Ryuji has ever fought back against Akira’s orders, but when he’s staring the blond down and his voice is almost cold, Ryuji can’t help but want to antagonize it to see if he can keep the facade up, “And what the hell makes you think I’m followin’ that rule?”

“What I’m thinking right now is that _someone_  is in need of proper punishment.”

That wasn’t a phrase Ryuji ever expected to hear outside of battle. His body is getting so warm and they've barely even done anything. Akira presses his thigh closer, this time just barely grazing the tip of his cock from under the rising tent in his sweatpants. The contact is small, but still enough for him to crave more.

“Looks like you really do like being ordered around like this,” Akira says darkly, shifting his thigh around so that it brushes against his already aching tip, “Too bad this isn’t a reward though.”

Ryuji’s just about to roll his hips forward when Akira lets go of his wrists and grabs a fistful of his shirt. It’s a weird motion of being pressed against his body one second, but then fluidly being tossed over the side of his bed, his arms catching him when his chest hits the mattress the second after. The side of his head is pushed into the mattress firmly and he feels Akira’s pressing his chest to his back, keeping him pinned down, “Hey!“

“Give me a number between five and ten,” Akira commands.

Again with the games. “Fuck it. Eight.”

“Eight it is.”

“Wait, what—ah!” Akira quickly cuts Ryuji off by pushing himself off of the blond and a hand cupping his ass.

“Arms behind your back.”

“And what if I — ah!“ A sharp slap hits over his clothed ass, but it still catches Ryuji off guard that the sting completely takes him by surprise as he yelps.

“If you don’t, then I’ll add more,” Akira hand goes lower, palming the back of his cock in between his legs, which is pressed against the mattress as well, “And that last one didn’t count. So, are you going to listen now?”

Ryuji’s face goes dark at the implications of their position. He swallows hard, nodding as he bends his arms behind his back, Akira’s hand holding his wrists in place as the fingers of his other hand dance over his thigh, trailing over the cheek that was just smacked.

“Count them so I don’t lose track.”

_Slap._

“A-Ah!” There’s a lot more pressure this time as Akira’s firm hand belts over his ass. It’s not the worst pain he’s ever felt but it’s not exactly the nicest place to get hit either. He swallows hard, meekly speaking out, “O-One…”

_Slap._

“Mmph— two!”

“I thought you wanted to be a good boy.”

Ryuji tries to bury his face in the sheets away from Akira, “I, uh…I do — ow!”

_Slap._

“God, three…!”

"Keep your eyes on me."

Ryuji does as he's told.

_Slap._

“F-Four!”

With how quickly Akira follows the slaps after each of Ryuji's counts, the sting doesn’t fully heal in time before the pain is repeated. Now he’s starting to feel the burning over his skin and so when Akira start pulling the back of his sweatpants down so easily—

“W-what are you doing?”

The air feels almost nice on his tender ass, but Akira’s hand is rubbing over it, barely pinching the senstive skin, “No underwear, Ryuji? How naughty. At least the pants were a good warm up for you.”

_Slap_.

“Mmph, _shit_ —!“

That one fucking hurt.

The skin to skin contact was much different in pain, in how it lingered over his skin longer. He shifted around, like that would help to ease the pain or delay it from coming back. Even so, when he ruts against the mattress, it doesn't keep his arousal from diminishing at all.

“Might want to get back on track.”

“Ah…F-five…”

_Slap. Slap._

The two come after another so quickly that he actually does attempt to wiggle out from under Akira just to escape the pain instinctively. Even when tears begin to form under his lids, all he can think of is how each slap is somehow slowly releasing the overwhelming fury he felt before, “Nn…! S-six and…seven…?”

“You’re doing well. But, be good for me and ask for this last one?”

“A-Ask…? A-ah!”

_Slap_.

“That was eight, that was eight!” Ryuji struggles underneath Akira’s hold, wanting desperately to lower his hands to cover his stinging backside, “You…you said eight…”

“You didn’t ask for that last one though.”

“O-oh, I…” Akira is still staring right at him, although it's hard to make out his expression with his blurred vision, “Can I…I get another one?”

“Another what?”

His cock twitches. “I…Can I get another…spanking?”

“And why should you get it?”

Ryuji doesn’t realize how quick his breath has gotten until he focuses back onto his thoughts now that the pain isn’t completely dulling his senses. When he speaks again, he doesn't feel dishonest or that it's something he's obligated to say, “Because I…I…”

“Yes?”

“I…wanna be good…for you…” Ryuji bites his lip, rubbing his hips into his blankets, “So please…please punish me.”

_Slap_.

The yowl is muffled when Ryuji buries his face completely in the blankets. The touch is different and he knows Akira did it at a completely new angle that still has his ass feeling like its burning even after several seconds of the smack. Ryuji blinks back any tears from the pain, breathing slowing when he turns his head back on his side to exhale, "E-eight..."

Ryuji flinches and whines when he feels Akira’s hand back on his ass, his palm rubbing over his burning skin soothingly as the pain wears off. It’s not long before he is relaxing into his touch again though.

When Akira releases his grip on Ryuji’s wrist, he just positions them above his head, fingers gripping into the sheets as soon as Akira pushes off from on top of his again and his hands now gripping either side of Ryuji’s hips. Thumbs press into his sore flesh again as Akira goes to cup both of his cheeks in his hand. There’s a tapping on his outer thigh that has Ryuji squirming.

“Spread your legs for me.”

Ryuji does as he’s told, his sweat pants stretching at his ankles as he spreads his legs. Akira’s grip is still firm on him and he feels the stretch and realizes just how spread he is when there’s a sound of someone spitting and then something cold running down his—

“A-Ah, wha...?”

There’s another spit sound and this time he feels it directly over his hole, a thumb soon following around to rub around him, prodding around the entrance, and pressing patterns that have Ryuji wiggling his hips up towards Akira’s hand. It's hard not to feel vulnerable.

“Maybe I should eat you out.”

It takes Ryuji a moment to realize what Akira has asked him before his eyes widen at the immediate image that crosses his mind.

“I, um, ah…”

This time, a finger presses inside of him, just barely enough so he can feel the familiar stretch. Akira isn’t burying inside of him as usual, instead, he barely has his fingers in it at all. Ryuji squirms under Akira’s touch, breathlessly saying, “I-I don’t know about that…Isn’t it a little much?”

“You think so? I think you'd love it,” Akira slides his finger out, instead rubbing over his entrance in slow, circular motions, “You don’t think my tongue would feel nice down here?”

If his tongue is able to replicate the same exact delicate pleasuree then yes, he’s sure it would feel wonderful down there. But…it’s still his ass. Yeah, he’s had fingers and a dick there, but a mouth was totally different.

"Or even inside of you? I know how much you like that," Ryuji bucks his hips forward when two wet fingers press deep enough to stretch him, then quickly pull out, only to repeat.

“I-I just don’t…think I’m ready for that...”

“You’re spreading your legs like you are ready. But I guess we can leave it all to imagination,” Akira leans over his body again to pin him to the bed, his fingers still toying with his hole, stretching and rubbing it gently. It’s too much and yet not enough. “Just pretend it really is my mouth though. I could kiss you _here_  and then I can keep you spread like _this_ …”

Ryuji’s mouth goes dry as he imagines himself fully exposed for Akira, replacing the texture of fingers and imagining it as his tongue instead, flicking over his sensitive flesh. The spit on his skin has dried so when Akira pushes his finger in, Ryuji winces.

“Mmph, ah…” Ryuji’s voice is shallow with Akira on top of him, his other hand tugging his blond hair as he drags his teeth over the shell of his ear.

“Should I go inside you now?”

“With…your tongue…?” Ryuji responds breathlessly, biting his lip as a finger barely pulls out and his body works against him when his hips press backwards, still desperate for Akira to be inside.

“Whatever you’d like. You just have to speak up.”

Just the image of Akira burying his face between his thighs has him grinding into his mattress. And Akira really is the only one who he can trust to take full control when Ryuji has none.

“I, ah…”

“Come on now, use your words.”

Ryuji’s body is unbearably warm and feels the sweat pooling on his back as his thoughts get lost in a fog that begins to form in his mind. It’s all a little too much: Akira on top of him, his voice like silk, and just how _easy_ it is for him to get Ryuji in this position. Or how Ryuji manages to keep his trust in his, because even when Akira smacked him, it immediately pulled him out of his thoughts, “Akira…”

“Now, Ryuji…I know you love to say my name but you know more words than that,” Akira nips at his ear and Ryuji feels the sensation run straight to his cock.

It’s hard for him to even form words at all.

“Tell me _exactly_  what you want.”

**_I want you to stay._ **

“You want me to stay like this?”

Ryuji breath hitches, realizing that he had said that out loud. His vision is still a blur and his eyes continue to sting.

“No…I…I want you to stay here and...not leave..."

Akira pulls up from him, trying to turn to look the blond in the face. Ryuji blinks back a few tears, and notices how quickly the animosity leaves Akira's eyes, “…No, I know you want me to. I want to stay too but…”

“I-I know,” Ryuji swallows so hard it hurts and his throat swells, “It ain’t the first time we’ve had this conversation but I still…I'm still going to miss you and I'm-I'm... sorry for putting so much pressure on you, I know I…I can be exhausting to be around…”

Maybe Akira makes him feel too free. Sometimes, he feels bare.

“Hey, lets get up.”

Akira moves off from on top of him and helps Ryuji up, kicking his sweatpants off while the shirt he wears just barely covers his thighs as he takes a seat next to Akira, who is already sitting on his covers. Ryuji can't bear to look him in the eyes, knowing that the moment he sees any signs of pity, he's going to lose it. Just thinking about it makes his throat tighten again.

“...Ryuji, I _really_ want to know what’s going on. I get being mad about earlier but...was there something else I did?”

“I-I just…” Ryuji reminds himself to take a breath. He needs to stop the shaking in his voice, “...are you in a hurry to leave? It's okay if you say y-yes, I just really need to know…”

Akira's brows raise, “…No? What makes you think that?”

“Well, I...when I met up with everyone, Makoto talked about how the two of you walked around the school together so you could get all your stuff…”

“Is...is it because I was alone with Makoto?"

“N-not really...But she said you were getting all your files and then you weren’t talking to me, and you don’t even _need_  to talk to me all the time, but then Haru said you were with her and you were on the phone the whole time but that was the same day that I didn’t hear much from you either so I just thought that I did something—“

“Can you slow down?” Akira asks, soothing the blond from his hectic tangent.

“Yeah, sorry…” Ryuji sighs, slowing down, “I just wanted to make sure there was nothing that I did wrong.”

“Why do you think _you_ did something wrong?”

“Its just...after the other day when I...told you how I felt and then we...slept together, the next few days you kinda...disappeared. I know I say some stupid shit but if there’s _anything_ I did that night, like if it was weird, or…something, I didn’t mean to freak you out.” There, he said it. He basically proved that he’s just like the typical paranoid significant other that can't be alone, but at least he said it, “I’ve never done anything or felt this way with anyone but I don’t want you to regret—“

“Ryuji, wait.”

Akira stops him gently and his touch on the blond's arm is so gentle that Ryuji bites his lip. Great, he's put Akira in another shitty situation. “There’s nothing I regret about that night. And I’m…I’m really sorry for not keeping in touch with you, especially because we don’t have much time left.”

“But you shouldn’t have to _feel_  like you need to keep in touch with me!” Ryuji’s voice breaks and he has to turn away. But he chooses to keep speaking, even it’s hard to control the heavy tears that begin to pool around his lashes and already down his face and he has to force himself to speak from behind clenched teeth, “You shouldn’t have to deal with me just because I can’t even be by myself for more then two _goddamn_ days without wanting to talk to you and just wanting to make sure you haven’t changed you mind!”

“Hey, look at me,” Akira's command is tender, and Ryuji follows it hesitantly. When he meets Akira's gaze, all he can think of is what an emotional wrecked _mess_ he must look like, “I haven’t changed my mind, I promise. Sometimes I just think of you and it doesn’t occur to me that you actually want to hear from me more."

“I s-shouldn’t have to though!” Ryuji’s shoulders shake, bringing up his hand to wipe the tears off his face.

“There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be told that you’re loved,” Akira has a hand on his shoulder, caressing him softly, “You, of all people, deserve to know what it feels like.”

“I-I dunno—" He's sputtering his words out and wonders if he'll ever be able to live this down, or how Akira's just being nice to him because he feels pity for him. If he had any sort of filter before, it's long gone by now, "I just don’t know h-how I’m going get through Shujin again w-without you. I-I feel like things are gonna go back to the way they were before and I’m just going to go back to being some dumb, useless—”

Then Akira is pulling him close, wrapping his arms around his shoulders to keep his arms tucked in between the two of them, Ryuji's head pressed against his shoulder. His hold on him is so, _so_ tight and secure. He sinks into his touch, allowing Akira to strengthen his embrace.

“I wasn’t lying when I told you all those things I liked about you, and I promise to explain what's going on with why I’ve been silent, but you _are_  strong. After everything you’ve been through, even though I’ve only known you for a year, I’m proud of the person you’ve become."

Ryuji bites his lip and his nose is already running.

"I like you _exactly_ the way you are.”

And Ryuji just releases; he's unable to keep from sobbing as he buries his face into Akira’s shoulder, his body shaking frantically against him. But Akira continues to hold him, even rubbing soothing circles into his back. Even though Ryuji feels like they’ve had this discussion already, this time it actually feels like it’s finally being acknowledged (although, far from accepted), and each minute that Akira holds him, the possibility of being healed doesn't look so dim anymore.

“God, I’m s-sorry, Akira, I’m sorry for everything! I was being an asshole b-before when you didn't actually do anything wrong and then I just unloaded all of my p-personal bullshit onto you… " There's already a heavy wet patch on the fabric, "I-I know you care, I just d-don’t know how to stop feeling like I’m…I’m just a useless piece of shit...”

“You don’t need to be sorry. I haven’t exactly been the best either. I...I can see why you felt that way, when I went silent on you. My timing still isn't the best, as you can see." 

Somehow, that manages to make the corner of Ryuji's lips twitch, “But I promise, you did nothing wrong that night. I think we both are just...going through a lot of changes right now, and I'm sorry you had to deal with it by yourself. I don’t expect you to have some sort of…change of heart in one day, but I _know_ you’ll be okay," Sniffling, Ryuji pulls away from Akira slightly, although he still wants to keep his splotchy face covered, "and I’ll always be here for you, whether it's in this town or not."

“I…I know you will," He sniffles again, rubbing over his red eyes. He can already feel how puffy they're going to be,"I promise that I…I really don’t cry this much, usually.”

“It’s okay. I like holding you.”

Even though he shakes his head in disapproval, Ryuji smiles. Once he's sure he's wiped away most of the wetness from his face, he brings himself to finally look at Akira, “Now…can you tell me what’s been going on with you?”

“Oh, right…Listen, I still can’t give out any of the details right now but I just want to let you know that I _promise_ it’s nothing bad."

Then, he's frowning again, “Akira…”

“Wait, and _before_ I leave, I will tell you exactly what it is," Akira keeps his eyes locked on Ryuji as he presses their foreheads together, "It will be the last secret I keep from you, okay?"

The anticipation is still burning within him, but at least he doesn't feel suspicious now, "Well...if you say it's the last..."

“It is, I promise," Akira lowers his voice, gently knocking their noses together.

"I believe you."

Ryuji slowly begins to close his eyes when he becomes faintly aware of how close they are. They'd kiss so many times before, but it never stopped practically taking his breath away. There's a hand on his thigh and before there's any attempts of moving further up, Akira speaks again, “Hey, just a quick question…Were you really about to let me to go down on you like that?”

The blond pulls back, his face warming up again, “Come on, you're really going to ask me about that now...?"

“Well?”

“Ugh, I mean…it doesn’t sound _bad."_ Quite the opposite, actually. Ryuji has had Akira's tongue in his mouth before and if his fingers could break him like that, then just imagine what his _mouth_ could do, “But…I liked everything else a lot.”

Akira makes an amused sound as his hand moves lower in between his thighs, fingers barely passing the hem of his shirt, “What parts?”

“You know...when you had me pinned down and you were on top of me and you just kinda…did what you wanted with me.”

"Were you scared at all?" Akira's question is genuine, and on the verge of sounding guilty.

“Uh...I wouldn't say scared. More surprised, is all. Even when you started...uh, smacking me. Even though I said all that shit earlier, I _do_ actually trust you to not hurt me on purpose," It's kind of awkward to bring up that moment, but it does start a stir in between his legs, "It actually kind of helped? Like, I was able to get out of my head quicker..."

“Ah, I see...Does it still sting?"

"Mm, a little..."

"If you want, I'm sure I can find something to rub on that later." A soft laugh escapes Akira, but Ryuji can hear the honesty in his tone as he moves in close again, "But, if you liked all of that, do you want me to keep going?"

"C-can we?" Ryuji's words get caught on a breath when his hand slips further, right where his thighs meet.

“Yeah," Akira pulls his hand out and presses it on the blond's chest, pushing him back onto the bed with force, "Now, get back to where you were." 

Ryuji's back is on the bed, but he quickly rolls over onto his stomach with his hips perched at the edge of the mattress when Akira turns around to dive into his nightstand.

“Like this, right?”

Akira turns around, already tearing open the condom. His grin widens mischievously and responds by leaning over and grabbing a hold of Ryuji’s ass, and the blond moans as he jerks his hips forward.

“Yeah, exactly like this.”

Ryuji's face flushes when Akira is back behind him, tapping him on the thigh as a sign to spread his legs further. The lube is cold on his skin but slowly it warms, Akira’s coated fingers rubbing over his entrance, then pressing in two fingers effortlessly with no warning, "Ah..."

“I like how you’re already stretched for me.”

When the fingers pull out of him, Akira’s cock is already sliding into the blond without much pain at all. He’s still fuckin’ tight, but it’s a _nice_  kind of the tight, the one where feeling Akira fill him inch by inch already has him fully hard again. His hips shift and he clenches hard onto Akira, sighing happily at the fullness. Akira makes a small sound of amusement, his fingers digging into his thighs as his breath hitches, “And I definitely like how, ah…amazing you feel. I'm gonna make you feel the same."

Akira’s hands travel from his hips and onto Ryuji’s wrists that are just above his head, pinning him down again as he presses his chest to the blond’s back, sinking in even deeper until he can feel Akira’s hips fully cushioned on his ass. Goddamn, how does this all feel so _good_? Akira’s hair falls into Ryuji’s face when he rests his head on his blond hair, mouth hovering over his ear so that he can catch every small gasp from Akira's mouth.

“A-ah, Ryuji…” Just hearing his name from Akira’s trembling mouth has his eyes rolling, his own voice broken as he feels Akira moving inside of him, rolling his hips into a slow, rhythmic movement. When his arms jerk in response to the pleasure building inside of the blond, Akira’s hands are still there to keep him pinned down while he squirms underneath him as he's forced to feel all of it. Ryuji doesn’t know if he could cum from this because of how Akira is moving, but damn, it still has his knees going weak.

“It, ah…feels good…”

“Mm, yes, you do. I'm so lucky that I get to be the one who sees you like this."

It's hard to explain how Akira is able to make Ryuji's mind feel so clouded and yet so focused on every other sense he has that his boyfriend is able to command the attention of. And Akira doesn't stop, whispering in his ear that completely cancels out the sound of their skin slapping and of the bed frame creaking.

Honestly, Ryuji doesn't even know if he himself is saying anything besides incoherent, keening babble. But all of his thoughts are centered on Akira's constant, reassuring words.

_“You voice is so…so nice.”_

_“You’re doing so good, taking me inside of you like this—”_

_“You’re perfect. I love you—”_

The steady, slow thrusts are _killing_ him. Every time he thinks he's close, it disappears and he has to wait for the aching intensity to begin again.

“Akir- hn...”

“Hm?”

“I-I need you…” Ryuji begs softly, although he wonders if he's speaking at all. It's so hard to breathe with Akira on top of him, filling him again and again as slow as he possibly can. 

“Tell me what you need, sweetie."

The nickname makes him feel weaker, but god, he _loves_ it, he loves _all_ of it **—**

“Hnn…! Please, Akira, please…” Ryuji sobs into the blanket, Akira kisses the back of his jaw, “…please, fuck me...”

“Please, let me hear you—”

“P-please go deeper, harder, _anything,_ Akira! Just _fuck_ me as hard as you can—"

( _I trust you to break me._ )

“Anything for you—”

Ryuji's unsure of how long it was after Akira answered that he remembers surrendering; being so out of it that he’s grinding his hips back onto Akira’s cock even though his strength was gone a long time ago, or losing track of everything that he was saying (or if any of it made sense). He allows Akira to take him whole, kissing his ears and gnawing on his neck while he continues to whisper more things that have Ryuji’s face so hot that beads of sweat drip down his burning skin.

It's not just perfection, it's bliss. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not gonna tag this fic as dom/sub but i'm sure it's not hard to see that i think akiryu is a++++ for elements of that kink


	10. ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> orz this took forever and several revisions but we're here and i'm done!!  
> enjoy the word count, i tried to condense it as much as i could lmao

**03/19/20XX**

“Why the hell did I only get sick…?” Ryuji grumbles, rubbing his nose with the back of his hand.

He’s been trying hard to rid himself of the pessimistic self-talk, or at least become conscious enough of it so that he can stop it. However, it doesn’t stop him from thinking that _of course_  he’d be the one to get sick. Ryuji kicks the blankets away from himself and he already regrets putting his shirt and sweatpants back on. The fabric feels like tacky against his skin; just too warm.

“Sometimes that happens when you stay in the rain for too long,” Akira says, sitting upright on the bed, sifting his fingers through Ryuji’s hair. It’s hard to tell if his hair is damp from the traces of his shower hours ago or just because he’s been sweating so much.

As light spills in from the window, Ryuji thinks about how he hasn’t even looked at his phone yet to see the time; he imagines his mom is either on her way home, or quietly snuck off to bed while they were sleeping. That was as much motivation as he needed to try and avoid the embarrassment of getting caught half naked with Akira wrapped around him. As soon as he’d come to, he made sure he was properly covered.

Ryuji looks at Akira curiously once he realizes what’s been said, “Who told you I was waitin’...?”

“We said we would meet up and walk there together, didn’t we?”

Despite kicking off the blankets, the blond still feels warm, even with just his back pressed against the mattress, “Oh yeah, I guess we did…”

“Plus, Futaba told me you had been running late that morning when I messaged her...” Akira props his head up, his elbow digging into the mattress while he stares at the blond, “I’m sorry that I was late. Hopefully you weren’t waiting too long though?”

It feels like they’re going to go backwards if they start this conversation again. Ryuji swallows, and it feels like wires tightening around his throat. He hears it in his own voice as his words come out rushed and nearly choked out, wavering like vibrato from his nervous tongue. “N-no, not at all! It was only like, what...? Ten minutes...? But it felt way quicker than that, so, um...you don’t gotta worry about that at all. It’s all good.”

Akira looks far from satisfied with that answer.

“I swear!”

Akira slowly turns his head to look over the blond as he fidgets in his seat, eyes narrowing in concern, “...Was it longer than ten minutes?”

Ryuji manages a forced laugh, and he feels a pinch in his throat. Shit, he really is sick, isn’t he?

“I-I don’t think it was! I wasn’t really keeping track. I was too focused on eating, y’know?”

Akira’s stare doesn’t falter but the amusement quickly leaves his expression, “...You’re not as bad as Ann, but I like to think I know when you’re lying. I know you said you were running late but—” Dark eyes flicker for a moment in thought. Ryuji can practically see Akira doing the math in his head, measuring the time between when they were supposed to meet and when he’d talk to Futaba. His whole demeanor drop, startling Ryuji, “...You waited for almost an _hour_?”

Ryuji starts to feel more guilty himself for being honest and he _really_ doesn’t want to get worked up again, especially with the fog clouding up his mind, “Yeah, but it’s cool! I seriously didn’t care! I mean, it’s not like I had anything better to do—”

Akira frowns at him before he presses the back of his cold palm against the blond’s cheek, “I’m sorry. Now I get why you were so pissed.”

“Hey, it’s not like that—”

“It’s okay for you to get mad, Ryuji,” Akira’s voice is as warm as the blond’s skin, beginning to heat his naturally frigid fingers. The blond stills when he turns over, catching the way Akira’s dark eyes fall over him and stare at him like he’s looking into his soul, and even now it’s hard for him to not feel a little pathetic with how easily comforted he is by it.

But at the same time, it’s just that — being able to feel comfortable with the way his emotions run rampant inside of him. He’s always felt too much — been too much.

( _It burned so badly inside of him. He never wanted to hurt anybody._

_“Dude, I guess everyone was right about Sakamoto…”_

_“Seriously, like, who tries to hit a teacher!? There’s something wrong with that guy.”_

_“But you heard about his parents, right? What do you expect?”_ )

“—you don’t need to bottle it up around me.”

Ryuji leans his head down into the pillow, right in the palm of Akira’s hand that lays on top of it, “I...I don’t bottle it up, not all the time,” Akira swipes his thumb over Ryuji’s lips, opening his mouth slightly. His still hopes Akira can’t feel his breath shaking over his palm, “I guess you just got ways of calming me down quicker…”

Before he met Akira, it was hard for him to keep his fists buried in his pockets, knuckles white and aching to punch something — mostly himself. It’s been so long since he had seeked out concrete walls, knowing it was the easiest target. He’d be able to get his anger out without hurting anyone or anything, the split skin and bruising on his knuckles the only evidence he needed that he had taken his punishment.

Ryuji closes his eyes, keeping his lips open by the subtle hold of Akira’s fingers before they’re pulling away and sliding down the blond’s side. Over his hips, cupping his ass—

The soreness from last night is long gone, but it doesn’t stop Ryuji from thinking about why his hand was on this very spot just a few hours ago. His cheeks burn and somehow just having Akira’s hand rounding over his plump backside manages to make him feel small under his touch, “Y-you really got a sweet spot for that part of me, don’t ya?”

“I’m sorry for this too,” Akira leans towards him, rubbing circles into the mound. The guilt still hasn’t left his eyes, “I shouldn’t do something like that out of the blue without…you know, talking to you first.”

“Hey! I said I can handle _some_  shit, remember?” Ryuji rolls his eyes, although it is hard for him to defend the fact that had Akira _s_ _panked_ him without also getting incredibly red in the face, “Come on, you know how often I hit the gym! If I wanted to push you off, I totally would have. I just thought...it’s only natural for you to take the lead like that…”

A small sound of intrigue leaves Akira as he leans in closer, grabbing a handful. It’s always hard to pinpoint what all of Akira’s touches mean: is Akira trying to initiate sex again? Is he just teasing him? Does he think Ryuji likes this? He totally does, but that’s not the point.

“Well...seeing you get all riled up _is_  pretty hot.”

“You think it’s hot for me to act like a crazy jealous chick because her boyfriend forgot to text him first? Yeah, okay. Weirdo.”

It starts to get warmer as Akira draws closer.

“So, you _were_  jealous.”

Ryuji smashes the side of his face into the pillow, catching that stupid smirk on Akira's lips. Even just realizing how he’s reacting _now_  has his face burning in embarrassment, “Ugh, don’t give me that look…”

Akira doesn’t say anything aside from the airy chuckle leaving his lips, only continuing to further the heat between. When the blond finally gets himself to pull away from the pillow, he’s met face to face with what he can only describe as dark, bedroom eyes, “H-hey, you can’t get so close! You’ll get sick too!”

“We both know my immune system is immaculate.”

“I’m guessing that means good…” Ryuji whines as the hand on his hips grips tighter onto him and tugs him forward. Bashfully, he looks up at Akira, who is still propped up on his elbows and looking down at the blond, “But seriously, man, I don’t wanna infect you with this shit. My head’s all foggy and I think I’m gettin’ a sore throat,” Akira leans in, his mouth opening slightly as he nears, “O-Or maybe just no kissing!”

“Aw, I don’t know about that. I know some doctors and I think some extra affection is all you need.”

“The same doctor that had you _test_ out her medicine that made you pass out? Yeah, um… Not only am I not takin’ that advice, she’s way too serious to ever say anything like that.” Akira doesn’t seem to listen, nudging himself closer, “Akira!”

“Aw.” Akira stops midway, his grin resurfacing as he plants a quick kiss to the tip of his nose, “Just one?”

“N-no!”

“You sure?”

“Yes! I’m just trying to be a good boyfriend is all...” Ryuji’s whine runs of, although the phrase has him instantly thinking back to the not-so perfect part of the night that started all of this.

“...Do you have to do any of that stuff today?”

Akira stiffens, shoulders going lax after a careful breath, “...Yeah. Everything will be done by tonight. But, I don’t think I’ll be able to make it over here by then though, since I don’t know how late it will be...which hopefully doesn’t still sound like the most suspicious thing ever.”

And although it’s difficult for Ryuji to not _die_  in anticipation to know what’s going on, or how all of this is what started their little fight to begin with, or how their last full day together might not even included them being together for too long, he manages to shake his head without much conflict, “It’s alright. I believe you.”

Hesitantly, the blond wraps an arm around Akira’s waist, finally bringing their bodies together. He leans forward, nudging his head against Akira’s warm chest, which is not helping his body temperature from skyrocketing, but it feels too much like home for him to pull back, “It’s better for you to stay away and tie up all your loose ends than playing doctor all day with me anyway.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, it’s fine! I’ve been able to see you this whole time without too much of a problem, so it’s cool,” Akira’s thigh presses in between his legs and he’s gotta try _real_  hard not to press even harder against it. Was he seriously this excitable? “Plus, I’m the lucky one here. I’ll still get to see you afterward, you just gotta send me pictures and...stuff.”

With his eyes closed, he feels he can see Akira’s lips curling before he even speaks, “Oh, is pictures what you want?” His hips split further apart as Akira nudges in, kneading gingerly in between his thighs.

“Y-you know I didn’t mean it like that—”

Then there’s the sound of his door sliding open, and the two have never moved quicker than when Ryuji’s mom is standing in the doorway, her weary eyes opening wide that it instantly diminishes her dark circles.

“Oh! I...I didn’t expect you to be up right now.”

“M-mom! H-hey, I didn’t hear you walk in—”

Even though he’s still fully dressed, he can only _imagine_  how this must look to her: his skin sheen with a thin layer of sweat, both of their hair tousled from other activities besides just how fast they pull away from one another, the force practically throwing them at opposite sides of the bed. He immediately tucks his hands into his lap, as if that’s proof that he was nowhere near Akira before it sets in that now it looks like he’s just trying to _hide_  something in his lap. He doesn’t have time to look at Akira but he hopes he’s fucking smart enough to look more decent than him.

And when she doesn’t say anything quick enough for her to respond, he quickly has to continue on in his defense, “W-we weren’t doing anything!”

Akira slaps his hand against his forehead.

“Oh, uh...I wasn’t worried about that, hun. I don’t mind who you bring over, I just like to know who’s in the house,” Her eyes sink back to their usual soft shape, peering over to Akira after her eyes scan her son, “It’s nice to see you again, Akira.”

“G-good morning, Miss Sakamoto,” Akira forces a smile, throwing a small wave her way.

Ryuji rubs the back of his head, “Y-yeah, I meant to tell you, I guess we —  _I_  got distracted…”

His mom smiles warmly at him, leaning her head against the doorframe for support, ”It’s alright, it just caught me by surprise.”

Her eyes begin to wander around the room and Ryuji is _praying_  that he actually did throw all their sex shit back into the drawers and he hopes Akira at least _tried_  to cover the condom that was now mostly likely and hopefully in the trash by now. Her expression doesn’t change as her eyes naturally scan over his room, most likely looking for dishes to take back to the kitchen. Her brows only contort once she’s back to the blond, “Although...you’re looking a little on the warm side.”

“I-I’m fine! The, uh...bed is just, uh...really hot.”

“He’s sick.” Akira finally interjects.

She blinks a few more times before a tender look of sympathy crosses her face, “You weren’t out in that rain yesterday, were you?”

“I-I had things I needed to do!”

“Ryuji…” She shakes her head, “Well, I’m going to grab you some medicine and fix you up some soup.”

“Okay, I’m not _that_  sick.”

“You have to treat it _before_  you get that sick,” She playfully rolls her eyes, peering over him again, “And Akira, are you sure you should be here? I don't mind, but I wouldn't want to send you home with a cold either. It’s not going to make for the easiest ride home.”

Ryuji scoffs, answering before Akira can even get a word in now, “He's alright. If nothin's wrong with him right now, he ain’t getting sick at all.”

Akira shrugs at the both of them, “Well, now that I know he’s in good hands, maybe it is time for me to leave.”

“You’re sweet,” She smiles to the flattery before turning back to her son and ruffling her hand through his damp hair, “Well, I'll leave you two be while I'm cooking. You’re free to take some with you too, Akira.”

She turns back on her feet and shuts the door behind her as she leaves, the two boys silently listening to her steps fading into the distance of the kitchen.

Ryuji sighs, but quickly perks up when he hears Akira softly laughing beside him, “Looks like someone has a problem with letting people take care of them.”

“Huh?”

“Nothing,” Akira pokes him in the side as he shifts, “Just get some rest, okay?”

Stretching his legs, Akira leans forward over his boyfriend to roll off the bed, although he stops the moment that the blond tugs on his shirt, “...hey.”

“Yeah?”

Ryuji swallows, the pain in his throat pouring down like hot glue, “I know you have to go but can you stay a little longer? Maybe once I pass out, if that’s cool…?”

Grinning, Akira takes a seat back to his side of the bed and ruffling his hair, “Aw, did someone change their mind on a free prescription of kisses?”

“Be quiet and lay down before I change my mind!”

**********  
**********

It’s not long before his mom is back in the room with some medicine that he regretfully chugs down because of the seemingly poisonous flavor. However, it does manage to numb some of the tightening in his throat right away. He knows it’s the type of medicine that’s going to make him drowsy but he fights to keep his eyes open for as long as he can. Not that he minds it though: it’s not like his mom was going to let him out of the house anyway.

And then there’s Akira, who has his arm wrapped around his waist to keep Ryuji’s back pressed against his chest and his head just barely perched over his shoulder. They opt to watch whatever mildly entertaining show comes on the television, although it quickly becomes white noise that lulls Ryuji back and forth between almost falling asleep and actually being asleep. He slips his fingers into Akira’s hand, allow it to cage over his palm.

“You sleeping?” Akira asks softly, brushing his thumb over his skin.

“Nu-uh…” Ryuji barely moves, just moaning out a sleepy set of words, “You’re not leaving yet, are you?”

“No, just checking is all.”

Akira keeps his word and stays, like he has time and time again.

He stays until his own grip loosens in Akira’s hand and his head nods off into the pillows, reaching the sweetest spot that throws him right over the edge into the bliss of sleep. He doesn’t awake to the the kiss on his cheek, the weight besides him shift, or the covers tucked over his frame once more.

**********  
**********

Instead, he wakes up to voices.

Ryuji’s vision is blurry as he peels his eyes open, blinking several times before the television comes into plain sight, the figures on the screen matching the body language of the voices he heard before.

The pain seems to have left his head and his throat isn’t as scratchy as it was, but Ryuji is still definitely just as tired, if not more. It’s hard to even open his eyes all the way, shutting them as soon as he lets out a loud yawn and stretches out his arm, taken aback by the space next to him.

Ryuji pats the mattress down once more before rolling over to face the other way, wrinkling up the covers that were evenly spread on him just minutes ago. It’s gross how much he already misses Akira, he thinks to himself, grabbing the pillow beside him and pressing it against his face. Somehow if he does that, it doesn’t seem as noticeable to _whoever_  that he’s taking in Akira’s sweet, subtle scent left on the fabric. If he wraps his arm around it, maybe he could pretend it was Akira in a way that wasn’t totally creepy.

“Look who's finally awake.”

Ryuji jumps, turning around to face his mom as she stands in the doorway once again.

“H-how long was I out for?” Ryuji rubs his head.

“It’s been a few hours. That medicine put you out pretty fast.”

“That means Akira probably left a long time ago then…”

She makes her way into his room, taking a seat on his bedside, “Actually, he only left about an hour ago.”

“For real?” Ryuji’s eyes immediately widen, rubbing over his face to hide the growing smile, “I didn't think he'd stay that long...”

“Why not? He is your boyfriend, isn't he?”

Any sense of sleepiness leaves him as he jolts up in his seat, “ _Mom_!”

Her eyes narrow, brow raising, “Ryuji...You can't really be that surprised that I know.”

“I know!” Ryuji rubs his nose again; it feels even more real knowing that his mom has officially said it out loud, “You just never have actually said that…”

“I like to think you know me well enough to know I’m not that dense,” She laughs lightheartedly. Now that he thinks about it, Ryuji thinks he may be the dense one for assuming that she _didn’t_  know, “He really likes you, you know that?”

“I-I know he does,” It’s still a little awkward for him to discuss. He kinda always thought that if he was going to bring anyone home, it would be a cute girl. But now he’s bringing home a cute boy, and it makes his heart throb harder than all the previous fantasies he’d had, “But sometimes I...I feel like I like him a lot more than he likes me.”

It’s strange to say that part out loud though. Even if every thought in his brain would try to convince him otherwise, the rational part of his brain knows that Akira cares. There’s no way he would have hung out for this long if he didn’t, whether just for today or the whole time he’s known Ryuji.

But sometimes, he has to wonder if Akira is also holding back from saying ‘I love you’ a million times when they’re together because Ryuji knows that he’s had to fight that off on more than one occasion. At one point did it go from being sweet to just annoying?

“Hm, I don’t know about that,” She’s abrupt with him, immediately pulling him out of his thoughts, “He gets such a sweet look in his eyes when he’s looking at you. I think you just need to understand that everybody loves a little differently.”

“I-I know!”

“Just let yourself be open with him more. Plus, he’s the lucky one who gets to date you!” She wraps her arms around him earnestly, humming a small sound of joy.

“Mom...”

_buzz buzz_

The vibration that goes off that has them both looking at his phone, his mom peering over the screen and laughing as she looks over at the name flashing on it.

**[Text From: Akira]**

“See?” Ryuji’s mom can’t help from ruffling his hair before making her way towards the door, “I'll heat you up some food since you fell asleep before I could give it to you, hun.”

“Thanks, mom,” Ryuji calls out to her right as he reaches for his phone, snuggling back beneath the blankets. He sniffles once he holds the phone above his head, quickly dragging his fingers across the screen to view the messages.

> i wish i didn't need to leave  
> you were so cozy

>> i didn't even know you left until now!  
>> i just woke up

> well  
>good afternoon sleeping beauty

>> doesn't she only wake up because a prince kisses her?  
>> just saying

> i kissed you on the cheek  
> maybe that's why you didn't wake up right away  
> it's a delayed reaction

>> lol what the hell!!  
>> that actually makes sense

> lol  
> are you feeling better?

>> kinda  
>> i’m still really tired  
>> and i feel like I got caterpillars in my nose  
>> and i’m kinda sweaty  
>> but my head doesn’t hurt anymore  
>> so that’s a plus i guess?

> i  
> (...)  
> (...)  
> (...)

>> WHAT

> i  
> cannot stop laughing  
> at the fucking caterpillars

>> it's what it feels like!!!

> oh my god i love you  
> i needed that  
> for real

>> well glad my suffering could bring you a few lols!!  
>>..... jk i love you too  
>> are you doing your thing right now??

> about to start  
> idk when I'll be done buttttt  
> do you want me to come over afterwards if i finish early?

>> i wanna say yes but i don’t wanna get you sick :/  
>> and I'll probably be sleeping anyway so i don't wanna be boring

> aww  
> but your snoring is cute  
> why would i want to miss that

>> I DON’T SNORE  
>> (...)  
>> DO I

> lol I'm kidding  
> kind of  
> apparently you only snore when you're sick  
> but i think it's just from all the caterpillars

>> hey  
>> when that immune system of your finally breaks  
>> you'll know what i’m talking about

> i can only hope that you’ll be there to take care of me :)  
> but are you sure you don't want me to come over?

>> nah it's cool  
>> take your time with your super secret stuff  
>> that you'll apparently tell me about tomorrow

> i promise i will

>> btw  
>> what are you doing tomorrow  
>> like you just going to meet with everyone individually and say goodbye  
>> or something else

> i was hoping that maybe we can all meet at the station??

>> you're taking the train?  
>> DUDE WAIT  
>> WHAT IF WE TOOK YOU BACK  
>> makoto’s got a license and school doesn't start until april  
>> and we’ll just drop you off after we're done

> done with what?

>> a road trip!!  
>> duh

> hmmm i’ve never done that before  
> sounds fun tho  
> you think everyone would be able to go on such short notice?

>> lol come on  
>> like we really all hang out with other people anyway  
>> they'll come  
>> I'll set it up

> haha ok sounds good

>> i'm not kidding!!

> lol i know you aren’t  
> that makes it better

>> plus then I can see what your hometown looks like  
>> so I know what to expect when I come over

> you won't be too impressed  
> there's nothing there

>> well  
>> you’re there

> fuck

>> what

> you’re not even trying  
> are you?

>> um…….again  
>> what

> nothing  
> you're cute  
> shit ok i really gotta do this thing now but we'll see each other tomorrow ok  
> if you're still awake you can text me

>> ok! i’ll talk to everyone else  
>> hopefully your thing works out for ya!!

> i hope so too

**********  
**********

Ryuji wakes up the next morning with the fog gone from his brain, his clothes drenched in sweat, and his phone leaning against his face, with more messages piling on the screen —

> hey  
> can you meet me right now?

— from an _hour_  ago.

Ryuji has never jumped out of bed so fast, struggling between thinking of what to wear or whether he should just fucking book it down to the station instead. He stops tying his shoe midway before he realizes he still hasn't texted Akira back.

>> dude i’m sorry!!!  
>> i was sleeping!!!  
>> I'm on my way right now  
>> you're at the station right??

He doesn't wait for the text back, darting out of his room before realizing he still hasn't brushed his teeth and what if Akira wants to kiss him goodbye (then again they would be in public so they might not even get that physical) — he doesn't want their ‘farewell kiss’ to also be associated with bad breath. Even as he heads to the bathroom, he’s analyzing his outfit in the mirror wondering if he should dress in something more proper than his jacket fashionably thrown over the graphic tee he currently has on. But, as much as he wants to look decent, he’s on a schedule so he can only brush his teeth before he pulls on said jacket and it outside the door.

Everyone seems to be out and about today because he’s nearly bumped into ten people already as he bolts down the street, ignoring the stress he can feel beginning to burn in his right leg. There’s no point in him trying to look at his phone on the way there — he knows for sure that he’d drop his phone. Or trip. Or something equally as stupid and slow.

Despite that, when he turns at the last corner, he can already spot the figure that he recognizes as Akira standing by one of the benches circling around the trees. He’s not wearing his glasses and his hair looks just as messy from the day before but he still manages to look at peace, eyes focused on his phone and following the endless pattern of scrolling.

That still doesn’t stop Ryuji from darting towards him, immediately grabbing his attention from the corner of his eye and looking alarmed when he sees the figure headed his way.

Ryuji stops abruptly in front of him, putting his hands on his thighs to give himself a goddamn break because he hasn’t ran like that since they were in the Metaverse and that was like, how many months ago again? He’s not completely out of shape _again_ , but his stamina had taken a small hit. The stinging in his leg subsides quickly, much to his approval.

“Ha...I-I...I made it…” He nearly gasps out the words because every breath he takes in feels like water to parched lungs.

Akira’s shoes come into his vision as he stares at the ground; he’s standing in front of him now, “Did you really think I would leave without saying goodbye to you?”

“There’s...no way...I’d ever...even let that happen…”

Ryuji takes a few moments to steady his breathing, looking up at Akira who’s smile is beaming down at him — or maybe that’s just the sun in his eyes. Either way, he’s still pretty. But just as suddenly as that thought comes into his mind, it dawns on him that he’s not the only one who’s late.

“Hey, where’s everyone else?”

“They’ll be coming soon. I wanted some time alone with you first, if that’s alright.”

It would be kind of silly for them to _not_  have a moment alone, wouldn’t it?

“Y-yeah. Of course.”

Despite their private moment, there are still plenty of people around them. They stay at an arm’s length apart.

But now that they _a_ _re_  alone, Ryuji feels like he needs to say something he’s never said before, something that will prove to Akira that him leaving is going to be hard for him, but that they wouldn’t let the distance deter their feelings from one another, and that Akira is his first love and he doesn’t think he’s ever going to feel this much love for anyone again, and that he’s going to be sad that he can’t kiss him every day—

“I..don’t really know what to say. Guess I’m not the best at these things,” Ryuji admits softly, stuffing his hands into his jacket pocket, “I feel like I might have said it all already. Probably...even more than I was supposed to.”

“It’s alright. I promise I don’t need a grand gesture,” It hard to invite guilt in about not saying anything extraordinary with the way Akira looks at him, with such a calm demeanor where his eyes feel like they’re just taking in the sight of Ryuji. Maybe the energy should feel more bittersweet between them, but even the blond is taken aback by how warm the smile is on Akira’s face, “Did anything ever happen with your road trip idea?”

Oh right, the road trip.

“Uh, kinda? I texted Makoto last night and she said she’d try seeing if there’s a van we can rent on such short notice and that she’d text me the next day. I didn’t see any messages from her this morning so she’s cutting it real close.”

Akira shrugs, “You never know, Makoto is very resourceful.”

“I should have had her plan all of this. She’d be more organized than me,” Ryuji grumbles, kicking a few of the small rocks on the cement to the side.

“We’ve got plenty of time.”

“I think you and I got two different ideas of how much time you have left…”

Akira shrugs again, although his smile widens, “Hey, I got you something.”

Ryuji’s physically feels his stomach leap when he watches Akira dig into his pocket. Shit, fuck, shit — he didn’t even _think_  to get Akira a gift. Before he can even think what’s wrong with him, Akira is holding out an envelope to him.

“T-thanks...I, um…” Akira continues to hold it out to him, head tilting just slightly, probably curious as to why Ryuji hasn’t pulled it away from him yet, “But I...didn’t get you anything.”

This was going _great_  so far.

“It’s okay, I wasn’t expecting anything. Here, take it.”

“Usually it’s the person who's leaving that gets the gifts, not the other way around...” Ryuji tries to brush it off with a laugh and he can’t help but feel bad when he reaches for the envelope, taking it out of Akira’s hand as he begins to tear it open, “But you’ve never fit in with the crowd anyway so — wait!”

His eyes quickly trail over the details of the stiff paper in his hand, opening his mouth wide. If this was what he thought it was, then he’s _really_ going to feel shitty for not getting Akira a gift, “Is this...a year pass to Destinyland? Shit, dude, these are expensi— and there’s two of them?!”

Akira seems totally unphased by it, although his smile remains, “We did have some extra money, you know.”

“I-I know that but still, dude! And these are for both for _me_?” He points at himself and Akira nods. As exciting as this is, why would they need two? It just seemed excessive, “Hah, is this so I don’t have to worry about looking like a loser and going alone all the time?”

“Not at all,” Akira steps closer to him, his lips curving further at the corners and his voice getting lower, “However, I was hoping...that I could borrow it from time to time?”

Not that Ryuji was complaining, but a year pass for someone who didn’t live here was a bit of overkill, but maybe that just meant Akira was going to be down a lot more often than he thought? “Uh, hell yeah you can! You can borrow it whenever you want, dude!”

“Really? Even right now?” Akira brushes his hand over Ryuji’s as he tugs on one of the passes, sliding it out of Ryuji’s grasp, “I just want to make sure—”

“Dude, you’re the one who bought them! You can take them whenever—”

“—because I’m staying.”

“—you w—aah, wait….what?”

Ryuji’s heart nearly stops and he thinks the color has completely drained from his face, “Did you just say you’re...staying?”

Akira only continues to smile.

His throat is already tight and getting the words out without feeling like he’s going to choke is starting to become a challenge, “Y-You’re not...screwin’ with me, right? Because I-I _really_  can’t take something like that—”

“I’m staying.”

There’s been only a few times in his life where Ryuji has truly not given a shit what anyone around him is thinking about him, and this moment, where he practically leaps forward and wraps his arms around Akira’s neck is one of them.

“O-o-oh...my god!” The tears are already overflowing from the corners of his eyes and he knows he’s already sputtering like a moron, but none of it matters, “W-what the hell man?! I-I mean, I’m happy, I’m s-so h-happy but...what about...everything else?”

“I said I would explain everything, remember?” Akira falls back a few steps when Ryuji lunges for him, but still his hands rest on his sides, “I...well, after the first time we did anything — I’m being quiet, don’t give me that face— I...I don’t know. Something changed in me and I wanted to see if I had a chance at staying. I didn’t want to leave you after all of this so I told my parents I wanted to stay.”

Ryuji pulls back, looking at Akira through watery eyes, “And they just let you stay…?”

“...They told me no as soon as I asked. I tried telling them about this year, but they said they didn’t have time to listen to my ‘teenage woes’. We just kept going back and forth but I knew anything I said wasn’t going to work...so. I just explained it to them the way they’re used to — just with facts and business.”

Ryuji sniffles, raising a brow out of confusion, “You...had a business meeting?”

“It was more like me just harassing everyone I’ve ever met here to help me out. Makoto was getting my school file so I could show them that I really was taking everything seriously. And my perfect attendance—”

“...you were gone for a whole month that one time, though.”

“I may have asked Kawakami to help out with that one, but even if she didn’t, Futaba could easily make something realistic.”

“Wait. Why the hell didn’t you tell me about this?! I would have helped you!”

“I know you would have, but even I didn’t know if this was going to convince them,” Akira shrugs, “I tried to keep it a secret from everyone, but I really needed Futaba. I didn’t want us to get our hopes up just for it to fail. I didn’t want to upset you at all.”

“I dunno, man. I think it would have been easier on everybody if you had just told everyone. How many times do I gotta tell you that you can rely on me too?”

“I had a feeling you’d say something like that. But, I guess we have a lot of time for you to help me with that problem,” Akira tilts his head, hair moving into his face slightly, “Sound like a deal?”

“You know I can’t stay mad at you,” Ryuji scoffs, although it’s caught between a laugh and a sob that can’t seem to be contained, “So, you just told ‘em that you were doing well in school? That’s all it took?”

“Yeah….no. I got everything that I could think of. Letters of recommendations, pay stubs that shows I worked and made money —”

“What the hell, it sounds like you applying to be a politician or somethin…”

“That’s how seriously they take all of this.”

“Jeez...were they at least _i_ _mpressed_?”

Akira shrugs, lifting his arms up as he does so, “I...think they were? They’re still not exactly thrilled that I’m staying here, but they said they’re glad I accomplished something while I was out here.”

“ _Something_? Dude, you’re like one of the most accomplished people I’ve ever met! I don’t understand how these parents can have all these expectations from you when you’re already amazing…”

“Thank you, that means a lot coming from you,” Akira grabs Ryuji’s hand and pulls it nears, eyes only moving to look down to where their palms meet and then looking back up at the blond. The people around them mean nothing right now, although Ryuji wonders if Akira is fighting off the same urge to hold him once more, “I...wanted to tell them about you too. But it was a little hard to bring up…”

“H-hey, it’s alright. Anything to keep your chances of staying here as high as they can be,” Maybe it would be different if Ryuji had ever met Akira’s parents, or even what they look like. But he knows it will all come in time; he’d rather be here for Akira now than away from him, “And it’s kinda cool to know we got our own little secret again.”  
“Not sure how well we’re doing at hiding though,” Akira chuckles, making a small eye movement to motion to the crowd passing them or simply bystanding. Ryuji doesn’t even bother to look.

“Who cares—”

“Sooo, should we leave you two alone for another ten minutes or…?”

The familiar voice draws his attention away and immediately pulls him out of their loving bubble. Turning his head, he notices the crowd that is their friends standing at the side of them, all giving their own look of amusement.

“H-How long have you guys been standing there?!” Ryuji pulls his hands away from Akira, stuffing them into his pockets.

Morgana’s head pops out of Futaba’s bag, “Long enough to see that snot is not a good look on you.”

“Morgana’s right, you should really wipe your nose,” Futaba chuckles despite some of the struggle that it looks like she’s having from having to support the cat in her bag from her small figure.

“S-shut up! You’d be cryin’ too!” Ryuji hunches over, turning away for a moment to wipe at the tears onto the back sleeve of his jacket, “Don’t you know he’s staying?”

Ann’s face immediately lights up, “W-What? That’s great—”

Shrugging, Futaba says, “I kind of already knew.”

Rolling his eyes, Ryuji replies, “Yeah, so I’ve heard.”

“I knew too! I was just sworn to secrecy,” Morgana chirps.

“You probably were just hangin’ out in the background and eavesdropping.”

“It’s better than hearing you two suck face all night—”

“Hey!”

Making the smart move to quickly interject between the two of them, Akira softly chides, “Yup, the good news is that I’m staying.”

Ann jumps in first, wrapping her arms around Akira, squishing Ryuji between the two of them. Before he can say anything, everyone else is jumping into the group hug and if a few people were looking over before, they certainly were grabbing even more attention from this spectacle.

“Now you can have Sojiro’s curry whenever you want again! Ryuji can come too!”

“Now that you’re staying, I’d like to see if you’d take up my offer of allowing me to study you two once more. I wish to capture that adoration I see whenever your eyes meet.”

“Yusuke, _please—_ ”

“If Yusuke gets to, then I want you two to come to a shoot with me! My agency needs a few extra male models for just this gig I’m doing!”

“I-I’m not modelin’!”

“I think it would be a much smarter idea if you took that time to focus on schooling, you guys. Haru and I won’t be here to do those study sessions with you anymore.”

“Don’t worry, we’re all going to make sure that we graduate. Can’t be friends with Shujin’s alumini in that situation, could we?”

“I think it would be in everybody’s interest…” Makoto hums in delight, crossing her arms over her chest, “But, still...how _did_  you manage to stay?”

“How about I explain that on the roadtrip instead? It’s a long story.”

“It’s really not.”

**********  
**********

The roadtrip proves to be something everybody needs.

It starts out wild and ecstatic with the overlapping stories of how Akira managed to be able to stay. He explains it in detail to all of them, letting them know that he’d been in contact with his parents for the last month and trying to find a way that he could convince them to have him stay. it was exactly like he had said to Ryuji; with taking the idea of showing them everything that he’d accomplished over the last year and getting all of his references together, he could show that he was taking his ‘punishment’ and making a much better example of himself.

A part of it almost infuriates Ryuji that Akira has to prove himself so much, but the thought is quickly gone. Akira is staying.

There comes a point where it all goes quiet after a while, and night falls upon them. Besides the quiet roar of the engine, the music turned down low enough to hear others talking, but not enough to properly make out their words unless you were actually listening. Some of them are sleeping — Ann tucked into herself with her head pressed into her shoulder and Morgana nuzzled in her lap, or quietly keeping to themselves — such as Futaba typing away on her phone, Yusuke with his eyes up to the sky with headphones pressed into his ears, while Haru and Makoto spoke between the two of them.

Ryuji and Akira weren't any different — the blond kept his head nuzzled into Akira’s shoulder, eyes batting asleep and waking up at every bump they seemed to go over. The blond wasn’t sure how much longer they’d be until their next destination but it was oddly comforting for him to be so closed tucked in the van with all of his friends, pressed tightly against his boyfriend, while lights flickered over the windows of the van from every lamp post they passed in the dark.

When his eyes were open, he looked over the screen of Akira’s phone, glancing over the websites that he went to and occasionally chuckling when he saw something he thought was funny (not that Ryuji even understood half of the things he saw, but he trusted Akira to have good taste). Akira was quiet, eyes peeling over the words and occasionally looking over to see the blond either looking up at him to make contact, or when his eyes were shut and the blond didn’t catch his sign of movement.

This was one of the times where the latter happened.

Ryuji’s eyes were closed shut although he didn’t think he was actually sleeping yet — it was hard when he could catch pieces of Makoto and Haru’s conversation in front of him, their words bleeding into whatever imagery was showing up in his mind, and it would take a much larger bump or a stop sign to wake him.

But then he heard his phone go off, ringing in his pocket. He made a small, tired sound, keeping his head on Akira’s shoulder, who still hadn’t looked at him during this, before pulling his phone out of his pocket and instinctively turning the volume off. He flipped between screens before looking at his text messages, dimming the brightness down as he did so.

**[Text From: Akira]**

> you make the cutest noises when you’re sleeping

Ryuji feels his face go red, nuzzling it deeper into Akira’s shoulder before pulling the phone out of Akira’s view, typing to himself.

>> i told you i don’t snore!!

> lol no not that  
> just you breathing  
> hopefully that doesn’t sound creepy

>> my boyfriend thinks i sound cute breathing…  
>> i guess that’s not the creepiest thing i could hear from you  
>> good thing you’re not wearing your joker getup anymore  
>> you get real confident in that

> thought you liked it ;)  
> but first  
> tell me if this is creepy...

>> oh god akira  
>> we are in the dark with all of our friends  
>> what the hell are you gonna do

> i want to hear those cute sounds you were making the other night  
> you know  
> when you were bent over for me and taking all of me

Ryuji has to bite his tongue — literally— to keep from running his mouth. He buries his lips into Akira’s shoulder.

>> AKIRA  
>> ARE YOU REALLY TRYING TO SEXT ME  
>> RIGHT HERE  
>> RIGHT NOW

> i’m guessing that was a yes on the creepy?

>> NO  
>> I JUST DON’T WANT ANYONE TO KNOW WHAT WE’RE DOING

> maybe turn your brightness down and keep your volume off  
> put your jacket in your lap  
> and be quiet

>> goddamn it akira

Ryuji does all that he’s told, quietly removing his jacket and putting it onto his lap, trying to play it off that he’s somehow to hot to have it on. He tries to keep his movements to a minimum, knowing he needs to be quiet and not draw any attention to them. He really doesn’t think he can take the thought of everyone knowing what they’re doing, much less _talking_  about.

>> ok  
>> (...)  
>> you were saying……...

> oh  
> you really wanted me to keep going?

>> AKIRA

> lol i’m joking  
> you’re cute when you’re flustered though

>> stoppp

> did you like that the other night tho?  
> i know i was a little rough

>> i already said that it wasn’t that big of a deal  
>> it’s not like it hurt that bad…

> i can make it hurt more if you like  
> ;)

>> that...wouldn’t be the worst thing  
>> it felt kinda nice to let you do what you wanted with me…  
>> i kinda………..wish you did more……..

> oh?  
> like what?

Ryuji swallows before typing again.

>> maybe punish me a little bit more  
>> because i’ve been a bad boy……?

He feels Akira go stiff next to him, Ryuji continues.

>> and……….maybe even using your tongue  
>> even when i said no….

> is that what you’d like?  
> for me to just do what i want?  
> i knew i should have spread you wide and ate you out when i had the chance

Ryuji sighs, placing a hand underneath the jacket and palming his cock, already hard in his pants.

> is that what you’re thinking about right now while you touch yourself?

 

>> maybe  
>> i’d like if you threw me on the bed…

> yeah? i’d like that too  
> maybe even tie you to the bed so you can’t move when i go down on you  
> even when you tell me no i’ll keep going inside of you with my tongue  
> kissing and tongue fucking your hole

He forgot how detailed Akira could get.

>> i’d like that a lot…  
>> maybe even spank me some more?

> wow you really liked being spanked didn’t you?  
> what a naughty boy  
> i could just see you spreading your legs even wider when i spank you and begging for my tongue

>> yes akira please  
>> please

> maybe you should start begging then  
> like the naughty boy you are ;)

Ryuji swallows hard and takes a moment to be thankful that everything else seems louder than his breath right now.

>> please akira  
>> i really  
>> really want your tongue inside of me  
>> i’m really hard already just thinking about it…

> hold on  
> i wanna feel

Then Akira slips a hand under the jacket, his hand moving the blond’s out of the way as he rubs his thumb over his tip from underneath the tight fabric. Ryuji bites his lip, trying his best not to shift around though all he wants is for Akira to — do exactly what he’s doing now, that is — which consists of him skillfully undoing the button and zippers and slipping his fingers into the blond’s pants and over his boxers, finger rubbing over him as he texts with the other hand.

> wow you really are hard  
> and wet

>> DONT SAY THAT

Akira rubs his fingers over the tip of his cock again and Ryuji can already feel his precum beading through his boxers. Even though it’s so dark, his eyes are darting between person to person in the vehicle, hoping no one can see the way he’s biting down on his lips to keep from moaning out. Sighing softly, he buries his head further into Akira’s shoulders, his hands going weak as he fights to keep the phone in his hands.

“Is it too much?” Akira whispers into his ear, and Ryuji can hear the smile on his lips. He’s still red in the face and it’s hard for him to even think if he can reply without being too loud — he’s all too aware of those tendencies of his.

Instead, he types back.

>> yes

“Do you want me to stop?”

That’s the thing about Akira — how is he so capable of leaving the blond a sputtering mess, pushing him limits and making him think of things he never pictured himself doing. He grinds into the seat below him, rubbing his head into Akira’s shoulders. Why is it so easy for him to completely have the blond in his hands without much effort at all? Is he just that easy?

>> no

Despite the tinted light coming from Ryuji’s phone, a majority of the van is covered in darkness. He wonders how much the two of them could really get away with. Imagine having to hold in his moans while Akira touches him, not even know if he could actually accomplish that.

> you’re so cute like this  
> trying so hard to be quiet  
> even though you know I want nothing more than to go down on you right now

>> please akira  
>> keep going

“Is that the place?” Futaba jumps forward, quickly invading the space between the three boys in the middle seat, all of them jolting at her intrusion. For Akira and Ryuji, it was possibility of being caught with their texts out and hands in the other’s pants, and for Yusuke, it was just annoyance from the sudden movement.

“Was that necessary?”

While Makoto quietly explains that they’ve made it for their first overnight destination, Ryuji leans over himself to keep the jacket from moving over his hips while he reads over the texts Akira sends him, down at his side so that no one behind him can even attempt to read them.

> maybe we should do that when we get a moment alone  
> and then i can do some things that will really make it hard for you to be quiet  
> deal?

>> deal

**********  
**********

They don’t plan to stretch the road trip too far along. The beach is all they plan to make a day trip out of, choosing to just stay at a hotel the night before to cut down on driving time. The remainder of the money they’d earn had gotten them more than enough for their final splurge of a party -- which was just an excuse to eat whatever they wanted in a secluded space where they could just be by themselves, which is what they were only concerned with.

The boys and girls had separated their rooms, and with their pairing, easily rewarded Yusuke with his own spacious bed with Morgana sinking in a pillow beside him.

Although the teasing still felt constant, Ryuji had to admit that the feline had started to ease up on the weight of insults since he’d made it official with Akira. Morgana would still give them the privacy they silently asked for, but there were nights where the blond had woken up to the cat sleeping above their heads, part of his fluffy body nudged against the blond’s head.

That said, something told Ryuji that Akira made it clear that unless he wanted to be woken up by them getting up in the night, it was probably a better idea for him to sleep on Yusuke’s mattress.

“You’re such a bad boy for sneaking out this late,” Akira smirks, gently taking Ryuji by the hand as he opens the van door, pulling the blond in after him.

“God, Akira, someone’s going to hear you,” Ryuji says, while at the same time forgetting to keep a delicate hand while pulling the van door shut behind him.

“Maybe I want them to hear me,” Akira wastes no time in grabbing Ryuji by the front of his jacket, pulling him onto the middle seats of the van with him, quickly maneuvering him until he’s right on top of the blond. Ryuji already feels his neck flushing as his eyes dart around the van, making sure all of the windows are up. His inspection is cut off by Akira pressing his hips down against his, arms pressed tight around his shoulders, keeping the blond tight in his grasp as he presses his lips against his neck, “And maybe they should know what a good boy you’re being, too.”

“We’re really gonna do this out here—“

Akira cuts him off once more, kissing his mouth so hard that it make it instantly makes it feel like electricity between his legs, a small whine leaving his lips weakly. He wants so badly to hold Akira close but the hands that were clasped around his shoulders to keep him in place have made their way to his wrists. His grip is so tight that within seconds, the blond is already losing feeling in his hands.

“Akira, please—“ Ryuji manages a plead when Akira pulls away from his mouth, trailing over to his neck instead.

The sounds that come from him are on the verge of making him feel pathetic; he can’t tell if he’s overwhelmed already because his neck is so ticklish or because of how good it feels to have Akira drag his teeth over his skin. It’s even worse once his mouth makes it over his ear, the amplified sound of Akira’s breaths syncing with the booming in his chest, “You can beg a little louder than that.”

“You can’t ever make it easy on me?” Ryuji says breathlessly, turning his head to the side once Akira hits a sensitive spot on his neck. “You’re the one who started this.”

“Maybe I won’t go down on you then,” Akira teases, pressing a thigh in between the blond’s legs.

“A-ah, what the hell...You can’t make me say all those things and not just...follow through on something like that…!”

“Oh, so you really _do_  want me to?” Akira finally releases his grip on Ryuji’s wrist, trailing his hands down his arms above his head and down his body, settling on the frame of his hips. Ryuji can barely make him out above him, only catching glimpses on small details he can’t make out from the darkness, to the contrasting light cut-outs that come in from the windows, painted over Akira’s skin and body, “You going to let me taste you?”

Ryuji can barely see Akira’s face but he can’t stop himself from throwing one of his free hands over part of his face, “I jus’ wanna see why you brought it up all of a sudden…”

“You aren’t curious—” Cold fingers slip under his shirt and onto his skin. He feels those hands go down further, pulling his already loose pants down his hips, “—about how it would feel with my tongue inside of you?”

“Just d-do it already—”

Akira cuts Ryuji’s word off by turning him around until he’s flat on his stomach, taking a moment to figure decipher that he didn’t really mind getting flipped over so easily. It already has him thinking about the night before again with how smoothly his pants and boxers are being pulled off so easily. The air is cold on his skin, but not as cold as Akira’s fingers, squeezing into his soft flesh. He closes his eyes once he feels Akira spreading him open, warmth immediately going down his body.

Ryuji feels Akira lower down, trying to fit himself in the space on the floor of the van, keeping the blond propped up. He doesn’t realize how close Akira’s face has gotten to him until he feels the warm air of his breath brush against his backside, “You’re amazing.”

The sound of his heartbeat makes it back into his ears from Akira’s words. Swallowing hard, he tries to wordlessly thank him by spreading his legs further, wondering how long he can manage being this exposed without dying of embarrassment.

“Just let me know if it’s too much,” Akira manages to sound sincere despite his words from earlier but it’s not as if Ryuji minds — he’s barely been touched and he knows he’s already rock hard, and a large part of it is just from having Akira on top of him, leering down at him, “Okay, babe?”

Ryuji swallows hard, muttering a small hum of approval — which turns into a squeak once he feels Akira’s tongue striping over his hole, “Mm, ah…!”

He immediately inches away, already trying to make a mental map of where Akira threw his pants but he’s pulled back against his chin. Too many concerns pop into his head that already feel too late to get answers to. Should he have cleaned himself more? Did it taste weird? Should he ask Akira?

“It’s alright, I promise.”

Ryuji knows he didn’t say any of that out loud but he’s imagining his anxiety is completely radiating off of him. It doesn’t feel bad and it doesn’t hurt but he feels exactly how he thought he’d feel with Akira’s face in between his thighs, lips pressed against his most personal spots. He instinctively tries to close his legs but Akira keeps his hands gripped firmly on his thighs to keep him spread open. As curious as he is as to how Akira is going to work his tongue, he’s starting to think that best part of this is feeling so exposed, unable to keep Akira from backing away and knowing that he’s hungry enough for this to even think of it in the first place.

“H-How is it?”

“I think I should be the one asking you that,” Akira muses, slipping his arms below Ryuji’s thighs, wrapping them around so he could keep the blond in place, pulled close against his face.

“It’s a-alright I guess, ah…” Ryuji whimpers out just as Akira laps his tongue over his hole, barely pressing it inside of him, “Y-you sure that you like it too?”

Akira replaces his tongue with his fingertip, rubbing in place. He pulls away from him breathlessly, “I...actually really like it. You taste good.”

Hearing Akira say things like that almost make it hard to believe that Ryuji is the first one to do these things with him — he has to stop himself from scarily thinking ‘or what if I’m not?” — but maybe that’s just because of his own inexperience. Everything Akira does these days feels like it is filled with so much expertise, like he knows a little about everything. Somehow, he doesn’t feel jealousy about that at all, and it’s just another thing that Ryuji has grown to love about the transfer student he met in the rain that day, already almost a year ago.

“Ha, now I know...you’re just fuckin’ with me,” Ryuji gasps as he speaks, feeling Akira press into him.

“I’m really not,” Akira’s airy words almost make the blond want to laugh but no time is wasted in Akira pressing his face back down to his cheek, lapping his tongue a few times more over his hole before pushing inside of his tight entrance.

It catches the blond off guard; he arches his back and buries his face into the seat. It reminds him of when Akira presses his fingers inside of him, but somehow this is different. He feels himself being stretched more, but the softness of his tongue makes it easy to enjoy as he presses his hips back. It’s both too much and _not enough—_

“A-ah, that, um...feels good there,” Ryuji finally realizes he’s squeezing his knuckles into the fabric of his jacket, arms folded below his head.

There have been few times that Akira has pulled away, aside from to get a quick breath in, his panting just barely audible under Ryuji’s strained whines. He works in unpredictable patterns, forcing his tongue in deep as he can before slowly pulling out, only to spread his hole further again.

It’s the worst when Akira retreats his tongue slowly back into his mouth, practically guiding the blond to follow him.

“A-Ah, Akira...please—”

Ryuji can already feel the precum coming out of him, soaking a spot in his boxers. All he can think of to do is to press himself closer to Akira’s tongue, his legs twitching from just how hard it made him without too much attention on his cock or that _other_  spot inside of him. He knew a part of the reason of why his face was so red right now was just having Akira so close to him, being able to send shivers down his spine just from having his hole played with. It was such a cliche, but there was no other way to describe it as —

“Such...a naughty boy…”

When Akira pulls away from him, Ryuji immediately moves his hips back with a weak moan, quietly begging for his touch again. Akira slaps his ass hard, making the blond squeak as his back arches, “A-Ah!”

“I think it’s safe to say that you’re enjoying it.”

Ryuji knows how weak he must have sounded before; it’s always easy for Akira to get under his skin and get him to beg so easily, but it’s still embarrassing to give him the satisfaction. Sometimes it goes to Akira’s head.

“I, ah...already said that it feels good—”

“Tell me what feels good.”

And then there’s time that Ryuji loves when it goes to his head.

He already remembers his need to know if Akira has already brought some sort of lube because just the saliva from Akira’s mouth wasn’t enough to keep him from feeling the slight resistance as he pressed a finger inside of him. The blond feels it right in between his legs as he presses in, grinding his hips into the seat. He feels the wetness of precum glide under his stomach and quickly tries to bring his jacket over the front of his hips, praying that none of it spills over the seats.

With Akira’s knuckle pressed against his hole, he feels his grip tighten inside of him, pressing down onto the spot that he swears could make him cum instantly just from having it touched. He can’t bite back the moan as he presses his ass back, aching for that pressure to continue to build up.

“I’ll keep going if you do what I asked.”

These moments are intoxicating for Ryuji; he can’t seem to understand his own thoughts, his body goes into auto pilot, and he’s already forgetting what it is that Akira is asking of him. It takes him a moment before it hits him that, _duh_ , he wants him to be the good boy that he’s been asked to be —

“It’s...a-ah, it feels good i-inside of me,” Ryuji clasps his eyes shut, trying to fall back into his body, trying to soak up the waves that crash inside of him whenever Akira presses back down onto that spot inside of him, “...’specially because it’s you...I only...get this way with you.”

“Do you...want more? Inside of you?”

The question alone makes the blond’s cock twitch hungrily, “Y-yes, please…”

“Then ask.”

Ryuji should have known it wouldn’t be that easy, but he’s beginning to run out of patience, and Akira just continues to tease him by swirling his finger inside of him, gently kneading in harder and faster —

“God, Akira, can’t you just _fuck_  me already?” Ryuji whines aggressively, kicking his leg in frustration, “You know, ah...damn well that I want you to f-fuck me, hold me down, or _something—_ ”

“Aw, Is someone getting frustrated?” Akira teases, continuing to work his fingers, “You know only good boys get rewards.”

Not that Ryuji’s face can get anymore red but warmth spreads over his body when he thinks about what he really wants to beg for; how the fantasy in his mind makes his mind feel like it’s dripping complete ecstasy, but it’s too much for even _him_  to think about coherently, making it hard for him to utter the words aloud, but he tries to keep it as simple as possible, “I’m— ahh...I want to have you completely inside of me, to just...be really full—”

Akira goes still over him, crawling over his sporadic body. He leans down to speak into Ryuji’s ear, only the pants in his breath enough of an indicator that even Akira hadn’t been expecting it, or maybe just responded to it more easily than the blond thought. His voice is low and almost on the verge of a growl in the back of his throat, “I want you to be on top of me, show me how bad you really want it—"

It’s hard to pinpoint how quickly they manage to get out from their position to the blond seated firmly on Akira’s lap, legs straddling over his hips while he keeps his arms firm around the other’s neck. The seconds blur to minutes as Akira pulls the packet of lube out, taking absolute joy in the way the blond’s hips shake while his cock stands hard right below his aching entrance. He coats himself in the lube, brushing his cock under him, slowly testing out the stretch as he presses himself inside, each motion making Ryuji’s legs nearly bottoming out.

“It...feels bigger like this,” Ryuji breathes out, gently seating himself on Akira’s lap and taking him in, inch by inch, “Mm...like it…”

“You took that so easily. It’s like you’re—” Akira pushes himself in further, his breath instantly taken aback in his throat when he feels how tightly the blond clenches onto him, his breath shaky in his ears, “—swallowing me whole.”

“Mmph, ‘kira…” Ryuji mutters his words into Akira’s shoulder, beginning to move rock his hips helplessly over his thighs.

“Let me see your face.”

Ryuji swallows hard in hesitation but listens, pulling his arms from around his neck and holding a death grip onto his shoulders. It was hard to decide what to focus his eyes on, trying his best not to let his eyes fall down over his exposed cock peeking out from under the hem of his shirt. It just reminded him of the feeling of his ass pressed over Akira’s thighs, realizing just how small he felt in this position. Even though he was on top, it still felt like the all of the attention was on him receiving this from Akira.

“I-Is this better?” Ryuji asks weakly.

“Mm, I...wanna see your chest too,” Akira says, trailing his hands up Ryuji’s frame, hooking the bottom of his shirt over his fingers as he pulled the fabric up, guiding a piece of it into the blond’s mouth to keep it pulled up to leave him exposed from the chest down. Akira slipped his hands over his chest, cupping him in his palms. The action itself made the blond pull back slightly, the sensation odd.

Akira’s thumbs rub over his nipples, making him gasp softly, which he surprisingly manages to keep the shirt clenched between his teeth, “S-sorry that I, ah...don’t got any tits…”

“Don’t worry, these tits are perfect—”

“D-Don’t call them that! I was just...joking, god…” Ryuji begins to grow frustrated, wondering why the hell Akira is so focused on his chest and not just working with him right now, holy shit —

“Everything about you is perfect—" Ryuji can hear it in his breath and the way his eyes focus on his lips that Akira is doing everything he can to keep from kissing the blond, probably only for his hygienic purposes, but the desperation in Akira's tone sent shivers down his spine, right to where the two of them connected, "I don't deserve you."

Then Akira pushes in, the stretch and sensation sending the blond's head back as he gasped loudly, feeling Akira's hands hold his hips down on top of him. He knows what he heard come from Akira's mouth, but he barely has enough time to respond before he feels Akira's cock slide out of him before pressing in again. It makes all traces of the words in his mind disappear and it feels like heaven to just let his eyes roll back. 

Each pang of pleasure radiates through his body and makes his thighs shake like jelly, and he's sure he's losing all feeling of his legs as the warmth overtakes him. 

He knows he should say something to Akira's comment but he's never allowed a word in: not by force or restriction, though.

He's just convinced he's meant to call out Akira's name forever.

 

**********  
**********

**04/02/20XX**

It feels good to be on the roof again, Ryuji thinks to himself.

Coming back to school hasn’t always been an easy for him; it seems no matter how much he remembers that Akira and Ann are there too, or that he’s a third year now and basically has seniority over a good portion of the school, the fact that he’s going to be at school in general seems to always turn his stomach into knots.

Maybe that’s why he headed there first — it’s not like the school had increased the amount of security that went into keeping kids like him out.

"You'll never guess what I heard," Ann says as she types away a text on her phone, pausing only for the moment to send it before setting it back into her lap, now peering at Ryuji beside her, "Some girls were wondering where the blond third-year had run off to and I know they weren't talk about me."

Ryuji grumbles, pushing himself back into the seat of the abandoned desk, which still hasn't been moved, "Figures once I start datin' someone is when all the girls finally want me."

Akira leans against the fence, eyes also fixated on his own phone, although he does stop mid-scroll once Ryuji speaks, "Has my own charm worn off of you?"

"I never said that!" The chair falls forward, Ryuji crossing his arms over the desk and putting his chin atop, "You're still the baddest to me."

The idea of being with anyone else is ridiculous. 

"Anddd as cute as you two are, I'm going to go find Shiho," Ann stands to her feet from the chair, keeping her phone firm in her hand, "I have to make sure she's in the same class as us too. I can't just be stuck with you two."

"Why don't we come with you? I'm sure one of the teachers is gonna come up here any minute now."

"Hm...how about you two wait a bit after I leave and then come find us? I want us to have a girl's moment."

"Girl's moment, huh?" Ryuji grins, leaning forward in anticipation, "Need me to return the favor? Be your wingman?"

Ann chuckles, although it's unclear if it's Ryuji's words or the texts she just received, "Nah, I think I'll do fine on my own."

"Fine, whatever. We won't interrupt your 'girl's moment' then."

"Just come by a little later, okay?" She waves them off, pigtails twirling after her as she closes the door behind her. 

There are a few seconds of silence before Ryuji's shoulders fall, "I know she said to wait by maybe we should head down too. The ceremony's almost over and I told my mom I'd go to some of it."

"You sure you just aren't wanting to make an appearance for those girls Ann was talking about?" Akira muses, pushing himself off the fence and slipping his phone into his pocket. He stands above Ryuji, glasses off and his lips curled up. The way things should be.

"You just want me to start getting mushy and saying that I love you and that you're the only one I need," Ryuji peers up at him, his smile playful — although it's a wide enough smile for his cheeks to start hurting.

Slowly, he starts to notice the knots leaving him. 

"Maybe I'm just getting a little jealous," Akira doesn't ask before he puts his hand out in front of the blond.

"Dude, you don't need to be. You know it's just me."

Ryuji puts his hand out and allows himself to be pulled up. The change in perception allows him to see over the city through the chain linked fence. He still finds himself close to the edge, enough to get a peek of the height from where they are, down to the buildings below —

"We'll see once we get down there then, won't we? I think having an ex-criminal would be enough to get you some attention." 

There's a moment where it all hits Ryuji that this is their reality. That it's just the two of them right now and at that time it's easy for him to pull his eyes away drifting downward —

"I guess we will see. How about we go show them then?"

and back into the warmth of Akira's gaze. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you've stuck by until the end then thank you!!

**Author's Note:**

> i'm @iodraws on tumblr if any of you want to cry over akiryu with me


End file.
